Sir Luc. Come, come, Delia, we must be serious now-this

is no time for trifling.

Lyd. 'Tis true, sir; and your reproof bids me offer this gen tleman my hand, and solicit the return of his affections.

Abs. O my little angel, say you so!-Sir Lucius-I perceive there must be some mistake here, with regard to the affront which you affirm I have given you. I can only say that it could not have been intentional. And as you must be convinced, that I should not fear to support a real injury-you shall now see that I am not ashamed to atone for an inadvertency-I ask your pardon.-But for this lady, while honoured with her approbation, I will support my claim against any man whatever.

Sir Anth. Well said, Jack, and I'll stand by you, my boy.

Acres. Mind, I give up all my clain-I make no pretensions to any thing in the world; and if I can't get a wife without fighting for her, by my valour! I'll live a bachelor.

Sir Luc. Captain, give me your hand: an affront handsomely acknowledged becomes an obligation; and as for the lady, if she chooses to deny her own hand-writing, here

[Takes out letters. Mrs. Mal. O, he will dissolve my mystery !-Sir Lucius, perhaps there's some mistake-perhaps I can illuminate

Sir Luc. Pray, old gentlewoman, don't interfere where you have no business.-Miss Languish, are you my Delia, or not? Lyd. Indeed, Sir Lucius, I am not.

[Walks aside with CAPTAIN ABSolute. Mrs. Mal. Sir Lucius O'Trigger-ungrateful as you are -I own the soft impeachment-pardon my blushes, I am Delia.

Sir Luc. You Delia-pho! pho! be easy.

Mrs. Mal. Why, thou barbarous Vandyke-those letters are mine-When you are more sensible of my benignity—perhaps I may be brought to encourage your addresses.

Sir Luc. Mrs. Malaprop, I am extremely sensible of your condescension; and whether you or Lucy have put this trick on me, I am equally beholden to you.-And, to show you I am not ungrateful, Captain Absolute, since you have taken that lady from me, I'll give you my Delia into the bargain.

Abs. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius; but here's my friend, Fighting Bob, unprovided for.

Sir Luc. Hah! little Valour-here, will you make your fortune?

Acres. Odds wrinkles! No.-But give me your hand, Sir

Lucius, forget and forgive; but if ever I give you a chance of pickling me again, say Bob Acres is a dunce, that's all.

Sir Anth. Come, Mrs. Malaprop, don't be cast down-you are in your bloom yet.

Mrs. Mal. O Sir Anthony-men are all barbarians.

[All retire but JULIA and FAULKLAND. Jul. [Aside.] He seems dejected and unhappy-not sullen ; there was some foundation, however, for the tale he told me O woman! how true should be your judgment, when your resolution is so weak!

Faulk. Julia!-how can I sue for what I so little deserve? I dare not presume-yet Hope is the child of Penitence.

Jul. Oh! Faulkland, you have not been more faulty in your unkind treatment of me, than I am now in wanting inclination to resent it. As my heart honestly bids me place my weakness to the account of love, I should be ungenerous not to admit the same plea for yours.

Faulk. Now I shall be blest indeed!

Sir Anth. [Coming forward.] What's going on here ?-So you have been quarrelling too, I warrant! Come, Julia, I never interfered before; but let me have a hand in the matter at last. -All the faults I have ever seen in my friend Faulkland seemed to proceed from what he calls the delicacy and warmth of his affection for you-There, marry him directly, Julia; you'll find he'll mend surprisingly! [The rest come forward. Sir Luc. Come, now, hope there is no dissatisfied person, but what is content; for as I have been disappointed myself, it will be very hard if I have not the satisfaction of seeing other people succeed better.

Acres. You are right, Sir Lucius.-So Jack, I wish you joyMr. Faulkland the same.-Ladies,-come now, to show you I'm neither vexed nor angry, odds tabors and pipes! I'll order the fiddles in half an hour to the New Rooms-and I insist on your all meeting me there.

Sir Anth. 'Gad! sir, I like your spirit; and at night we single lads will drink a health to the young couples, and a husband to Mrs. Malaprop.

Faulk. Our partners are stolen from us, Jack—I hope to be congratulated by each other-yours for having checked in time the errors of an ill-directed imagination, which might have betrayed an innocent heart; and mine, for having, by her gentleness and candour, reformed the unhappy temper of one, who by it made wretched whom he loved most, and tortured the heart he ought to have adored.

Abs. Well, Jack, we have both tasted the bitters, as well as the sweets of love; with this difference only, that you always prepared the bitter cup for yourself, while I

Lyd. Was always obliged to me for it, hey! Mr. Modesty? -But come, no more of that—our happiness is now as unalloyed as general.

