Lar. (L.) Remarked before, has it? Yes, before and behind too.

Mrs. S. (R. tapping him on the cheek) How dare you say any thing half so clever, you naughty, naughty, naughty boy?

Enter COCKLETOP from house, r.

Cockle. (R.) Now, Mrs. Smith-ah! good day, O'Lug. ger. Well, Sir, take your blushing bride and follow me to the back parlor. While she's putting the finishing stroke to her toilette, you and I'll put the finishing stroke to the settlements.

Lar. (L., aside) Now for my plan-now to emancipate the pussy-cat in the bag! (aloud) The sad truth must be told. I've been rather ordered off instantly for three days. on special business-that rogue, Van Smelt, the Dutch smuggler, has been seen ashore near the Foreland-here's your own warrant and description, Mr. Justice's Clerk, (pulls out paper and reads)

"Two hundred pounds reward! Van Smelt, Dutchman, 5 "feet 2 inches high, and may be an inch or two more across "the shoulders-Features, handsome, but not to be seen "for his whiskers-Dress, a large black cloak lined with "fiery red-wears collar up and hat down to shew his face "is concealed. Whoever will capture, or give information, "et cetera, et cetera."

My compliments to the Gimps and Bobbinses. I wish you a very good morning. (making off)

Mrs. S. (L., seizes one arm) No you don't.

Cockle. (R., seizes the other) You don't indeed: for I've 'his moment received information that the terrific Dutchman is tied neck and heels, and safe in Deal Castle-so come along to the back parlor and finish the affair.

Lar. It's no sort of use Oh, Larry O'Lugger! this is the consequence of your handsome personal exterior, you divil you! (MRS. SMITH pulls him) If Nature ever has to make you over again, I only hope she'll leave out your personal exterior altogether!

[Exeunt into MRS. SMITH's house.

Enter SMITH rapidly, looks about, and paces up and down excited. He wears a large black cloak, which he throws off.

Smith. England! England! do I behold thee, jolly old England? How often in the back wilds of wild Kentuck -in the silent solitudes of Old Virginny, where no human voice but the hyana's was ever heard how often have I exclaimed with Dr. Johnson, "England, with all my faults I love thee still!" Yes, I love thee, England-upon my honor as a gentleman, I love thee still. In short, England, you may rest perfectly satisfied that I love thee still. Bythe-bye, England, I don't know if you're aware of it, but a rether singular adventure has already occurred to me. About half way between this and Broadstairs, a man suddenly emerged from a ravine on the sea shore; his fine. features were well muffled in hair, which he seemed particularly anxious I should take notice of; for out of the vernacular Lingo which he began spluttering right and left, I could make nothing out but, Mine hair! mine hair!" His expressive gestures gave me, however, distinctly to understand, that he wanted something to eat and drink, and wished to sell this cloak for ten shillings. The cloak being uncommonly cheap, and the day being remarkably cold, I felt charity for a fellow creature and bought the cloak. However, I want no cloak just now, for my proceedings must be open, public, and solemn. So hang there awhile, my four half-crowner! (hangs cloak on tree) Let me see, the instructions I got at Broadstairs were, to the East Cliff near the Flagstaff. There's the Cliff, sure enough; and there stands the friend of my youth, the Flagstaff! What do I see? (reads) "Sarah Smith, Widow, Dealer in Coffee, Tea, Tobacco, and Snuff." "Tis she? "Tis my longlost, but still doting Sarah! The news of my death has reached her then-I thought so. I hear the most distinct sobbing: (loud laughing heard) fluctuating with bursts of maniac laughter! (looks in) Ah! 'tis she herself! and, as I expected, looking considerably older than she was twenty years ago—but I say, stop a bit-who's that florid marine warrior sitting cheek by jowl with her? (jumping) Ah! by yon skyblue Heaven she smacks him on the cheek, as she used invariably to smack me-only not by any means

so hard-and whispers ! (coming forward) Umph! What means this sinister foreboding? Is it possible, when I've been dead only ten years-when her husband's cinders are scarcely cold-is it possible her thoughts are already wandering from his beloved tombstone? I must pop the awful question to somebody-I must pick up some tittle-tattle somewhere-and in the nick of time, a qualified young woman comes this way. (retires)

Enter SALLY, L.

Sal. Oh, ain't I glad! the cap can't be ready and won't be ready before to-morrow!

Smith. I'll salute her. (advances) Miss

Sal. Sir!

Smith. (R. c.) She's angry! She's not a miss. made a mistake. (to her) Mrs., I mean―

Sal. (L. c., still louder) Sir!

