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violent memories don't become a young woman.

Sir Anth. Why, sure, she won't pretend to remember what she's ordered not! ay, this comes of her reading! Lydia. What crime, madam, have I committed to be treated thus?

Mrs. M. Now don't attempt to extirpate yourself from the matter; you know I have proof controvertible of it. But, tell me, will you promise to do as you're bid? Will you take a husband of your friends'choosing?

Lydia. Madam, I must tell you plainly, that, bad I no preference for any one else, the choice you have made would be my aversion.

Mrs. M. What business have you, miss, with preference and aversion? They don't become a young woman; and you ought to know, that, as both always wear off, 'tis safest, in matrimony, to begin with a little aversion. I am sure I hated your poor, dear uncle, before marriage, as if he'd been a black-amoor; and yet, miss, you are sensible what a wife L made! and when it pleased heaven to release me from him, 'tis unknown what tears I shed! But, suppose we were going to give you another choice, will you promise us to give up this Beverley?

Lydia. Could I belie my thoughts so far as to give that promise, my actions would certainly as far belie my words.

Mrs. M. Take yourself to your room: Yon are fit company for nothing but your own ill humours. Lydia. Willingly, ma'am; I cannot change for the

worse.

[Exit. Mrs. M. There's a little intricate bussy for you! Sir Anth. It is not to be wondered at, ma'am ; all this is the natural consequence of teaching girls to read. Jn my way hither, Mrs. Malaprop, I observed your niece's maid coming forth from a circulating library; she had a book in each band-they were half-bound volumes, with marble covers: From that moment, I guessed how full of duty I should see her mistress !

Mrs. M. Those are vile places, indeed!

Sir Anth. Madam, a circulating library in a town is as an evergreen tree of diabolical knowledge !-It blossoms through the year! And, depend on it, Mrs. Malaprop, that they who are so fond of handling the leaves will long for the fruit at last.

Mrs. M. Fie, fie, sir Anthony! you surely speak Jaconically.

Sir Anth. Why, Mrs. Malaprop, in moderation, now, yhat would you have a woman know?

Mrs. M. Observe me, sir Anthony-I would by no means wish a daughter of mine to be a progeny of learning; I don't think so much learning becomes a young woman ;-for instance-I would never let ber meddle with Greek, or Hebrew, or Algebra, or Simony, or Fluxions, or Paradoxes, or such inflammatory branches of learning: nor would it be necessary for her to handle any of your mathematical, astronomical, diabolical instruments; but, sir Anthony, I would send her, at nine years old, to a boarding-school, in order to learn a little ingenuity and artifice. Then, sir, she should have a supercilious knowledge in accounts; and, as she grew up, I would have her instructed in geometry, that she might know something of the contagions countries. This, sir Anthony, is what I would have a woman know; and I don't think there is a superstitious article in it.

Sir Anth. Well, well, Mrs. Malaprop, I will dispute the point no further with you; though I must confess, that you are a truly moderate and polite arguer, for almost every third word you say is on my side of the question. But, Mrs. Malaprop, to the more important point in debate,-you say you have no objection to my proposal?

Mrs. M. None, I assure you. I am under no positive engagement with Mr. Acres; aud as Lydia is so obstinate against him, perhaps your son may have better success.

Sir Anth. Well, madam, I will write for the boy directly. He knows not a syllable of this yet, though I have for some time had the proposal in my head. He is at present with his regiment.

Mrs. M. We have never seen your son, sir Anthony; but I hope no objection on his side.

Sir Anth. Objection!-let him object if he dare! -No, no, Mrs. Malaprop: Jack knows, that the least demur puts me in a phrenzy directly. My process was always very simple-in their younger days t'was, "Jack, do this,'-if be demurred, I knocked him down; and if he grumbled at that, I always sent him out of the room.

Mrs. M. Ay, and the properest way, o'my conscience!-Nothing is so conciliating to young people as severity. Well, sir Anthony, I shall give Mr. Acres bis discharge, and prepare Lydia to receive your son's invocations; and I hope you will represent her to the captain as an object not altogether illegible.

Sir Anth. Madam, I will handle the subject pradently, Well, I must leave you; and let me beg you, Mrs. Malaprop, to enforce this matter roundly to the girl take my advice, keep a tight band-if she rejects this proposal, clap her under lock and key; and if you were just to let the servants forget to bring her dinner for three or four days, you can't conceive how she'd come about. [Exit Sir Anthony.

Mrs. M. Well, at any rate, I shall be glad to get her from under my intuition. She has somehow discovered my partiality for sir Lucius O'Trigger. Sure, Lucy can't have betrayed me!-No, the girl is such a simpleton, I should have made her confess it. -Lucy! Lucy! [Calls] Had she been one of your artificial ones, I should never have trusted her. Enter Lucy.

Lucy. Did you call, ma'am?

Mrs. M. Yes, girl.—Did you see sir Lucias while you was out?

Lucy. No, indeed, maʼam, not a glimpse of, him. Mrs. M. You are sure, Lucy, that you never mentioned.

Lucy. O gemini! I'd sooner cut my tongue out! Mrs. M. Well, don't let your simplicity be imposed on.

Lucy. No, ma'am.

Mrs. M. So, come to me presently, and I'll give you another letter to sir Lucius-but mind, Lucy, if ever you betray what you are intrusted with (unless it be other people's secrets to me), you forfeit my malevolence for ever: and your being a simpleton shall be no excuse for your locality. [Exit.

Lucy. Ha! ha ha! So, my dear simplicity, let me give you a little respite; [Altering her manner] let girls, in my station, be as fond as they please of being expert and knowing in their trusts, commend me to a mask of silliness, and a pair of sharp eyes for my own interest under it!-Let me see to what account bave I turned my simplicity lately: [Looks at a Paper] For abetting miss Lydia Languish in a design of running away with an ensign! in money, sundry times, twelve pound twelve-gowns, five; hats, ruffles, caps, &c. &c. numberless.-From the suid ensign, within this last month, six guineas and a half.-About & quarter's pay!-Item, from Mrs. Muluprop, for betraying the young people to her-when I found matters were likely to be discovered-two guineas and a black padusoy.-Item, from Mr. Acres, for carrying divers letters-which I never delivered-two guineas, and a pair of buckles-Item, from sir Lucius O'Trigger, three crowns, two gold pocket pieces, and a silver snuffbox!-Well done, simplicity! yet, I was forced to make my Hibernian believe, that he was correspond. ing, not with the aunt, but with the niece; for, though not over rich, I found he had too much pride and delicacy to sacrifice the feelings of a gentleman to the necessities of his fortune. [Exit.

[graphic]

SCENE I. CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE's Lodgings.
CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE and FAG.

Fag. Sir, while I was there, sir Anthony came in ; I told him you had sent me to inquire after his health, and to know if he was at leisure to see you."

Capt. Abs. And what did be say on hearing I was at Bath?

Fag. Sir, in my life, I never saw an elderly gentlemau more astonished!

Capt. Abs. Well, sir, and what did you say?

Fag. O, I lied, sir-I forget the precise lie, but, you may depend on't, he got no truth from me.-Yet, with submission, for fear of blunders in future, I should be glad to fix what has brought us to Bath, in order that we may lie a little consistently.-Sir Anthony's servants were curious, sir, very curious indeed.

Cupt. Abs. You have said nothing to them?Fag. Oh, not a word, sir-not a word.-Mr. Thomas, indeed, the coachman (whom I take to be the discreetest of whips)

Capt. Abs. 'Sdeath!--you rascal! you have not trusted him?

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