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Cox. Your apartrnent ? Ha! ha!-come, I like that! Look here, sir-Proclures a paper out of his pocket.] Mrs. Bouncer's receipt for the last week's rent, sir

Box. (Produces a paper, and holds it close to Cox's face.] Ditto, sir!

Cox. (Suddenly shouting.] Thieves !
Box, Murder!
Both. Mrs. Bouncer! [Each runs to door, L. C., calling.

Mrs. BOUNCER runs in at door, L.C.
Mrs. B. What is the matter ? (Cox and Box seize Mrs.
Bouncer by the arm, und drag her forward.

Bor. Instantly remove that hatter !
Cor. Immediately turn out that printer !
Mrs. B. Well-but, gentlemen-
Cor. Explain!

(Pulling her round to him. Box. Explain! [Pulling her round to him. Whose room is this?

Cox. Yes, woman-whose room is this?
Box. Doesn't it belong to me?
Mrs. B. No!
Cox. There! You hear, sir-it belongs to me!
Mrs. B. No—it belongs to both of you ! (Sobbing.
Cox. f. Box. Both of us ?

Mrs. B. Oh, dear, gentlemen, don't be angry-but you see, this gentleman-{Pointing to Box,}-only being at home in the day time, and that gentleman- [Pointing to Cox,—at night, I thought I might venture, until my little back second floor room was ready

Cox f. Box. (Eagerly.) When will your little back second floor room be ready ?

Mrs. B. Why, to-morrow-
Cox. I'll take it !
Box. So will I !

Mrs. B. Excuse me—but if you both take it, you may just as well stop where you are.

Cox & Box. True.
Cox. I spoke first, sir-

Box. With all my heart, sir. The little back second floor room is yours, sir--now, go

Cox. Go? Pooh-pooh !

Mrs. B. Now don't quarrel, gentlemen. You see, there used to be a partition here

Cox f. Box. Then put it up!

Mrs. B. Nay, l'll see if I can't get the other room ready this very day. Now do keep your tempers. (Exit, L. Cox. What a disgusting position !

(Walking rapidly round stagr. Box. [Sitting down on chair, at one side of table, and following Cox's movements.] Will you allow me to observe, if you have not had any exercise to-day, you'd better go out and take it. Cox. I shall not do anything of the sort, sir.

(Seating himself at the table opposite Box. Bor. Very well, sir.

Cox. Very well, sir! However, don't let me prevent you

from going out. Bor. Don't flatter yourself, sir. (Cox is about to break a piece of the roll off.] Holloa ! that's my roll, sir- (Snatches it away--puts a pipe in his mouth, lights it with a piece of tinder- and puffs smoke across to Cox.

Cox. Holloa ! What are you about, sir ?
Box. What am I about? I'm about to smoke.
Cox. Wheugh! (Goes and opens window at Box's back.
Box. Hollo! (Turns round.] Put down that window, sir !
Cox. Then put your pipe out, sir !
Box. There !

(Puts pipe on table. Cox. There ! [Slams down window, and re-seats himself.

Box. I shall retire to my pillow. [Goes up, takes off his jacket, then goes towards bed, and sits upon it, L. C.

Cox. (Jumps up, goes to bed, and sits down on R. of Box.] I beg your pardon, sir-I cannot allow any one to rumple my bed. (Both rising.]

Box. Your bed ? Hark ye, sir-can you fight ?
Cox. No, sir.
Box. No ? Then come on-

[Sparring at Cox.
Cox. Sit down, sir-or I'll instantly vociferate “Police !"
Box. [Seats himself-Cox does the same.] I say, sir-
Cox. Well, sir ?

Box. Although we are doomed to occupy the same room for a few hours longer, I don't see any necessity for our cutting each other's throats, sir.

Cox. Not at all. It's an operation that I should decidedly object to.

Box. And, after all, I've no violent animosity to you, sir. Cox. Nor have I ary rooted antipathy to you, sir.

little es

Box. Besides, it was all Mrs. Bouncer's fault, sir.
Cox. Entirely, sir. (Gradually approaching chairs.]
Box. Very well, sir !
Cox. Very well, sir ! (Pause.]
Box. Take a bit of roll, sir ?
Cox. Thank ye, sir. (Breaking a bit of Pause.]
Box. Do you sing, sir ?
Cox. I sometimes join in a chorus.

Box. Then give us a chorus. [Pause.] Have you seen the Bosjemans, sir ?

Cox. No, sir-my wife wouldn't let me.
Box. Your wife !
Cox. That is—my intended wife.

Box. Well, that's the same thing! I congratulate you ! [Shaking hands.]

Cox: (With a deep sigh.) Thank ye. [Sceing Box about to get up.! You needn't disturb yourself, sir. She won't come here.

Box. Oh! I understand. You've got a snug tablishment of your own here on the sly-cunning dog -[Nudging Cox.]

