And thou, my Whiskerandos, shouldst be father 420
And mother, brother, cousin, uncle, aunt,

And friend to me!

Whisk. O, matchless excellence! and must we part?
Well, if we must-we must-and in that case
The less is said the better."

Puff. Heyday! here's a cut!-What, are all the
mutual protestations out?

Tilb. Now, pray, sir, don't interrupt us just here: you ruin our feelings.

Puff. Your feelings!-but zounds, my feelings, 430 ma'am !

Sneer. No; pray don't interrupt them.

"Whisk. One last embrace.

Tilb. Now,-farewell, for ever.

Whisk. For ever!

Tilb. Ay, for ever!

[Going."

Puff. 'Sdeath and fury!-Gad's life!-sir! madam!
if you go out without the parting look, you
might as well dance out. Here, here!

Con. But pray, sir, how am I to get off here?
Puff. You! pshaw! what the devil signifies how
you get off! edge away at the top, or where

440

you will-Pushes the Confidant off] Now,

Both. Oh! [Turning back, and exeunt.- -Scene closes."

Dang. Oh, charming!

--

Puff. Hey!-'tis pretty well, I believe: you see

I don't attempt to strike out any thing new 450 -but I take it I improve on the established

modes.

Sneer. You do, indeed! But pray is not Queen
Elizabeth to appear?

Puff. No, not once-but she is to be talked of for
ever; so that, egad, you'll think a hundred
times that she is on the point of coming in.

Sneer. Hang it, I think it's a pity to keep her in the green room all the night.

Puff. O no, that always has a fine effect-it keeps 460 up expectation.

Dang. But are we not to have a battle?

Puff. Yes, yes, you will have a battle at last; but, egad, it's not to be by land, but by seaand that is the only quite new thing in the piece.

Dang. What, Drake at the Armada, hey?

Puff. Yes, i' faith-fire-ships and all; then we shall end with the procession. Hey, that will do, I

think?

Sneer. No doubt on 't.

Puff. Come, we must not lose time; so now for the under-plot.

470

Sneer. What the plague, have you another plot? Puff. O Lord, yes; ever while you live have two plots to your tragedy. The grand point in managing them is only to let your under-plot have as little connection with your main-plot as possible. I flatter myself nothing can be more distinct than mine; for as in my chief plot the 480 characters are all great people, I have laid my under-plot in low life; and as the former is to end in deep distress, I make the other end as happy as a farce.-Now, Mr Hopkins, as soon as you please.

Enter Under Prompter.

Und. Promp. Sir, the carpenter says it is impossible you can go to the park scene yet.

Puff. The park scene! no! I mean the description scene here, in the wood.

Und. Promp. Sir, the performers have cut it out.
Puff. Cut it out!

Und. Promp. Yes, sir.

Puff. What! the whole account of Queen Elizabeth?
Und. Promp. Yes, sir.

Puff. And the description of her horse and side

saddle?

Und. Promp. Yes, sir.

Puff. So, so; this is

this is very fine indeed!-Mr Hopkins, how the plague could you suffer this?

Mr Hop. [Within.] Sir, indeed the pruning-
knife-
Puff. The pruning-knife-zounds! the axe !
Why, here has been such lopping and topping,
I shan't have the bare trunk of my play left
presently!-Very well, sir-the performers
must do as they please; but, upon my soul, I'll
print it every word.

Sneer. That I would, indeed.

490

500

Puff. Very well, sir; then we must go on.-Zounds! 510 I would not have parted with the description of the horse!-Well, sir, go on.-Sir, it was one of the finest and most laboured things.— Very well, sir; let them go on.-There you

had him and his accoutrements, from the bit
to the crupper. Very well, sir; we must go
to the park scene.

Und. Promp. Sir, there is the point: the carpenters

say, that unless there is some business put in
here before the drop, they shan't have time to 520
clear away the fort, or sink Gravesend and the

river.

Puff. So! this is a pretty dilemma, truly!— Gentlemen, you must excuse me-these fellows will never be ready, unless I go and look after them myself.

Sneer. O dear, sir, these little things will happen. Puff. To cut out this scene!-but I'll print it— egad, I'll print it every word!

[Exeunt.