"IMPH-M" ANONYMOUS When I was a laddie lang syne at the schule, I glunch'd, and said, "Imph-m"— I wasna owre proud, but owre dour to say-a-y-e! Ae day a queer word, as lang-nebbits' himsel', That common word 'Imph-m,' That auld Scotch word 'Imph-m,' ye ken it means a-y-e!" Had ye seen hoo he glour'd, hoo he scratched his big pate, Get aff to your seat! yer the plague o' the schule ! That pawkie word "Imph-m," He couldna spell "Imph-m," that stands for an a-y-e! An' when a brisk wooer, I courted my Jean- She blushed, an' said, "Imph-m," That charming word "Imph-m," A thousan' times better an' sweeter than a-y-e! Just ae thing I wanted my bliss to complete- Of course, that said no, but I kent she meant a-y-e, Her red lips said, "Imph-m," Her hale face said "Imph-m," an' "Imph-m" means a-y-e! THE USUAL WAY ANONYMOUS There was once a little man, and his rod and line he took, Then he sat down beside her, and an hour or two went by, "I thought," she shyly whispered, "you'd be fishing all the day." And he was-in the usual way. So he gravely took his rod in hand and threw the line about, But she did-in the usual way. Then the stars came out above them, and she gave a little sigh, As they watched the silver ripples, like the moments, running by; "We must say good-by," she whispered, by the alders old and gray, And they did-in the usual way. And day by day beside the stream, they wandered to and fro, And day by day the fishes swam securely down below, Till this little story ended, as such little stories may Very much-in the usual way. And now that they are married, do they always bill and coo? Do they never fret or quarrel, like other couples do? Does he cherish her and love her? Does she honor and obey? Well, they do in the usual way. NOTHING SUITED HIM ANONYMOUS He sat at the dinner-table there, The potatoes and steak were underdone "I wish you could taste the bread and pies I have seen my mother make; They were something like, and 'twould do you good Said the smiling wife: "I'll improve with age. Just now, I'm a beginner. But your mother called to see me to-day And I got her to cook the dinner." A LITTLE FELLER ANONYMOUS Say, Sunday's lonesome fur a little feller, An' lookin' 's if they didn't know how to smile; Why, Sunday's lonesome fur a little feller Right on from sun-up when the day commences Or climbin' after apples what's got meller, But Sunday's never lonesome fur a little feller An' how some angels came an' shut their mouths up, An' Sunday's pleasant down to Aunt Marilda's; She lets us take some books that some one gin her, An' takes us down to Sunday-school 't the schoolhouse; An' sometimes she has a nice shortcake fur dinner. An' onct she had a puddin' full o' raisins, An' onct a frosted cake all white an' yeller. I think, when I stay down to Aunt Marilda's, That Sunday's pleasant fur a little feller. ROBIN TAMSON'S SMIDDY BY ALEXANDER RODGER My mither men't my auld breeks, I never yet gae by the door, But aye I fa' a-laughin'. For Robin was a walthy carle, Tho mony lads had sought her. An' aye she e'ed my auld breeks, Quo' I, "My lass, ne'er mind the clouts, But gin ye'll just come hame wi' me, "Deed, lad," quo' she, "your offer's fair, I really think I'll tak' it, Sae, gang awa', get out the mare, We'll baith slip on the back o't; Wow! Robin was an angry man, Quo' I, "Gudeman, I've ta'en your bairn, |