Printed for F. NEWBERY, at the Corner of St. Paul's Church-Yard

M DCC LXXIII,

Dear Sir,

B

Y inscribing this flight performance to you, I do not mean so much to compliment you as myself. It may do me some honour to inform the public, that I have lived many years in intimacy with you. It may serve the interests of mankind also to inform them, that the greatest wit may be found in a character, without impairing the most unaffected piety.

I have, particularly, reason to thank you for your partiality to this performance. The undertaking a comedy, not merely sentimental, was very dangerous; and Mr. Colman, who saw this piece in its various stages, always 'thought it so. However I ventured to trust it to the public; and though it was necessarily delayed till late in the season, I have every reason to be grateful.

I am, Dear Sir,

Your most sincere friend,

And admirer,

OLIVER GOLDSMITH.

E

By David Garrick, Esq.

Enter Mr. WOOD WAR D, Dressed in Black, and holding a Handkerchief to his Eyes. XCUSE me, Sirs, I pray—I can't yet speak

I'm crying now—and have been all the week!
'Tis not alone this mourniug suit, good masters;
I've that within—for which there are no plaisters!
Pray wou'd you know the reason why I'm crying?
The Comic muse, long sick, is now a dying!
And if he goes, my tears will never stop;
For as a play'r, I can't squeeze out one drop :
I am undone, that's all—shall lose my bread-
I'd rather, but that's nothing—lose my head.
When the sweet maid is laid upon the bier,
Shuter and I shall be chief mourners here.
To her a mawkish drab of spurious breed,
Who deals in sentimental's will succeed!
Poor Ned and I are dead to all intents,
We can as soon speak Greek as sentiments !
Both nervous grown, to keep our spirits up,
We now and then take down a hearty cup.
What shall we do?—If Comedy for fake us!
They'll turn us out, and no one else will take us,
But why can't I be moral?—Let me try—
My heart thus pressing—fix'd my face and eye—
With a sententious look, that nothing means,
(Faces are blocks, in sentimental scenes)
Thus I begin—All is not gold that glitters,

Pleasure seems sweet, but proves a glass of bitters.
When ign'rance enters, folly is at hand;
Learning is better far than house and land.

"

Let not your virtue trip, who trips may stumble,
And virtue is not virtue, if she tumble.

I give it up—morals won't do for me;
To make you laugh I must play tragedy.
One hope remains—hearing the maid was ill,
A doctor comes this night to shew his skill.
To cheer her heart, and give your muscles motion,
He in five draughts prepar'd, presents a potion:

A kind of magic charm—for be assur'd,
If you will swallow it, the maid is cur'd:
But desp'rate the Doctor, and her case is,
If you reject the dose, and make wry faces!
This truth he boasts, will boast it while he lives,
No pois'nous drugs are mix'd in what he gives;
Should he succeed, you'll give him his degree ;
If not, within he will receive no fee!
The college you, must his pretensions back,
Pronounce him regular, or dub him quack.

EPI ILOGUE
By Dr. Goldsmith.

WELL,

ELL, having stoop'd to conquer with success,
And gain'd a husband without aid from dress,

Still as a Bar-maid, I could wish it too,

As I have conquer'd him to conquer you :
And let me say, for all your resolution,
That pretty Bar-maids have done execution.
Our life is all a play, compos'd to please,

We have our exits and our entrances,"
The first act shows the simple country maid,
Harmless and young, of ev'ry thing afraid;
Blushes when hir'd, and with unmeaning action,
I hopes as how to give you satisfaction.
Her second at displays a livelier scene,
Th' unblushing Bar-maid of a country inn.
Who whisks about the house, at market caters,

Talks loud, coquets the guests, and scolds the waiters.

Next the scene shifts to town, and there she soars,

The chop-house toast of ogling connoiffieurs.

On 'Squires and Cits she, there displays her arts,
And on the gridiron broils her lover's hearts—
And as she smiles, her triumphs to compleat,
Even Common Councilmen forget to eat.
The fourth act shews her wedded to the 'Squire,
And Madam now begins to hold it higher ·