you and Maskwell, are acquainted with the Care. I'm mistaken if there be not a fasecret of my aunt Touchwood's violent passion miliarity between them you do not suspect, Since my first refusal of her ad- for all her passion for you. for me. dresses, she has endeavoured to do me all Mel. Pho, pho! nothing in the world but ill offices with my uncle; yet has managed his design to do me service; and he endeavours 'em with that subtilty, that to him they have to be well in her esteem that he may be able borne the face of kindness; while her malice, to effect it. like a dark lantern, only shone upon me Care. Well, I shall be glad to be mistaken; where it was directed; but, whether urg'd but your aunt's aversion in her revenge, canby her despair, and the short prospect of time not be any way so effectually shown, as in she saw to accomplish her designs, whether promoting a means to disinherit you. She is the hopes of revenge, or of her love, termi- handsome, and cunning, and naturally amorous: nated in the view of this my marriage with Maskwell is flesh and blood at best, and opCynthia, I know not; but this morning she portunities between them are frequent. His surprised me in my own chamber. affection for you, you have confessed, is Care. Was there ever such a fury? Well, grounded upon his interest; that you have bless us! proceed. What followed? transplanted; and, should it take root in my Mel. It was long before either of us spoke; lady, I don't see what you can expect from passion had tied her tongue, and amazement the fruit. mine. In short, the consequence was thus; Mel. I confess the consequence is visible she omitted nothing that the most violent love were your suspicions just. But see, the could urge, or tender words express; which company is broke up: let's meet 'em.、 when she saw had no effect, but still I pleaded honour and nearness of blood to my uncle, Re-enter BRISK, with LORD TOUCHWOOD, LORD then came the storm 1 fear'd at first; for, FROTH, and SIR PAUL PLIANT. starting from my bedside, like a fury she flew Lord T. Out upon't, nephew; leave your to my sword, and with much ado I prevented father-in-law and me to maintain our ground her doing me or herself a mischief. Having against young people. disarmed her, in a gust of passion she left. me, and in a resolution, confirmed by a thousand curses, not to close her eyes till they had seen my ruin. Care. Exquisite woman! But, what the devil, does she think thou hast no more sense than to disinherit thyself? For, as I take it, this settlement upon you is with a proviso that your uncle have no children. Mel. I beg your lordship's pardon. We were just returning Sir P. Where you, son? 'Gadsbud, much better as it is-Good, strange! I swear I'm almost tipsy; t'other bottle would have been too powerful for meas sure as can be, it would: we wanted your company; but, Mr. Brisk-where is he? I swear and vow he's a most facetious person, and the best company; and, my lord Froth, your lordship is so merry a man, he, he, he! Lord F. O fie, sir Paul, what do you mean? Merry! O, barbarous! I'd as lieve you call'd Sir P. Nay, 1 protest and vow now 'tis true; when Mr. Brisk jokes, your lordship's laugh does so become you, he, he, Mel. It is so. Well, the service you are to do me, will be a pleasure to yourself: I must get you to engage my lady Pliant all this evening, that my pious aunt may not work her to her interest: and if you chance to me--fool. secure her to yourself, you may incline her to mine. She's handsome, and knows it; is very silly, and thinks she has sense; and has on old fond husband. Lord F. Ridiculous, sir Paul! you are Care. I confess a very fair foundation for strangely mistaken: I find champaign is powera lover to build upon. ful. I assure you, sir Paul, I laugh at nobody's Mel. For my lord Froth, he and his wife jest but my own, or a lady's, I assure you, will be sufficiently taken up with admiring sir Paul. he. one another, and Brisk's gallantry, as they Brisk. How! how, my lord? What, affront call it. I'll observe my uncle myself; and my wit! Let me perish! do I never say any Jack Maskwell has promised me to watch my thing worthy to be laugh'd at? aunt narrowly, and give me notice upon any Lord F. O fie, don't misapprehend me: 1 suspicion. As for sir Paul, my wise father-don't say so; for