ders. In their gait, in the first place-they bear no resemblance to any other set of human beings I ever met with, and henceforth I am confident I shall recognize, by means of it, a Glasgow man quite as easily as I would a Chinese, in the city of London. The fellows are, some of them, not ill made, and if drilled properly, might cut a tolerable figure any where; but it is impossible to give you the least idea of the peculiar gesticulations of lith and limb, which accompany them every step they take, and scatter deformity over every part of their corporeal fabrics. They commonly move at a round swinging trot, with their arms dallying to and fro by their sides, like the eternal pendulums of an eight-day clock. Their legs are extended every step, so as to describe a circumference of a foot or two outwards, before they touch the ground, which they always do by the heel in the first instance-rising again from the fore-part of the foot with a kind of scrape and jerk, that beggars all description for its absurdity. I could sometimes burst with laughter, walking in the rear of one of them, and surveying at my leisure the fine play of inexplicable contortions all over the rear of the moving mass. Among them there are some egregious puppies: The most egregious all seem to be infected with a mania for sporting-paraphernalia-wearing foxes and tallyho inscriptions on their waistcoat buttons-buckskin breeches and knee-caps-glazed hats with narrow rims, &c. &c. with exactly the same feelings of propriety which dictate the military swagger and costume of the men-milliners of the Palais Royal-their Polish surtouts-their chasseur pantalons--and their moustaches à la Joachim.

Absurd, however, as is their appearance on the Mall, their appearance at the ball I mentioned was still more exquisitely and inimitably absurd. I have seen all kinds of dances, from a minuet at St. James's to a harvest-home bumpkin in the barn of Hafod-but I never saw any thing that could match this Glasgow Assembly. I had dined that day very quietly, (comparatively speaking,) and went quite in my senses; but I don't believe there were half-a-dozen men in the room besides, that could be said to be within ten degrees of sobriety. The entrée of every new comer was announced in

the Salle des presentations, not more distinctly by the voice of the lacquey, than by the additional infusion of punchsteam into the composition of the atmosphere all around. And then how the eyes of the boobies rolled in their heads, as they staggered up to the lady of the evening to make their counting-house bows! Their dress was the ne plus ultra of dazzle, glitter, and tastelessness. Their neckcloths were tied like sheets about their clumsy chins-their coats hung from their backs as if they had been stolen from a window in Monmouth-Street-their breeches or what was more common, their trowsers,-seemed to sit about their haunches with the gripe of a torturing machine-their chevelures were clustered up on the tops of their heads like so many cauliflowers, leaving the great red ears flapping below in the whole naked horrors of their hugeness. The ladies were as fine as the men-but many of them were really pretty creatures, and, but for the influence of that masculine contamination to which they must be so grievously exposed, I doubt not some of them would have been charming women in every respect. A few seemed to present a striking contrast of modest loveliness to the manners of the multitude-but the general impression produced by their appearance, was certainly very far from being a delicate one. The most remarkable of their peculiarities, is the loudness of their voicesor rather the free unrestrained use they make of them-for I give you my honour, sitting round the table at supper, I could hear every word some of them uttered, at the distance of thirty feet at least from where I sat. What a scene of tumult was this supper! There was plenty of excellent wines and excellent dishes, but I really could not get time to attend to them with the least of my usual devotion. Here was one reaching his arm across the table, and helping himself to something, with an accompaniment of jocular execration. There was another bellowing for boiled cabbage and a glass of champagne, both in the same breath. Here was a young lady eating a whole plate-full of hot veal cutlets, and talking between every mouthful as loud as a campaigner. There was an old fat dowager screaming for a bottle of porter-or interchanging rough repartees with a hiccuping baillie at the

opposite side of the table. What a rumpus was here! What poking at pyes with their gigantic battlements of crust! What sudden demolition of what pyramids of potatoes! What levelling of forests of celery! What wheeling of regiments of decanters! What a cannonade of swipes! What a crash of teeth! What a clatter of knives! Old Babel must have been a joke to this confusion of sounds!