Cox. [Drawing himself up.] No such thing, sir--I repeat, sir-no such thing, sir, but


wife-1 mean, my intended wife-happens to be the proprietor of a considerable number of bathing machines

Box. (Suddenly.) Ha ! Where? [Grasping Cox's arm.] Cox. At a favorite watering-place. How curious you are ! Box. Not at all. Well ?

Cox. Consequently, in the bathing season-which luckily is rather a long one-we see but little of each other ; but as that is now over, I am daily indulging in the expectation of being blessed with the sight of my beloved. Very seriously.] Are you married ?

Box. Me ? Why-not exactly !
Cox. Ah-a happy bachelor ?
Box. Why-not-precisely !
Cox. Oh ! a-widower ?
Box. No—not absolutely!

Cox. You'll excuse me, sir-but, at present, I don't exactly understand how you can help being one of the Ihree.

Box. Not help it ?
Cox, No, sir-not you, nor any other man alive !

Box. Ah, that may be—but I'm not alive!

Cox. [Pushing back his chair.) You'll excuse me, sirbut I don't like joking upon such subjects.

Box. l’m perfectly serious, sir. I've been defunct for the last three

years ! Cox. [Shouting.] Will you be quiet, sir ?

Box, If you won't believe me, I'll refer you to a very large, numerous, and respectable circle of disconsolate friends.

Cor. My dear sir-my very dear sir-if there does exist any ingenious contrivance whereby a man on the eve of committing matrimony can leave this world, and yet stop in it, I shouldn't be sorry to know it.

Box. Oh! then I presume I'm not to set you down as being frantically attached to your intended ?

Cox. Why, not exactly; and yet, at present, I'm only aware of one obstacle to my doating upon her, and that is, that I can't abide her !

Box. Then there's nothing more easy. Do as I did.
Cox. (Eagerly.] I will ! What was it ?
Bor. Drown yourself!
Cox. [Shouting again. Will you be quiet, sir ?

Box. Listen to me. Three years ago it was my misfortune to captivate the affections of a still blooming, though somewhat middle-aged widow, at Ramsgate.

Cox. [Aside.] Singular enough! Just my case three months ago at Margate.

Box. Well, sir, to escape her'importunities, I came to the determination of enlisting into the Blues, or Life Guards.

Cox. Aside.] So did I. How very odd !

Box. But they wouldn't have me they actually had the effrontery to say that I was too short

Cox. (Aside.] And I wasn't tall enough!

Box. So I was obliged to content myself with a marching regiment-I enlisted!

Cox. (Aside. So did I. Singular coincidence !
Box. I'd no sooner done so, than I was sorry for it.
Cox. (Aside. So was I.
Box. My infatuated widow offered to purchase my

discharge, on condition that I'd lead her to the altar.

Cox. (Aside.] Just my case !
Box. I hesitated-at last I consented.
Cox. Aside.] I consented at once !

Box. Well, sir—the day fixed for the happy ceremony at length drew near-in fact, too near to be pleasant-s0 1 suddenly discovered that I wasn't worthy to possess lrer, and I told her som — when, instead of being flattered by the compliment, she flew upon me like a tiger of the fentale gender-I rejoined-when suddenly something whizzed past me, within an inch of my ear, and shivered into a thousand fragments against the mantel-piece-it was the slop-basin. I retaliated with a tea-cup—we parted, and the next morning I was served with a notice of action for breach of promise.

Cox. Well, sir ?

Box. Well, sir-ruin stared me in the face--the action proceeded against me with gigantic strides-I took a desperate resolution-I left

ту home early one morning, with one suit of clothes on my back, and another tied


in a bundle, under my arm-I arrived on the cliffs--opened my bundle—deposited the suit of clothes on the very verge of the precipice—took one look down into the yawning gulph beneath me, and walked off in the opposite direction.

Cox. Dear me! I think I begin to have some slight perception of your meaning. Ingenious creature! disappeared-the suit of clothes were found

Box. Exactly—and in one of the pockets of the coat, or the waistcoat, or the pantaloons—I forget whichthere was also found a piece of paper, with these affecting farewell words : “ This is thy work, oh, Penelope Ann !”

Cox. Penelope Ann ! [Starts up, takes Box by the arm, and leads him slowly to front of stage.] Penelope Ann?

Box. Penelope Ann!
Cor. Originally widow of William Wiggins ?
Box. Widow of William Wiggins !
Cox. Proprietor of bathing machines ?
Box. Proprietor of bathing machines !
Cox. At Margate ?
Box. And Ramsgate!

Cox. It must be she ! And you, sir-you are Boxthe lamented, long lost Box !

Box, I am !

Cox. And I was about to marry the interesting crcatura you so cruelly deceived.

Bor. Ha! then you are Cox?
Cox. I am!


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