I often smile at your conin-law that is to be, my dear Cynthia bas ceptions. But there is nothing more unbesuch a share in his fatherly fondness, he coming a man of quality than to laugh: 'tis would scarce make her a moment uneasy to such a vulgar expression of the passion! every have her happy hereafter. body can laugh. Then especially to laugh at Care. So, you have manned your works: the jest of an inferior person, or when any but I wish you may not have the weakest body else of the same quality does not laugh guard, where the enemy is strongest. with him ridiculous! to be pleased with what Mel. Maskwell, you mean: pr'ythee, why pleases the crowd! Now, when I laugh, I should you suspect him? always laugh alone. Care. Faith, I cannot help it: you know I never lik'd him; I am a little superstitious in physiognomy. Mel. He has obligations of gratitude to bind him to me; his dependance upon my uncle is through my means. Care. Upon your aunt, you mean. : Brisk. I suppose that's because you laugh at your own jests, 'egad; ha, ha, ha! Lord F. He, he! I swear though your raillery provokes me to a smile. Brisk. Ay, my lord, it's a sign I hit you in the teeth, if you show 'em. Lord F. He, he, he! I swear that's so very pretty, I can't forbear. I say Lord T. Sir Paul, if you please we'll retire prehend. Take it t'other way: suppose to the ladies, and drink a dish of tea to settle a witty thing to you. our heads. Sir P. With all my heart.-Mr. Brisk, you'll come to us or call me when you're going to joke: I'll be ready to laugh incontinently. [Exeunt Lord Touchwood and Sir Paul Pliant. [To Careless. Care. Then I shall be disappointed indeed. Mel. Let him alone, Brisk; he is obstinately bent not to be instructed. Brisk. I'm sorrry for him, the deuce take me. Mel. But does your lordship never see are a solitude without 'em. comedies? Lord F. O yes, sometimes; but I never laugh. Mel. No! Lord F. Oh no- -Never laugh, indeed, sir. Care. No! why what d'ye go there for? Lord F. To distinguish myself from the commonality, and mortify the poets; the fel lows grow so conceited when any of their foolish wit prevails upon the side boxes!I swear-he, he, he-I have often constrain'd my inclinations to laugh-he, he, he-to avoid giving them encouragement. Mel. You are cruel to yourself, my lord, as well as malicious to them. Lord F. I confess I did myself some violence at first; but now I think I have conquered it. Brisk. Let me perish, my lord, but there is something very particular and novel in the humour; 'tis true, it makes against wit, and I'm sorry for some friends of mine that write; but-'egad, I love to be malicious. Nay, deuce take me, there's wit in't too; and wit must be foil'd by wit: cut a diamond with a diamond; no other way, 'egad. Lord F. Oh, I thought you would not be long before you found out the wit. Care. Wit! in what? Where the devil's the wit, in not laughing when a man has a mind to't? Mel. Or, what say you to another bottle of champaign? Lord F. O, for the universe, not a drop more, I beseech you. Oh, intemperate! have a flushing in my face already. [Takes out a pocket Glass, and looks in it. Brisk. Let me see, let me see, my lordbroke my glass that was in the lid of my snuff-box. Hum! Deuce take me, I have encouraged a pimple here too. I [Takes the Glass, and looks in it. Lord F. Then you must fortify him with a patch; my wife shall supply you. Come, gentlemen, allons. [Exeunt. Lady T. That I should trust a man whom had known betray his friend! Mask. What friend have I betray'd? or to whom? Lady T. Your fond friend, Mellefont, and to me; can you deny it? Mask. I do not. Lady T. Have you not wrong'd my lord, who has been a father to you in your wants, and given you being? Have you not wrong'd him in the highest manner? Brisk. O Lord, why can't you find it out? Why, there 'tis, in the not laughing. Don't you apprehend me?