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Erskine, and Sheridan seized the opportunity to dash off the following impromptu :

Lord Erskine, at woman presuming to rail,

Calls a wife a tin canister tied to one's tail;

And fair Lady Anne, while the subject he carries on,
Seems hurt at his lordship's degrading comparison.
But wherefore degrading? Considered aright,
A canister's polished and useful and bright;
And should dirt its original purity hide,

That's the fault of the puppy to whom it is tied.

SHERIDAN'S COOLNESS.

HAYDON, the painter, says that once, when Sheridan was dining at Somerset House, and they were all in fine feather, the servant rushed in, exclaiming, "Sir, the house is on fire !"— "Bring another bottle of claret," said Sheridan; "it is not my house."

HIS WINES.

APROPOS of claret, on being asked what wine he liked best, he replied, "Other people's."

LADY DERBY'S SALARY.

WHEN Lord Derby applied in the green-room for the arrears of Lady Derby's salary, and said that he would not stir from the room till it was paid, Mr. Sheridan put his anger to flight with the following elegant compliment: "My dear lord, this is too bad; you have taken from us the brightest jewel in the world, and you now quarrel with us for a little of the dust she has left behind her."

WILBERFORCE.

ONE night, after finishing a good many bottles of wine with some boon companions, he was found by a watchman in the street, utterly helpless and almost insensible.-"Who are you?" asked the guardian of the night.-No reply.-"What's your name?"-A hiccup.-"What's your name ?"-Slowly and deliberately the answer came, "Wilberforce !"

Byron, in his journal, says, “Is not that Sherry all over? and,

to my mind, excellent. Poor fellow! his very dregs are better than the first sprightly runnings of others."

WHO WILL TAKE THE CHAIR?

ONCE, being on a parliamentary committee, he arrived when all the members were assembled and seated and about to commence business. He looked round in vain for a seat, and then, with a bow and a quaint twinkle in his eyes, said, “Will any gentleman move, that I might take the chair ?"

SHERIDAN AND GIFFORD.

HEARING that Gifford, the editor of the Quarterly Review, had boasted of his power of conferring and distributing literary reputation, he muttered, "Very true; and in the present instance he has done it so thoroughly that he has none left for himself.”

QUITTING THE CAMP.

AFTER a very violent speech from an Opposition member, Mr. Burke started suddenly from his seat, and rushed to the Ministerial side of the House, exclaiming, with much vehemence, "I quit the camp! I quit the camp!"-"I hope," said Mr. Sheridan, "as the honourable gentleman has quitted the camp as a deserter, he will not return to it as a spy."

SHERIDAN AND CUMBERLAND.

CUMBERLAND's children induced their father to take them to see "The School for Scandal." Every time the delighted youngsters laughed at what was going on on the stage, he pinched them, and said, "What are you laughing at, my dear little folks? you should not laugh, my angels; there is nothing to laugh at ;" and then, in an under-tone, "Keep still, you little dunces."-Sheridan, having been told this, said, "It was very ungrateful in Cumberland to have been displeased with his poor children for laughing at my comedy, for I went the other night to see his tragedy,* and laughed at it from beginning to end."

* "The Carmelite," it is presumed, is the tragedy here referred to.

TAX ON FEMALE SERVANTS.

WHEN Pitt proposed the tax on female servants, Sheridan declared that it could be considered in no other light than a bounty to bachelors, and a penalty upon propagation."

KELLY'S BULLS.

SHERIDAN was fond of inventing bulls, and fathering them on Michael Kelly. Once, when Mrs. Crouch and Kelly were nearly killed by the falling of a tower on the stage, he told the Duchess of Devonshire that Kelly had put the following puzzling question to him: "Suppose, Mr. Sheridan, I had been killed by the fall, who would have maintained me for the rest of my life ?"

SHERIDAN AND DUNDAS.

