Sir Fret. Besides—I can tell you it is not always 300 so safe to leave a play in the hands of those who write themselves.

Sneer. What, they may steal from them, hey, my dear Plagiary?

Sir Fret. Steal!-to be sure they may; and, egad,
serve your best thoughts as gypsies do stolen
children, disfigure them to make 'em pass for
their own.

Sneer. But your present work is a sacrifice to
Melpomene, and he, you know, never-
Sir Fret. That's no security: a dexterous plagiarist

may do any thing. Why, sir, for aught I
know, he might take out some of the best
things in my tragedy, and put them into his
own comedy.

Sneer. That might be done, I dare be sworn.
Sir Fret. And then, if such a person gives you the
least hint or assistance, he is devilish apt to
take the merit of the whole-

Dang. If it succeeds.

Sir Fret. Ay, but with regard to this piece, I think I can hit that gentleman, for I can safely swear he never read it.

Sneer. I'll tell you how you may hurt him more.

310

320

Sir Fret. How?

Sneer. Swear he wrote it.

Sir Fret. Plague on 't now, Sneer, I shall take it ill!
-I believe you want to take away my character

as an author.

Sneer. Then I am sure you ought to be

obliged to me.

Sir Fret. Hey!-sir !———

Dang. Oh, you know, he never means what he says.
Sir Fret. Sincerely then-you do like the piece?
Sneer. Wonderfully!

Sir Fret. But come now, there must be something

that you think might be mended, hey?-Mr
Dangle, has nothing struck you?

Dang. Why, faith, it is but an ungracious thing, for

the most part, to

But,

Sir Fret. With most authors it is just so indeed;
they are in general strangely tenacious!
for my part,
I am never so well pleased as when
a judicious critic points out any defect to me;
for what is the purpose of showing a work to a
friend, if you don't mean to profit by his
opinion?

Sneer. Very true.-Why then, though I seriously
admire the piece upon the whole, yet there is

340

one small objection; which, if you'll give me 350 leave, I'll mention.

Sir Fret. Sir, you can't oblige me more.

Sneer. I think it wants incident.

Sir Fret. Good God! you surprise me!-wants incident!

Sneer. Yes; I own I think the incidents are too

few.

Sir Fret. Good God! Believe me, Mr Sneer, there is no person for whose judgment I have a more implicit deference; but I protest to you, Mr 360 Sneer, I am only apprehensive that the incidents are too crowded.-My dear Dangle, how does it strike you?

Dang. Really I can't agree with my friend Sneer.

I think the plot quite sufficient; and the four
first acts by many degrees the best I ever read
or saw in my life. If I might venture to
suggest any thing, it is that the interest rather
falls off in the fifth.

Sir Fret. Rises, I believe you mean, sir.

Dang. No, I don't, upon my word.

Sir Fret. Yes, yes, you do, upon my soul!-it certainly don't fall off, I assure you.—No, no ;

it don't fall off.

370

Dang. Now, Mrs Dangle, didn't you say it struck you in the same light?

Mrs Dang. No, indeed, I did not—I did not see a fault in any part of the play, from the beginning

to the end.

Sir Fret. Upon my soul, the women are the best 380 judges after all!

Mrs Dang. Or, if I made any objection, I am sure

it was to nothing in the piece, but that I was afraid it was, on the whole, a little too long. Sir Fret. Pray, madam, do you speak as to duration of time; or do you mean that the story is tediously spun out?

Mrs Dang. O lud! no.-I speak only with reference to the usual length of acting plays.

Sir Fret. Then I am very happy-very happy 390
indeed because the play is a short play, a
remarkably short play. I should not venture
to differ with a lady on a point of taste; but,
on these occasions, the watch, you know, is the
critic.

Mrs Dang. Then, I suppose, it must have been Mr
Dangle's drawling manner of reading it to me.
Sir Fret. Oh, if Mr Dangle read it, that's quite
another affair!—But I assure you, Mrs Dangle,

the first evening you can spare me three hours 400
and a half, I'll undertake to read you the whole
from beginning to end, with the prologue and
epilogue, and allow time for the music between
the acts.

Mrs Dang. I hope to see it on the stage next.
Dang. Well, Sir Fretful, I wish you may be able
to get rid as easily of the newspaper criticisms
as you do of ours.

Sir Fret. The newspapers! Sir, they are the most
villanous-licentious-abominable-infernal- 410
Not that I ever read them-no-I make it a
rule never to look into a newspaper.

Dang. You are quite right; for it certainly must hurt an author of delicate feelings to see the liberties they take.

Sir Fret. No, quite the contrary! their abuse is, in
fact, the best panegyric-I like it of all things.

An author's reputation is only in danger from
their support.

Sneer. Why that's true-and that attack, now, on 420 you the other day

Sir Fret. What? where?

Dang. Ay, you mean in a paper of Thursday: it was completely ill-natured, to be sure.