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'Sir W. You also know'—

Dan. Mr. Puff, as he knows all this, why does Sir Walter go on telling him?

Puff. But the audience are not supposed to know any thing of the matter, are they?

Sneer. True, but I think you manage ill: for there certainly appears no reason why Sir Walter should be so communicative.

Puff. Foregad, now, that is one of the most ungrateful observations I ever heard; for the less inducement he has to tell all this, the more I think you ought to be obliged to him; for I am sure you'd know nothing of the matter without it.

Dan. That's very true, upon my word.

Puff. But you will find he was not going on.

Sir C. Enough, enough-'tis plain-and I no more Am in amazement lost!'

Puff. Here, now, you see, Sir Christopher did not, in fact, ask any one question for his own information.

Sneer. No, indeed: his has been a most disinterested curiosity!

Dan. Really, I find, we are very much obliged to them both.

Puff. To be sure you are. Now, then, for the Commander-in-Chief, the Earl of Leicester! who, you know, was no favourite but of the Queen's. We left off in amazement lost !'—

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Sir C. Am in amazement lost.

'But see where noble Leicester comes! supreme

'In honours and command.'

Sneer. But who are these with him?.

Puff. Oh! very valiant knights; one is the governor of the fort, the other the master of the horse. And now, I think you shall hear some better language: I was obliged to be plain and intelligible in the first scene, because there was so much matter of fact in it; but now, 'ifaith, you have trope, figure, and metaphor, as plenty as nounsubstantives.

Enter EARL OF LEICESTER, GOVERNOR, and MASTER of the HORSE, R.

'Lei. How's this, my friends! is't thus your new-fledged

zeal

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'And pluméd valour moulds in roosted sloth?
Why dimly glimmers that heroic flame,

'Whose reddening blaze, by patriot spirit fed,
Should be the beacon of a kindling realm ?
'Can the quick current of a patriot heart

Thus stagnate in a cold and weedy converse, 'Or freeze in tideless inactivity?

'No! rather let the fountain of your valour 'Spring through each stream of enterprise, Each petty channel of conducive daring, Till the full torrent of your foaming wrath 'O'erwhelm the flats of sunk hostility!'

Puff. [Runs up and embraces him.] Allow me to introduce Mr. Horrebow to you-Mr. Dangle and Mr. Sneer. [Returns to L. 'Sir W. No more! the freshening breath of thy re

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'Hath filled the swelling canvass of our souls! 'And thus, though fate should cut the cable of

[All take hands. Our topmost hopes, in friendship's closing line, 'We'll grapple with despair, and if we fall, 'We'll fall in Glory's wake!

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[They part hands. Lei. [Slowly.] There spoke Old England's genius!' Puff. No, no, sir: Old England's genius never spoke in that way. She must be a devilish queer genius if she did. No, sir, keep it up. [Quotes with heroic bombast.] 'There spoke Old England's genius!'

Lei. [With Puff's manner.] There spoke Old England's genius!

'Then, are we all resolved?

'All. We are-all resolved.

'Lei. To conquer-or be free.

All. To conquer—or be free.

'Lei. All?

'All. All!'

Dan. Nem. con., egad!

Puff. Oh, yes, where they do agree on the stage, their unanimity is wonderful.

'Lei. Then, let's embrace-[They embrace,] and now'

Sneer. What the plague, is he going to pray?

[Kneels.

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Puff. Yes, hush! In great emergencies, there is nothing like a prayer!

'Lei. Oh, mighty Mars!'

Puff. Stop, my dear sir!

You do not expect to find

Mars there. No, sir: whenever you address the gods, always look into the upper gallery.

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Lei. [Looking up to the gallery.] Oh, mighty Mars!' Dan. But why should he pray to Mars?

Puff. Hush!

Lei. Oh, mighty Mars, if, in thy homage bred,

Each point of discipline I've still observed;

Nor but by due promotion, and the right

'Of service, to the rank of Major-General

'Have risen ;'—

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Puff. Keep up the Major-General! [Repeats the line with force.] To the rank of Major-General have risen!' Tip them the Major-General, pray.

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Lei. [After Puff's manner.] To the rank of Major

General

'Have risen; assist thy votary now!