The dancing was almost as novel a thing-I mean on the part of the gentlemen-for I must do the ladies the justice to say that they in general danced well, and that some of them danced quite exquisitely. The men seem to have no idea beyond the rudest conception of something like keeping time -and a passion for kicking their legs about them, apparently dictated by the same kind of hilarity which would have prompted them elsewhere to shying of black bottles against the mantle-piece, or a choral ululation of "here's to jolly Bacchus!" or, "variety is charming." Yet some of the cattle-yes, some of the most clumsy of them all, had the assurance to attempt a quadrille-a dance which seems to have made still less progress here than in Edinburgh, for it appeared to be hailed and applauded as a kind of wonder. The moment the set was formed, which took place in a smaller apartment communicating with the great dancing-room, the whole of the company crowded to see it, and soon formed a complete serried phalanx of gazers all about the performers. Nay, such was the enthusiastic curiosity of some of the ladies. in particular, that they did not scruple to get upon their feet on the benches and sofas all around the wall-from which commanding situation there is no question they had a better At some of the opportunity both of seeing and being seen. pauses in the dance, the agility of the figurantes was rewarded, not with silent breathings of admiration—but with loud roars of hoarse delight, and furious clapping of hands and drumming of heels all about-nor did these violent raptures of approbation appear to give the slightest uneasiness to those in whose honour they were displayed. In short, my dear Potts, the last glimmering twilight hour of the Lord Mayor's ball, when the dregs of civic finery gesticulate, as is their

will and pleasure, beneath the dying chandeliers in the Egyptian Hall-even that horrible hour is nothing to the central and most ambitious display of this "at home" of Mrs.

-

It is needless for me to give you any more particulars-You will comprehend at one glance what kind of scenes you would be introduced to were you condescending enough to vouchsafe your presence for a week or two at the Buck's-Head. You will comprehend what a sensation you would create both among the males and the females-with what clear undisputed supremacy you would shine the only luminary in this their night of unknowingness. Should you not approve of my Edinburgh widow-you would only need to look around you, and drop the handkerchief to any one of the undisposed of, of the Glasgow ladies. Beauties they have some heiresses they have many. The lower cushion of the tilbury would be pressed in a twinkling by any upon whom you might cast the glances of your approbation. I speak this the more boldly, because I observed that the Glasgow fair treated one or two young heavy dragoons from Hamilton Barracks, who happened to be present at this ball, with a kind of attention quite superior to any thing they bestowed on their own indigenous Dandies. The most audacious coxcombry of the cits had no chance beside the more modest coxcombry of these Enniskillings. But, my dear fellow, what can the Enniskillings produce that could sustain a moment's comparison with the untainted, unprofessional, thorough-bred Bond-Street graces of a Potts? Those true -Cupidinis arma,"

66

quæ tuto fæmina nulla videt."

I pledge myself, that in the ball-rooms of Edinburgh, still more indisputedly and alone in those of Glasgow, your fascinations will be surfeited with excess of homage.

"Nulla est quæ lumina, tanta, tanta,

Posset luminibus suis tueri

Non statim trepidansque, palpitansque," &c.

If the old proverb hold true, veniunt a veste sagittæ, I pro

mise you there would not be many whole hearts the morning after you had danced your first pas seul on the floor of the Glasgow Assembly rooms.

Ever very truly your's,

P. M.

LETTER LXXI.

TO THE REV. DAVID WILLIAMS.

THE chief defect in the society of this place is, specifically, pretty much the same as in every provincial town I have ever visited; but I think it seems to be carried to a greater length here than any where else. This defect consists in nothing more than an extreme fondness for small jokes and nicknames -the wit of the place being almost entirely expended in these ingenious kinds of paltrinesses;-its object being, as it would appear, never to give pleasure to the present, otherwise than by throwing impertinent stigmas on the absent. Almost every person of the least importance is talked of, in familiar conversation, not by his proper name, but by some absurd designation, borrowed from some fantastical view of his real or imaginary peculiarities. It is really distressing to see how much countenance this vulgar kind of practice receives, even from the best of those one meets with here; but the most amusing part of the thing is, that each is aware of the existence of every nickname but his own, and rejoices in making use of it, little thinking that the moment his back is turned, he is himself subjected to the very same kind of treatment from those who have been joining in his laugh.

Another favourite species of Glasgow wit, however, is exercised in the presence of the individuals against whom it is levelled; and it is not to be denied, that there is much more both of ingenuity and of honesty in this species. I believe I should rather say there are two such kinds of wit—at least I have heard familiar use of two separate designations for their quizzing. I do not pretend to have analyzed the matter very