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Dan. Egad, this is new, indeed!

Sneer. Yes; it is written by a particular friend of mine, who has discovered that the follies and foibles of society are subjects unworthy notice of the Comic Muse, who shculd be taught to stoop only at the greater vices and blacker crimes of humanity-gibbetting capital offences in five acts, and pillorying petty larcenies in two.-In short, his idea is to ramatize the penal laws, and make the stage a court of ease to the Old Bailey. Dan. That is to unite poetry and justice indeed !

Enter SERVANT, L. Serv. Sir Fretful Plagiary, sir.

Dan. Beg him to walk up. [Exit Servant, L.] Now, Mrs. Dangle, Sir Fretful Plagiary is an author to your own taste.

Mrs. D. I confess he is a favourite of mine, because every body else abuses him.

Sneer. Very much to the credit of your charity, madam, if not of your judgment.

Dan. But, egad, he allows no merit to any author but himself, that's the truth on't-though he's my

friend. Sneer. Never! He is as envious as an old maid verging on the desperation of six-and-thirty. Dan. Very true, egad—though he's my friend.

Sneer. Then his affected contempt of all newspaper strictures; though, at the same time, he is the sorest man alive, and shrinks, like scorched parchment, from the fiery ordeal of true criticism.

Dan. There's no denying it—though he is my friend.

Sneer. You have read the tragedy he has just finished, haven't you?

Dan. Oh, yes; he sent it to me yesterday.

Sneer. Well, and you think it execrable, don't

Dan. Why, between ourselves, egad I must ownthough he's


friend—that it is one of the most—He's here—[ Aside finished and most admirable performSir F. [Without, L.) Mr. Sneer with him, did you say? Enter Sir FRETFUL, L.

He crosses to L. C. Dan. Ah, my dear friend !—Egad, we were just speaking of your tragedy.-Admirable, Sir Fretful, admirable !


Sneer. (R. c.) You never did any thing beyond it, Sir Fretful-never in your life.

Sir F. (L. c.) You make me extremely happy; for without a compliment, my dear Sneer, there isn't a man in the world whose judgment I value as I do yours—and Mr. Dangle’s.

Mrs. Ď. (r.) They are only laughing at you, Sir Fretful, for it was but just now that,

Dan. (L.) Mrs. Dangle! Ah, Sir Fretful, you know Mrs. Dangle. My friend, Sneer, was rallying just now-He knows how she admires


andSir F. Oh, Lord, I am sure Mr. Sneer has more taste and sincerity than to—[Aside,] A damned double-faced fellow !

Dan. Yes, yes—Sneer will jest—but a better humoured

Sir F. Oh, I know

Dan. He has a ready turn for ridicule his wit costs him nothing.

Sir F. (Aside.] No, egad-or I should wonder how he came by it.

Dan. But, Sir Fretful, have you sent your play to the managers yet? or can I be of any service to you?

Sir F. No, no, I thank you ; I sent it to the manager of Covent Garden Theatre this morning.

Sneer. I should have thought, now, that it might have been cast (as the actors call it,) better at Drury Lane.

Sir F. Oh, lud! no-never send a play there while I live-harkee!

[Whispers Sneer. Sneer. “ Writes himself!" I know he does-

Sir F. I say nothing-I take away from no man's merit -am hurt at no man's good fortune-I say nothing-—But this I will say—through all my knowledge of life, I have observed—that there is not a passion so strongly rooted in the human heart as envy!

Sneer. I believe you have reason for what you say, indeed.

Sir F. Besides—I can tell you it is not always so safe to leave a play in the hands of those who write themselves.

Sneer. What, they may steal from them, hey, my dear Plagiary?

Sir F. Steal!-to be sure they may; and, egad, serve your best thoughts as gypsies do stolen children-disfigure them to make 'em pass for their own.

Sneer. But your present work is a sacrifice to Melpomene, and he, you know, never

Sir F. That's no security. A dexterous plagiarist may do anything.--Why, sir, for aught I know, he might take out some of the best things in my tragedy, and put them into his own comedy.

Sneer. That might be done, I dare be sworn.

Sir F. And then, if such a person gives you the least hint or assistance, he is devilish apt to take the merit of the whole

Dan. If it succeeds.

Sir F. Aye—but with regard to this piece, I think I can hit that gentleman, for I can safely swear he never read it.

Sneer. I'll tell you how you may hurt him more-
Sir F. How ?
Sneer. Swear he wrote it.

Sir F. Plague on't now, Sneer, I shall take it ill. I believe you want to take away my character as an author !

