Flint. Are you rich? O'Con. Noa. Flint. Nor ever will be with that old stingy booby. Look here-take it. [Gives him a purse. O'Con. What must I do for this? Flint. Mark me, our lieutenant is in love with the old rogue's daughter: help us to break his worship's bones, and carry off the girl, and you are a made man. O'Con. I'll see you hanged first, you pack of skurry villains! [Throws away the purse. Flint. What, sirrah, do you mutiny? Lay hold of him. O'Con. Nay, then, I'll try your armour for you. All. Oh! oh!-quarter ! quarter ! Beats them. [Exeunt CORPORAL FLINT and SOLDIERS. Just. Coming forward.] Trim them, trounce them, break their bones, honest Humphrey-What a spirit he has! Rosy. Aquafortis. O'Con. Betray your master! Rosy. What a miracle of fidelity! Just. Ay, and it shall not go unrewarded-I'll give him sixpence on the spot. Here, honest Humphrey, there's for yourself as for this bribe, [takes up the purse,] such trash is best in the hands of justice. Now, then, doctor, I think I may trust him to guard the women: while he is with them I may go out with safety. Rosy. Doubtless you may-I'll answer for the lieutenant's behaviour whilst honest Humphrey is with your daughter. Just. Ay, ay, she shall go nowhere without him. Come along, honest Humphrey. How rare it is to meet with such a servant! [Exeunt. SCENE II.-A Garden. LAURETTA discovered. Enter JUSTICE CREDULOUS and LIEUTENANT O'CONNOR. Just. Why, you little truant, how durst you wander so far from the house without my leave? Do you want to invite that scoundrel lieutenant to scale the walls and carry you off? Lau. Lud, papa, you are so apprehensive for nothing. Just. Why, hussy Lau. Well, then, I can't bear to be shut up all day so like a nun. I am sure it is enough to make one wish to be run away with-and I wish I was run away with--I do -and I wish the lieutenant knew it. Just. You do, do you, hussy? Well, I think I'll take pretty good care of you. Here, Humphrey, I leave this lady in your care. Now you may walk about the garden, Miss Pert; but Humphrey shall go with you wherever you go. So mind, honest Humphrey, I am obliged to go abroad for a little while; let no one but yourself come near her; don't be shame-faced, you booby, but keep close to her. And now, miss, let your lieutenant or any of his crew come near you if they can. [Exit. Lau. How this booby stares after him! O'Con. Lauretta! [Sits down and sings. Lau. Not so free, fellow! O'Con. Lauretta! look on me. [Sings. Lau. Not so free, fellow! O'Con. No recollection! Lau. Honest Humphrey, be quiet. O'Con. Have you forgot your faithful soldier? Lau. Ah! Oh preserve me! O'Con. 'Tis, my soul! your truest slave, passing on your father in this disguise. Lau. Well now, I declare this is charming-you are so disguised, my dear lieutenant, and you look so delightfully ugly. I am sure no one will find you out, ha ha! ha!-You know I am under your protection; papa charged you to keep close to me. O'Con. True, my angel, and thus let me fulfil- O'Con. Nay, 'tis but what old Mittimus commanded. Re-enter JUSTIce Credulous. Just. Laury, my-hey! what the devil's here? Lau. Well now, one kiss, and be quiet. Just. Your very humble servant, honest Humphrey ! Don't let me pray don't let me interrupt you! Lau. Lud, papa! Now that's so good-natured-indeed there's no harm. You did not mean any rudeness, did you, Humphrey? O'Con. No, indeed, miss; his worship knows it is not in me. Just. I know that you are a lying, canting, hypocritical scoundrel; and if you don't take yourself out of my sight I Lau. Indeed, papa, now I'll tell you how it was. was sometime taken with a sudden giddiness, and Humphrey seeing me beginning to totter, ran to my assistance, quite frightened, poor fellow, and took me in his arms. Just. Oh! was that all-nothing but a little giddiness, hey! O'Con. That's all, indeed, your worship; for seeing miss change colour, I ran up instantly. Just. Oh, 'twas very kind in you! O'Con. And luckily recovered her. Just. And who made you a doctor, you impudent rascal, hey? Get out of my sight, I say, this instant, or by all the statutes Lau. Oh now, papa, you frighten me, and I am giddy again!