Mrs. Mal. For the present, captain, your servant. Ah! you've not done laughing yet, I see-elude my vigilance; yes, yes; ha! ha! ha! [Exit.

Abs. Ha ha! ha! one would think now that I might throw off all disguise at once, and seize my prize with security; but such is Lydia's caprice, that to undeceive were probably to lose her. I'll see whether she knows me. [Walks aside, and seems engaged in looking at the pictures.

gence you se?

Enter LYDIA.

science. What a scene am I now to go through! surely Abs. can be more dreadful than to be obliged to listen some addresses of a stranger to one's heart. Mrs. Mal. of girls persecuted as I am, who have Abs. [Reads. half of their favoured lover to the generaccomplished ge; suppose I were to try it-there stands that's handsome en officer too;-but oh, how unlike my Mrs. Mal. Oh, der he don't begin-truly he seems a oer!-quite at his ease, upon my word! Abs. That hMr. Absolute.

So.

Abs. [P heavens! Beverley!

[Turns round.

whoush-hush, my life! softly! be not surprised! Lyd. I am so astonished! and so terrified! and so overjoyed!-for Heaven's sake! how came you here?

was in

Abs. Briefly, I have deceived your aunt-I formed that my new rival was to visit here this evening, and contriving to have him kept away, have passed myself on her for Captain Absolute.

Lyd. O charming! And she really takes you for young Absolute.

Abs. Oh, she's convinced of it.

Lyd. Ha! ha! ha! I can't forbear laughing to think how her sagacity is overreached!

Abs. But we trifle with our precious moments-such another opportunity may not occur; then let me conjure my kind, my condescending angel, to fix the time when I may rescue her from undeserving persecution, and with a licensed warmth plead for my reward.

Lyd. Will you then, Beverley, consent to forfeit that portion of my paltry wealth?-that burden on the wings of love?

Abs. Oh, come to me-rich only thus-in loveliness! Bring no portion to me but thy love-'twill be generous in you, Lydia,-for well you know it is the only dower your poor Beverley can repay.

Lyd. How persuasive are his words!-how charming will poverty be with him!

[A side. Abs. Ah! my soul, what a life will we then live! Love shall be our idol and support! we will worship him with a monastic strictness; abjuring all worldly toys, to centre every thought and action there. Proud of calamity, we will enjoy the wreck of wealth; while the surrounding gloom of adversity shall make the flame of our pure love show doubly bright. By Heavens! I would fling all goods of fortune from me with a prodigal hand, to enjoy the scene where I might clasp my Lydia to my bosom, and say, the world affords no smile to me but here [Embracing her.] If she holds out now, the devil is in it! [Aside. Lyd. Now could I fly with him to the antipodes! but my persecution is not yet come to a crisis.

Re-enter MRS. MALAPROP, listening.

[Aside.

Mrs. Mal. I am impatient to know how the little hussy deports herself. [Aside. Abs. So pensive, Lydia !-is then your warmth abated? Mrs. Mal. Warmth abated!-so!-she has been in a passion, I suppose.

Lyd. No-nor ever can while I have life. Mrs. Mal. An ill-tempered little devil! passion all her life-will she?

Lyd. Think not the idle threats of my

can ever have any weight with me.

Mrs. Mal. Very dutiful, upon my word!

[Aside.

She'll be in a [Aside.

ridiculous aunt

[Aside.

Lyd. Let her choice be Captain Absolute, but Beverley is mine.

Mrs. Mal. I am astonished at her assurance!-to his face this is to his face.

[Aside. Abs. Thus then let me enforce my suit. [Kneeling. Mrs. Mal. [Aside.] Ay, poor young man!-down on his knees entreating for pity!-I can contain no longer.[Coming forward.] Why, thou vixen!—I have overheard

you.

Abs. Oh, confound her vigilance!

[Aside.

Mrs. Mal. Captain Absolute, I know not how to apologize for her shocking rudeness.

Abs. [Aside.] So all's safe, I find.-[Aloud.] I have hopes, madam, that time will bring the young lady

Mrs. Mal. Oh, there nothing to be hoped for from her! she's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile. Lyd. Nay, madam, what do you charge me with now? Mrs. Mal. Why, thou unblushing rebel-didn't you tell this gentleman to his face that you loved another better? -didn't you say you never would be his?

Lyd. No, madam-I did not.

Mrs. Mal. Good heavens! what assurance !-Lydia, Lydia, you ought to know that lying don't become a young woman!-Didn't you boast that Beverley, that stroller Beverley, possessed your heart?-Tell me that,

I say.

Lyd. 'Tis true, ma'am, and none but Beverley

Mrs. Mal. Hold !-hold, Assurance !—you shall not be so rude.

Abs. Nay, pray, Mrs. Malaprop, don't stop the young lady's speech: she's very welcome to talk thus-it does not hurt me in the least, I assure you.

