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get her?

Ha, ha, ha, ha! with what, prithee? a cheru- avoid that, I shun his house as much as possible. bin?

The report is, he intends to marry her himself. Sir Geo. No; with a woman.

Sir Geo. Can she consent to it? Cha. A woman! good. Ha, ha, ha, ha! and Cha. Yes, faith! so they say: but, I tell you, gold not help thee?

I am wholly ignorant of the matter. Miranda Sir Geo. But, suppose I'm in love with two- and I are like two violent members of a contrary

Cha. Ay, if thou'rt in love with two hundred, party; I can scarce allow her beauty, though all gold will fetch them, I warrant thee, boy. But the world does ; nor she me civility for that who are they? who are they? come!

contenipt. I fancy she plays the mother-in-law Sir Geo. One is a lady, whose face I never already; and sets the old gentleman on to do saw; but witty to a miracle; the other, beauti- mischief. ful as Venus

Sir Geo. Then, I have your free consent to Cha. And a fool

Sir Geo. For aught I know; for I never spoke Cha. Ay; and my helping hand, if occasion to her; but you can inform me. I am charmed be. by the wit of the one, and die for the beauty of Sir Geo. Poh! yonder's a fool coming this the other.

way; let's avoid him. Cha. And, pray, which are you in quest of now? Cha. What? Marplot ? No, no; he's my in

Sir Geo. I prefer the sensual pleasure; l'm for strument; there's a thousand conveniences in her I've seen, who is thy father's ward, Miranda. him : he'll lend me his money, when he has any;

Cha. Nay, then, I pity you; for the Jew, my run of my errands, and be proud of it; in short, father, will no more part with her and thirty he'll pimp for me, lie for me, drink for me, do thousand pounds, than he would with a guinea to any thing but fight for me; and that I trust to keep me from starving.

iny own arm for. Sir Geo. Now, you see gold can't do every Sir Geo. Nay, then, he's to be endured; I thing, Charles.

never knew his qualifications before. Cha. Yes; for 'tis her gold that bars

my

father's gate against you.

Enter Marplot, with a patch cross his face. Sir Geo. Why, if he be this avaricious wretch, Mar. Dear Charles, your's-Ha! Sir George how cam'st thou by such a liberal education? Airy! the man in the world I have an ambition

Cha. Not a souse out of his pocket, I assure to be known to! [Aside.] Give me thy hand, dear you: I had an uncle who defrayed that charge; boy! but, for some little wildness of youth, though he Cha. A good assurance ! But hark ye, how made me his heir, left dad my guardian till I came your beautiful countenance clouded in the came to years of discretion, which, I presume, wrong place? the old gentleman will never think I am; and Mar. I must confess 'tis a little mal-a-propos; now he has got the estate into his clutches, it but no matter for that. A word with you, does me no more good than if it lay in Prester Charles. Prithee, introduce me to sir GeorgeJohn's dominions.

he is a man of wit, and I'd give ten guineas Sir Geo. What! canst thou find no stratagem toto redeem it?

Cha. When you have them, you mean? Cha. I have made many essays to no purpose.

Mar. Ay, when I have thern; pugh, pox, you Though want, the mistress of invention, still cut the thread of my discourse ---I would give tempts me on, yet still the old fox is too cunning ten guineas, I say, to be ranked in his acquaintfor me.--I am upon my last project, which, if ance. Well, 'tis a vast addition to a man's forit fails, then, for my last refuge, a brown mus- tune, according to the rout of the world, to be quét.

seen in the company of leading men; for, then, Sir Geo, What is't? can I assist thee? we are all thought to be politicians, or whigs, or

Cha. Not yet; when you can, I have confi- jacks, or highflyers, or lowflyers, or levellers-and dence enough in you to ask it.

so forth; for, you must know, we all herd in parSir Geo. I am always ready. But what does ties now. he intend to do with Miranda? is she to be sold Cha. Then, a fool for diversion is out of fain private, or will he put her up by way of auc- shion, I find ? tion, at who bids most ? if so, egad I'm for him; Mar. Yes, without it be a mimicking fool; my gold, as you say, shall be subservient to my and they are darlings every where. But, prithee, pleasure.

introduce me. Cha, To deal ingenuously with you, sir George, Cha. Well, on condition you'll give us a true I know very little of her or home; for, since my account how you came by that mourning nose, I. uncle's death, and my return from travel, I have will. never been well with my father : he thinks my Mar, I'll do it. expences too great, and I, bis allowance too lit- Cha. Sir George, here's a gentleman has a pasa tle; he never sees me, but he quarrels; and, to sionate desire to kiss your hand,

