« 이전계속 »
Smith. Kind souls, I don't. [Exeunt GUESTS.
Smith. Well, Sarah, I suppose we must obey the Proverb between us—forget and forgive! You've managed to forget, and I must contrive to forgive. (seeing LARRY advancing.) Ha! that florid Hibernian still here! Damn his impudence! I must annihilate this fellow.
Mrs. S. (aside) Poor Lawrence! He can't keep away ! He doats upon the very ground I stand on.
Smith. (loud) Emerald Islander, keep your distance, Sir, and let your red cheeks blush if they can. I take it, the professional business of that swinging cutlass of yours is to prevent smuggling. What means, then, your own contraband traffic, with this prohibited piece of goods ? (pointing to Mrs. SMITH)
Lar. Mr. Smith, whether you believe me or no, no. body here's more gladder to see your own beautiful countenance than Larry O'Lugger--not even your wife, there. My regard for Mrs. Smith was altogether a mistake. And to show it ain't smuggling but fair trade I would be at, give me your daughter for a wife, let me take Miss Sally, and you'll find there will be no mistake at all, at all.
Smith. Sally! Cockle. Sally! Mrs. S. Sally! Lar. Sally! and as it seems quite clear you haven't any other Sally's to choose from, I unhesitatingly select this one. (points to SALLY) Mrs. S. (aside) The Irish villain !
Smith. Friend Lubber, you make amends--your proposal is
civil—I wasn't aware a man could be so very military and civil, too—and if on enquiry I find your morals to be on the same redundant scale as the rest of your person, and Sally says yes, I consent.
Lar. So do I.
Mrs. S What! when only five minutes ago— (very loud) So don't I.
sál. Dear mother, pray do !
Mrs. S. Mother indeed! I say, once for all, never, never, never, never! Sally's my child, recollect.
Smith. And mine too-I presume.
Cockle. Come, come, Mrs. Smith, think better of itbless the young folks together!
Mrs. S. I'll see you both—anything but blest, first. Now recollect what I say: I'm going to compose my nerves, and look how the cooking's getting on—and before any. body comes to argufy the point with me, let him bear in mind this fact--I've had the kitchen poker mended!
[Excit into shop, slamming door after her. Smith (to Larry) Rash man! don't follow her: her mode of handling a poker was, and probably is, fearfully scientific-she's in a boiling passion, so suppose you let her sirnmer down at the kitchen firę. Meantime, I'm your friend.
Enter Boy, with paper, R. U. E.
Boy. A letter I was to give to Mrs. Smith's husband. Smith. (advances) Then give it.
Boy. (jerking it away) I means to it. (gives it to LARRY) There-and mind if you insists on giving me a pint, you'll find me at skittles down at the Blue Anchor.
[Exit L. Lar. (looks at address, opens and reads letter)
Smith. There's humiliation! I hope that's humiliation enough to do any body's heart good. I'm not to open my own letters now.
Lar. (aside) Larry O’Lugger, and what's that you have been reading ? Here's a Donnybrook row! I must tell the Justice Clerk-(to CockLETOP, who is talking to Smith) Hist-hist! Whoo! (whistling to him—then draw. ing him apart) Here's a piece of business! I'm ordered this moment to attend Justice Napper. See here. (reading) “Investigation relative to an old case of smuggling and contumacy”
Cockle. Well, årrest the miscreant.
Lar. Don't I tell you to see here; read~" Whereas process of Outlawry was issued against Thomas Smith”
Cockle. Thomas Smith! You don't mean that! Give
me the paper. (reads) Anno 1800! Conclusive! 'Tis my poor
friend's former condemnation! and now I think of it, I shall have to execute the old warrant (sighing) Smith! Smith! unfortunate man!
Smith. (overhearing) Smith! unfortunate man! What a singular expression !
Cockle. (with formality) Mr. Smith, I must speak to you in private.
Smith. Mr. Smith! Mr. & Another singular expression!
Cockle. Silence !
Cockle. Silence! (to LARRY, who points to Smith, gesticulating) Silence !
Smith. My dear friend, are you aware that you are making a devil of a noise with your silence ?
Cockle. Silence! (leads Sally to door of shop) Unhappy orphan, go to your mother!
Smith. Orphan! A third singular expression! I really begin to experience a trifling shudder.
Cockle. (to LARRY) Begone to Justice Napper; and mind, not a word to any soul, or any body.
Lar. Mum! Dumb!
Cockle. (pushing him of l.) Silence ! (solemnly to SMITH) Now that we are alone, answer me and quickly. Your time is short!
