[The two NIECES draw their two daggers to strike WHISKERANDOS: the two UNCLES at the instant, with their two swords drawn, catch their two NIECES' arms, and turn the points of their swords to WHISKERANDOS, who immediately draws two daggers, and holds them to the two NIECES' bosoms."

Puff. There's situation for you! there's an heroic group!— You see the ladies can't stab Whiskerandos-he durst not strike them, for fear of their uncles-the uncles durst not kill him, because of their nieces—I have them all at a dead lock !—for every one of them is afraid to let go first.

Sneer. Why, then they must stand there for ever!

Puff. So they would, if I hadn't a very fine contrivance for't. -Now mind

Sneer. That is a contrivance indeed!
Puff. Ay-in the queen's name.

"Sir Christ. Come, niece!

Come, niece!

[Exeunt with the two NIECES.

What's he, who bids us thus renounce our guard?
Thou must do more-renounce thy love!

Thou liest-base Beefeater!

Ha! hell! the lie!

By Heaven thou'st roused the lion in my heart!

Off, yeoman's habit!-base disguise! off! off!

[Discovers himself, by throwing off his upper dress, and appearing in a very fine waistcoat.

Am I a Beefeater now?

Or beams my crest as terrible as when

In Biscay's Bay I took thy captive sloop?"

Puff. There, egad! he comes out to be the very captain of the privateer who had taken Whiskerandos prisoner-and was himself an old lover of Tilburina's.

Dang. Admirably managed, indeed!
Puff. Now, stand out of their way.

I thank thee, Fortune, that hast thus bestowed

A weapon to chastise this insolent. [Takes up one of the swords.
I take thy challenge, Spaniard, and I thank thee,
Fortune, too!

[Takes up the other sword."

Dang. That's excellently contrived!—It seems as if the two uncles had left their swords on purpose for them.

Puff. No, egad, they could not help leaving them.

"Whisk. Beef.

Vengeance and Tilburina !

Exactly so

Whisk.

Beef.

[They fight-and after the usual number of wounds given, WHISKERANDOS falls.

O cursed parry!-that last thrust in tierce

Was fatal.-Captain, thou hast fenced well!

And Whiskerandos quits this bustling scene
For all eter-

-nity-he would have added, but stern death

Cut short his being, and the noun at once!"

Puff. Oh, my dear sir, you are too slow: now mind me.Sir, shall I trouble you to die again?

"Whisk. And Whiskerandos quits this bustling scene

For all eter

-nity-he would have added,”

Puff. No, sir-that's not it--once more, if you please. Whisk. I wish, sir, you would practise this without me-I can't stay dying here all night.

Puff. Very well; we'll go over it by-and-by.-[Exit WHISKERANDOS.] I must humour these gentlemen!

Puff. Dear sir, you needn't speak that speech, as the body has walked off.

Beef. That's true, sir-then I'll join the fleet.

Puff. If you please.-[Exit BEEFEATER.] Now, who comes

"Enter GOVERNOR, with his hair properly disordered.

A hemisphere of evil planets reign!

And every planet sheds contagious frenzy!
My Spanish prisoner is slain ! my daughter,
Meeting the dead corse borne along, has gone
Distract!

[A loud flourish of trumpets.
But hark! I am summon'd to the fort :

Perhaps the fleets have met! amazing crisis !

O Tilburina! from thy aged father's beard

Thou'st pluck'd the few brown hairs which time had left!

Sneer. Poor gentleman!

Puff. Yes-and no one to blame but his daughter!

Dang. And the planets

Puff. True.-Now enter Tilburina!

Sneer. Egad, the business comes on quick here.

[Exit."

Puff. Yes, sir-now she comes in stark mad in white satin. Sneer. Why in white satin?

Puff. O Lord, sir-when a heroine goes mad, she always goes into white satin.-Don't she, Dangle?

Dang. Always—it's a rule.

Puff. Yes-here it is-[Looking at the book.] "Enter Tilburina stark mad in white satin, and her confidant stark mad in white linen."

"Enter TILBURINA and CONFIDANT, mad, according to custom."

Sneer. But, what the deuce, is the confidant to be mad too? Puff. To be sure she is: the confidant is always to do whatever her mistress does; weep when she weeps, smile when she smiles, go mad when she goes mad.-Now, Madam Confidant -but keep your madness in the background, if you please.

