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Sir Fret. Oh, so much the better.-Ha! ha! ha!

I wouldn't have it otherwise.

Dang. Certainly it is only to be laughed at; for
Sir Fret. You don't happen to recollect what the
fellow said, do you?

Sneer. Pray, Dangle-Sir Fretful seems a little 430

anxious

Sir Fret. O lud, no !-anxious!-not I,-not the
least.-I—but one may as well hear, you know.
Dang. Sneer, do you recollect?—[Aside to Sneer.]
Make out something.

Sneer. [Aside to Dangle.] I will.-[Aloud.] Yes,
yes, I remember perfectly.

Sir Fret. Well, and pray now-not that it signifies -what might the gentleman say?

Sneer. Why, he roundly asserts that you have not 440 the slightest invention or original genius what

ever; though you are the greatest traducer of
all other authors living.

Sir Fret. Ha! ha! ha!-very good!

Sneer. That as to comedy, you have not one idea

of your own, he believes, even in your common-
place-book-where stray jokes and pilfered
witticisms are kept with as much method as
the ledger of the lost and stolen office.

Sir Fret. Ha ha! ha!-very pleasant!
Sneer. Nay, that you are so unlucky as not to have
the skill even to steal with taste:-but that
you glean from the refuse of obscure volumes,
where more judicious plagiarists have been
before you; so that the body of your work is
a composition of dregs and sediments-like a
bad tavern's worst wine.

Sir Fret. Ha! ha!

450

Sneer. In your more serious efforts, he says, your bombast would be less intolerable, if the 460 thoughts were ever suited to the expression; but the homeliness of the sentiment stares through the fantastic encumbrance of its fine language, like a clown in one of the new uniforms!

Sir Fret. Ha! ha!

Sneer. That your occasional tropes and flowers suit the general coarseness of your style, as tambour sprigs would a ground of linseywoolsey; while your imitations of Shakespeare 470 resemble the mimicry of Falstaff's page, and are about as near the standard of the original. Sir Fret. Ha!

Sneer. In short, that even the finest passages you

steal are of no service to you; for the poverty
of your own language prevents their assimilat-
ing; so that they lie on the surface like lumps
of marl on a barren moor, encumbering what
it is not in their power to fertilise !

Sir Fret. [After great agitation.] Now, another 480 person would be vexed at this.

Sneer. Oh! but I wouldn't have told you-only

to divert you.

Sir Fret. I know it-I am diverted.-Ha! ha!
ha!-not the least invention!-Ha! ha! ha!
-very good!-very good!

Sneer. Yes-no genius! ha! ha! ha!
Dang. A severe rogue! ha ha! ha!

But you

are quite right, Sir Fretful, never to read such

nonsense.

Sir Fret. To be sure-for if there is any thing to one's praise, it is a foolish vanity to be gratified at it; and, if it is abuse,-why one is always sure to hear of it from one damned goodnatured friend or another!'

Enter Servant.

Ser. Sir, there is an Italian gentleman, with a
French interpreter, and three young ladies, and

490

a dozen musicians, who say they are sent by
Lady Rondeau and Mrs Fugue.

Dang. Gadso! they come by appointment!-Dear 500 Mrs Dangle, do let them know I'll see them directly.

Mrs Dang. You know, Mr Dangle, I shan't understand a word they say.

Dang. But you hear there's an interpreter.

Mrs Dang. Well, I'll try to endure their complais

ance till you come.

[Exit.

Ser. And Mr Puff, sir, has sent word that the last
rehearsal is to be this morning, and that he'll
call on you presently.
Dang. That's true-I shall certainly be at home.—
[Exit Servant.] Now, Sir Fretful, if you
have a mind to have justice done you in the
way of answer, egad, Mr Puff's your man.
Sir Fret. Psha! Sir, why should I wish to have
it answered, when I tell you I am pleased at
it?

Dang. True, I had forgot that. But I hope you

are not fretted at what Mr Sneer

510

Sir Fret. Zounds! no, Mr Dangle; don't I tell 520 you these things never fret me in the least?

Dang. Nay, I only thought

Sir Fret. And let me tell you, Mr Dangle, 'tis damned affronting in you to suppose that I am hurt when I tell you I am not.

Sneer. But why so warm, Sir Fretful?

Sir Fret. Gad's life! Mr Sneer, you are as absurd as Dangle: how often must I repeat it to you, that nothing can vex me but your supposing it possible for me to mind the damned nonsense 530 you have been repeating to me !—and, let me tell you, if you continue to believe this, you must mean to insult me, gentlemen—and, then, your disrespect will affect me no more than the newspaper criticisms—and I shall treat it with exactly the same calm indifference and philosophic contempt and so your servant. [Exit. Sneer. Ha! ha! ha! poor Sir Fretful! Now will he go and vent his philosophy in anonymous abuse of all modern critics and authors.-But, 540 Dangle, you must get your friend Puff to take me to the rehearsal of his tragedy.

Dang. I'll answer for 't, he 'll thank you for desiring it. But come and help me to judge of this musical family they are recommended by people of consequence, I assure you.

Sneer. I am at your disposal the whole morning :—

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