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COLLEY CIBBER

SHE WOU'D AND SHE WOU'D NOT

HYPOLITA, a young lady of a wilful and capricious humour, although she returns the affection of Don Philip, has treated him so disdainfully that he resolves to turn his thoughts from her, and to obey his father's commands to marry an unknown lady at Madrid,—for which city he starts at once.

Upon this Hypolita disguises herself and her maid Flora in male attire, and they follow him. On the journey they manage to obtain possession of Don Philip's portmanteau,-left behind by a careless servant, and containing, along with money, jewels, and other valuables, his credentials to the father of his bride, Rosara. Armed with these documents, Hypolita determines to pass herself off as Don Philip, and to marry the lady herself, to prevent his doing so. On arriving Madrid, Hypolita and Flora fall in with Trappanti, a former servant of Don Philip's, and Hypolita takes him into her service for the furthering of her scheme.

The complications caused by the appearance of two Don Philips-the false and the true one-end in the marriage of Don Philip with Hypolita, and of Rosara with Hypolita's brother, Octavio,

An Inn in Madrid.

Enter TRAPPANTI alone, talking to himself. Indeed, my friend Trappanti, thou 'rt in a very thin condition; thou hast neither master, meat, nor money: not but, could'st thou part with that unappeasable itch of eating too, thou hast all the ragged virtues that were requisite to set up an ancient philosopher. Contempt and poverty, kicks, thumps, and thinking, thou hast endured with the best of them; but-when fortune turns thee up to hard fasting, that is to say, positively not eating at all, I perceive thou art a downright dunce, with the same stomach, and no more philosophy than a hound upon horse-flesh.-Fasting's the devil!-Let me see,-this, I take it, is the most frequented inn about Madrid, and if a keen guest or two should drop in now-Hark!

Host. Within. Take care of the gentlemen's horses there. See 'em well rubbed and littered.

Trappanti. Just alighted! If they do but stay to eat now! Impudence assist me; hah, a couple of pretty young sparks, faith!

Enter HYPOLITA and FLORA, in men's habits. A
Servant with a portmanteau.

Trappanti. Welcome to Madrid, sir; welcome, sir.
Flora. Sir, your servant.

Servant. Have the horses pleased your honour?

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Hypolita. Very well indeed, friend. Pr'yth set down the portmanteau, and see that the poor creatures want nothing they have performed well, and deserve

our care.

Trappanti. I'll take care of that, sir. Here, ostler. Exeunt TRAPPANTI and Servant.

HYPOLITA, FLORA. Enter TRAPPANTI. Hypolita. How now! what would this fellow have?

Trappanti. Servant, gentlemen; I have taken nice care of your nags; good cattle they are, by my troth, right and sound, I'll warrant 'em; they deserve care, and they have had it, and shall have it if they stay in this house-I always stand by, sir, see 'em rubbed down with my own eyes-Catch me trusting an ostler, I'll give you leave to fill for me, and drink for me too. Flora. I have seen this fellow somewhere.

Trappanti. Hey-day! What, no cloth laid! Was ever such attendance! Hey, house! Tapster! Landlord! Hey! Knocks.

What was it you bespoke, gentlemen ?

Hypolita. Really, sir, I ask your pardon. I have almost forgot you.

Trappanti. Pshah! dear Sir, never talk of it; I live here hard by-I have a lodging-I can't call it a lodging, neither ;-that is, I have a-sometimes I am

I

here, and sometimes I am there, and so here and there one makes shift, you know.-Hey! Will these people never come? Knocks. Hypolita. You give a very good account of yourself,

sir.

Trappanti. Oh, nothing at all, Sir: Lord, Sir!— was it fish or flesh, sir?

Flora. Really, Sir, we have bespoke nothing yet. Trappanti. Nothing! for shame! it's a sign you are young travellers. You don't know this house, Sir; why, they'll let you starve if you don't stir, and call, and that like thunder too. -Hey! Knocks. Hypolita. Ha, you eat here sometimes, I presume,

Sir.

Trappanti. Umph!-Ay, Sir, that 's as it happens -I seldom eat at home, indeed-Things are generally, you know, so out of order there, that—Did you hear any fresh news upon the road, Sir?

Hypolita. Only, sir, that the King of France lost a great horse-match upon the Alps, t' other day.

Trappanti. Hah, a very odd place for a horse-race -but the King of France may do anything. -Did you come that way, gentlemen, or-Hey! Knocks.

Enter Host.

Host. Did you call, gentlemen?

Trappanti. Yes, and bawl too, Sir. Here, the gentlemen are almost famished, and nobody comes near

'em. What have you in the house now, that will be ready presently?

Host. You may have what you please, Sir.
Hypolita. Can you get us a partridge?

Host. Sir, we have no partridges; but we 'll get you what you please in a moment. We have a very good neck of mutton, Sir; if you please it shall be clapped down in a moment.

Hypolita. Have you no pigeons or chickens?

Host. Truly, Sir, we have no fowl in the house at present; if you please you may have anything else in

a moment.

Hypolita. Then pr'ythee get us some young rabbits. Host. Upon my word, Sir, rabbits are so scarce they are not to be had for

money.

Flora. Have you any fish?

Host. Fish! Sir, I drest yesterday the finest dish that ever came upon a table; I am sorry we have none left, Sir; but, if you please, you may have any. thing else in a moment.

Trappanti. Plague on thee, hast thou nothing but anything-else in the house?

Host. Very good mutton, Sir.

Hypolita. Pr'ythee get us a breast, then.

Host. Breast! Don't you love the neck, Sir?

Hypolita. Ha' ye nothing in the house but the neck?

Host. Really, Sir, we don't use to be so unprovided, but at present we have nothing else left.

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