Mrs. H. Lord, Mr. Hardcastle, you're forever at your Dorothy's and your old wife's. You may be a Darby but I'll be no Joan, I promise you. I'm not so old as you'd make me by more than one good year. Add twenty to twenty, and make money of that.

Hard. Let me see;-twenty added to twenty makes just fifty and seven.

Mrs. H. It's false, Mr. Hardcastle; I was but twenty when I had Tony by Mr. Lumpkin, my first husband; and he's not come to years of discretion yet.

Hard. Nor ever will, I dare answer for him. Ay, you have taught him finely.

Mrs. H. No matter, Tony Lumpkin has a good fortune. My son is not to live by his learning. I don't think a boy wants much learning to spend fifteen hundred a year.

Hard. Learning, quotha! a mere composition of tricks and mischief.

Mrs. H. Humor, my dear; nothing but humor. Come, Mr. Hardcastle, you must allow the boy a little humor.

Hard. I'd sooner allow him a horsepond! If burning the footmen's shoes, frightening the maids, worrying the kittens, be humor, he has it. It was but yesterday he fastened my wig to the back of my chair, and when I went to make a bow, I popped my bald head in Mrs. Frizzle's face.

Mrs. H. And am I to blame? The poor boy was always too sickly to do any good. A school would be his death. When he comes to be a little stronger, who knows what a year or two's Latin may do for him?

Hard. Latin for him! a cat and a fiddle! No, no ; the alehouse and the stable are the only schools he'll ever

go to.

Mrs. H. Well, we must not snub the poor boy now, for I believe we shan't have him long among us. Anybody who looks in his face can see he's consumptive.

Hard. Ay, if growing too fat be one of the symp

toms.

Mrs. H. He coughs sometimes.

Hard. Yes, when his liquor goes the wrong way.
Mrs. H. I'm actually afraid of his lungs.

Hard. And truly, so am I; for he sometimes whoops like a speaking trumpet. [Tony hallooing behind the scenes.] Oh, there he goes-a very consumptive figure, truly!

Enter TONY, L. U. E., crossing the stage to R.

Mrs. H. Tony, where are you going, my charmer? Won't you give papa and I a little of your company,

lovee ?

Tony. I'm in haste, mother, I can't stay.

Mrs. H. You shan't venture out this raw evening, my dear. You look most shockingly.

Tony. I can't stay, I tell you. The Three Pigeons" expects me down every moment. There's some fun going forward.

Hard. Ay; the alehouse, the old place: I thought so. Mrs. H. A low, paltry set of fellows!

Tony. Not so low neither. There's Dick Muggins the exciseman, Jack Slang the horse-doctor, little Aminadab that grinds the music-box, and Tom Twist that spins the pewter platter.

Mrs. H. Pray, my dear, disappoint them for one night at least.

Tony. As for disappointing them, I should not so much mind; but I can't abide to disappoint myself.

Mrs. H. [Detaining him.] You shan't go.

Tony. I will, I tell you.

Mrs. H. I say you shan't.

Tony. We'll see which is strongest, you or I.

[Exit R., hauling her out. Hard. Ay, there goes a pair, that only spoil each other. But is not the whole age in a combination to drive sense and discretion out of doors? There's my pretty darling

Kate; the fashions of the times have almost infected her too. By living a year or two in town, she is as fond of gauze and French frippery as the best of them.

Enter MISS HARDCASTLE, L.

Blessings on my pretty innocence!

Dressed out as

usual, my Kate. Goodness! what a quantity of superfluous silk hast thou got about thee, girl! I could never

teach the fools of this age, that the indigent world could be clothed out of the trimmings of the vain.

Miss H. You know our agreement, sir. You allow me the morning to receive and pay visits, and to dress in my own manner; and in the evening, I put on my housewife's dress to please you.

Hard. Well, remember I insist on the terms of our agreement; and, by-the-by, I believe I shall have occasion to try your obedience this very evening.

Miss H. I protest, sir, I don't comprehend your meaning.

Hard. Then, to be plain with you, Kate, I expect the young gentleman I have chosen to be your husband from town this very day. I have his father's letter, in which he informs me his son is set out, and that he intends to follow himself shortly after.