Sneer. Then I am sure you ought to be very much obliged to me.

Sir F. Hey !-Sir!
Dan. Oh, you know, he never means what he says.
Sir F. Sincerely, then-you do like the piece ?
Sneer. Wonderfully!

Sir F. But come, now, there must be something that you think might be mended, hey ?–Mr. Dangle, bas 110thing struck you?

Dan. Why, faith, it is but an ungracious thing, for the most part, to

Sir F. With most authors it is just so, indeed; they are in general strangely tenacious ! ---But, for my part, I am never so well pleased as when a judicious critic points out any defect to me; for what is the purpose of showing a work to a friend, if you don't mean to profit by his opinion ?

Sneer. Very true. Why, then, though I seriously admire the piece upon the whole, yet there is one smail objection ; which, if you'll give me leave, I'll mention.

My dear

Sir F. Sir, you can't oblige me more.
Sneer. I think it wants incident.

Sir F. Good God !--you surprise me !-wants incident !

Sneer. Yes; I own I think the incidents are too few.

Sir F. Good God !-Believe me, Mr. Sneer, there is no person for whose judgment I have a more implicit deference. But I protest to you, Mr. Sneer, I am only apprehensive that the incidents are too crowded. Dangle, how does it strike you?

Dan. Really, I can't agree with my friend Sneer. I think the plot quite sufficient; and the four first acts by many degrees the best I ever read or saw in my life. If I might venture to suggest anything, it is that the interest rather falls off in the fifth.

Sir F. Rises, I believe you mean, sir-
Dan. No; I don't, upon my word.

Sir F. Yes, yes, you do, upon my soul-it certainly don't fall off, I assure you.—No, no, it don't fall off.

Dan. Now, Mrs. Dangle, didn't you say it struck you in the same light ?

Mrs. D. (R.) No, indeed, I did not-I did not see a fault in any part of the play from the beginning to the end.

Sir F. (Crossing to Mrs. Dangle.] Upon my soul, the women are the best judges after all !

Mrs. D. Or, if I made any objection, I am sure it was to nothing in the piece! but that I was afraid it was, on the whole, a little too long.

Sir F. Pray, madam, do you speak as to duration of time; or do you mean that the story is tediously spun out ?

Mrs. D. Oh, lud ! no. I speak only with reference to the usual length of acting plays.

Sir F. Then I am very happy-very happy, indeed because the play is a short play, a remarkably short play: I should not venture to differ with a lady on a point of taste; but, on these occasions, the watch, you know, is the critic.

Mrs. D. Then, I suppose, it must have been Mr. Dangle's drawling manner of reading it to me.

Sir F. [Crosses, L., and back to R. c.] Oh, if Mr. Dan


gle read it, that's quite another affair!

But I assure you, Mrs. Dangle, the first evening you can spare me three hours and an half, I'll undertake to read you the whole, from beginning to end, with the Prologue and Epilogue, and allow time for the music between the acts.

Mrs. D. I hope to see it on the stage next. [Exit, R.

Dan. Well, Sir Fretful, I wish you may be able to get rid as easily of the newspaper criticisms as you do of

Sir F. (Crosses, c.] The newspapers !-Sir, they are the most villainous-licentious-abominable_infernalNot that I ever read them! no! I make it a rule never to look into a newspaper.

Dan. (L.) You are quite right-for it certainly must hurt an author of delicate feelings to see the liberties they take.

Sir F. No!-quite the contrary; their abuse is, in fact, the best panegyric—I like it, of all things. An author's reputation is only in danger from their support.

Sneer. (R.) Why, that's true—and that attack now on you the other day

Sir F. What? where ?

Dan. Aye, you mean in a paper of Thursday; it was completely ill-natured, to be sure.

Sir F. Oh, so much the better-Ha! ha! ha!—I wouldn't have it otherwise.

Dan. Certainly, it is only to be laughed at; for

Sir F. You don't happen to recollect what the fellow said, do you?

Sneer. Pray, Dangle--Sir Fretful seems a little anxious!

Sir F. Oh, lud, no!-anxious—not I-not the least. I But one may as well hear, you know.

Dan. Sneer, do you recollect?-[Aside.] Make out something

Sneer. I will. [To Dangle.] Yes, yes, I remember perfectly.

Sir F. Well, and pray, now—not that it signifies, what might the gentleman say ?

Sneer. Why he roundly asserts that you have not the slightest invention or original genius whatever; though you are the greatest traducer of all other authors living.

Sir F. Ha! ha! ha! Very good !

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