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Gov. [Kneels on Leicester's R.] Yet do not rise-hear me!

'Mast. of H. Kneels on Governor's R.] And me! Sir W. [Kneels on Leicester's R.] And me!

Sir C. [Kneels on Sir W.'s L.] And me!'

Puff. [Kneels, L.] And me! Now, mind your hits ;— pray all together.

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All. Behold thy votaries submissive beg,

'That thou wilt deign to grant them all they ask ;'— Puff. No, no, gentlemen, the emphasis is upon the word all. Thus :

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Behold thy votaries submissive beg,

That thou wilt deign to grant them all they ask!'

Now, gentlemen.

́All. Behold thy votaries submissive beg,

'That thou wilt deign to grant them all they ask;

'Assist them to accomplish all their ends,

And sanctify whatever means they use

'To gain them!'

Sneer. A very orthodox quintetto!

Puff. Vastly well, gentlemen, indeed, for persons who are not much in the habit of praying. Is that well man

require, the various forms of Letter to the Editor-Occasional Anecdote-Impartial Critique-Observation from Correspondent-or Advertisements from the Party. Sneer. The Puff direct, I can conceive

Puff. Oh, yes, that's simple enough-for instance-A new Comedy or Farce is to be produced at one of the theatres (though, by the bye, they don't bring out half what they ought to do): the author, suppose Mr. Smatter, or Mr. Dapper, or any particular friend of minevery well; the day before it is to be performed, I write an account of the manner in which it was receivedI have the plot from the author-and only add-Characters strongly drawn-highly coloured-hand of a master -fund of genuine humour-mine of invention — neat dialogue-attic salt!-Then for the performance—Mr. Baker was astonishingly great in the character of Sir Harry! That universal and judicious actor, Mr. Egerton, perhaps never appeared to more advantage than in the Colonel but it is not in the power of language to do justice to Mr. Jones !-Indeed, he more than merited those repeated bursts of applause which he drew from a most brilliant and judicious audience! In short, we are at a loss which to admire most-the unrivalled genius of the author, the great attention and liberality of the managers, the wonderful abilities of the painter, or the incredible exertions of all the performers!

:

Sneer. That's pretty well, indeed, sir.

Puff. Oh, cool, quite cool, to what I sometimes do. Sneer. And do you think there are any who are influenced by this?

Puff. Oh, lud! yes, sir; the number of those who undergo the fatigue of judging for themselves is very small indeed!

Dan. Ha ha! ha!-'gad, I know it is so.

Puff. As to the Puff oblique, or Puff by implication, it is too extensive, and branches into so many varieties, that it is impossible to be illustrated by an instance; it is the last principal class of the Art of Puffing-an art which I hope you will now agree with me, is of the highest dignity.

Sneer. Sir, I am completely a convert both to the importance and ingenuity of your profession; and now, sir,

there is but one thing which can possibly increase my respect for you, and that is, your permitting me to be present this morning at the rehearsal of your new tragePuff. Hush, for Heaven's sake. My tragedy !-Egad, Dangle, I take this very ill; you know how apprehensive I am of being known to be the author.

Dan. 'Ifaith, I would not have told; but it's in the papers, and your name at length-in the Morning Chronicle.

Puff. Ah! those damned editors never can keep a secret! Well, Mr. Sneer-no doubt you will do me great honour-I shall be infinitely happy-highly flattered.

Dan. I believe it must be near the time-shall we go together?

Puff. No; it will not be yet this hour, for they are always late at that theatre: besides, I must meet you there, for I have some little matters to send to the papers, and a few paragraphs to scribble before I go. [Looking at memorandums.] Here is a Conscientious Baker, on the Subject of the Army Bread,' and 'a Detester of Visible. Brick-work, in favour of the new-invented Stucco;' both in the style of Junius, and promised for to-morrow.― Here is an invention for the running our mail-coaches by steam, and lighting them by gas.-I have also a very ingenius design for a self-acting air-pump, to be fixed in the confined streets, which is to supersede the necessity of country excursions for the benefit of the health. Here are likewise many other valuable memorandums, most of which, I have no doubt, but I shall render equally practicable, and of the greatest importance to the nation. So, egad, I have not a moment to lose. [Exeunt.

END OF ACT I.

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