not know that his mistress is here, I'll tease him a little

before I tell him

Enter FAG.

Fag. Mr. Faulkland, sir.

Enter FAULKLAND.

[Exit.

Capt. Abs. Faulkland, you're welcome to Bath again : you are punctual in your return.

Faulk. Yes; I had nothing to detain me, when I had finished the business I went on. Well, what news since I left you? How stand matters between you and Lydia?

Capt. Abs. 'Faith, much as they were; I have not seen her since our quarrel; however, I expect to be recalled every hour.

Faulk. Why don't you persuade her to go off with you at once?

Capt. Abs. What, and lose two-thirds of her fortune? You forget that, my friend.-No, no, I could have brought her to that long ago.

Faulk. Nay, then, you trifle too long-if you are sure of her, propose to the aunt, in your own character, and write to Sir Anthony, for his consent.

Capt. Abs. Softly, softly, for though I am convinced my little Lydia would elope with me as Ensign Beverley, yet am I by no means certain that she would take me with the impediment of our friends' consent, a regular humdrum wedding, and the reversion of a good fortune on my side; well, but Faulkland, you'll dine with us today at the hotel ?

Faulk. Indeed, I cannot; I am not in spirits to be of such a party.

Capt. Abs. By heavens! I shall forswear your company. You are the most teasing, captious, incorrigible lover!-Do, love like a man.

Faulk. Ah! Jack, your heart and soul are not like mine, fixed immutably on one only object.-You throw

for a large stake, but, losing-you could stake, and throw again :-but I have set my sum of happiness on this cast, and not to succeed, were to be stripped of all. Capt. Abs. But, for heaven's sake! what grounds for apprehension can your whimsical brain conjure up at present?

Faulk. What grounds for apprehension, did you say? Heavens! are there not a thousand! I fear for her spirits -her health-her life-O! Jack, when delicate and feeling souls are separated, there is not a feature in the sky, not a movement of the elements, not an aspiration of the breeze, but hints some cause for a lover's apprehension !

Capt. Abs. Ay, but we may choose whether we will take the hint or not.-So then, Faulkland, if you were convinced that Julia were well, and in spirits, you would be entirely content?

Faulk. I should be happy beyond measureanxious only for that.

-I am

Capt. Abs. Then cure your anxiety at once-Miss Melville is in perfect health, and is at this moment in Bath.

Faulk. Nay, Jack-don't trifle with me.

Capt. Abs. She is arrived here, with my father, within this hour.

Faulk. Can you be serious?

Capt. Abs. I thought you knew Sir Anthony better, than to be surprised at a sudden whim of this kind.Seriously then, it is as I tell you-upon my honour. Faulk. My dear Jack-now nothing on earth can give me a moment's uneasiness.

Enter FAG.

Fag. Sir, Mr. Acres, just arrived, is below. Capt. Abs. Stay, Faulkland, this Acres lives within a mile of Sir Anthony, and he shall tell you how your

the gentleman up.

mistress has been ever since you left her.-Fag, show [Exit FAG. Faulk. What, is he much acquainted in the family? Cupt. Abs. Oh, very intimate: he is likewise a rival of mine that is, of my other self's, for he does not think his friend, Captain Absolute, ever saw the lady in question-and it is ridiculous enough to hear him complain to me of one Beverley, a concealed, sculking rival, who

Faulk. Hush!-He's here!

Enter ACRES.

Acres. Hah! my dear friend, noble Captain, and honest Jack, how dost thou? just arrived, 'faith, as you see. -Sir, your humble servant. Warm work on the roads, Jack-odds whips and wheels! I've travelled like a comet, with a tail of dust all the way, as long as the Mall.

Capt. Abs. Ah! Bob, you are indeed an eccentric planet, but we know your attraction hither-give me leave to introduce Mr. Faulk land to you; Mr. Faulkland, Mr. Acres.

Acres. Sir, I am most heartily glad to see you: sir, I solicit your connections.-Hey, Jack-what, this is Mr. Faulkland, who

Capt. Abs. Ay, Bob, Miss Melville's Mr. Faulkland. Acres. Ah! Mr. Faulkland, you are indeed a happy

man!

Faulk. I have not seen Miss Melville yet, sir,-I hope she enjoyed full health and spirits in Devonshire? Acres. Never knew her better in my life, sir,-never better.-Odd's blushes and blooms! she has been as healthy as the German Spa.

Faulk. Indeed!-I did hear that she had been a little indisposed.

Acres. False, false, sir-only said to vex you: quite the reverse, I assure you.

Faulk. There, Jack, you see she has the advantage of me; I had almost fretted myself ill.

Capt. Abs. Now are you angry with your mistress for not having been sick.

Faulk. No, no, you misunderstand me:—yet surely a little trifling indisposition is not an unnatural consequence of absence from those we love.-Now confessisn't there something unkind in this violent, robust, unfeeling health?

Capt. Abs. Oh, it was very unkind of her to be well absence to be sure!

in your

Acres. Good apartments, Jack.

Faulk. Well, sir, but you was saying that Miss Melville has been so exceedingly well-what then she has been merry and gay I suppose?—always in spirits, hey?

Acres. Merry, odds crickets! she has been the bell and spirit of the company, wherever she has been-so lively and entertaining! so full of wit and humour!

Faulk. By my soul! there is an innate levity in woman, that nothing can overcome.-What! happy, and I away!

Capt. Abs. Just now you were only apprehensive for your mistress's spirits.

Faulk. Why, Jack, have I been the joy and spirit of the company?

Capt. Abs. No, indeed, you have not.

Faulk. Have I been lively and entertaining?

Capt. Abs. Oh, upon my word, I acquit you.

Faulk. Have I been full of wit and humour?

Capt. Abs. No, 'faith, to do you justice, you have been confoundedly stupid, indeed.

Acres. What's the matter with the gentleman ?

Capt. Abs. He is only expressing his great satisfaction at hearing that Julia has been so well and happythat's all-hey, Faulkland?

Faulk. Yes, yes, she has a happy disposition!

Acres. That she has, indeed-then she is so accomplished-so sweet a voice-so expert at her harpsichord -such a mistress of flat and sharp, squallante, rumblante, and quiverante !—there was this time month – odds minnums and crotchets! how she did chirup at Mrs. Piano's concert!

Faulk. Fool! fool that I am! to fix all my happiness on such a trifler! 'Sdeath! to make herself the pipe and ballad-monger of a circle! to sooth her light heart with catches and glees!-What can you say to this, sir?

Capt. Abs. Why, that I should be glad to hear my mistress had been so merry, sir.

Faulk. Nay, nay, nay-I'm not sorry that she has been happy-no, no, I am glad of that-I would not have had her sad or sick-but she has been dancing too, I doubt not?

Acres. What does the gentleman say about dancing? Capt. Abs. He says the lady we speak of, dances as well as she sings.

Acres. Ay truly, does she-there was at our last race ball

Faulk. Hell and the devil! There! there-I told you so! I told you so! oh! she thrives in my absence !dancing! but her whole feelings have been in opposition with mine;-I have been anxious, silent, pensive, sedentary-my days have been hours of care, my nights of watchfulness.-She has been all health! spirit! laugh! song! dance!—oh! d—ned, d—ned levity!

Capt. Abs. For heaven's sake! Faulkland, don't expose yourself so. Suppose she has danced, what then? does not the ceremony of society often oblige

Faulk. Well, well, I'll contain myself-perhaps, as you say for form sake.-What, Mr. Acres, you were praising Miss Melville's manner of dancing a minuet— hey?

Acres. Oh, I dare insure her for that-but what I