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TOM TREDDLEHOYLE'S

If it happanze at two relashans Thick for NEW WETHEROLOGICAL TABLE, I agrees ta live tagether......... S a while. For't use a Wesherwimmin, Hay-mackers, an iroery If yo see a chap at's spendin more )

Sudden boddy else at's it habit stoppin at hoam, going

brass then wot he hez silver

daanfall. a waukin, or doin onny aght door wark.

cummin in, look for a..........

When a man axes a Railway CumHey, an mind it al be fun wun at moast hacke

pany to alot him sum shares, an > Fair, rate an usefull guides at's ivver yet been publish't.

he duzant repudiate........... llbein 75 degrees nearer t'chainges it weather

[If a sarvant lass stops aght longer then't statements a Docktar Adam Clarke, or on-l'

then hur missis alaas hur, ah sud ( A rise it temay uther Astronomer, dead or livin.

Bay, az sooin az shoo gets hoam, 1 perature. When a man happanze ta wed an) wa

m Warm at

theal be.......................) illtemper'd womman, its suar to ,

If a Landlord iz seen runnin for)

times. ba............................

hiz rent that minnit its due, ah > Keen. If yo see a Bum Baliff markin't)

sud say........... goods in a poor man's hause, ah Gloomy. If yo go on a turnpike, an sees a ) sud bay.....

guide poast fix't e ivvery 1760

Mile'd. When a yung man coarts a lass

yards, ah sud say then, wethaght / for five or six year, an then weds > Chaingeable. onny fear & contradickshan, at its anuther........................,

If a womman naws & seacrit, an UncommonIf yo see a womman ats just goin Varry ple keeps it, ah sud say............ S ly cloise.

to a Draper's shop..... .. sent. Jiftwo nabors happanze ta be weshIf a teetatal pairty iz goin ta tack Much wet.

in at same day, an wun on em | Sharpish, atplaice, expeci......

gets her cloaze line tixt up, just > tendad we When a gossapin womman dees, Mist

whent tuther iz cummin aght at | wind. theaze suar ta be wun.........

hause we hurs, ah sud say.....) If a litrie lad happance ta greaze

If a womman's seen ta thump ala hiz faice we lickin a drippin pan Son shiny. bairn at izant hur awn, look for a s agbt, uh sud say.....

If an owd maid fancies at shooze )

Ungattald for if a brewer's cart iz seen stoppin

I seen a yung man smile at hur,

til a while. opposit onny a yer doors.......

ah sud say.................... When two ov a trade meets...... Sum'at fair. If a maister an missie happanze ta If yo meet we a knife at weant cut)

go throo home at wun time, an ( Varry squalhauf a paand a butter e two, ah Dull.

leave a lot a men an wimmin ly. sud say...

sarvants it hause, ah sud say...)

I

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A BEAUTIFUL AND BRIEF SERMON. PLANT TREES.—The man who plants a tree, Sundays observe : think, when the bells do chime, liquidates in part a debt which he owes to his an'Tis angels' music; therefore, come in time.

cestors, by paying it to posterity. A sensible wri. God there deals blessings ; if a king did so, ter says :-"There is no part of husbandry which Who would not haste, nay, give, to see the show men more commonly fail in, neglect, and have

cause to repent of, than that they did not season. In time of service, seal up both thine eyes,

ably begin to plant trees, without which they can And send them to thy heart, that, spying sin,

neither expect fruit, ornament nor delight from They may weep out the stains thy sin did rise ;

their labors. Men seldom begin to plant trees Those doors being shut, all by the ears comes in. still they begin to be wise-that is, till they grow Let vain and busy thoughts have there no part; old, and find by experience the prudence and neChrist purged his temple, so must thou thy heart. cessity of it. When Ulysses, after ten years' abHe that loves God's abode, and to combine (shine. sence, was returned from Troy, and found his With saints on earth, shall one day with them aged father in the field planting trees, he asked

him, Why, being now so far in years, he would Good RETORT.-A humorous young man was put himself to the fatigue and labor of planting driving a horse, which was in the habit of stop- that of which he was never likely to enjoy the ping at every house on the road-side. Passing a fruits ? the good old man, taking him for a strancountry tavern, where were collected together ger, gently replied-'I plant against my son Ulys. some dozen countrymen, the beast, as usual, ran ses comes home. The application is obvious, opposite the door and then stopped, in spite of the and is instructive both to old and young." young man, who applied the whip with all his might to drive the horse on. The men on the AWFUL WARNING.—“My son," said an old turporch commenced a hearty laugh, and some in-baned Turk one day, taking his child by the hand quired if he would sell that horse? “Yes," said in the street of Cairo, and pointing out to him, on the young man, “but I cannot recommend him, the opposite side, a Frenchman just imported, in las me once belonged to a butcher, and stops when all the elegance of Parisian costume: "My son, Hever he hears any calves bleat." The crowd re-look there l-if ever you forget God and His ProIttired to the bar in silence.

Iphet, you may come to look like that !"

An Irish orator, speaking of an opponent's

Burdock leaves will cure a horse of the love of praise, described him as so vain in that re- slavers in five minuteg-let him eat about two Uspect, that he would be content to give up the leaves; I have tried it many times. My horses ghost, if it were but to look up and read the stone-will always eat them when the slavers are bad. cutter's puff on his grave.