Sir Geo. Oh, I honour men of the sword! would be no enduring his impertinence. He is And, I presume, this gentleman is lately come pressing to be employed, and willing to execute; from Spain or Portugal -by his scars.

but some ill fate generally attends all he underMar. No, really, sir George, mine sprung from takes, and he oftener spoils an intrigue than helps civil fury. Happening last night into the groom it. porter's—I had a strong inclination to go ten gui- Mar. I have always your good word; but if I neas with a sort of a, sort of a-kind of a milk- miscarry, 'tis none of my fault; I follow my insop, as I thought. A pox of the dice! he flung structions. out, and my pockets being empty, as Charles Cha. Yes, witness the merchant's wife, knows they often are, he proved a surly North Mar. Pish, pox! that was an accident. Briton, and broke my face for my deficiency. Sir Geo. What was't, prithee?

Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha! and did not you draw? Mar. Nay, Charles, now, don't expose your

Mar. Draw, sir! Why, I did but lay my hand friend. upon my sword, to make a swift retreat, and he Cha. Why, you must know, I had lent a cerroared out—Now the deel a ma saul, sir, gin ye tain merchant my hunting horses, and was to touch yer steel Ise whip mine through yer wem. have met his wife in his absence. Seuding him Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha!

along with my groom to make the compliment, Cha. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Safe was the word. So, and to deliver a letter to the lady at the same you walked off, I suppose,

time; what does he do, but gives the husband the Mar. Yes, for I avoid fighting, purely to be letter, and offers her the horses ! serviceable to my friends, you know

Mar. Why, to be sure, I did offer her the Sir Geo. Your friends are much obliged to horses, and I remember you was even with me, yoll, sir : I hope you'll rank me in that number. for you denied the letter to be yours, and swore

Mar. Sir George, a bow from the side-box, or I had a design upon her, which my bones paid to be seen in your chariot, binds me ever yours.

for. Sir Geo. Trifles; you may command them, Cha. Come, sir George, let's walk round, if when you please.

you are not engaged, for I have sent my man upa Cha. Provided he may command you. on a little earnest business, and I have ordered Mar. Me! Why, I live for no other purpose him to bring me the answer into the Park.

-Sir George, I have the honour to be cares- Mar. Business! and I not know it! Egad T'U sed by most of the reigning toasts of the town: watch him. I'll tell them you are the finest gentleman- Sir Geo. I must beg your pardon, Charles; I

Sir Geo. No, no; prithee, let me alone to tell am to meet your father. the ladies-my parts—Can you convey a letter Cha. My father! upon occasion, or deliver a message with an air Sir Geo. Aye, and about the oddest bargain of business, ha?

perhaps, you ever heard of; but I'll not impart Mar. With the assurance of a page, and the till I know the success. gravity of a statesman.

Mar. What can his business be with Sir FranSir Geo. You know Miranda ?

cis ? Now would I give all the world to know it! Mar. What! My sister ward? Why, her guar- Why the devil should not one know every man's dian is mine; we are fellow-sufferers. Ah, he is concerns ?

[Aside. a covetous, cheating, sanctified, curmudgeon : Cha. Prosperity to it, whatever it be: I have that sir Francis Gripe is a damned old—hypo- private affairs, too: over a bottle, we'll compare critical

notes. Cha. Hold, hold; I suppose, friend, you for- Mar. Charles knows I love a glass as well as get that he is my father?

any man; I'll make one; shall it be to-night? Mar. Egad, and so I did, Charles-I ask your And I long to know their secrets. [Aside. pardon, Charles, but it is for your sake I hate

Enter WHISPER. him. Well, I say the world is mistaken in him; his out-side piety makes him every man's execu- Whis. Sir, sir, Mrs Patch says Isabinda's Spator, and his inside cunning makes him every heir's nish father has quite spoiled the plot, and she gaoler. Egad, Charles, I'm half persuaded that cannot meet you in the Park, but he infallibly thou'rt soine ward, too, and never of his getting will go out this afternoon, she says : but I must

--for never were two things so unlike as you and step again to know the hour. your father; he scrapes up every thing, and thou Mar. What did Whisper say now? I shall go spendest every thing; every body is indebted to stark mad, if I'm not let into the secret. him, and thou art indebted to every body.

[Aside. Cha. You are very free, Mr Marplot.

Cha. Curst misfortune! Mar. Aye, I give and take, Charles--you may Mar. Curst! What's curst, Charles? be as free with me, you know.

Cha. Come along with me; my heart feels pleaa Sir Geo. A pleasant fellow.

sure at her name. Sir George, your's; we'll Cha. The dog is diverting, sometimes, or there meet at the old place the usual hour.

assure vou.

