ÆäÀÌÁö À̹ÌÁö
PDF
ePub

again while I live!

Capt. Abs. Nay, sir, but hear me.

Sir Anth. Sir, I won't hear a word-uot a word! not one word! so give me your promise by a nɔdand I'll tell you what, Jack-I mean, you dog—if you don't, by

Capt. Abs. What, sir, promise to link myself to some mass of ugliness! to

Sir Anth. Zds! Sirrab! the lady shall be as ugly as I choose: she shall have a bump on each shoulder; she shall be as crooked as the crescent; her one eye shall roll like the bull's in Cox's Museum

she shall have a skin like a mummy, and the beard of a Jew-sbe shall be all this, sirrah!-yet, I'll make you ogle her all day, and sit up all night, to write sonnets on her beauty.

Capt. Abs. This is reason and moderation indeed! Sir Anth. None of your sneering, poppy! no grinning, jackanapes!

Capt. Abs. Indeed, sir, I never was in a worse humour for mirth in my life.

Sir Anth. 'Tis false, sir; I know you are laughing in your sleeve; I know you will grin when I am gone, sirrah!

Capt. Abs. Sir, I hope I know my duty better.

, I pro

Sir Anth. None of your passion, sir! none of your violence, if you please-It won't do with me, mise you.

Capt. Abs. Indeed, sir, I never was cooler in my life.

Sir Anth. 'Tis a confounded lie!-I know you are in a passion in your heart; I know you are, you bypocritical young dog-but it won't do.

Capt. Abs. Nay, sir, upon my word—

Sir Anth. So you will fly out! can't you be cool, like me? What the devil good can passion do?-passion is of no service, you impudent, insolent, overbearing reprobate !-There, you sneer again !-don't

provoke me!--but you rely upon the mildness of my temper-you do, you dog! you play upon the meekness of my disposition! Yet take care-the patience of a saint may be overcome at last!-but mark! I give you six hours and a half to consider of this: if you then agree, without any condition, to do every thing on earth that I choose, why-confound you! may in time forgive you-If not, z-ds! don't enter the same hemisphere with ine! don't dare to breathe the same air, or use the same light with me ; but get an atmosphere and a sun of your own! I'll strip you of your commission; I'll lodge a five-andthreepence in the bands of trustees, and you shall live on the interest.-I'll disown you, I'll disinherit you, I'll unget you! and d-n me! if ever I call you Jack again! [Exit. Capt. Abs. Mild, gentle, considerate father! I kiss your hands.

Enter FAG.

Fag. Assuredly, sir, your father is wrath to a degree; be comes down stairs eight or ten steps at a time--muttering, growling, and thumping the banisters all the way; I, and the cook's dog, stand bowing at the door-rap he gives me a stroke on the head with his cane; bids me carry that to my master,then kicking the poor turnspit into the area, d-ns us all for a puppy triumvirate!-Upon my credit, sir, were in your place, and found my father such bad company, 1 should certainly drop his acquaintance. Capt. Abs. Cease your impertinence, sir-did you come in for nothing more?-Stand out of the way. [Pushes him aside, and exit. FAG, solus.

So! Sir Anthony trims my master-be is afraid to reply to his father, and vents his spleen on poor Fag! When one is vexed by one person, to revenge one's self on another who happens to come in the way, shows the worst of tempest, the

Enter Errand Boy.

Boy. Mr. Fag! Mr. Fag! your master calls yon. Fag. Well, you little dirty puppy, you needn't bawl so the meanest disposition, the

Boy. Quick! quick, Mr. Fag.

Fug. Quick! quick! you impudent jackanapes! am I to be commanded by you too, you little impertinent, insolent, kitchen-bred [Kicks him off.

SCENE II. The North Parade,

Enter LUCY.

Lucy. So, I shall have another rival to add to my mistress' list-captain Absolute, however, I shall not enter his name till my purse has received due notice in form. Sir Lucius is generally more punetual, when he expects to hear from his dear Delia, as he calls her :-I wonder he's not here. Enter SIR LUCIUS O'TRIGGER.

