A WARY CREDITOR.

A dashing gentleman, who was not reckoned among the number of the best paymasters, visiting his hatter, fixed upon one of the hats in the shop which he wished to have sent home upon credit: this being refused, he exclaimed "What! do you refuse to give me credit for a hat?" when the hatter replied, I have another trifling objection besides that of merely giving you credit-I should not like to be under the necessity of bowing to my own HAT till you may choose to pay for it.

JUDGE ROOT.

Judge Root, in going a circuit in England, had a stone thrown at his head, but from the circumstance "You of his stooping very much, it passed over him. see," said he to his friend, "had I been an upright Judge, I might have been killed."

PRINCE'S METAL.

When the Prince of Orange, afterwards William the Third, came over to this country, five of the seven Bishops who had been sent to the Tower, declared for his Highness; but the other two would not. Upon which Dryden said, "that the seven golden candlesticks were sent to be assayed in the Tower, and five of them proved Prince's metal."

ANGEL'S COSTUME.

Upon the death of a worthy baillie of Edinburgh, his relations resolved to erect a monument to his memory. They accordingly applied to a mason, and among other directions, desired that he would represent an angel, bearing the baillie to heaven. The mason set to work, and chisseled out a charming likeness of the deceased worthy on the head of the angel, he

carved a wig similar to the baillie's (which was the largest wig in the Town Council.) One of his relations, on returning from London, went to inspect the subject of the sculpture. After musing some time over it, he asked the mason who the lower figure was intended for."Oh, that's the angel lifting our auld friend to heaven." 66 The angel?" said the gentleman, "who ever saw an angel wear a wig?" "Did ye ever see ane without a wig?" retorted the artist. This was unanswerable; so the monument was erected, and may be seen on the north side of the church-yard of the Greyfriars, to the wonder of all beholders.

SHERIDAN.

The late R. Brinsley Sheridan, Esq. threatening to cut his son Thomas off with a shilling; he immediately replied, 'Ah father, but where will you borrow that shilling? This humour, so like his own, procured the desired pardon.

CATCHING THE IDEA.

A minister reading the first line or so of a chapter in the bible, the clerk, by some mistake or other, read it after him. The clergyman read as follows:-" Moses was an austere man, and made atonement for the sins of his people." The clerk, who could not exactly catch the sentence, reported it thus: "Moses was an oysterman, and made ointment for the shins of his people. Again, "and the Lord smote Job with sore boils." "The Lord shot Job with four balls."

BAR MAIDS.

In France, especially, very handsome girls are sometimes employed as bar maids, to entice people to sin. But one of the French provincial journals, giving a few details respecting the fair of Beaucaire, relates the fol

lowing order of the police:-" No coffee-house keeper or lemonadier, either in the fair or in the town, will be permitted to expose, at the counter or otherwise for the purpose of attracting visitors, any woman, except his own lawful wife, upon a penalty of a heavy fine."

ANECDOTE OF MR. FOX.

From infancy to manhood it was the practice of his father, Lord Holland, to shew him the most unlimited indulgence. The following story is told in proof of it. Master Charles, when six or seven years of age, one day strolled into the kitchen; and while dinner was cooking, and a pig roasting at the fire, he amused himself with making water upon the unresisting porker. It was a standing order of the house to contradict him in nothing, so there was nothing to be done-but to let the pig be so basted. The cook, however, thought it fair to give the guests warning of the sauce to it, which he did by sending up the following lines upon a label in its mouth.

If strong and savory I do taste,

'Tis with the liquor that did me baste,
While at the fire I foam'd and hiss'd,
A Fox's cub upon me

66

At Saint Barthelemy, near La Ferte-Gaucher, an old countryman lay on his death-bed. His son went to fetch the clergyman, and stood knocking at his door for three hours. Why didn't you knock louder ?" said the clergyman. "I was afraid of waking you,' said the clown. " Well, what is the matter?" "I left my father dying, Sir." "So! so! he must be dead, then, by this time?" "Oh no, Sir," returned the other, "neighbour Peter said he would amuse him till I came back."

LORD NORBURY.

A man having been capitally convicted before his lordship, was as usual, asked what he had to say why judgment of death should not pass upon him!" Say?' replied he, 'why, I think the joke has been carried far enough already, and the less that is said about it the better so if you please, my lord, we'll drop the subject.' The subject may drop,' replied his lordship.

CHINESE TAILORING.

A gentleman gave a coat to a Chinese to serve as a pattern by which to make a new one; there happened to be a rent across the shoulder, and a large patch on the elbow of the old coat; the faithful Chinese made a large rent, and put a broad patch on the elbow of the

new!

THE TWO DUTCHMEN.

Two dutchmen not long since, had occasion to go to a blacksmith's on business, and finding the smith absent from the shop, they concluded to go to the house, having reached the door, said one to the other "come Haunse you ax about de smit," "nain, nain, (said the other,) but you can tell so better as I can, vell den so I knocks." The mistress of the house came to the door. Haunse then inquired, "is de smit mitin?" "Sir," said the woman; is de smit mitin?" "I cannot understand you,' "said the woman. Haunse then bawled out, "vot de debil, I say is de smit mitin?" The other Dutchman, perceiving that the woman could not understand Haunse, stepped up and pushed him aside, and said, "let a man come up what can say. something; is de black smit shop in de house?"

GEORGE SECOND.

King George II. was very fond of old Whiston, the theologian, and was walking with him one day in the gardens of Hampton-court, during the heat of his persecution, when the King said, " Mr. Whiston, you may, perhaps, be right in your opinions, but it would be better if you kept them to yourself." Is your Majesty really serious in your advice?" answered the old man. "I am," replied the King. "Then," said Whiston, "I am sorry for it; had Martin Luther been of your way of thinking, where would your Majesty have been at this time?"

A PHILOSOPHER'S SKULL.

A famous craniologist strolling through a church yard, perceived a grave-digger tossing up the earth, among which were two or three skulls; the craniologist took up one, and, after considering it a little time, said, Ah, this was the skull of a philosopher." Very like, your honour," said the grave-digger," For I do see it is somewhat cracked."

THE CANDID LAWYER.

A counsellor was asked one day by a judge why he was always employed in knavish causes?" Why, my lord," replied he, "I have been so much in the habit of losing good causes, that I think I had better undertake bad ones."

AN ELEGANT COMPLIMENT.

Garrick asked Rich, the manager of Covent Garden Theatre how much he thought it would hold? I would tell you to a shilling," replied the manager, "if ̧ you would play Richard there."