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[The two NIECES draw their two daggers to strike WHISKERANDOS : the two UNCLES at the instant, with their two swords drawn, catch their two NIECES' arms, and turn the points of their swords to WHISKERANDOS, who immediately draws two daggers, and holds them to the

two NIECES' bosoms." Puff. There's situation for you! there's an heroic group !You see the ladies can't stab Whiskerandos-he durst not strike them, for fear of their uncles—the uncles durst not kill him, because of their nieces—I have them all at a dead lock !—for every one of them is afraid to let go first.

Sneer. Why, then they must stand there for ever ! Puff. So they would, if I hadn't a very fine contrivance fort. -Now mind

Enter BEEFEATER, with his halbert. Beef. In the queen's name I charge you all to drop Your swords and daggers !

[They drop their swords and daggers." Sneer. That is a contrivance indeed !

Puff. Ay-in the queen's name. Sir Christ. Come, niece ! Sir Walter. Come, niece !

[Exeunt with the two NIECES:
Whisk, What's he, who bids us thus renounce our guard ?
Beef.. Thou must do more-renounce thy love !
Whisk. Thou liest-base Beefeater !

Ha ! hell! the lie !
By Heaven thou'st roused the lion in my heart !
Off, yeoman's habit !- base disguise ! off ! off!

(Discovers himself, by throwing off his upper dress, and

appearing in a very fine waistcoat.
Am I a Beefeater now?
Or beams my crest as terrible as when

In Biscay's Bay I took thy captive sloop?" Puff. There, egad! he comes out to be the very captain of the privateer who

had taken Whiskerandos prisoner-and was himself an old lover of Tilburina's.

Dang. Admirably managed, indeed !

Puff. Now, stand out of their way.
Whisk. I thank thee, Fortune, that hast thus bestowed

A weapon to chastise this insolent. [Takes up one of the swords.
Beef. . I take thy challenge, Spaniard, and I thank thee,
Fortune, too !

[Takes up the other su ord.Dang. That's excellently contrived !-It seems as if the two uncles had left their swords on purpose for them.

Puff. No, egad, they could not help leaving them.

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Vengeance and Tilburina ! Beef.

Exactly so— [They fight-and after the usual number of wounds given,

... O cursed parry !-that last thrust in tierce

Was fatal.-Captain, thou hast fenced well !
And Whiskerandos quits this bustling scene

For all eter-

-nity-he would have added, but stern death Cut short his being, and the noun at once !" Puff. Oh, my dear sir, you are too slow : now mind me.Sir, shall I trouble you to die again?

And Whiskerandos quits this bustling scene

For all eterBeef..

nity--he would have added,Puff. No, sir-that's not it-.once more, if you please.

Whisk. I wish, sir, you would practise this without me-I can't stay dying here all night.

Puff. Very well ; we'll go over it by-and-by.—[Exit WHISKERANDOS.] I must humour these gentlemen! Beef. . . Farewell, brave Spaniard ! and when next-"

Puff. Dear sir, you needn't speak that speech, as the body has walked off.

Beef. That's true, sir-then I'll join the fleet.

. If you please.—[Exit BEEFEATER.] Now, who comes on ?

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Enter GOVERNOR, with his hair properly disordered.

A hemisphere of evil planets reign!
And every planet sheds contagious frenzy !
My Spanish prisoner is slain ! my daughter,
Meeting the dead corse borne along, has gone
Distract !

[A loud flourish of trumpets.
But hark! I am summond to the fort :
Perhaps the fleets have met ! amazing crisis !
O Tilburina ! from thy aged father's beard
Thou'st pluck'd the few brown hairs which time had left !

Sneer. Poor gentleman !
Puff. Yes—and no one to blame but his daughter!
Dang. And the planets-
Puff. True.-Now enter Tilburina !
Sneer. Egad, the business comes on quick here.
Puff. Yes, sir-now she comes in stark mad in white satin.
Sneer. Why in white satin ?

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Puff. O Lord, sir—when a heroine goes mad, she always goes into white satin.--Don't she, Dangle ?

Dang. Always-it's a rule.

Puff. Yes—here it is—[ Looking at the book.] “ Enter Tilburina stark mad in white satin, and her confidant stark mad in white linen."