- My lord, Careless is a Mask. With your ladyship's help, and for very honest fellow; but, harkye, you under- your service, as I told you before-I can't stand me, somewhat heavy; a little shallow, deny that neither. Any thing more, madam? or so. Why, I'll tell you now: suppose now Lady T. More, audacious villain! O, what's you come up to me-nay, pr'ythee, Careless, more is most my shame-Have you not disbe instructed-Suppose, as I was saying, you honour'd me? come up to me, holding your sides, and Mask. No, that I deny; for I never told in laughing as if you would-Well! I look grave, all my life; so that accusation's answer'd—on and ask the cause of this immoderate mirth: to the next. you laugh on still, and are not able to tell Lady T. Death! do you dally with my pasme: still I look grave; not so much as smile-sion? insolent devil! But have a care; provoke Care. Smile! no; what the devil should me not; you shall not escape my vengeance. you smile at, when you suppose I can't-Calm villain! how unconcern'd he stands, tell you? confessing treachery and ingratitude! Is there Brisk. Pshaw, pshaw, pr'ythee don't inter- a vice more black? O, I have excuses, thourupt me-but I tell you, you shall tell me at last; but it shall be a great while first. Care. Well, but pr'ythee don't let it be a great while, because I long to have it over. Brisk. Well then, you tell me some good jest, or very witty thing, laughing all the while as if you were ready to die and I hear it, and look thus, would not you be disappointed? sands, for my faults: fire in my temper; passions in my soul, apt to every provocation; oppressed at once with love, and with despair. But a sedate, a thinking villain, whose black blood runs temperately bad, what excuse can clear? Mask. Will you be in temper, madam? I would not talk not to be heard. I have been a very great rogue for your sake, and you Care. No; for if it were a witty thing, I reproach me with it; I am ready to be a rogue should not expect you to understand it. Istill to do you service; and you are flinging Lord F. O fie, Mr. Careless; all the world conscience and honour in my face, to rebate allow Mr. Brisk to have wit: my wife says my inclinations. How am I to behave myself? he has a great deal; I hope you think her You know I am your creature; my life and a judge. fortune in your power; to disoblige you brings Brisk. Pho, my lord, his voice goes for me certain ruin. Allow it, I would betray nothing I can't tell how to make him ap-you, I would not be a traitor to myself: I don't pretend to honesty, because you know! Lady T. How, how? thou dear, thou pre I am a rascal: but I would convince you, cious villain, how? from the necessity, of my being firm to you. Mask. You have already been tampering Lady T. Necessity, impudence! Can no gra- with my lady Pliant. titude incline you? no obligations touch you? Were you not in the nature of a servant? pression I think fit. and have not I, in effect, made you lord of all, of me, and of my lord? Where is that that Mellefont loves her. humble love, the languishing, that adoration which was once paid me, and everlastingly engaged? Lady T. I have: she is ready for any im Mask. She must be thoroughly persuaded Lady T. She is so credulous that way naturally, and likes him so well, that she will believe it faster than I can persuade her. But Mask. Fixed, rooted in my heart, whence I don't see what you can propose from such nothing can remove 'em; yet you Lady T. Yet; what yet? Mask. Nay, misconceive me not, madam, when I say I have had a generous, and a faithful passion, which you had never favoured but through revenge and policy. Lady T. Ha! You a trifling design; for her first conversing with Mellefont will convince her of the contrary. Mask. I know it.-I don't depend upon it; but it will prepare something else, and gain us leisure to lay a stronger plot: if I gain a little time, I shall not want contrivance. One minute gives invention to destroy What, to rebuild, will a whole age employ. [Exeunt. ACT II. SCENE I.-The same. Mask. Look you, madam, we are alone- Enter LADY FROTH and CYNTHIA. Lady T. Well, mollifving devil! and have Mask. Your zeal, I grant, was ardent, but misplaced there was revenge in view; that woman's idol had defil'd the temple of the god, and love was made a mock-worship. - A son and heir would have edg'd young Mellefont Cyn. Prodigious! I wonder want of sleep, and so much love, and so much wit as your ladyship has, did not turn your brain. Lady F. O, my dear Cynthia, you must not rally your friend. But really, as you say, I wonder too-But then I had a way; for, between you and I, I had whimsies and vapours; but I gave them vent. Cyn. How pray, madam? Lady F. O, I writ; writ abundantly. - Do you never