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violent memories don't become a yonng woman.
Sir Anth. Why,sore, she won't pretend to remember what she's ordered not! ay, this comes of her reading !
Lydia. Wbat crime, madam, have I committed to be treated tbus?
Mrs. M. Now don't attempt to extirpate yonrself from the matter; you kvow I have proof controvertible of it. But, tell me, will you promise to do as you're bid ? Will you take a busband of your friends'ohoosing?
Lydia. Madam, I must tell you plainly, that, bad I no preference for any one else, the choice you have made would be my aversion.
Mrs. M. What basiness have you, miss, with preference and aversion ? They don't become a young woman; and you ought to know, that, as both always wear off, 'tis sasest, in matrimony, to begin with a little aversion. I am sure I haled your poor, dear uncle, before marriage, as if he'd been a black-8
and yet, miss, you are sensible wbat a wife I made! and when it pleased heaven to release me from bim, 'tis unknown what tears I shed! But, suppose we were going to give you another choice, will you promise us to give op this Beverley?
Lydła. Could I helie my thoughts so far as lo give that promise, my actions would certainly as far belie
Mrs. M. Take yourself to your room : Yon are fit company for nothing but your own ill humours. Lydia. Willingly, ma'am; I cannot change for the
(Exit. Mrs. M. There's a little intricate bussy for you!
Sir Anth. It is not to be wondered at, ma'am ; all tbis is the nataral consequence of teaching girls to read. Jo iny way hither, Mrs. Malaprop, I observed your niece's maid coming forth from a circolating library ; she bad a book in each band they were half-bound volumes, with marble covers : From that moment, I guessed how full of duty I should see her mistress !
Mrs. M. Those are vile places, indeed!
Sir Anth. Madam, a cirvulating library in a town is as an evergreen tree of diabolical knowledge !-It blossoms through the year! And, depend on it, Mrs. Malaprop, that they who are so fond of handling the Jeaves will long for the fruit at last.
Mrs. M. Fie, fie, sir Anthony! you sarely speak Jaconically:
Sir Anth. Why, Mrs. Malaprop, in moderation, now, what would you liave a woman know?
Mrs. M. Observe me, sir Anthony- I would by no means wish a daughter of mine to be a progeny of learning ; I don't think so much learning becomes a young woman ;--for instance I would never let ber meddlewith Greek, or Hebrew, or Algebra, or Simony, or Fluxions, or Paradoxes, or such inflammatory branches of learning: nor would it be necessary for her to bandle any of your mathematical, astronomical, diabolical instrumenis; but, sir Antbony, I would send her, at pine years old, to a boarding-sobool, in order to learn a little ingenuity and artifice, Then, sir, she should have a sopercilious knowledge in accounts ; and, as she grew up, I would have her instructed in geometry, that she might know. something of the contagions couptries. This, sir Anthony, is what I would bave a woman know; and I don't tbiok there is a superstitious article in it.
Sir Anth. Well, well, Mrs. Malaprop, I will dispute the point no further with you ; thougb I must confess, that you are a troly moderate aod polite arguer, for almost every third word you say is on my side of the question.-But, Mrs. Malaprop, to the more important point in debate,ấyou say you bave no objection to my proposal?
Mrs. M. None, I assure you.—I am under no positive engagement with Mr. Acres; aud as Lydia is so 'obstinale against him, perhaps your son may have better success.
Sir Anth. Well, madam, I will wrile for the boy directly. He knows not a syllable of this yet, though I have for some tiine had the proposal in my head. He is at present with bis regiment.
Mrs. N. We have never seen your son, sir An. thony; but I hope no objection on his side.
Sir Anth. Objection !-let him object if he dare ! -No, no, Mrs. Malaprop : Jack knows, that the least demur pats me in a phrenzy directly. My process was always very simple in their younger days t'was, “ Jack, do this,'-if be demurred, I knocked bim down; and if he grambled at that, I always seat him out of the room.
