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be of your
Lady W. Pray, Mr. Wrangle, give me leave to govern my own servants. Don't you know, when I am out of temper, I won't be talked to?
Sir G. Very true, my lady.
Lady W. Have not I plague enough here, do you think?
Sir G. Why ay, that's true too.—Why, you confident jade! how dare you put my lady into such a violent passion?
Maid. Indeed, sir, I don't know, votl. [Whimpering.
Lady W. Pray, Mr. Wrangle, meddle with your own business; the fault's to me, and sure I am old enougli to correct her myself.
Sir G. Why, what a dickens, mayn't mind neither 'Sheart! I can't be in the wrong on both sides.
Lady W. I don't know any business you have on either side.
Sir G. Nay, if a man mast not speak at all, it's another case.
Lady W. Lord! you are strangely teasing-well, come speak—what, what, what is it you would say pow??
Sir G. Nay, nothing, not I; I only asked what's tbe malter?
Lady W. I can't tell yon; the provocation's too great for words.
Sir G. Well, well, well. Lady W. What here still? Am I to have no account of it then? What bave you done with it, you inonster?
Maid. Madam, the cook took it out of my band, as I was coming down stairs with it; he said he wanted it.
Lady W. The cook! run, fly, and bid the villain send iť me this moment.
[Exit Maid. Sir G. Why, what the dickens! the senseless jade has not given him a Flanders Jaced head to boil bis cabbage in, has she?
Lady W. Pshaw! Do you ever see me concerned for such trifles ?
Sir G. Or bas she let the rascal singe his fowls with a bank bill?
Lady W. If she bad, do you think I would give myself such pain about either?
Sir G. Hal! this must be some abominable thing indeed then.
Lady W. The loss, for aught I know, may be irreparable.
Sir G. Oh! then she has lost your diamond necklace, I suppose.
Lady W. Pray don't plague me; 'tis impossible to express the wickedness of it.
Sir G. What, the devil! the cook has not seduced the slut, has he?
Lady W. Worse! worse a thousand times !
Sir G. Worse! what than playing the strumpet, or lbief? Then the jade has certainly committed murder.
Lady W. The most barbarous that ever was—-
[Aside. Lady W. The changeling innocent has given that savage beast, the cook, my whole new translation of the passion of Byblis, for waste paper, lo be torn or tortured to a thousand sordid uses.
Sir G. Nay then
Lady W. And I have not another copy in the world, if it were to save mankind from extirpalion.
Sir G. I'm glad ou it with all my heart; now could I laugh, if I durst, most immoderately.
[ Aside. Lady W. Now, mistress, have you brought it?
Re-enter Maid. Maid. Madam, the cook says he has skewer'd it on to the roast-beef, and he can't lake it off: he won't barn his meat for nobody, not be, he says.
Lady W. Here! call the footman. He won't! bid them drag the rascal bither by the ears, or I'll have them vailed down to the dresser for his impudenceI'll turn the villain out of my house this moment.
[Exit Maid. Sir G. Come, come, my lady, don't be in a heat about a trifle; I ain glad to find it's no worse.
Lady W. Worse! had he robbed the house, and after fired it, I could sooner have forgiven him.
Sir G. Hah! thank you for that, madam; but I should not.
Lady W. You! you should not! what would be ! your injury compared with mine? What l'ın concerned for, the whole learned world, even to posterity, may feel the loss of.
Sir G. Well, well; have a little patience; may be she may get it again. And now you talk of posterity, my lady Wrangle, I have some thoughts of marrying my daughter Charlotte; as for Sophronia, you know
Lady W. I know that one won't, and t'other sha'n't marry; she is a pert forward thing, and has disobliged me, and therefore I'll punish her as I think fit. I desire you won't name her to me; you see I bave other things in my head-all greased, and burnt to ashes, I suppose.
Sir G. I had beller talk to her another time, I believe.
Enter the Maid, with the Cook. Lady W. Oh! are you come at last, sir? Pray, how durst you send me such an impudent answer?