-Oh, help! O'Con. O dear lady, she'll fall! [Takes her into his arms. Just. Zounds! what before my face-why then, thou miracle of impudence !-Lays hold of him and discovers him.]-Mercy on me, who have we here?-Murder! Robbery! Fire! Rape! Gunpowder! Soldiers! John! Susan! Bridget! O'Con. Good sir, don't be alarmed; I mean you no harm. Just. Thieves! Robbers! Soldiers ! O'Con. You know my love for your daughter- O'Con. And that alone Just. Treason! Gunpowder ! Enter a SERVANT with a blunderbuss. Now, scoundrel! let her go this instant. Lau. O papa, you'll kill me! Just. Honest Humphrey, be advised. Ay, miss, this way, if you please. O'Con. Nay, sir, but hear me- O'Con. And you'll be convinced Just. I'll shoot. O'Con. How injurious Just. I'll shoot-and so your very humble servant, honest Humphrey Hum. [Exeunt separately. SCENE III.-A Walk. Enter DOCTOR ROSY. Rosy. Well, I think my friend is now in a fair way of succeeding. Ah! I warrant he is full of hope and fear, doubt and anxiety; truly he has the fever of love strong upon him faint, peevish, languishing all day, with burning, restless nights. Ah! just my case when I pined for my poor dear Dolly! when she used to have her daily colics, and her little doctor be sent for. Then would I interpret the language of her pulse-declare my own sufferings in my receipt for her-send her a pearl necklace in a pill-box, or a cordial draught with an acrostic on the label. Well, those days are over: no happiness lasting : all is vanity-now sunshine, now cloudy-we are, as it were, king and beggar-then what avails Enter LIEUTENANT O'Connor. O'Con. O doctor! ruined and undone. Rosy. The pride of beauty O'Con. I am discovered, and Rosy. The gaudy palace O'Con. The justice is Rosy. The pompous wig O'Con. Is more enraged than ever. Rosy. The gilded cane O'Con. Why, doctor! [Slapping him on the shoulder. O'Con. Confound your morals! I tell you I am discovered, discomfited, disappointed. Rosy. Indeed! Good lack, good lack, to think of the instability of human affairs! Nothing certain in this world-most deceived when most confident-fools of fortune all. O'Con. My dear doctor, I want at present a little practical wisdom. I am resolved this instant to try the scheme we were going to put into execution last week. I have the letter ready, and only want your assistance to recover my ground. Rosy. With all my heart-I'll warrant you I'll bear a part in it but how the deuce were you discovered? O'Con. I'll tell you as we go; there's not a moment to be lost. Rosy. Heaven send we succeed better!—but there's no knowing. O'Con. Very true. Rosy. We may and we may not. O'Con. Right. Rosy. Time must show. O'Con. Certainly. Rosy. We are but blind guessers. O'Con. Nothing more. Rosy. Thick-sighted mortals. O'Con. Remarkably. Rosy. Wandering in error. O'Con. Even so. Rosy. Futurity is dark.. O'Con. As a cellar. Rosy. Men are moles. [Exeunt LIEUTENANT O'Connor forcing out Rosy. SCENE IV.-A Room in Justice Credulous' House. Enter JUSTICE CREDULOUS and MRS. BRIDGEt Credulous. Just. Odds life, Bridget, you are enough to make one mad! I tell you he would have deceived a chief justice: the dog seemed as ignorant as my clerk, and talked of honesty as if he had been a churchwarden. Mrs. Bri. Pho! nonsense, honesty !-what had you to |