Lucy. Well, you may laugh, but it is true, I assure you. [Going] But, Mr. Fag, tell your master not to be cast down by this.

Fag. Oh, be'll be so disconsolate!

Lucy. Aud charge him not to think of quarrelling with young Absolute.

Fug. Never fear-never fear.

Lucy. Be sure, bid him keep up bis spirits.
Fag. We will we will.

[Exeunt severally.

Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.

Capt. Abs. 'Tis just as Fag told me, indeed!— Whimsical enough, 'faith! My father wants to force me to marry the very girl I am plotting to run away with! He must not know of my connexion with ber yet awhile. He has too summary a method of proceeding in these matters; however, I'll read my recantation instantly. My conversion is something sudden indeed; but I can assure you, it is very sincere -So, so, here he comes-he looks plaguy gruff! [Steps aside.

Enter SIR ANTHONY APSOLUTE. Sir Anth. No-I'll sooner die than forgive him! Die, did I say? I'll live these fifty years, to plague him. At our last meeting, his impudence bad almost put me out of temper-An obstinate, passionate, self-willed boy! Who can he take after? This is my return for getting him before all his brothers and sisters; for putting him, at twelve years old, into a

marching regiment, and allowing him fifty pounds a year, besides his pay, ever since! But I have done with him-he's anybody's son for me-I never will see him more-never-never-never-never. Capt. Abs. Now for a penitential face! Sir Anth. Fellow, get out of my way!

Capt. Abs. Sir, you see a penitent before you. Sir Anth. I see an impudent scoundrel before me. Capt. Abs. A sincere penitent. I am come, sir, to acknowledge my error, and to submit entirely to your will.

Sir Anth. What's that?

Capt. Abs. I have been revolving, and reflecting, and considering on your past goodness, and kindness, and condescension to me.

Sir Anth. Well, sir?

Capt. Abs. I have been likewise weighing, and balancing, what you were pleased to mention, concerning duty, and obedience, and authority.

Sir Anth. Well, puppy?

Capt. Abs. Why, then, sir, the result of my reflections is, a resolution to sacrifice every inclination of my own to your satisfaction.

Sir Anth. Why, now you talk sense, absolute sense; I never heard any thing more sensible in my life. Confound you! you shall be Jack again.

Capt. Abs. I am happy in the appellation.

Sir Anth. Why then, Jack, my dear Jack, I will now inform you who the lady really is. Nothing but your passion and violence, you silly fellow, prevented me telling you at first. Prepare, Jack, for wonder and rapture-prepare. What think you of Miss Lydia Languish?

Capt. Abs. Languish! What, the Languishes of Worcestershire.

Sir Anth. Worcestershire! no. Did you never meet Mrs. Malaprop, and her niece, Miss Languish, who came into our country just before you were last

ordered to your regiment?

Capt. Abs. Malaprop! Languish! I don't remember ever to have heard the names before. Yet, stay, I think I do recollect something-Languish-Languish-She squints, don't she? -A little red-haired girl?

Sir Anth. Squints! A red-haired girl! Z-ds! no! Capt. Abs. Then I must have forgot; it can't be the same person.

Sir Anth. Jack! Jack! what think you of blooming, love-breathing seventeen?

Capt. Abs. As to that, sir, I am quite indifferent; if I can please you in the matter, 'tis all I desire.

Sir Anth. Nay, but Jack, such eyes! such eyes! so innocently wild! so bashfully irresolute! Not a glance but speaks and kindles some thought of love! Then, Jack, her cheeks! her cheeks, Jack! so deeply blushing at the insinuations of her tell-tale eyes! Then, Jack, her lips! O, Jack, lips, smiling at their own discretion! and if not smiling, more sweetly pouting-more lovely in sullenness! Then, Jack, her neck! O, Jack! Jack!

Capt. Abs. And which is to be mine, sir, the niece or the aunt?

Sir Anth. Why, you unfeeling, insensible puppy, I despise you. When I was of your age, such a description would have made me fly like a rocket! The auut, indeed! Odds life! when I ran away with your mother, I would not have touched any thing old or ugly to gain an empire.

Capt. Abs. Not to please your father, sir?
Sir Anth. To please my father-

-Z-ds! not to please-O, my father-Oddso!-yes, yes; if my father, indeed, had desired-that's quite another matter-Though he wasn't the indulgent father that am, Jack.

Capt. Abs. I dare say not, sir.

Sir Anth. But, Jack, you are not sorry to find your mistress is so beautiful?

Cupt. Abs. Sir, I repeat it, if I please you in this affair, 'tis all I desire. Not that I think a woman the worse for being handsome; but, sir, if you please to recollect, you before hinted something about a hump or two, one eye, and a few more graces of that kind now, without being very nice, I own I should rather choose a wife of mine to have the usual number of limbs, and a limited quantity of back; and, though one eye may be very agreeable, yet, as the prejudice has always run in favour of two, I would not wish to affect a singularity in that article.

Sir Anth. What a phlegmatic sot it is! Why, sirral, you are an ancborite! A vile, insensible stock! You a soldier! you're a walking block, fit only to dust the company's regimentals on! Odds life, I've a great mind to marry the girl myself!

Capt. Abs. I am entirely at your disposal, sir; if you should think of addressing miss Languish yourself, I suppose you would have me marry the aunt; or, if you should change your mind, and take the old lady,-'tis the same to me, I'll marry the niece.

Sir Anth. Upon my word, Jack, thou'rt either a very great hypocrite, or-but, come, I know your indifference on such a subject must be all a lie, I'm sure it must-come, now, damn your demure face! come, confess, Jack, you have been lying-ha'n't you? You have been playing the hypocrite, hey?—I'll never forgive you, if you ha'n't been lying and playing the hypocrite. Capt. Abs. I'm sorry, sir, that the respect and duty which I bear to you should be so mistaken.

Sir Anth. Hang your respect and duty! But, come along with me, I'll write a note to Mrs. Malaprop, and you shall visit the lady directly. Her eyes shall be the Promethean torch to you-come along, I'll never forgive you, if you don't come back, stark mad with rapture and impatience-if you don't, 'egad, I'll marry the girl myself! [Exeunt.