Enter TILBURINA and CONFIDANT, mad, according to custom." Sneer. But, what the deuce, is the confidant to be mad too ?

Puff. To be sure she is: the confidant is always to do whatever her mistress does; weep when she weeps, smile when she smiles, go mad when she goes mad.—Now, Madam Confidant -but keep your madness in the background, if you please. Tilb. . . The wind whistles—the moon rises-see,

They have kill'd my squirrel in his cage :

this a grasshopper?—Ha ! no; it is my
Whiskerandos-you shall not keep him—
I know you have him in your pocket-
An oyster may be cross'd' in love !—who says

whale's a bird ?-Ha ! did you call, my love ?
He's here ! he's there !-He's everywhere !
Ah me! he's nowhere !

[Exit.Puff. There, do you ever desire to see anybody madder than that?

Sneer. Never, while I live!
Puff. You observed how she mangled the metre?

Dang. Yes—egad, it was the first thing made me suspect she was out of her senses !

Sneer. And pray what becomes of her ?

Puff. She is gone to throw herself into the sea, to be sureand that brings us at once to the scene of action, and so to my catrastrophe—my sea-fight, I mean.

Sneer. What, you bring that in at last?

Puff. Yes, yes--you know my play is called The Spanish Armada ; otherwise, egad, I have no occasion for the battle at all.—Now then for my magnificence !-my battle -my noise! -and my procession - You are all ready?

Und. Promp. [Within.] Yes, sir.
Puff. Is the Thames dressed ?

Enter THAMES with two ATTENDANTS." Thames. Here I am, sir.

Puff. Very well, indeed See, gentlemen, there's a river for you - This is blending a little of the masque with my tragedy

! -a new fancy, you know-and very useful in my case ; for as


there must be a procession, I suppose Thames, and all his tributary rivers, to compliment Britannia with a fête in honour of the victory.

Sneer. But pray, who are these gentlemen in green with him? Puff. Those ?—those are his banks. Sneer. His banks ? Puff. Yes, one crowned with alders, and the other with a villa 1-you take the allusions ?—But hey! what the plague! you have got both your banks on one side.—Here, sir, come round.-Ever while you live, Thames, go between your banks.

-[Bell rings.] There, so ! now fort!--Stand aside, my dear friends !-Away, Thames !

[Exit Thames between his banks. [Flourish of drums, trumpets, cannon, &c., &c. Scene

changes to the seathe fleets engagethe music plays"Britons strike home." ---Spanish fleet destroyed by fireships, &c.-English fleet advancesmusic plays Rule Britannia.The procession of all the English rivers, and their tributaries, with their emblems, &c., begins with Handel's water music, ends with a chorus to the march in Judas Maccabaus. During this scene, PUFF directs and

applauds everythingthen Puff. Well, pretty well—but not quite perfect. So, ladies and gentlemen, if you please, we'll rehearse this piece again to-morrow.

[Curtain drops.


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Mrs. Robinson. LOVELESS.

Mr. Smith.

Miss Farren. TOM FASHION Mr.J.Palmer. Miss HOYDEN . Mrs. Abington LA VAROLE

Mr. Burton. MRS. COUPLER. Mrs. Booth. LORY

Mr. Baddeley.

Mr. Parsons.




} Mr. Moody.

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{ Mrie Brad




What various transformations we remark,
From east Whitechapel to the west Hyde Park !
Men, women, children, houses, signs, and fashions,
State, stage, trade, taste, the humours and the passions ;
The Exchange, 'Change Alley, wheresoe'er you're ranging,
Court, city, country, all are changed or changing :
The streets, some time ago, were paved with stones,
Which, aided by a hackney-coach, half broke your bones
The purest lovers then indulged in bliss ;
They run great hazard if they stole a kiss.
One chaste salute !—the damsel cried-Oh, fie!
As they approach'd-slap went the coach awry-
Poor Sylvia got a bump, and Damon a black eye.

But now weak nerves in hackney-coaches roam,
And the cramm'd glutton snores, unjolted, home :
Of former times, that polish'd thing a beau,
Is metamorphosed now from top to toe;
Then the full flaxen wig, spread o'er the shoulders,
Conceal'd the shallow head from the beholders.

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