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ACRES. You are very kind. What it is to have a friend! You couldn't be my second, could you, Jack? ABS. Why no, Bob-not in this affair—it would not

be quite so proper.

ACRES. Well, then, I must get my friend Sir Lucius. I shall have your good wishes, however, Jack?

ABS. Whenever he meets you, believe me.

Re-enter SERVANT.

SERV. Sir Anthony Absolute is below, inquiring for the captain.

ABS. I'll come instantly. [Exit SERVANT.] Well, my little hero, success attend you. [Going. ACRES. Stay-stay, Jack. If Beverley should ask you what kind of a man your friend Acres is, do tell him I am a devil of a fellow-will you, Jack?

ABS. To be sure I shall. I'll say you are a determined dog-hey, Bob?

ACRES. Ay, do, do—and if that frightens him, egad, perhaps he mayn't come. So tell him I generally kill a man a week-will you, Jack?

ABS. I will, I will; I'll say you are called in the country Fighting Bob.

ACRES. Right-right—'tis all to prevent mischief; for I don't want to take his life if I clear my honour. ABS. No! that's very kind of you.

ACRES. Why, you don't wish me to kill him-do you Jack?

ABS. No, upon my soul, I do not.

fellow, hey?

But a devil of a

[Going. ACRES. True, true-but stay-stay, Jack-you may add, that you never saw me in such a rage before-a most devouring rage!

ABS I will, I will.

ACRES. Remember, Jack-a determined dog!

ABS. Ay, ay, Fighting Bob!

[Exeunt severally.

G

SCENE II.

MRS. MALAPROP's Lodgings.

MRS. MALAPROP and LYDIA.

MRS. MAL. Why, thou perverse one! tell me what you can object to him? Isn't he a handsome man?— tell me that. A genteel man? a pretty figure of a man?

LYD. [Aside.] She little thinks whom she is praising! [Aloud.] So is Beverley, ma'am.

MRS. MAL. No caparisons, miss, if you please. Caparisons don't become a young woman. No! Captain Absolute is indeed a fine gentleman!

LYD. Ay, the Captain Absolute you have seen.

[Aside. MRS. MAL. Then he's so well bred--so full of alacrity and adulation!-and has so much to say for himselfin such good language too! His physiognomy so grammatical! Then his presence is so noble! protest, when I saw him, I thought of what Hamlet says in the play

"Hesperian curls-the front of Job himself!

An eye, like March, to threaten at command !-
A station, like Harry Mercury, new—”

I

Something about kissing-on a hill - however, the similitude struck me directly.

LYD. How enraged she'll be presently, when she discovers her mistake!

[Aside.

Enter SERVANT.

SERV. Sir Anthony and Captain Absolute are below,

ma'am.

MRS. MAL. Show them up here.

[Exit SERVANT.] Now, Lydia, I insist on your behaving as becomes a young woman. Show your good breeding, at least, , though you have forgot your duty.

LYD. Madam, I have told you my resolution! I shall not only give him no encouragement, but I won't even speak to, or look at him.

[Flings herself into a chair, with her face from the

door.

Enter SIR ANTHONY ABSOLUTE and CAPTAIN
ABSOLUTE.

SIR ANTH. Here we are, Mrs. Malaprop; come to mitigate the frowns of unrelenting beauty-and difficulty enough I had to bring this fellow. I don't know what's the matter; but if I had not held him by force, ⚫ he'd have given me the slip.

MRS. MAL. You have infinite trouble, Sir Anthony, in the affair. I am ashamed for the cause! [Aside to LYDIA.] Lydia, Lydia, rise, I beseech you!—pay your respects!

SIR ANTH. I hope, madam, that Miss Languish has reflected on the worth of this gentleman, and the regard 'due to her aunt's choice, and my alliance. [Aside to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] Now, Jack, speak to her.

ABS. [Aside.] What the devil shall I do! [Aside to SIR ANTHONY.] You see, sir, she won't even look at me whilst you are here. I knew she wouldn't! I told you Let me entreat you, sir, to leave us together. [Seems to expostulate with his father.

So.

E

LYD. [Aside.] I wonder I ha'n't heard my aunt exclaim yet! Sure she can't have looked at him!

perhaps their regimentals are alike, and she is something blind.

SIR ANTH. I say, sir, I won't stir a foot yet!

MRS. MAL. I am sorry to say, Sir Anthony, that my affluence over my niece is very small. [Aside to LYDIA.] Turn round, Lydia: I blush for you!

SIR ANTH. May I not flatter myself, that Miss Languish will assign what cause of dislike she can have to my son! [Aside to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] Why, don't you begin, Jack? Speak, you puppy-speak!

MRS. MAL. It is impossible, Sir Anthony, she can have any. She will not say she has. [Aside to LYDIA.] Answer, hussy! why don't you answer?

SIR ANTH. Then, madam, I trust that a childish and hasty predilection will be no bar to Jack's happiness. [Aside to CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] Zounds! sirrah! why, don't you speak?

LYD. [Aside.] I think my lover seems as little inclined to conversation as myself. How strangely blind my aunt must be !

ABS. Hem! hem! madam-hem! [Attempts to speak, then returns to SIR ANTHONY.] Faith! sir, I am SO confounded!-and-so-so-confused! I told you 1should be so, sir-I knew it. The-the-tremor of my passion entirely takes away my presence of mind.

SIR ANTH. But it don't take away your voice, fool, does it? Go up, and speak to her directly!

[CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE makes signs to MRS. MALAPROP to leave them together.

MRS. MAL. Sir Anthony, shall we leave them together? [Aside to LYDIA.] Ah! you stubborn little vixen !

SIR ANTH. Not yet, ma'am, not yet! [Aside to

. CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] What the devil are you at? - Unlock your jaws, sirrah, or—

3

ABS. [Aside.] Now Heaven send she may be too sullen to look round! I must disguise my voice. [Draws near LYDIA, and speaks in a low hoarse tone.] Will not Miss Languish lend an ear to the mild accents of true love? Will not

SIR ANTH. What the devil ails the fellow? Why I don't you speak out?—not stand croaking like a frog in a quinsy !

ABS. The-the-excess of my awe, and

modesty, quite choke me!

my-my-my

SIR ANTH. Ah! your modesty again! I'll tell you what, Jack; if you don't speak out directly and glibly 'too, I shall be in such a rage! Mrs. Malaprop, I wish the lady would favour us with something more than a side-front.

[MRS. MALAPROP seems to chide LYDIA. ABS. [Aside.] So all will out, I see! [Goes up to LYDIA, speaks softly.] Be not surprised, my Lydia; suppress all surprise at present.

LYD. [Aside.] Heavens ! 'tis Beverley's voice! Sure ́he can't have imposed on Sir Anthony too! [Looks round by degrees, then starts up.] Is this possible !—my Beverley !-how can this be?-my Beverley?

ABS. Ah! 'tis all over.

[Aside. SIR ANTH. Beverley !—the devil-Beverley! What can the girl mean? This is my son, Jack Absolute.

MRS. MAL. For shame, hussy! for shame! your head runs so on that fellow, that you have him always in your eyes! Beg Captain Absolute's pardon directly. LYD. I see no Captain Absolute, but my loved Beverley!

SIR ANTH. Zounds! the girl's mad!-her brain's turned by reading.

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