Jul. Then let us study to preserve it so: and while Hope pictures to us a flattering scene of future bliss, let us deny its pencil those colours which are too bright to be lasting.—When hearts deserving happiness would unite their fortunes, Virtue. would crown them with an unfading garland of modest hurtless flowers; but ill-judging Passion will force the gaudier rose into the wreath, whose thorn offends them when its leaves are dropped! [Exeunt omnes.

EPILOGUE.

BY THE AUTHOR.

SPOKEN BY MRS. BULKLEY.

LADIES, for you-I heard our poet say—
He'd try to coax some moral from his play:
"One moral's plain," cried I, "without more fuss;
Man's social happiness all rests on us:

Through all the drama-whether damn'd or not-
Love gilds the scene, and women guide the plot.
From every rank obedience is our due-

D'ye doubt?—The world's great stage shall prove it true.”
The cit, well skill'd to shun domestic strife,

Will sup abroad; but first he'll ask his wife :
John Trot, his friend, for once will do the same,
But then-he'll just step home to tell his dame.
The surly squire at noon resolves to rule,
And half the day-Zounds! madam is a fool!
Convinced at night, the vanquish'd victor says,
Ah, Kate! you women have such coaxing ways.
The jolly toper chides each tardy blade,
Till reeling Bacchus calls on Love for aid:
Then with each toast he sees fair bumpers swim,
And kisses Chloe on the sparkling brim!

Nay, I have heard that statesmen-great and wise-
Will sometimes counsel with a lady's eyes!

The servile suitors watch her various face,
She smiles preferment, or she frowns disgrace,
Curtsies a pension here-there nods a place.

Nor with less awe, in scenes of humbler life,
Is view'd the mistress, or is heard the wife.
The poorest peasant of the poorest soil,
The child of poverty, and heir to toil,
Early from radiant Love's impartial light

Steals one small spark to cheer this world of night:
Dear spark! that oft through winter's chilling woes
Is all the warmth his little cottage knows!

The wandering tar, who not for years has press'd,
The widow'd partner of his day of rest,
On the cold deck, far from her arms removed,
Still hums the ditty which his Susan loved;
And while around the cadence rude is blown,
The boatswain whistles in a softer tone.

The soldier, fairly proud of wounds and toil,
Pants for the triumph of his Nancy's smile!
But ere the battle should he list her cries,
The lover trembles-and the hero dies!
That heart, by war and honour steel'd to fear,
Droops on a sigh, and sickens at a tear!

But ye more cautious, ye nice-judging few,
Who give to beauty only beauty's due,
Though friends to love-ye view with deep regret
Our conquests marr'd, our triumphs incomplete,
Till polish'd wit more lasting charms disclose,
And judgment fix the darts which beauty throws!
In female breasts did sense and merit rule,
The lover's mind would ask no other school;
Shamed into sense, the scholars of our eyes,
Our beaux from gallantry would soon be wise
Would gladly light, their homage to improve,
The lamp of knowledge at the torch of love!

;

OR, THE SCHEMING LIEUTENANT.

A FARCE,

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.

AS ORIGINALLY ACTED AT COVENT-GARDEN THEATRE IN 1775.

LIEUTENANT O'Connor Mr. Clinch. LAURETTA

DR. ROSY

Mrs. Cargill.

Mr. Quick. MRS. BRIDGET CRE-
E- Mrs. Pitt.

JUSTICE CREDULOUS Mr. Lee Lewes.
SERJEANT TROUNCE

CORPORAL FLINT

DULOUS

Mr. Booth. Drummer, Soldiers, Countrymen, and
Servant.

SCENE. A TOWN IN ENGLAND.

ACT I.

SCENE I-LIEUTENANT O'CONNOR'S Lodgings.
Enter SERJEANT TROUNCE, CORPORAL FLINT, and four

SOLDIERS.

1 Sol. I say you are wrong; we should all speak together, each for himself, and all at once, that we may be heard the better.

2 Sol. Right, Jack, we'll argue in platoons.

3 Sol. Ay, ay, let him have our grievances in a volley, and if we be to have a spokesman, there's the corporal is the lieutenant's countryman, and knows his humour.

Flint. Let me alone for that. I served three years, within a bit, under his honour, in the Royal Inniskillions, and I never will see a sweeter tempered gentleman, nor one more free with his purse. I put a great shammock in his hat this morning, and I'll be bound for him he'll wear it, was it as big as Steven's Green.

4 Sol. I say again then you talk like youngsters, like militia striplings: there's a discipline, look'ee in all things, whereof the serjeant must be our guide; he's a gentleman of words; he understands your foreign lingo, your figures, and such like auxiliaries in scoring. Confess now for a reckoning, whether in chalk or writing, ben't he your only man?

Flint. Why the serjeant is a scholar to be sure, and has the gift of reading.

Trounce. Good soldiers, and fellow-gentlemen, if you make