SHERIDAN, in attacking the ministers, observed, "If, as had been stated, that gentlemen would serve their country, without at the same time serving themselves, we certainly had at present a most gentlemanly administration; and one gentleman, Mr. Secretary Dundas, is three times as much a gentleman as any of them, for he has three places." Upon this attack Mr. Dundas, then very recently married, very gravely assured the House that his situation was not to be envied-that every morning when he got up, and every night when he went to rest, he had a task to perform almost too great for human powers. Sheridan instantly retorted, that he himself would be very happy to relieve Dundas from the fatigues of the Home Department!

SHERIDAN AND HIS AUTHOR.

DURING Sheridan's management, Sir Lumley Skeffington had produced a play which he offered to Covent Garden, saying that it would make Drury Lane a splendid desert. His play failed; but, soon after, he prevailed on a friend to present a new one to Sheridan, then the manager of Old Drury,-" No, no !" exclaimed the latter; I can't agree to connive at putting his former threat into effect."

THE MALT-TAX.

MR. WHITBREAD was talking loudly one evening, at Brookes's,

against the Ministry for laying what he termed the war-tax upon malt. Most of the company agreed with him, but Sheridan could not resist a hit at the brewer himself. On the back of a letter he wrote, in pencil, the following lines, and handed them across the table to Mr. Whitbread :

They've raised the price of table drink:
What is the reason, do you think?
The tax on malt's the cause, I hear;
But what has malt to do with beer?

JUDAS ISCARIOT.

A MISERLY parson, who seldom gave his mite to charities, was prevailed upon to attend a sermon in Westminster. After the sermon the plate was handed round the vestry. Fox and Sheridan were present."The doctor has absolutely given his pound," said Fox." Then," said Sheridan, "he must absolutely think he is going to die."-" Pooh!" replied Fox; "even Judas threw away twice the money."-"Yes," said Sheridan, “but how long was it before he was hanged?"

SHERIDAN AND THE LAWYER.

ONCE, when a lawyer, of the name of Clifford, had made strong comments upon Sheridan's political conduct, he replied, "As to the lawyer who has honoured me with so much abuse, I do not know how to answer him, as I am no proficient in the language or manners of St. Giles's. But one thing I can say of him, and it is in his favour; I hardly expect you will believe me the thing is incredible, but I pledge my word to the fact, that once, if not twice, but once most assuredly, I did meet him in the company of gentlemen."

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THE UNBROKEN PLATES.

SHERIDAN was dining at Mr. Peter Moore's, with his son Tom, who was in a nervous, debilitated state. One of the servants, in passing quickly between the guests and the fire-place, struck down the plate-warmer. This made a great rattle, and caused Tom Sheridan to start and tremble. Peter Moore, provoked

at this, rebuked the servant, and said, "I suppose you have broken all the plates ?"-" No, sir," said the servant; "not one."—" No?" exclaimed Sheridan; "then, damn it! you have made all that noise for nothing."

LIFE IN DEATH.

He preserved his pleasantry and keen perception of the ridicu lous almost as long as his life lasted. A solicitor, Mr. R. W., who had been much favoured in wills, waited on Sheridan: after he left the room, another friend came in, to whom Sheridan said, "My friends have been very kind in calling upon me, and offering their services in their respective ways; Dick W. has just been here with his will-making face."

OPERATIONS.

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DURING his last illness, the medical attendants apprehending that they would be obliged to perform an operation on him, asked him "if he had ever undergone one." Never," replied Sheridan, "except when sitting for my picture, or having my hair cut."

"THE GLORIOUS FIRST OF JUNE."

WHEN this piece was produced Kelly entreated Sheridan to make his part as short as possible. He had a song to sing which was to be introduced by some lines. Kelly received his part on the night of performance, the stage directions were that he was to gaze earnestly for some moments at the cottage in the distance, and to proceed thus: "Here stands my Louisa's cottage, and she must be either in it or out of it." It is needless to say that this line brought down a yell of laughter; and that Sheridan afterwards complimented Kelly upon the marvellous manner in which he had played the part at so short a notice.

SHERIDAN'S OPINION OF THE PRESS.

HE dreaded the newspapers and always courted their favour. He used often to say, "Let me but have the periodical press on my side, and there should be nothing in this country which I would not accomplish."

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