Sir Geo. Agreed. I think I see sir Francis Mir. It is necessary such a report should be, yonder.

[Erit Sir GEORGE. Patch. Cha. Marplot, you must excuse me, I am en- Patch. But is it true, madam? gaged.

[Exit CHARLES

Mir. That's not absolutely necessary: Mar. Engaged! Egad, I'll engage my life I'll Patch. I thought it was only the old strain, know what your engagement is.

coaxing nim still for your own, and railing at all [Erit Mar

UT. the young fellows about town: in my mind, now,

you are as ill plagued with your guardian, maEnter Miranda, coming out of a chair.

dam, as my lady is with her father. Mir. Let the chair wait. My servant that Mir. No, I have liberty, wench; that she dogged sir George said he was in the Park, wants : what would she give now to be in this

deshabille in the open air, nay more, in pursuit of Enter Patch.

the young fellow she likes? for that's my case, I Ha! Miss Patch alone! Did not you tell me you had contrived a way to bring Isabinda to the Patch. As for that, madam, she's even with Park?

you; for, though she can't come abroad, we have Patch. Oh, madam, your ladyship cannot im- a way to bring him home in spite of old Argus. agine what a wretched disappointment we have Mir. Now, Patch, your opinion of my choice, met with! Just as I had fetched a suit of my for here he comes. Ha! my guardian with clothes for a disguise, comes my old master into him ! what can be the meaning of this ? I'm sure his closet, which is right against her chamber sir Francis can't know me in this dress. Let me door: this struck us into a terrible fright-At observe them.

[They withdraw. length I put on a grave face, and asked him if he was at leisure for his chocolate? in hopes to

Enter Sir Francis GRIPE and Sir GEORGE draw him out of his hole; but he snapped my

AIRY. Dose off: no, I shall be busy here, these two Sir Fran. Verily, sir George, thou wilt repent hours. At which my poor mistress, seeing no throwing away thy money so; for I tell thee sinway of escape, ordered me to wait on your lady- cerely, Miranda, my charge, does not like a ship with the sad relation.

young fellow; they are all vicious, and seldom Mir. Unhappy Isabinda! Was ever any thing make good husbands : in sober sadness, she can't so unaccountable as the humour of Sir Jealous / abide them. Traffick?

Mir. [Peeping.] In sober sadness, you are Patch. Oh, madam, it's his living so long in mistaken-What can this mean? Spain. He vows he'll spend half his estate, but Sir Geo. Look'e, sir Francis; whether she can he'll be a parliament-man, on purpose to bring in or cannot abide young fellows, is not the busia bill for women to wear veils, and other odious ness : will you take the fifty guineas ? Spanish customs—he swears it is the height of Sir Fran. In good truth I will not-for I impudence to have a woman seen barefaced, knew thy father; he was a hearty wary man; even at church, and scarce believes there's a true and I cannot consent that his son should squanbegotten child in the city.

der away what he saved to no purpose. Mir. Ha, ha, ha! how the old fool torments Mir. (Peeping.] Now, in the name of wonhimself ! Suppose he could introduce his rigidder, what bargain can he be driving about me for rules-does he think we could not match them in fifty guineas ? contrivance? No, no; let the tyrant man make Patch. I wish it be not for the first night's what laws he wilt, if there's a woman under the lodging, madam. government, I warrant she finds a way to break Sir Geo. Well, sir Francis, since you are so them. Is his mind set upon the Spaniard for his conscientious for my father's sake, then permit son-in-law still?

me the favour gratis. Patch. Aye, and he expects him by the next Mir. (Peeping.] The favour! O' my life I fleet, which drives his daughter to melancholy believe 'tis as you said, Patch! and despair. But, madam, I find you retain the Sir Fran. No verily; if thou dost not buy thy same gay cheerful spirit you had when I waited experience thou wilt never be wise; therefore, on your ladyship. My lady is mighty good-hu- give me a hundred, and try thy fortune. moured, too; and I have found a way to make Sir Geo. The scruples arose, I find, from the sir Jealous believe I am wholly in his interest, scanty sum.—Let me see-a hundred guineas when my real design is to serve her ; he makes [Takes them out of a purse, and chinks them.] me her gaoler, and I set her at liberty.

Ha! they have a very pretty sound, and a very Mir

. I knew thy prolific brain would be of pleasing look-But then, Miranda- -but if she singular service to her, or I had not parted with should be cruelthee to her father.

Mir. (Peeping.) As ten to one I shall· Patch. But, madam, the report is that you are Sir Fran. Ay, cio; consider on't. He, he, he! going to marry your guardian!