Sir L. Ha! my little ambassadress-upon my conscience I bave been looking for you; I have been on the South Parade this half hour.

Lucy. [Speaking simply.] O gemini! and I have been waiting for your worship here on the North.

Sir L. 'Faith! may be that was the reason we did not meet; and it is very comical too, bow you could go out, and I not see you-for I was only taking a nap at the Parade Coffee-house, and I chose the window, on purpose that I might not miss you.

Lucy. My stars! Now I'd wager a sixpence I went by while you were asleep.

Sir L. Sure enough it must have been so and I never dreamt it was so late, till I waked. Well, but my_little girl, have you got nothing for me?

Lucy. Yes, but I have-I've got a letter for you in my pocket.

Sir L. I'faith! I guessed you weren't come emptybanded well-let me see what the dear creature says.

Lucy. There, sir Lucius. [Gives him a letter. Sir L. [Reads] Sir-There is often a sudden incentive impulse in love, that has a greater induction than years of domestic combination: such was the commotion I felt at the first superfluous view of sir Lucius O'Trigger. Very pretty upon my word! Female punctuation forbids me to say more; yet let me add, that it will give me joy infallible to find sir Lucius worthy the last criterion of my affections. Yours, while mere

tricious.

DELIA.

Upon my conscience, Lucy, your lady is a great mistress of language! 'Faith! she's quite the queen of the dictionary!

Lucy. Ay, sir, a lady of her experience.

Sir L. Experience! what, at seventeen?

Lucy. O, true, sir-but then she reads so-my stars! how she will read off band!

Sir L. 'Faith, she must be very deep read, to write this way-though she's rather an arbitrary writer, too-for here are a great many poor words pressed into the service of this note, that would get their habeas corpus from any court in Christendom. However, when affection guides the pen, he must be a brute who finds fault with the style.

Lucy. Ab, sir Lucius, if you were to hear how she talks of you!

Sir L. Oh, tell her, I'll make her the best husband in the world, and lady O'Trigger into the bargain!-But we must get the old gentlewoman's consent and do every thing fairly.

Lucy. Nay, sir Lucius, I thought you wan't rich enough to be so nice.

Sir L. Upon my word, young woman, you have hit it :-I am so poor, that I can't afford to do a dirty action. If I did not want money, I'd steal your mistress and her fortune with a great deal of pleasure. However, my pretty girl, [Gives her Money] here's a little something to buy you a riband; and

meet me in the evening, and I will give you an answer to this. So, hussy, take a kiss beforehand, to put you in mind. [Kisses her. Lucy. O lud! sir Lucius-I never seed such a gemman! My lady won't like you if you are so impudent.

Sir L. 'Faith she will, Lucy-that same-pho! what's the name of it?-modesty !—is a quality in a lover more praised by the women than liked; so, if your mistress asks you whether sir Lucius ever gave you a kiss, tell her fifty, my dear.

Lucy. What, would you have me tell her a lie ? Sir L. Ah then, you baggage! I'll make it a truth presently.

Lucy. For shame now; here is some one coming. Sir L. O'faith I'll quiet your conscience!

[Sees Fag. Exit, humming a tune. Enter FAG.

Fag. So, so, ma'am. I humbly beg pardon. Lucy. O lud!-now, Mr. Fag-you flurry one so! Fag. Come, come, Lucy, here's no one by so a little less simplicity, with a grain or two more since rity, if you please-You play false with us, madamI saw you give the baronet a letter.--My master shall know this-and if he don't call him out-I will,

Lucy. Ha! ba! ha! you gentlemen's gentlemen are so hasty!--That letter was from Mrs. Malaprop, simpleton. She is taken with sir Lucius' address.

Fag. How! what tastes some people have! Why, I suppose I have walked by her window a hundred times. But what says our young lady?—any message to my master?

Lucy. Sad news, Mr. Fag! A worse rival than Acres! Sir Anthony Absolute has proposed his son. Fag. What, captain Absolute ?

Lucy. Even so. I overheard it all.

Fag. Ha! ha! ha very good, 'faith! Good b'ye, Lucy, I must away with this news.

« ÀÌÀü°è¼Ó »