Smith. My time short! My dear old friend, you are growing rapidly offensive. I wish you'd condescend to tell me what screw is loose, and what the devil the matter,
Cockle. Hush. Recollect the French brandy.
Smith. I do—I do; but if the French brandy chose to land in the pond in my garden, could 1 help it? Besides, that's past and gone, twenty years ago. If you ask France, I'll be bound France will tell you she has forgotten the circumstance altogether.
Cockle. But the English Custom house never forgets; the English Tax-gatherer, like immortal Majesty, never dies! You have been recognized; you are in danger; the ground is yawning under your feet.
Smith. (running away) Will you be quiet, Sir? Don't
suppose I'm to be frightened by a yawn! No, Sir; no free-born Englishman can be tried twenty years after the offence. I therefore appeal to the laws of my country, and boldly meet my trial !
Cockle. It's too late now. Five years were given you to purge your Conturnacy.
Smith. Purge my what, Sir ?
Cockle. Pooh, pooh, Sir, no trifling: your time's up: all's over: there's no legal life left in you: you're in a state of Civil Death!
Smith. Civil death! Well, as long as death keeps civil, there can't be much harm done.
Cockle. No harm done! It's plain you know nothing of law. No harm done! Wait a minute. (crosses to house R.-runs to his own door) Smiley, hand me down Long. yarn's Abridgment, (returns with ponderons law-book) Now, Sir, before we've got half through this little Digest, I'll prove to your satisfaction you're liable to be transported for life.
Smith. Half through that very little Digest ? I'd as soon be hanged at once! Is this to be borne ? (coming forward) I appeal to Young England! I come to my Mother Country, I come to live morally and peaceably, on the best of every thing that can be got for love or money, and my Mother Country hands me a thing like that to digest! But I'll not trouble you, Mother Country! I'll go back to Yankee Land, the moment my inheritance—the moment my
beloved uncle's beloved two thousand pounds are safe in my breeches pocket!
Cockle. Inheritance? You ain't capable of inheriting any thing. But be comforted, -every farthing of your property goes to your wife.
Smith. My wife?-perfidious Sarah? Damn it-I can't stand this! I'll be divorced !
Cockle. Divorced ! You are divorced! Let me read Jacobus Secundus.
Smith. Bother Jacobus Secundus! Besides, now I come to think of it, I don't know but a divorce from Sarah Smith's well worth the two thousand pounds : especially if I can manage to make it over to my daughter.
Cockle. Daughter? You've got no daughter! Queen Anne distinctly declares you incapable of having a child.
Smith. Does she? Well, I really do wish Queen Anne would be good enough to mind her own concerns. Queen Anne and I shall quarrel presently.
Cockle. Now, listen. The warrant is already in the catchpoll's hands. Take a friend's advice : run-vanishevaporate from the face of the earth! Yet, ere we part, one tear to he memory of youth and Birch ! (they embrace) 'Tis past! and now-outlaw, be off!
Smith. (stopping him) Wait a minute! Well, Christopher, if it must be, it must. One last favor—the last in this world !-Can't you give us a bit of dinner ?
Cockle. Miscreant, begone? (runs to his house R. H., slams and bolts door) Smith. Friend of my soul-he's gone he's
gone and bolted the door! The precious old thief! And here am I, the last of the Gotobeds without a bed to go to ! not even a stone to serve him for a bolster! (sitting down) After all, why should I seek to preserve a head that France and England have made up their minds to have—and be damned to them !why should I? Simply because I am persuaded it would never look half so dignified anywhere else as in the position it occupies at this moment—that's why. So here we goes again—I'll just walk back to North America. (takes down cloak and
puts it on)
Enter Larry hastily, L.
Lar. (crosses to r.) Hirroo! Hirroo! Here's news for the Smiths and the Cockletops and the O’Luggers !
Smith. (dressing.) Though I am now perfectly indifferent to all subloonary concerns, I'll take precious good care nobody sees me. My half-crowner, here, seems made for the purpose. Ah! a capital idea! I'll adopt the amphibious cut of the chap I bought it from.
Lar. (seeing him.) Larry, my boy, what's that you see? Black cloak, fiery red lining-wait a minute. (searching pockets.)
Smith. I'll be bound they've got a full description of my oval countenance-but I'll trouble 'em to read
oval countenance. (putting up collar and pulling down hat.)
Lar. (pulls out paper and reads.) * Hat down and collar up to shew his face is concealed.” 'Tis my man !—'tis the