"Tilb... The wind whistles-the moon rises-see,

They have kill'd my squirrel in his cage:
Is this a grasshopper?-Ha! no; it is my
Whiskerandos-you shall not keep him—
I know you have him in your pocket-
An oyster may be cross'd in love!-who says
A whale's a bird ?-Ha! did you call, my love?—
He's here! he's there !-He's everywhere!

Ah me! he's nowhere!

[Exit."

Puff. There, do you ever desire to see anybody madder

than that?

Sneer. Never, while I live!

Puff. You observed how she mangled the metre?

Dang. Yes-egad, it was the first thing made me suspect she was out of her senses!

Sneer. And pray what becomes of her?

Puff. She is gone to throw herself into the sea, to be sure— and that brings us at once to the scene of action, and so to my catrastrophe-my sea-fight, I mean.

Sneer. What, you bring that in at last?

Puff. Yes, yes-you know my play is called The Spanish Armada; otherwise, egad, I have no occasion for the battle at all. Now then for my magnificence !-my battle !—my noise ! -and my procession !-You are all ready?

Und. Promp. [Within.] Yes, sir.

Puff. Is the Thames dressed?

"Enter THAMES with two ATTENDANTS."

Thames. Here I am, sir.

Puff. Very well, indeed !-See, gentlemen, there's a river for you! This is blending a little of the masque with my tragedy -a new fancy, you know-and very useful in my case; for as

there must be a procession, I suppose Thames, and all his tributary rivers, to compliment Britannia with a fête in honour of the victory.

Sneer. But pray, who are these gentlemen in green with him? Puff. Those?-those are his banks.

Sneer. His banks?

Puff. Yes, one crowned with alders, and the other with a villa!-you take the allusions ?-But hey! what the plague! you have got both your banks on one side.-Here, sir, come round. Ever while you live, Thames, go between your banks. -[Bell rings.] There, so! now for't!-Stand aside, my dear friends!-Away, Thames!

[Exit THAMES between his banks. [Flourish of drums, trumpets, cannon, &c., &c. Scene changes to the sea-the fleets engage-the music plays"Britons strike home."-Spanish fleet destroyed by fireships, &c.-English fleet advances-music plays "Rule Britannia."-The procession of all the English rivers, and their tributaries, with their emblems, &c., begins with Handel's water music, ends with a chorus to the march in Judas Maccabæus.-During this scene, PUFF directs and applauds everything-then

Puff. Well, pretty well-but not quite perfect. So, ladies and gentlemen, if you please, we'll rehearse this piece again [Curtain drops.

to-morrow.

A TRIP TO SCARBOROUGH.

A COMEDY.

DRAMATIS PERSONÆ.

AS ORIGINALLY ACTED AT DRURY-LANE THEATRE IN 1777.

LORD FOPPINGTON Mr. Dodd.

SIR TUNBELLY

CLUMSY

COLONEL TOWNLY

LOVELESS.

TOM FASHION

Mr. Moody.

SHOEMAKER
TAILOR

Mr. Carpenter.

Mr. Parker.

Mr. Brereton. AMANDA

Mr.J.Palmer. MISS HOYDEN
Mr. Burton. MRS. Coupler.
Mr. Baddeley. NURSE :

Mr. Parsons.

. Mrs. Robinson.

Miss Farren.
Mrs. Abington
Mrs. Booth.

Mrs. Brad

shaw'.

SCENE-SCARBOROUGH AND ITS NEIGHBOURHOOD.

PROLOGUE.

SPOKEN BY MR. KING.

WHAT various transformations we remark,

From east Whitechapel to the west Hyde Park!
Men, women, children, houses, signs, and fashions,
State, stage, trade, taste, the humours and the passions;
The Exchange, 'Change Alley, wheresoe'er you're ranging,
Court, city, country, all are changed or changing :
The streets, some time ago, were paved with stones,
Which, aided by a hackney-coach, half broke your bones.
The purest lovers then indulged in bliss;
They run great hazard if they stole a kiss.
One chaste salute !-the damsel cried-Oh, fie!
As they approach'd-slap went the coach awry—
Poor Sylvia got a bump, and Damon a black eye.

But now weak nerves in hackney-coaches roam,
And the cramm'd glutton snores, unjolted, home:
Of former times, that polish'd thing a beau,
Is metamorphosed now from top to toe;
Then the full flaxen wig, spread o'er the shoulders,
Conceal'd the shallow head from the beholders.