Mrs. Mal. You are too good, captain-too amiably patient-but come with me, miss.-Let us see you again soon, captain-remember what we have fixed.

Abs. I shall, ma'am.

Mrs. Mal. Come, take a graceful leave of the gentle

man.

Lyd. May every blessing wait on my Beverley, my loved Bev

Mrs. Mal. Hussy! I'll choke the word in your throat! come along-come along.

[Exeunt severally; CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE kissing his hand to LYDIA-MRS. MALAPROP stopping her from speaking.

SCENE IV.-ACRES' Lodgings.

ACRES, as just dressed, and DAVID.

Acres. Indeed, David-do you think I become it so? Dav. You are quite another creature, believe me, master, by the mass! an' we've any luck we shall see the Devon monkeyrony in all the print-shops in Bath!

Acres. Dress does make a difference, David.

Dav. 'Tis all in all, I think.-Difference! why, an' you were to go now to Clod Hall, I am certain the old lady wouldn't know you: Master Butler wouldn't believe his own eyes, and Mrs. Pickle would cry, Lard presarve me! our dairy-maid would come giggling to the door, and I warrant Dolly Tester, your honour's favourite, would blush like my waistcoat.-Oons! I'll hold a gallon, there an't a dog in the house but would bark, and I question whether Phillis would wag a hair of her tail!

Acres. Ay, David, there's nothing like polishing.

Dav. So I says of your honour's boots; but the boy never heeds me!

Acres. But, David, has Mr. De-la-grace been here? I must rub up my balancing, and chasing, and boring. Dav. I'll call again, sir.

Acres. Do-and see if there are any letters for me at the post-office.

Dav. I will.-By the mass, I can't help looking at your head-if I hadn't been by at the cooking, I wish I may die if I should have known the dish again myself. [Exit.

Acres. [Practising a dancing-step.] Sink, slide-coupee. -Confound the first inventors of cotillons! say I-they are as bad as algebra to us country gentlemen.-I can walk a minuet easy enough when I am forced!—and I have been accounted a good stick in a country-dance.— Odds jigs and tabors! I never valued your cross-over to couple-figure in-right and left-and I'd foot it with e'er a captain in the county!-but these outlandish heathen allemandes and cotillons are quite beyond me!—I shall never prosper at 'em, that's sure-mine are true-born English legs-they don't understand their curst French lingo! their pas this, and pas that, and pas t'other!-damn me!—my feet don't like to be called paws! no, 'tis certain I have most Anti-gallican toes!

Enter SERVANT.

Serv. Here is Sir Lucius O'Trigger to wait on you, sir. Acres. Show him in. [Exit SERVANT.

Enter SIR LUCIUS O'TRigger.

Sir Luc. Mr. Acres, I am delighted to embrace you.

Acres. My dear Sir Lucius, I kiss your hands.

Sir Luc. Pray, my friend, what has brought you so suddenly to Bath?

Acres. Faith! I have followed Cupid's Jack-a-lantern, and find myself in a quagmire at last.-In short, I have been very ill-used, Sir Lucius.-I don't choose to mention names, but look on me as on a very ill-used gentleman.

Sir Luc. Pray what is the case?—I ask no names.

Acres. Mark me, Sir Lucius, I fall as deep as need be in love with a young lady-her friends take my part-I follow her to Bath-send word of my arrival; and receive answer, that the lady is to be otherwise disposed of.This, Sir Lucius, I call being ill-used.

Sir Luc. Very ill, upon my conscience.-Pray, can you divine the cause of it?

Acres. Why, there's the matter; she has another lover, one Beverley, who, I am told, is now in Bath.-Odds slanders and lies! he must be at the bottom of it.

Sir Luc. A rival in the case, is there?—and you think he has supplanted you unfairly?

Acres. Unfairly! to be sure he has. He never could have done it fairly.

Sir Luc. Then sure you know what is to be done!
Acres. Not I, upon my soul !

Sir Luc. We wear no swords here, but you understand

me.

Acres. What! fight him.

Sir Luc. Ay, to be sure: what can I mean else?

Acres. But he has given me no provocation.

Sir Luc. Now, I think he has given you the greatest provocation in the world. Can a man commit a more heinous offence against another man than to fall in love with the same woman? Oh, by my soul! it is the most unpardonable breach of friendship.

Acres. Breach of friendship! ay, ay; but I have no acquaintance with this man. I never saw him in my life. Sir Luc. That's no argument at all-he has the less right then to take such a liberty.

Acres. Gad, that's true-I grow full of anger, Sir Lucius !-I fire apace! Odds hilts and blades ! I find a man may have a deal of valour in him, and not know it! But couldn't I contrive to have a little right on my side? Sir Luc. What the devil signifies right, when your