By inscribing this slight performance to you, I do
not mean so much to compliment you as myself. It may do me some honor to inform the public, that I have lived many years in intimacy with you. It may serve the interests of mankind also to inform them, that the greatest wit may be found in a character, without impairing the most unaffected piety.
I have, particularly, reason to thank you for your partiality to this performance. The undertaking a Comedy, not merely sentimental, was very dangerous; and Mr. Colman, who saw this piece in its various stages, always thought it so. However, I ventured to trust it to the public; and, though it was necessarily delayed till late in the season, I have every reason to be grateful. I am,
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Enter Mr. WOODWARD, dressed in black, and holding
a handkerchief to his eyes.. Excuse
me, Sirs, I pray—I can't yet speak- I'm crying now—and have been all the week. “ Tis not alone this mourning suit,” good masters :
I've that within”-for which there are no plasters! Pray, would you know the reason why I'm crying? The comic muse, long sick, is now a dying! And if she goes, my tears will never stop; For as a play'r, I can't squeeze out one drop; I am undone, that's all-shall lose my bread I'd rather, but that's nothing-lose my head. When the sweet maid is laid upon the bier, Shuter and I shall be chief mourners here. To her a mawkish drab of spurious breed, Who deals in Sentimentals, will succeed ! Poor Ned and I are dead to all intents; We can as soon speak Greek as Sentiments ! Both nervous grown, to keep our spirits up, We now and then take down a hearty cup. What shall we do?-If Comedy forsake us ? They'll turn us out, and no one else will take us. But, why can't I be moral ?-Let me try My heart thus pressing-fix'd my face and eye-
With a sententious look, that nothing means, (Faces are blocks in sentimental scenes) Thus I begin—“All is not gold that glitters, “ Pleasures seem sweet, but prove a glass of bitters. “When ign’rance enters, folly is at hand : • Learning is better far than house and land. « Let not your virtue trip, who trips may stumble, « And virtue is not virtue, if she tumble.” I give it up-morals won't do for me ; To make you laugh, I must play tragedy. One hope remains-hearing the maid was ill, A Doctor comes this night to shew his skill. To cheer her heart, and give your muscles motion, He, in Five Draughts prepar'd, presents a potion ; A kind of magic charm--for be assur'd, If you will swallow it, the maid is curd : But desp'rate the Doctor, and her case is, If you reject the dose, and make wry faces.! This truth he boasts, will boast it while he lives; No pois'nous drugs are mix'd in what he gives. Should he succeed, you'll give him his degree ; If not, within he will receive no fee ! The college you, must his pretensions back, Pronounce him Regular, or dub him Quack: ·
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