Or-" hang me up those Papists, ELD-N,"

And 'twill be done-ay, faith, and well done.

With view to which, I've his command
To beg, Sir, from your travell'd hand
(Round which the foreign graces swarm)
A Plan of radical Reform;

Compiled and chosen, as best you can,
In Turkey or at Ispahan,

And quite upturning, branch and root,
Lords, Commons, and Burdett to boot!

But, pray, whate'er you may impart, write
Somewhat more brief than Major C-RTWR-GHT;
Else, though the P▬▬E be long in rigging,
"Twould take, at least, a fortnight's wigging,-
Two wigs to every paragraph-

Before he well could get through half.

You'll send it, also, speedily—

As,

truth to

say, 'twixt you

and me,

His Highness, heated by your work,

Already thinks himself Grand Turk !

And you'd have laugh'd, had you seen how He scared the CH-NC-LL-R just now, When (on his Lordship's entering puff'd) he Slapp'd his back and call'd him “MUFTI ! ”

The tailors, too, have got commands
To put directly into hands

All sorts of Dulimans and Pouches,
With Sashes, Turbans, and Paboutches
(While Y-RM-TH's sketching out a plan
Of new Moustaches à l'Ottomane),
And all things fitting and expedient
To Turkify our gracious R-G-nt !

You therefore have no time to waste

So, send your system.→→

Your's, in haste.

POSTSCRIPT..

Before I send this scrawl away,

I seize a moment, just to say

There's some parts of the Turkish system
So vulgar, 'twere as well you miss'd 'em.

For instance-in Seraglio matters

Your Turk, whom girlish fondness flatters,
Would fill his Haram (tasteless fool!)

With tittering, red-cheek'd things from school-
But here (as in that fairy land,

Where Love and Age went hand in hand;
Where lips, till sixty, shed no honey,
And Grandams were worth any money)
Our Sultan has much riper notions—
So, let your list of she-promotions
Include those only, plump and sage,
Who've reach'd the regulation-age ;
That is as near as one can fix
From Peerage dates-full fifty-six.

This rule's for fav'rites-nothing more-
For, as to wives, a Grand Signor,
Though not decidedly without them,
Need never care one curse about them!

*

* The learned Colonel must allude here to a description of the Mysterious Isle, in the History of Abdalla, Son of Hanif, where such inversions of the order of nature are said to have taken place." A score of old women and the same number of old men played here and there in the court, some at chuckfarthing, others at tip-cat or at cockles."And again, “There is nothing, believe me, more engaging than those lovely wrinkles," etc. etc.-Sec Tales of the East, vol. iii. pp. 607, 608.

LETTER III.

FROM G. R. TO THE E-- OF Y

WE miss'd you last night at the "hoary old sinner's,"
Who gave us, as usual, the cream of good dinners—
His soups scientific-his fishes quite prime-
His pâtés superb-and his cutlets sublime!
In short, 'twas the snug sort of dinner to stir a
Stomachic orgasm in my Lord E▬▬▬▬▬GH,
Who set-to, to be sure, with miraculous force,

And exclaim'd, between mouthfuls, "a He-cook, of course!

"While you live-(what's there under that cover? pray,

look)

"While you live-(I'll just taste it)-ne'er keep a She

cook.

""Tis a sound Salic law-(a small bit of that toast)— "Which ordains that a female shall ne'er rule the roast; "For Cookery's a secret-(this turtle's uncommon)"Like Masonry, never found out by a woman!"

*This letter, as the reader will perceive, was written the day after a dinner, given by the M- - of H-d-t.

The dinner, you know, was in gay celebration Of my brilliant triumph and H-nt's condemnation; A compliment too to his Lordship the J-e

For his speech to the J-y,—and zounds! who would

grudge

Turtle-soup, though it came to five guineas a bowl,
To reward such a loyal and complaisant soul?

We were all in high gig-Roman Punch and Tokay
Travell'd round, till our heads travell'd just the same

way,

And we cared not for Juries or Libels-no-dam'me! nor Even for the threats of last Sunday's Examiner!

More good things were eaten than said-but Tom
T-RRH-T

In quoting Joe Miller, you know, has some merit,
And, hearing the sturdy Justiciary Chief

Say-sated with turtle-" I'll now try the beef”TOMMY whisper'd him (giving his Lordship a sly hit) "I fear 'twill be hung-beef, my Lord, if you try it!"

And C-MD-N was there, who, that morning, had gone To fit his new Marquis's coronet on;

VOL. III.

2