Miss H. Indeed! I wish I had known something of this before. Bless me, how shall I behave? It's a thousand to one I shan't like him; our meeting will be so formal, and so like a thing of business, that I shall find no room for friendship or esteem.

Hard. Depend upon it, child, I'll never control your choice; but Mr. Marlow, whom I have pitched upon, is the son of my old friend, Sir Charles Marlow, of whom you have heard me talk so often. The young gentleman has been bred a scholar, and is designed for an employment in the service of his country.. I am told he's a man of an excellent understanding.

Miss H. Is he?

Hard. Very generous.

Miss H. I believe I shall like him.

Hard. Young and brave.

Miss H. I'm sure I shall like him.

Hard. And very handsome.

Miss H. My dear papa, say no more. [Kissing his hand.] He's mine, I'll have him.

Hard. And to crown all, Kate, he's one of the most bashful and reserved young fellows in all the world.

Miss H. Eh! you have frozen me to death again. That word reserved has undone all the rest of his accomplishments. A reserved lover, it is said, always makes a suspicious husband.

Hard. On the contrary, modesty seldom resides in a breast that is not enriched with nobler virtues. It was

the very

feature in his character that first struck me. Miss H. He must have more striking features to catch me, I promise you. However, if he be so young, so handsome, and so everything, as you mention, I believe he'll do still. I think I'll have him.

Hard. Ay, Kate, but there is still an obstacle. It's more than an even wager he may not have you.

Miss H. My dear papa, why will you mortify one so? Well, if he refuse, instead of breaking my heart at his indifference, I'll only break my glass for its flattery; set my cap to some newer fashion, and look out for some less difficult admirer.

Hard. Bravely resolved! In the meantime, I'll go prepare the servants for his reception; as we seldom see company, they want as much training as a company of recruits, the first day's muster. [Exit, L.

Miss H. Lud, this news of papa's puts me all in a flutter! Young, handsome; these he put last; but I put them foremost. Sensible, good-natured; I like all that. But, then, reserved and sheepish, that's much against him. Yet can't he be cured of his timidity, by being taught to be proud of his wife? Yes, and can't I-but I vow I am disposing of the husband before I have secured the lover.

Enter MISS NEVILLE, R.

I'm glad you're come, my dear. Tell me, Constance, how do I look this evening? Is there anything whimsical about me? Is it one of my well-looking days, child? Am I in face to-day?

Yet now I look againhas happened among the Has your brother or the

Miss N. Perfectly, my dear. bless me !-sure no accident canary birds or the gold fishes. cat been meddling? Or has the last novel been too moving?

Miss H. No; nothing of all this. I have been threatened-I can scarce get it out-I have been threatened with a lover.

Miss N. And his name

Miss H. Is Marlow.

Miss N. Indeed.

Miss H. The son of Sir Charles Marlow.

Miss N. As I live, the most intimate friend of Mr. Hastings, my admirer. They are never asunder. I believe you must have seen him when we lived in town. Miss H. Never.

Miss N. He's a very singular character, I assure you. Among women of reputation and virtue he is the modestest man alive; but his acquaintance give him a very different character among creatures of another stamp: you understand me?

Miss H. An odd character, indeed. I shall never be able to manage him. What shall I do? Pshaw! think no more of him, but trust to occurrences for success. But how goes on your own affair, my dear; has my mother been courting you for my brother Tony, as usual?

tête-a-têtes.

Miss N. I have just come from one of our agreeable She has been saying a hundred tender things, and setting off her pretty monster as the very pink of perfection.

Miss H. And her partiality is such that she actually thinks him so. A fortune like yours is no small temptation. Besides, as she has the sole management of it, I'm not surprised to see her unwilling to let it go out of the family.

Miss N. A fortune like mine, which chiefly consists in jewels, is no such mighty temptation. But at any rate, if my dear Hastings be but constant, I make no doubt to be too hard for her at last. However, I let her suppose that I am in love with her son, and she never once dreams that my affections are fixed upon another.

Miss H. My good brother holds out stoutly. I could almost love him for hating you so.

Miss N. It is a good-natured creature at bottom, and I'm sure would wish to see me married to anybody but himself. But my aunt's bell rings for our afternoon's walk round the improvements. Allons! Courage is necessary, as our affairs are critical.

Miss H. Would it were bed-time, and all were well!

[Exeunt, R.