write? Cyn. Write! what? Lady F. Songs, elegies, satires, encomiums, upon the brink of ruin, and left him nought panegyrics, lampoons, plays, or heroic poems. but you to catch at for prevention. Lady T. Again, provoke me! Do you wind me like a larum, only to rouse my own still'd soul for your diversion? Confusion! Cyn. O Lord, not I, madam; I'm content to be a courteous reader. Lady F. O, inconsistent! In love, and not write! If my lord and I had been both of Mask. Nay, madam, I'm gone, if you re- your temper, we had never come together.lapse. What needs this? I say nothing but O, bless me! what a sad thing would that have what yourself, in open hours of love, have been, if my lord and I should never have met! told me. Why should you deny it? Nay, Cyn. Then neither my lord or you would how can you? Is not all this present heat ever have met with your match, on my conowing to the same fire? Do not you love him science. still? How have I this day offended you, but Lady F. O'my conscience, no more we in not breaking off his match with Cynthia? should; thou say'st right; for sure my lord which, ere to-morrow, shall be done, had you Froth is as fine a gentleman, and as much a but patience. man of quality!-Ah! nothing at all of the Lady T. How! what said you, Maskwell? common air-I think I may say, he wants no-Another caprice to unwind my temper? thing but a blue ribbon and a star to make Mask. No, by my love, I am your slave; him shine the very phosphorus of our hemithe slave of all your pleasures; and will not sphere. Do you understand those two hard rest till I have given you peace, would you words? If you don't I'll explain 'em to you. Cyn. Yes, yes, madam, I'm not so ignorant. Lady T. O, Maskwell, in vain do I disguise-At least I won't own it, to be troubled with me from thee; thou knowest me; knowest the your instructions. [Aside. very inmost windings and recesses of my soul. Lady F. Nay, I beg your pardon; but, beO Mellefont!-Married to-morrow!-Despair ing derived from the Greek, I thought you strikes me. Yet my soul knows I bate him might have escap'd the etymology. But I'm too: let him but once be mine, and next im- the more amazed, to find you a woman of mediate ruin seize him. letters, and not write! Bless me, how can Mel suffer me. Mask. Compose yourself; you shall have lefont believe you love him? your wish.-Will that please you? Cyn. Why faith, madam, he that won't take my word shall never have it under my hand. Lord F. D'ye think he'll love you as well Cyn. I believe he'll love me better. Lord F. Heavens! that can never be: but why do you think so? Cyn. He does not, indeed, affect either pertness or formality; for which I like him: here he comes. Lady F. And my lord with him: pray observe the difference. Enter LORD FROTH, MELLEFONT, and BRISK. Cyn. Impertinent creature! I could almost be angry with her now. [Aside. Cyn. Because he has not so much reason to be fond of himself. Lady F. O, your humble servant for that, dear madam. Well, Mellefont, you'll be a happy creature. Mel. Ay, my lord, I shall have the same reason for my happiness that your lordship has, I shall think myself happy. Lord F. Ah, that's all. Brisk. Your ladyship is in the right; [To Lady Froth] but, 'egad, I'm wholly turned into satire. I confess I write but seldom; but when I do-keen i mbics, 'egad.-But my lord was telling me, your ladyship has made an essay toward an heroic poem. Lady F. My lord, I have been telling Cyn- Lady F. Did my lord tell you? Yes, I vow, thia how much I have been in love with you; and the subject is my lord's love to me. And I swear I have; I'm not ashamed to own it what do you think I call it? I dare swear you now; ah! it makes my heart leap; I vow I won't guess-The Syllabub, ha, ha, ha! sigh when I think on't.-My dear lord! Ha, Brisk. Because my lord's title's Froth, 'egad, ha, ha! do you remember, my lord? ha, ha, ha!-deuce take me, very apropos surprising, ha, ha, ha! and [Squeezes him by the Hand, looks kindly on him, sighs, and then laughs out. Lady F. Hey, ay, is not it? And then I call Lord F. Pleasant creature! Perfectly well. my lord Spumoso; and myself— what d'ye Ah! that look, ay, there it is; who could re-think I call myself? sist? 