houses in the capital, where the conversation was always moral at least, if not entertaining! Dang. Now, egad, I think the worst alteration is

in the nicety of the audience!-No double-
entendre, no smart innuendo admitted; even
Vanbrugh and Congreve obliged to undergo a
bungling reformation!

Sneer. Yes, and our prudery in this respect is just

on a par with the artificial bashfulness of a
courtesan, who increases the blush upon her
cheek in an exact proportion to the diminution
of her modesty.

Dang. Sneer can't even give the public a good
word! But what have we here?-This seems
a very odd.

Sneer. Oh, that's a comedy, on a very new plan;

180

190

replete with wit and mirth, yet of a most serious
moral! You see it is called The Reformed
House-breaker; where, by the mere force of
humour, house-breaking is put into so ridiculous
a light, that if the piece has its proper run, I
have no doubt but that bolts and bars will be 200
entirely useless by the end of the season.

Dang. Egad, this is new indeed!

Sncer. Yes; it is written by a particular friend of

mine, who has discovered that the follies and
foibles of society are subjects unworthy the
notice of the comic muse, who should be taught
to stoop only at the greater vices and blacker
crimes of humanity-gibbeting capital offences
in five acts, and pillorying petty larcenies in
two.-In short, his idea is to dramatise the 210
penal laws, and make the stage a court of ease
to the Old Bailey.

Dang. It is truly moral.

Re-enter Servant.

Ser. Sir Fretful Plagiary, sir.

Dang. Beg him to walk up.-[Exit Servant.] Now, Mrs Dangle, Sir Fretful Plagiary is an author to your own taste.

Mrs Dang. I confess he is a favourite of mine, because everybody else abuses him.

Sneer. Very much to the credit of your charity, 220 madam, if not of your judgment.

Dang. But, egad, he allows no merit to any author but himself, that's the truth on't-though he's my friend.

Sneer. Never.

He is as envious as an old maid verging on the desperation of six-and-thirty;

and then the insidious humility with which he seduces you to give a free opinion on any of his works, can be exceeded only by the petulant arrogance with which he is sure to reject your 230 observations.

Dang. Very true, egad-though he's my friend. Sneer. Then his affected contempt of all newspaper strictures; though, at the same time, he is the sorest man alive, and shrinks like scorched parchment from the fiery ordeal of true criticism: yet is he so covetous of popularity, that he had rather be abused than not mentioned at all. Dang. There's no denying it-though he is my

friend.

Sneer. You have read the tragedy he has just finished, haven't you?

Dang. O yes; he sent it to me yesterday.

Sneer. Well, and you think it execrable, don't you!

Dang. Why, between ourselves, egad, I must own— though he is my friend-that it is one of the most- -He's here—[Aside] — finished and most admirable perform

240

Sir Fret. [Without.] Mr Sneer with him, did you 250 say?

Enter Sir Fretful Plagiary.

Dang. Ah, my dear friend!-Egad, we were just speaking of your tragedy.-Admirable, Sir Fretful, admirable!

Sneer. You never did any thing beyond it, Sir Fretful -never in your life.

Sir Fret. You make me extremely happy; for with

out a compliment, my dear Sneer, there isn't a
man in the world whose judgment I value as I
do yours and Mr Dangle's.
Mrs Dang. They are only laughing at you, Sir
Fretful; for it was but just now that-

Dang. Mrs Dangle!—Ah, Sir Fretful, you know
Mrs Dangle. My friend Sneer was rallying

just now he knows how she admires you,
and-

Sir Fret. O Lord, I am sure Mr Sneer has more
taste and sincerity than to[Aside] A

damned double-faced fellow !

260

Dang. Yes, yes-Sneer will jest-but a better- 270 humoured

Sir Fret. Oh, I know

Dang. He has a ready turn for ridicule-his wit

costs him nothing.

Sir Fret. No, egad-or I should wonder how he

came by it.

Mrs Dang. Because his jest is always at the expense

of his friend.

[Aside.

[Aside.

Dang. But, Sir Fretful, have you sent your play to

the managers yet?-or can I be of any service 280 to you?

Sir Fret. No, no, I thank you: I believe the piece

had sufficient recommendation with it.—I thank
you though. I sent it to the manager of
Covent Garden Theatre this morning.

Sneer. I should have thought now, that it might
have been cast (as the actors call it) better at
Drury Lane.

Sir Fret. O lud! no-never send a play there while
I live-hark'ee!

[Whispers Sneer. 290

Sneer. Writes himself!-I know he does.

Sir Fret. I say nothing-I take away from no man's merit—am hurt at no man's good fortune-I

say nothing. But this I will say—through all
my knowledge of life, I have observed that
there is not a passion so strongly rooted in the
human heart as envy.

Sneer. I believe you have reason for what you say,

indeed.