Sure no one will say, but a patron of slander,
That this was not pretty well for a Moorlander:
And since on such reasons to sup I refus'd,
I nothing did doubt to be holden excus'd;
But my quaint repartée had his worship possest
With so wonderful good a conceit of the rest,
That with mere impatience he hop'd in his breeches
To see the fine fellow that made such fine speeches:
"Go, sirrah!" quoth he, "get you to him again,
And will and require, in his majesty's name,
That he come; and tell him, obey he were best, or
I'll teach him to know that he's now in West-Ches-
The man, upon this, comes me running again,
But yet minc'd his message, and was not so plain;
Saying to me only, "Good sir, I am sorry
To tell you my master has sent again for you;
And has such a longing to have you his guest,
That I, with these ears, heard him swear and pro-
He would neither say grace, nor sit down on his bum,
Nor open his napkin, until you do come."
With that I perceiv'd no excuse would avail,
And, seeing there was no defence for a flail,
I said I was ready master may'r to obey,
And therefore desir'd him to lead me the way.
We went, and ere Malkin could well lick her ear,
(For it but the next door was, forsooth) we were
Where lights being brought me, I mounted the stairs,
The worst I e'er saw in my life at a mayor's;
But every thing else must be highly commended.
I there found his worship most nobly attended,
Besides such a supper as well did convince,
A may'r in his province to be a great prince :
As he sat in his chair, he did not much vary,
In state nor in face, from our eighth English Harry;
But whether his face was swell'd up with fat,
Or puff'd up with glory, I cannot tell that.
Being enter'd the chamber half length of a pike,
And cutting of faces exceedingly like
[dies,
One of those little gentlemen brought from the In-
And screwing myself into congees and cringes,
By then I was half way advanc'd in the room,
His worship most rev'rendly rose from his bum,
And with the more honour to grace and to greet
Advanc'd a whole step and an half for to meet me ;
Where leisurely doffing a hat worth a tester,
He bade me most heartily welcome to Chester.
I thank'd him in language the best I was able,
And so we forth with sat us all down to table.
Now here you must note, and 'tis worth observation,
That as his chair at one end o' th' table had station; So sweet mistress may'ress, in just such another, Like the fair queen of hearts, sat in state at the other;
By which I perceiv'd, though it seemed a riddle, The lower end of this must be just in the middle :
By which you may note, that either the man was mistaken, or the mayor was not so good as his word, when he said he would not sit down till I came.
But perhaps 'tis a rule there, and one that would
Amongst the town-statutes 'tis likely might find it. But now in th' pottage each deep his spoon claps, As in truth one might safely for burning one's chaps,
When straight, with the look and the tone of a scold,
Mistress may'ress complain'd that the pottage was
"And all long of your fiddle-faddle," quoth she.
"Why, what then, Goody Two-shoes, what if it be?
Hold you, if you can, your tittle-tattle," quoth he.
I was glad she was snapp'd thus, and guess'd by th'
discourse,
The may'r, not the gray mare, was the better horse.
And yet, for all that, there is reason to fear,
She submitted but out of respect to his year:
However, 'twas well she had now so much grace,
Though not to the man, to submit to his place;
For had she proceeded, I verily thought
My turn would the next be, for I was in fault :
But this brush being past, we fell to our diet,
And ev'ry one there fill'd his belly in quiet.
Supper being ended, and things away taken, Master mayor's curiosity 'gan to awaken; Wherefore, making me draw something nearer his chair,
He will'd and requir'd me there to declare
My country, my birth, my estate, and my parts,
And whether I was not a master of arts;
And eke what the bus'ness was had brought me
With what I was going about now, and whither:
Giving me caution, no lie should escape me,
For if I should trip, he should certainly trap me.
I answer'd, my country was fam'd Staffordshire;
That in deeds, bills and bonds, I was ever writ
squire;
That of land, I had both sorts, some good, and some evil,
But that a great part on't was pawn'd to the Devil; That as for my parts, they were such as he saw; That, indeed, I had a small smatt'ring of law, Which lately had got more by practice than reading;
By sitting o' th' bench, whilst others were plead
But that arms I had ever more study'd than arts, And was now to a captain rais'd by my deserts; That the business which led me through Palatine ground
Into Ireland was, whither now I was bound; Where his worship's great favour I loud will proclaim,
And in all other places wherever I came.
He said, as to that, I might do what I list,
But that I was welcome, and gave me his fist;
When having my fingers made crack with his
gripes,
He call'd to his man for some bottles and pipes.
To trouble you here with a longer narration
Of the several parts of our confabulation,
Perhaps would be tedious; I'll therefore remit ye
Even to the most rev'rend records of the city,
Where, doubtless, the acts of the may'rs are re-
corded,
And if not more truly, yet much better worded.
In short, then, we pip'd, and we tippled Canary, Till my watch pointed one in the circle horary; When thinking it now was high time to depart, His worship I thank'd with a most grateful heart; And because to great men presents are acceptable, I presented the may'r, ere I rose from the table, With a certain fantastical box and a stopper; And he having kindly accepted my offer,
I took my fair leave, such my visage adorning, And to bed, for I was to rise early i' th' morning.
THE Sun in the morning disclosed his light,
With complexion as ruddy as mine over night;
And o'er th' eastern mountains peeping up's head,
The casement being open, espy'd me in bed;
With his rays he so tickled my lids that I wak'd,
And was half asham'd, for I found myself nak'd;
But up I soon start, and was dress'd in a trice,
And call'd for a draught of ale, sugar, and spice;
Which having turn'd off, I then call to pay,
And packing my nawls, whipp'd to horse, and away.
A guide I had got, who demanded great vails,
For conducting me over the mountains of Wales:
Twenty good shillings, which sure very large is;
Yet that would not serve, but I must bear his
charges;
And yet for all that, rode astride on a beast,
The worst that e'er went on three legs, I protest;
It certainly was the most ugly of jades,
His hips and his rump made a right ace of spades;
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