Cook. I did not send an inpudent answer, madam; I only said the meat would be spoiled: but here she comes, and makes a noise, and a rout, and a clatter about nothing at all-and so every impertinent jade here takes upon herOons! a man can't do his business in quiet for ihem.
Lady W. Hold your nonsensical tongue, sir, and give ine the paper I sent for. Cook. Paper! this is what she gave me.
¡Holds it on a Skewer, all greasy. Lady W. Oh, my heavens! what a spectacle! not one line legible, though an empire were to purchase it. Look, look, look, you monster! [Holding him.
Sir G, Só! here will be rare doings.
Cook. Oons! what a life's here about a piece of fool paper?
Lady W. A life, you villain! your whole life can'!
make amends for what you have done. I'll have you beat out of this house, till every bone in your body is broken for this, sirrah.
Cook. Beat, madam! blood! I won't be beat. I did not come here for that. I'll be out of your house presently; I'll see who will break my bones then;
and so there's one of your napkins, madam: as for your sheet of paper, there's a halfpenny for it; and now take your course. I know how to get my wages, I'll warrant you—there's a law for servants as well as other people.
[Erit. Sir G. Go, go, mind your business, you silly Tom
Lady W. Ay; this is always the effect of your indalgence ; no wonder I have no power over them. If you had the least grain of spirit, you would have broke the rascal's head for me.
Sir G. Pshaw! there's no occasion for it-let's see, let's see! [Takes up the Paper.] Coine, come, this matter may be made up without bloodshed still-ay, here ; umph! umph!-by the way, I believe this beet's enough, it smells bravely of the gravy.
Lady W. What! then I am your jest, it seems.
Sir G. Pooh! pr’ythee, be quiet; I tell you I am serious--ay,
its plain to be read still. [Reads. All a poor maid could do (the gods, I'm sure, Can tell) I've suffer'd to complete my cure-Cure! Ah, poor soul-sadly ill, I suppose.
Lady W. Your comment, Mr. Wrangle, is more provoking than the insolence of your servants : but I must tell you, sir, I will never eat or sleep in your
if that rascal is not turned out of it this moinent.
Maid. I hope your ladyship is not in carnest, madam? Lady W. What, do you prate, Mrs. Minx;'
Maid. Indeed, madam, if John's to be turned away, I sha'n't stay in the family: for though he is sometimes a little hasty to a body, yet I have reason to know he is an honest hearted mau in the main ; and I have loo
much kindness for him to stay in any service wbere he is to be abused.
Lady W. What, you are in love with him, Mrs. Trollop, are you?
[Cuffs her. Maid. Ods my life! madam, I won't be struck by no body; and if I do love him, what's that to any body? And I don't know why poor folks mayn't be in love as well as their betters.
Sir G. Come, come, hold your tongue, bassy.
Maid. Sir, I can't hold my tongue; though I can't say but your worship's a very kind master: but as for my lady, the devil would not live with her; and so, madam, 1 desire you will provide yourself. [Flings off.
Sir G. Odzines, madam, at this rate I shall have neither dinner to eat, nor bed to lie on.
What servauts will bear this life, do you think? You have no more temper than a -Why how should a silly wench know what your impertinent poetry was good for?
Lady W. Impertinent ! I'd have you to know, Mr. Ignorant, there's not a line in the whole that has not the true Attic salt in it.
Sir G. Well, and now there's Englislı salt in it; and I think the relish of one's as good as t'other.
Lady W. Mr. Wrangle, if you bave no sense of the soul's diviner faculties, know, I have, and can resent these vulgar insults. You sball find, sir, that a superior understanding has a proportioned spirit to support its dignity. Let me have instant reparation, or by my injured gevius, I'll set you, house, and family in a blaze.
[Exit Lady Wrangle. Sir G. Why then, blaze and burn by yourself; for I'll go out of the house.
[Going Enter FRANKLY and CHARLOTTE. Frank. Have you seen my lady, sir?
Sir G. Yes, yes, I have seen her--but I don't know-she-sheFrank. Don't come into it, I suppose.
Sir G. Umph! no, not readily-in short, the house is all untiled.