'Twas, so my heart was made a captive Brisk. Lactilla, may be 'gad, I cannot tell. first, and ever since it has been in love with Lady F. Biddy, that's all; just my own name. happy slavery. Brisk. Biddy! 'egad, very pretty - deuce Lady F. O that tongue, that dear deceitful take me, if your ladyship has not the art of tongue! that charming softness in your mien surprising the most naturally in the world. I and your expression!-and then your bow! hope you'll make me happy in communicating Good, my lord, bow as you did when I gave the poem. Brisk. I'm your humble servant, let me pe you my picture. Here, suppose this my pic- Lady F. O, you must be my confidant; I ture-[Gives him a pocket Glass] Pray mind must ask your advice. my lord; ah! he bows charmingly. [Lord Froth bows profoundly low, then kisses the rish. I presume your ladyship has read Bossu? Glass] Nay, my lord, you shan't kiss it so much; I shall grow jealous, I vow now. Lord F. I saw myself there, and kissed it for your sake. Lady F. Ah! gallantry to the last degree. Mr. Brisk, you're a judge; was ever any thing so well bred as my lord? Brisk. Never any thing-but your ladyship, let me perish. Lady F. O, prettily turned again! let me die but you have a great deal of wit.-Mr. Mellefont, don't you think Mr. Brisk has a world of wit? Mel. O yes, madam. Brisk. O heavens, madam— Lady F. More wit than any body. Brisk. I'm everlastingly your humble ser vant, deuce take me, madam. Lady F. O yes; and Rapin, and Dacier upon Aristotle and Horace. My lord, you must not be jealous, I'm communicating all to Mr. Brisk. Lord F. No, no, I'll allow Mr. Brisk. Have you nothing about you to show him, my dear? Lady F. Yes, I believe I have. Mr. Brisk, come, will you go into the next room? and there I'll show you what I have. [Exit with Brisk. Lord F. I'll walk a turn in the garden, and come to you. [Exit Mel. You're thoughtful, Cynthia. Cyn. I'm thinking that though marriage makes man and wife one flesh, it leaves 'em still two fools; and they become more conspicuous by setting off1) one another. Mel. That's only when two fools meet, and their follies are opposed. Cyn. Nay, I have known two wits meel, and by the opposition of their wit, render Lord F. Don't you think us a happy cou- themselves as ridiculous as fools. Matrimony [To Cyn. is a hazardous game to ple? What in. engage Cyn. I vow, my lord, I think you are the think you of drawing stakes, and giving over happiest couple in the world; for you're not in time? only happy in one another, and when you are Mel. No, hang't, that's not endeavouring to together, but happy in yourselves, and by win, because it's possible we may lose; since yourselves. we have shuffled and cut, let's e'en turn up trump now. Lord F. I hope Mellefont will make a good husband too. Cyn. 'Tis my interest to believe he will, my lord. 1) For instance, a lady's white hand is set off (embellished) by the contrast of the black keys of the pianoforte; and gentlemen generally prefer to play on an ebony flute. Lady P. Inhuman and treacherous- Cyn. Then I find it's like cards; if either of us have a good hand, it is an accident of fortune. Mel. No, marriage is rather like a game at | womankind bowls; fortune indeed makes the match, and Cyn. Bless me! Sir-madam-what mean the two nearest, and sometimes the two fur-you? thest are together; but the game depends en- Sir P. Thy, Thy, come away, Thy; touch tirely upon judgment. Cyn. Still it is a game, and consequently one of us must be a loser. Mel. Not at all; only a friendly trial of skill, and the winnings to be laid out in an enter tainment. him not; come hither, girl; go not near him, there's nothing but deceit about him; snakes are in his looks, and the crocodile of Nilus is in his wicked appetite; he would devour thy fortune, and starve thee alive. Lady P. Dishonourable, impudent creature! Mel. For heaven's sake, madam, to whom do you direct this language? Enter SIR PAUL and LADY PLIANT. Sir P. 'Gadsbud! I am provoked into a fer- Lady P. Have I behaved myself with all the mentation, as my lady Froth says. Was ever decorum and nicety befitting the person of sir the like read of in story? Paul's wife; have I preserved my honour as Lady P. Sir Paul, have patience, let me it were in a snow-house; have I, I say, prealone to rattle him up. served myself like a fair sheet of paper, for you to make a blot upon? Sir P. 