I've

Smith. She's angry! She's not a Mrs. (to her) Well, I won't attempt again to say what class of female you belong to all I want is, a little female gossip.

Sal. Oh, with the greatest of pleasure! I don't know who you are, but you've got a nice, old, fatherly face of your own; and since I've been so ill-used, I'll tell everybody everything.

Smith. Your confidence is flattering. Well, then, I'll trouble your confidence to tell me whether you happen to know the proprietor of yonder establishment of tea and snuff?

Sal. Why to be sure I do. That's my mother!

Smith. (aside) Gracious powers! Is it possible! Something whispered me that this lovely young sprig must be a shoot from me. 'Tis my own little Sally! (to her) My dear Miss Smith, you're at liberty to pour your sorrows into my bosom. Come, what have you got to pour?

Sal. Only this; that my own mother is going to marry my own young man in ten minutes' time-that's all. They're settling matters together in the back parlor at this very moment.

Smith. The devil they are!

Sal. What shall I do?

Smith. Do? Go, burst open the door, and, with the

voice of an indignant four-and-twenty pounder, exclaim"I'll tell father-see if I don't!".

Sal. Alas! I've got no father!

Smith. Don't be too sure of that.
Sal. I never had a father.

Smith. (confidentially) Don't be too sure of that.

[BELLS heard.

Sal. Do you hear? There go the bells; and, look— here come the guests.

[Two MEN pass over stage R., and enter shop L.

-Those ugly Gimps and Bobbins.

It

Smith. Oh! that's Gimps and Bobbins, is it? strikes me I'll be a match for Gimp and Bobbins. (to her) I've just come three thousand miles for the express purpose of matching Gimp and Bobbins. Fear not. I'll stand by you. Farewell.

Sal. Farewell! Is that the way you mean to stand by me?

Smith. I'm at hand, though invisible. In your extremity, call extremely loud, "Gotobed, Once! Gotobed, Twice! Gotobed, Three times !" Call with a voice of thunder, and like a flash of lightning I'll appear!

[Exit v. R. E

Sal. (c.) Gotobed with a voice of thunder!-Gotobed, with a flash of lightning! I declare I'm half afraid. O my! and suppose the old gentleman was the real old gentleman! Well-so much the better-he'll be a match for mother.

BELLS.- -Enter MRS. SMITH arm in arm with the reluc tant LARRY, and followed by MR. and MRS. GIMP, and MR. and MRS. BOBBINS, all in bridal array.

Mrs. G. (L.) Well, I do declare you look charming, Mrs. Smith.

Mrs. S. You're very good, Gimp, I'm sure. (sees SALLY) Ah, Sally; you're just come in time, child. Where's my new cap?

Sal. (pouting) Milliner says it won't be ready 'fore to

morrow. She told me to tell you she didn't know you was so pressed.

Mrs. S. (R.) Provoking! Then we must go without it. Sal. (aside) Must you! Then it's high time to call the old gentleman, (very loud) Gotobed, Once!

Mrs. S. Go to bed at once! What does the girl mean? How dare you use such language, hussy?

Lar. (on the other side) Sally, sweet Sally, tell me― what shall I do?

Sal. (thundering) Gotobed Two!

Lar.

Go to bed too? Ingenious darlin'!

Mrs. S. The slut's mad! Mr. O'Lugger, I'll thank you to drop her hand and take my arm. You, minx, follow with Mr. Cockletop, when you know how to behave. Now, neighbors, as nobody sees just cause or impediment, come along.

Sal. (thundering) This is the last time of asking-Gotobed, Three times I

SMITH advances, R. and meets the wedding party.

Smith. Ladies and Gentlemen in general, and Sarah Smith in particular-you've made a slight mistake-there is a small cause and impediment.

Sal. (exulting) The old gentleman, I declare !
Omnes. (retreating) The old gentleman!

Lar. The divil it is?

Mrs. S. (turning her back with dignity) Who is this person? What do you want, man?

Smith. What does man want? Man demands his wife! Man forbids this bigamacious marriage!

Mrs. S. Big what? (crosses to c.) Sir, my indignation only allows me to say, pooh, pooh! Go along.

Smith. Madam, Madam, I am not to be pooh-pooh'd: still less am I to be go-along'd. My simple expression was, this bigamacious marriage; and as Dr. Johnson defines bigamy to be, substantive, the crime of marrying a second wife or husband, the first being alive, I am prepared to make deliberate oath that your first husband is not deadand, what's more, never was dead at any moment of his existence !

Mrs. S. My husband alive! This is growing no joke.