Sir Geo. No, I'll do't,

Patch. Do't! what, whether you will or no, have you committed against the god of love, that madam?

he should revenge them so severely, to stamp Sir Geo. Come, to the point; here's the gold; husband on your forehead? sum up the conditions

Sir Geo. For my folly, in having so often met (Sir Fran. pulling out a paper.)

you here, without pursuing the laws of nature, Mir. (Peeping.] Ay, for Heaven's sake do, for and exercising her command -But I resolve, my expectation is on the rack!

ere we part now, to know who you are, where Sir Fran. Well, at your peril be it.

you live, what kind of flesh and blood your face Sir Geo. Ay, ay; go on.

is; therefore, unmask, and don't put me to the Sir Fran. Imprimis, you are to be admitted trouble of doing it for you. into my house in order to move your suit to Mir- Mir. My face is the same flesh and blood with anda, for the space of ten minutes, without let my hand, sir George, which, if you'll be so rude or molestation, provided I remain in the same to provoke room.

Sir Geo. You'll apply it to my cheek—the laSir Geo. But out of earshot.

dies' favours are always welcome, but I must Sir Fran. Well, well, I don't desire to hear have that cloud withdrawn.—{Taking hold of what you say; ha, ha, ha! in consideration I her.}-Remember you are in the Park, child; am to have that purse and a hundred guineas. and what a terrible thing would it be to lose this

Sir Geo. Take it- [Gives him the purse. pretty white hand!

Mir. (Peeping.) So ! 'tis well it's no worse: I'll Mir. And how will it sound in a chocolatefit you both

house, that sir George Airy rudely pulled off a Šir Geo. And this agreement is to be perform- lady's mask, when he had given her his honour ed to-day.

that he never would, directly or indirectly, enSir Fran. Ay, ay ; the sooner the better.deavour to know her till she gave him leave? Poor fool! how Miranda and I shall laugh at Patch. I wish we were safe out. him !-Well, sir George, ha, ha, ha! take the Sir Geo. But, if that lady thinks fit to pursue, last sound of your guineas, ha, ha, ha! [Chinks and meet me at every turn, like some troubled them.)

[Erit. spirit, shall I be blamed if I inquire into the realiMir. [Peeping.) Sure he does not know I am ty? I would have nothing dissatisfied in a female Miranda.

shape. Sir Geo. A very extraordinary bargain I have Mir. What shall I do?

[Pauses, made truly, if she should be really in love Sir Geo. Aye, prithee, consider; for thou shalt with this old cuff now!--Psha! that's moral- find me very much at thy service. ly impossible. But then, what hopes have I Patch. Suppose, sir, the lady should be in love to succeed? I never spoke to her

with you? Mir. (Peeping.) Say you so ? then I am safe. Sir Geo. Oh! I'll return the obligation in a

Sir Geo. What though my tongue never spoke? moment. my eyes said a thousand things, and my hopes Patch. And marry her? flattered me her's answered them. If I'm lucky Sir Geo. Ha, ha, ha! that's not the way to -If not, it is but a hundred guineas thrown love her, child. away. (MIRANDA and Parcu come forward. Mir. If he discovers me I shall die-Which Mir. Upon what, sir George?

way shall I escape? Let me see- [Pauses. Sir Geo. Ha! my incognita-upon a woman, Sir Geo. Well, madammadam.

Mir. I have it—Sir George, 'tis fit you should Mir. They are the worst things you can deal allow something ; if you'll excuse my face, and in, and damage the soonest; your very breath turn your back, (if you look upon me I shall sink, destroys them, and, I fear, you'll never see your even masked as I am) I will confess why I have return, sir George, ha, ha, ha!

engaged you so often, who I am, and where I Sir Geo. Were they more brittle than china, live. and dropped to pieces with a touch, every atom Sir Geo. Well, to shew you I'm a man of hoof her I have ventured at, if she is but mistress nour, I accept the conditions: let me but once of thy wit, balances ten times the sum. Prithee, know those, and the face won't be long a secret let me see thy face !

Mir. By no means; that may spoil your opi- Patch. What mean you, madam? nion of my sense

Mir. To get off. Sir Geo. Rather confirm it, madam.

Sir Geo. 'Tis something indecent to turn one's Patch. So, rob the lady of your gallantry, sir. back upon a lady; but you command, and I obey.

Sir Geo. No, child; a dish of chocolate in the [Turns his back.] Come, madam, beginmorning never spoils my dinner : the other lady Mir. First, then, it was my unhappy lot to see I design a set meal; so there's no danger. you at Paris [Di aws back a litile way, and

Mir. Matrimony! Ha, ha, ha! What crimes speaks.], at a ball upon a birthday; your shape

to me.

and air charmed my eyes, your wit and complai- | expects I should comfort her; and, to do her sance iny soul, and from that fatal night I loved justice, she has said enough to encourage me. you.