'Pray your ladyship, give me leave to be angry; I'll rattle him up, I warrant you; I'll teach him, with a certiorari, to make love to my wife. Sir P. And she shall make a simile with any woman in England. . this Mel. I am so amazed, I know not what to Lady P. You teach him! I'll teach him my- say. self; so pray, sir Paul, hold you contented. Sir P. Do think you my daughter Sir P. Hold yourself contented, my lady Pli- pretty creature-'Gadsbud, she's a wife for a ant; I find passion coming upon me even to cherubim!-Do you think her fit for nothing desperation, and I cannot submit as formerly, but to be a stalking-horse, 1) to stand before therefore give way. you while you take aim at my wife? 'Gadsbud, I was never angry before in my life, and I'll never be appeased again. Lady P. How now? will you be pleased to retire, and Sir P. No, marry, will I not be pleased; I Mel. Confusion! this is my aunt; such maam pleased to be angry, that's my pleasure at lice can be engendered no where else. [ Aside. Mel. What can this mean? [this time, Lady P. Sir Paul, take Cynthia from his Lady P. 'Gads my life, the man's distracted. sight; leave me to strike him with the remorse Why, how now, who are you? What am I? of his intended crime. Slidikins, can't I govern you? What did I Cyn. Pray, sir, stay; hear him; I dare afmarry you for? Am I not to be absolute and firm he's innocent. uncontrolable? Is it fit a woman of my spirit Sir P. Innocent! Why, harkye; come hiand conduct should be contradicted in a mat- |ther, Thy, harkye, I had it from his aunt, my ter of this concern? sister Touchwood. 'Gadsbud, he does not care Sir P. It concerns me, and only me; besi- a farthing for any thing of thee, but thy pordes, I'm not to be governed at all times. When tion; why he's in love with my wife; he I am in tranquillity, my lady Pliant shall com- would have tantalized thee, and dishonour'd mand sir Paul; but when I'm provoked to thy poor father, and that would certainly have fury, I cannot incorporate with patience and broke my heart. I'm sure, if ever I should reason; as soon may tigers match with tigers, have horns, they would kill me; they would lambs with lambs, and every creature couple never come kindly; I should die of 'em, like with its foe, as the poet says. any child that was cutting his teeth-I should Lady P. He's hot-headed still! 'Tis in vain indeed, Thy, therefore come away; but Proto talk to you; but remember I have a cur-vidence has prevented all, therefore come away tain-lecture1) for you, you disobedient, head- when I bid you. strong brute. Cyn. I must obey. [Exit with Sir Paul. Sir P. No, 'tis because I won't be headstrong, Lady P. O, such a thing! the impiety of it because I won't be a brute, and have my head startles me; to wrong so good, so fair a creàfortified, that I am thus exasperated. But I ture, and one that loves you tenderly: 'tis a will protect my honour: and yonder is the barbarity of barbarities, and nothing could be violater of my fame. guilty of it Lady P. Tis my honour that is concerned, Mel. But the greatest villain imagination can and the violation was intended to me. Your form, I grant it; and next to the villany of honour! you have none! but what is in my such a fact, is the villany of aspersing me with keeping, and I can dispose of it when I please; the guilt. How? which way was I to wrong therefore don't provoke me. her? for yet I understand you not. Sir P. Hum, 'gadsbud, she says true. [Aside] Lady P. Why, 'gads my life, cousin MelWell, my lady, march on; I will fight under lefont, you cannot be so peremptory as to you then I am convinced, as far as passion will permit. [Sir Paul and Lady Pliant come up to Mellefont. 1) "Tis a dreadful thing for a man to be subject to the threats of a curtain-lecture; but what a scene when put in practice.-The lady commences her discourses in bed, depriving the husband of his sleep-It is called curtain-lecture from the bed curtains. 1) It is a custom to go on moonlight nights shooting curliews on the sea-shore; but as these birds are very shy, there is no means of approaching them, but by hiding behind any old horse, which is made to ge backwards to the place, for the purpose. The birds not being frightened, by this means are easily aimed at, though it is difficult to get more than one shot in the same place the same night, |