(Sings)

Swing oh; swing oh; fo' mammy loves huh honey, yes she do. Swing oh; swing oh; fo' mammy loves huh honey, yes she do.

(After the last chorus the speaker should softly hum the tune again, with an occasional "Sh!" to the audience, and with pantomime of putting the baby in the cradle, putting it to sleep, and softly tiptoeing out.)

All day drough Friedrichtown so fasd,
Hosses foot und sojers past,

Und der repel flag skimmerin' oud so pright,
You vould dink, py jiminy, id had a ridght.

Off all der flags dot flopped in der morning vind, Nary a vone could enypody find.

Ub shumbed old Miss Frietchie den,

Who vas pent down py nine score years und den.

She took der flag the men hauled down,
Und stuck it fasd on her nighd-gown,

Und pud id in der vinder vere all could see
Dot dear old flag so free.

Yust den ub came Stonewall Jack,

Ridin' on his hosses' pack,

Under his prows he squinted his eyes,

By gracious, dot old flag make him much surprize.

"Halt!" Vell, efery man stood sdill,
"Fire!" vas echoed from hill to hill;
Id broke der strings of dot nighd-gown,
Put olt Miss Frietchie, she vas round.

She freezed on dot olt flag right quick,
Und oud of der vindow her head did stick:
"Scoot, if you must, dis olt cray head,
Put spare dot country's flag!" she said.

A look of shameness soon came o'er

Der face of Jack, und der tears did pour; "Who pulls oud a hair of dot pauld head Dies like a donkey!-skip along," he said.

All dot day and all dot night,

Undil der repels vas knocked oud of sight,
Und vay pehind from Friedrichtown,
Dot flag stuck fasd to dot olt nighd-gown.

Barbara Frietchie's vork vas done,
She don'd eny more kin hafe some fun;
Pully for her! und drop a tear

For dot olt gal midoud some fear.

BEFORE AND AFTER

BY CHARLES T. GRILLEY

Before

We had been engaged for just a week
And now that we must part
The thought of it was maddening,
And it nearly broke my heart.

As I waved her adieux from the steamer
She answered back from the pier,
And I murmured softly to myself,
"My, but isn't she dear!"

After

A year has passed of married life,
I received a note to-day
Written in wifey's well-known hand:
"Send me fifty right away!"

I thought of all she had cost me
During that one brief year,
And then I murmured softly,

"My, but isn't she dear!"

WHEN GREEK MEETS GREEK

ANONYMOUS

Stranger here? Yes, come from Varmount
Rutland county. You've hern tell
Mebbe of the town of Granville?

You born there? No! sho! Well, well! You was born at Granville was you?

Then you know Elisha Brown, Him as runs the old meat market

At the lower end of town!

Well! well! well! Born down in Granville!
And out here, so far away!
Stranger, I'm homesick already,
Tho it's but a week to-day
Since I left my good wife standin'
Out there at the kitchen door,
Sayin' she'd ask God to keep me;

And her eyes were runnin' o'er!
You must know ole Albert Withers,
Henry Bell and Ambrose Cole?

Know them all? And born in Granville!
Well! well! well! Why, bless my soul!
Sho! You're not old Isaac's nephew!
Isaac Green, down on the flat!
Isaac's eldest nephew,-Henry?
Well, I'd never thought of that!
Have I got a hundred dollars

I could loan you for a minute,
Till you buy a horse at Marcy's?

There's my wallet! Just that in it!
Hold on tho! You have ten, mebbe,

You could let me keep; you see
I might chance to need a little
Betwixt now and half past three!
Ten. That's it; you'll owe me ninety;
Bring it round to the hotel.

So you're old friend Isaac's nephew?
Born in Granville! Sho! Well, well!

What! policeman, did you call me?
That a rascal going there?

Well, sir, do you know I thought so,
And I played him pretty fair;
Hundred-dollar bill I gave him—
Counterfeit and got this ten!
Ten ahead. No! you don't tell me!
This bad, too? Sho! Sold again!

MR. POTTS' STORY

BY MAX ADELER

While I was over at Jersey City, the other day, I called on the Potts. Mr. Potts is liable to indulge in extravagance in his conversation, and as Mrs. Potts is an extremely conscientious woman where matters of fact are concerned, she's obliged to keep her eye on him. Potts was telling me about an incident that occurred in the town a few days before, and this is the way he related it: Potts. "You see old Bradley over here is perfectly crazy on the subject of gases, and the atmosphere, and such things-absolutely wild; and one day he was disputing with Green about how high up in the air life could be sustained, and Bradley said an animal could live about forty million miles above the earth, ifMrs. Potts. "Not forty millions, my dear; only forty miles, he said."

P.-"Forty, was it? Thank you. Well sir, old Green, you know, said that was ridiculous; and he said he'd bet Bradley a couple of hundred thousand dollars that life couldn't be sustained half that way up, and so

Mrs. P.—“William, you are wrong; he offered to bet only fifty dollars."

P.-"Well, anyhow, Bradley took him up quicker'n a wink, and they agreed to send up a cat in a balloon to decide the bet. So what does Bradley do but buy a balloon about twice as big as our barn, and begin to

Mrs P.-"It was only about ten feet in diameter, Mr. Adeler; William forgets."