Sir L. We wear no swords here, but you understand me? Acres. What! fight him! Sir L. Ay, to be sure: what can I mean else ? Sir L. Now, I think he has given you the greatest provocation in the world. Can a man commit a more heinous offence against another than to fall in love with the same woman? Oh, by my soul, it is the most unpardonable breach of friendship. Acres. Breach of friendship! Ay, ay; but I have no acquaintance with this man. I never saw him in my life. Sir L. That's no argument at all—he has the less right then to take such a liberty. Acres. 'Gad, that's true-I grow full of anger, Sir Lucius!—I fire apace! odds hilts and blades! I find a man may have a deal of valour in him, and not know it! But couldn't I contrive to have a little right of my side? Sir L. What the devil signifies right; when your honour is concerned? do you think, Achilles, or my little Alexander the Great, ever inquired where the right lay? No, by my soul, they drew their broad swords, and left the lazy sons of peace to settle the justice of it. Acres. Your words are a grenadier's march to my heart! I believe courage must be catching!-I certainly do feel a kind of valour rising as it were—a kind of courage, as I may say-odds flints, pans, and triggers! I'll challenge him directly. Sir L. Ah, my little friend! if I had Blunderbuss Hall here I could show you a range of ancestry, in the O'Trigger line, that would furnish the New Room; every one of whom had killed his man !—For though the mansion-house and dirty acres have slipped through my fingers, I thank heaven our honour and the family pictures are as fresh as ever. Acres. Oh, Sir Lucius! I have had ancestors too !— every man of them colonel or captain in the militia! odds balls and barrels! say no more-I'm braced for it. -The thunder of your words has soured the milk of human kindness in my breast!-Z-ds! as the man in the play says, "I could do such deeds”— Sir L. Come, come; there must be no passion at all in the case these things should always be done civilly. Acres. I must be in a passion, Sir Lucius-I must he in a rage-Dear Sir Lucius, let me be in a rage, if you love me.-Come, here's pen and paper. [Sits down to write] I would the ink were red!-Indite, I say, indite! -How shall I begin! Odds bullets and blades! I'll write a good bold hand, however. Sir L. Pray, compose yourself. Acres. Come-now, shall I begin with an oath? Do, Sir Lucius, let me begin with a d—me ! Sir L. Pho! pho! do the thing decently, and like a christian. Begin now-Sir Acres. That's too civil by half. Sir L. To prevent the confusion that might arise- Sir L. From our both addressing the same lady- Acres. Well, then, honour of your company- Acres. Well Sir L. Let me see-ay, King's Mead-fields will do in King's Mead-fields. Acres. So, that's done.-Well, I'll fold it up presently; my own crest-a hand and dagger, shall be the seal. Sir L. You see, now, this little explanation will put a stop at once to all confusion or misunderstanding that might arise between you. Acres. Ay, we fight to prevent any misunderstanding. Sir L. Now, I'll leave you to fix your own time.Take my advice, and you'll decide it this evening if you can; then, let the worst come of it, 'twill be off your mind to-morrow. Acres. Very true. Sir L. So I shall see nothing more of you, unless it be by letter, till the evening.I would do myself the honour to carry your message; but, to tell you a secret, I believe I shall have just such another affair on my own hands. There is a gay captain here, who put a jest on me lately, at the expense of my country, and I only want to fall in with the gentleman, to call him out. Acres. By my valour, I should like to see you fight first! Odds life, I should like to see you kill him, if it was only to get a little lesson! Sir L. I shall be very proud of instructing you.— Well, for the present-but remember now, when you meet your antagonist, do every thing in a mild and agreeable manner.-Let your courage be as keen, but, at the same time, as polished, as your sword. [Exeunt severally. ACT IV. Scene I.-Acres's Lodgings. ACRES and DAVID. David. Then by the mass, sir, I would do no such thing!-ne'er a Sir Lucius O'Trigger in the kingdom should make me fight, when I wa'n't so minded. Oons! what will the old lady say, when she hears o't! Acres. But my very careful of honour, David, my honour! I must be my honour. David. Ay, by the mass! and I would be very care ful of it, and I think in return my honour couldn't do less than to be very careful of me. Acres. Odds blades! David, no gentleman will ever risk the loss of his honour! David. I say, then, it would be but civil in honour never to risk the loss of a gentleman.-Look ye, master, this honour seems to me to be a marvellous false friend, ay, truly, a very courtier-like servant.-Put the case, I was a gentleman, (which, thank God, no one can say of me); well-my honour makes me quarrel with another gentleman of my acquaintance.-So-we fight. (Plea sant enough that) Boh!-I kill him-(the more's my luck). Now, pray who gets the profit of it ?-why, my honour. But put the case that he kills me! by the mass! I go to the worms, and my honour whips over to my enemy. Acres. No, David, in that case!-Odds crowns and laurels ! your honour follows you to the grave. David. Now, that's just the place where I could make a shift to do without it. Acres. Z-ds! David, you are a coward !-It doesn't become my valour to listen to you.-What, shall I dis. grace my ancestors?-Think of that David-think what it would be to disgrace my ancestors! David. Under favour, the surest way of not disgracing them, is to keep as long as you can out of their company. Look ye now, master, to go to them in such haste with an ounce of lead in your brains-I should think it might as well be let alone. Our ancestors are very good kind of folks; but they are the last people I should choose to have a visiting acquaintance with. Acres. But, David, now, you don't think there is such very, very, very great danger, hey? odds life! people often fight without any mischief done! David. By the mass, I think 'tis ten to one against you!-Oons! here to meet some lion-headed fellow, I warrant, with his d-ned double-barrelled swords, and cut-and-thrust pistols! Lord bless us! it makes me tremble to think o't--those be such desperate bloodyminded weapons! well, I never could abide them!→ from a child I never could fancy them!-I suppose there an't been so merciless a beast in the world as your loaded pistol! Acres. Z-ds! I won't be afraid-odds fire and fury! you shan't make me afraid.- -Here is the challenge, and I have sent for my dear friend, Jack Absolute, to carry it for me. David. Ay, i'the name of mischief, let him be the messenger. For my part, I wouldn't lend a hand to it for the best horse in your stable. By the mass! it don't look like another letter !-it is, as I may say, a designing and malicious looking letter!—and I warrant smells of gunpowder like a soldier's pouch!-Oons! I wouldn't swear it mayn't go off! Acres. Out, you poltroon! you han't the valour of a grasshopper. David. Well, I say no more-'twill be sad news, to be sure, at Clod Hall!-but I ha' done.-How Phillis will howl, when she hears of it!-ay, poor bitch, she little thinks what shooting her master's going after !— and I warrant old Crop, who has carried your honour, field and road, these ten years, will curse the hour he was born! [Whimpering. Acres. It won't do, David-I am determined to fight -so get along, you coward, while I'm in the mind. David. Good b'ye, master. Acres. Get along, you cowardly, dastardly, croaking raven. Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE. Capt. Abs. What's the matter, Bob? [Whimpering. [Exit DAVID. Acres. A vile, sheep-hearted blockhead !-If I hadn't the valour of St. George, and the dragon to boot Capt. Abs. But what did you want, with me, Bob? Acres. Oh!-there [Gives him the challenge. Capt. Abs. To Ensign Beverley. So-what's going on now! [Aside.] Well, what's this? |