Mrs. M. Ay, and the properest way, o’my conscience!—Nothing is so conciliating to young people as severity.-Well, sir Anthony, I shall give Mr. Acres bis discharge, and prepare Lydia to receive your son's invocations; and I bope you will represent lier to the captain as an object not altogether illegible.
Sir Anth. Madam, I will handle the subject pradently. Well, I must leave you; and let me beg you, Mrs. Malaprop, to enforce this matter roundly to the girl-lake my advice, keep a tigbt band-if she rejects this proposal, clap her under lock and key; and if you were just to let the servants forget to bring her dinner for ibree or four days, you can't conceive bow she'd come about. (Exit Sir Anthony.
Mrs. M. Well, at any rate, I shall be glad to get her from under my intuition. She has somehow discovered my partiality for sir Lucius O'Trigger. Sure, Lncy can't bave betrayed me!-No, the girl is such a simpleton, I should have made her confess it. -Luos! Luoy! (Calls] Had she been one of your artificial ones, I sbould never bave trusted her.
Enter Lucy. Lucy. Did you call, ma'am ?
Mrs. M. Yes, girl.--Did you see sir Lucias wbile you was out ?
Lucy. No, indeed, ma'am, not a glimpse of, Lim.
Mrs. M. You are sure, Lucy, that you never men. tioned
Lucy. O gemini! I'd sooner cut my tongue out!
Mrs. M. Well, don't let your simplicity be insposed on.
Lucy. No, ma'am.
Mrs. M. So, come to me presently, and I'll give you another letter to sir Lucius-but miud, Lucy, if ever you betray. wbat you are intrusted witb (unless it be other people's secrets to ine), you forfeit my malevolence for ever: and your being a simpleton sball be no excase for your locality.
(Exit. Lucy. Ha! ha! ha! So, eny dear simplicity, let me give you a little respite; (Altering her munner] let girls, in my station, be as fond as they please of being expert and knowing in tbeir trusts, commend me to a mask of silliness, and a pair of sharp eyes for my own interest under it!-Let me see to what account bare I turned iny simplicity lately: [Looks at a Paper) For abetting miss Lydia Languish in a design of running away with an ensign! in money, sundry times, iwelve pound twelve-gowns, five; huts, ruffles, caps, &c. &c. numberless.- From the suid ensign, within this last month, six guineas and a half.-About & quarter's pay!--Item, from Mrs. Muluprop, for betraying the young people to her—when I found matters were likely to be discovered-two guineas and a black padusvy.-Item, from Mr. Acres, for carrying divers letters—whicls I never delivered—wo guineas, and a pair of buckles—Item, from sir Lucius OʻTrigger, three crowns, two gold pocket pieces, and a silver snuffbox !- Well done, simplicity! yel, I was forced to wake my Hiberniao believe, that he was correspood. ing, not with the aunt, but with the viece; for, though not over rich, I louud be bad tuo much pride and delicacy to sacrifice the feelings of a gentleman to the necessities of bis fortune.
SCENE I. CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE's Lodgings.
CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE and FAG. Fag. Sir, while I was there, sir Antbony came in ; I told bim you had sent me to inquire after bis bealth, and to know if be was at leisure to see you.
Capt. Abs. And what did be say ou hearing I was at Bath?
Fag. Sir, in my life, I never saw an elderly geotlemau more astonished!
Capt. Abs. Well, sir, and what did you say?
Fag. O, I lied, sir I forget the precise lie, but, you may depend on't, he got no truth from me.--Yet, with submission, for fear of blunders in future, I should be glad to fix wbat bas broagat us to Batb, in order that we may lie a little consisteutly.--Sir Anthony's servants were curious, sir, very carious indeed.
Cupt. Abs. You bave said notbing to them ?
Fag. Ok, not a word, sirmuot a word. Mr. Thomas, indeed, the coachman (whom I take to be Ibe discreetest of whips)
Capt. Abs. 'Sdeath!--you rascal! you have not trusted him?