[Drawing back. Turns about.] Ha! gone! the devil! jilted !

Why, what a tale has she invented-of Paris, And when you left the place grief seized me so, balls, and birth-days ! Egad I'd give ten guineas Nor rest my heart nor sicep my eyes could know, to know who the gipsey is A curse of my follyLast I resolved a hazardous point to try,

I deserve to lose her. What woman can forgive And quit the place in search of liberty. [Erit. a man that turns his back!

Sir Geo. Excellent! I hope she's bandsome- The bold and resolute in love and war Well, now madam, to the two other things, your To conquer take the right and swiftest way; name, and where you live--I am a gentleman, The boldest lover soonest gains the fair, and this confession will not be lost upon me- As courage makes the rudest force obey: Vay, prithee, don't weep, but go on, for I find my Take no denial, and the daines adore ye; heart melts in thy behalf-Speak quickly, or I Closely pursue them, and they fall before ye. shall turn about Not yet-Poor lady! she

(Exit.

ACT II.

get out

SCENE I.

with my own money

! Which

way

shall I of his hands.

(Aside. Enter Sir FRANCIS GRIPE and MIRANDA.

Sir Fran. Well, what art thou thinking, my Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

girl, ha ? how to banter sir George! Mir. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh, I shall die Mir. I must not pretend to banter : he knows with laughing--the most romantic adventure- my tongue too well. [Aside.] No, Gardy, I have Ha, ha, ha! What does the odious young fop thought of a way, will confound him more than mean? A hundred pieces to talk ten minutes with all I could say, if I should talk to him seven me! ha, ha, ha, ha!

years. Sir Fran. And I am to be by too; there's the Sir Fran. How's that? oh! I'm transported, jest ! adad, if it had been in private, I should not I'm ravished, I'm mad ! have cared to trust the young dog.

Mir. It would make you mad if you knew all: Mir. Indeed and indeed but you might, Gar- (Aside.] I'll not answer him a word, but be dumb dy--Now, methinks, there's nobody handsomer to all he says. than you : so neat, so clean, so good-humoured, Sir Fran. Dumb! good; ha, ha, ha! Exceland so loving

lent! ha, ha, ha, ha! I think I have you now, Sir Fran. Pretty rogue, pretty rogue ! and so Sir George. Dumb! he'll go distracted-well

, thou shalt find me, if thou dost prefer thy Gardy she's the wittiest rogue. Ha, ha, dumb! I can't before these caperers of the age : thou shalt out- but laugh, ha, ha! to think how damned mad shine the queen's box on an opera night; thou he'll be when he finds he has given his money shalt be the envy of the ring, (for I will carry away for a dumb show; ha, ha, ha! thee to Hyde-Park) and thy equipage shall sur- Mir. Nay, Gardy, if he did but know my

-what d’ye call them, ainbassadors. thoughts of him, it would make him ten times Mir. Nay, I am sure the discreet part of my madder; ha, ha, ha, ha! sex will envy me more for the inside furniture, Sir Fran. Ay, so it would, Chargy, to hold him when you are in it, than my outside equipage. in such derision, to scorn to answer him, to be

Sir Fran. A cunning baggage i'faith thou art, dumb ! ha, ha, ha! and a wise one too! and, to shew thee that thou hast not chose amiss, I'll this moment disinherit

Enter CHARLES. my son, and settle my whole estate upon thee. Sir Fran. How now, sirrah! who let you in?

Mir. There's an old rogue now ! [Aside.] No, Chu. My necessities, sir. Gardy, I would not have your name be so black Sir Fran. Your necessities are very imperti: in the world. You know my father's will runs, nent, and ought to have sent before they entered. that I am not to possess my estate, without your Cha. Sir, I knew 'twas a word would gain adconsent, till I am five-and-twenty ; you shall only mittance nowhere. abate the odd seven years, and make me mistress Sir Fran. Then, sirrah, how durst you rudely of my estate to-day, and I'll inake you master of thrust that upou your father, which nobody else my person to-morrow.

would admit? Sir Fran, Humph! that may not be safe- Cha. Sure the name of a son is a sufficient plea. No, Chargy, I'll settle it upon thee for pin-money, I ask this lady's pardon if I have intruded. and that will be every bit as well, thou know'st. Sir Frun. Ay, ay; ask her pardon and her blesMir. Unconscionable old wretch! bribe me sing, too, if you expect any thing from me.

pass the

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