So says the Ploughman.

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New York. 9 44 morn, 0 20 even.

2 even. 5 23 even. H. M.

4 Boston. 9 56 morn. 0 32 even. 4 14 even.

5 35 even. Third Quarter...241 1 43 morn. 1 31 morn.

H. M.

D.
1 MOON'S PHASES.
New Moon...... 1
First Quarter ... 8
Full Moon ......16
New Moon......30

When

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June 1, 2, 28, 29,
Sign .... |

AGES OF STATESMEN.-Of our distinguished "You call this a carryvan, don't you ?” public men, John Quincy Adams, born in 1767, is said our Mrs. Partington at the menagerie. “May the Nestor; he is 80 years of age. Henry Clay be it is; but I should like to know where the silks comes next, being 70 years old on the 15th of and other costive things are that we read of which April. Martin Van Buren, R. M. Johnson, J. C. the carryvans carry over the deserts of Sarah, in Calhoun, Lewis Cass and Daniel Webster, singu- the eastern country ?" “The elephant has them larly enough, were all born in 1782, and of course in his trunk, marm," replied the keeper. “Then are 65 years of age. Tyler is 8 years younger- that's the reason, I s'pose, why he always carries born in 1790. Polk is about the same age. Dal- it before him, so he can have an eye on it. But las 2 years younger yet-born in 1793. Gen. Tay. what is this animal with the large wart on his lor is nearly 60. The rest of our prominent pub-nose?" "That is the gnu, marm." "Mercy on lic men are generally younger in years. If we me!" exclaimed Mrs. P. "this must be one of cross the Atlantic, we find a statesman in Wel them foreign netos that the steamer brings over; lington, unimpaired in intellect at the age of 78. they feed 'em, I dare say, on potatoes and vegetaThe age of Peel corresponds with that of Gen. bles, and that is why breadstuffs and flour are so Taylor, as that of Lord John Russell does with awful dear most always after they arrive !" and that of Dallas. Brougham is the youngest of the the old lady left soon after, full of new light and first grade of public characters, being barely born admiration of the monkeys. in the last century.

OLD HUNDRED.--The following stanza of Old PHONOGRAPHY.—The Burlington Free Press Hundred is printed as it is usually pronounced in has the following comical illustration of the new singing: science of Phonography :-" We are credibly in Be-he thou-ou, ho-o Gaw-hawd. hex-halted hi-ig formed that it is in contemplation to get up a class A-a-nd a-8 thy.igh glo-ho-ry fi-hills the-e sky-hi, in Phonography (or bad spelling) at Winooski So-ho le-et it be-he on ear-eth dis-pla-ade, City forth with, the object of the enterprise being Ti-hil thow-ow a-art he-ere a-as tha-hair ho-bey. to teach young gentlemen and ladies in that hade. thriving neighborhood to spell the wurds that AN INTERESTING THEME. There are three tha employ in makin luv to eech other so infurnul sorts of folks in the world-yea, four: Those badly that tha can nether be red or understood that know one thing--those that know everyby eny persun but the wun to hoom tha ar di-thing-those that know nothing--and those that rected. Axiduntz have happened in konsekwens glory in it. The first are the hobby-riders—the of the want of a nolledge of the lauz of fonografe 'one-idea men; the second are the quacks; the Our informant adz that this is a grate country, and third are the believers in the second; and the that thar ar a grate menny peepl to the aker." fourth are unalloyed fools, twenty-two carats fine.

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THE REFORMER.

EYES.
Happy he whose inward ear

Sublime embassadors from soul to soul!
Angel comfortings can hear,

By thee Hope sends her passport-Hate defies-
O'er the rabble's laughter;
Genius a flood ethereal bids roll,

denies And, while Hatred's faggots burn,

And Love speaks what the treacherous tongue
Glimpses through the smoke discern
Of the good hereafter.

CALAMITIES OF GENIUS.-Homer was a beg.

gar; Plautus turned a mill; Terence was a slave : 1 Knowing this, that never yet

Boethius died in jail ; Paul Borghese had fourteen Share of Truth was vainly set

trades, and yet starved with them all; Tasso was In the world's wild fallow:

often distressed for a few shillings; Bentivogolio After hands shall sow the seed,

was refused admittance into a hospital he had After hands from hill and mead

himself erected ; Cervantes died of hunger; CaReap the harvest yellow.

moens, the celebrated writer of the Lusiad, died Thus, with somewhat of the Seer,

in an alms-house; and Vaugelas left his body to Must the moral pioneer

the surgeons, to pay his debts, as far as it would From the Future borrow;

go. In England, Bacon lived a life of meanness Clothe the waste with dreams of gain,

and distress; Sir Walter Raleigh died on the scrit And on midnight's sky of rain

fold; Spenser—the charming Spenser-died for. Paint the golden morrow !

saken and in want; and the death of Collins came

through neglect, first causing mental derange. AN HONOR TO HIS MOTHER." John," inquired ment; Milton sold his copy right of Paradise Lost a dominie of a hopeful pupil, “what is a nailer ?" for £15, at three payments, and finished his life “A man who makes nails," said John. "Very in obscurity ; Dryden lived in poverty and dis good. What is a tailor?" "One who makes tress; Otway died prematurely, and through hun tails.” “Oh, you stupid fellow !" said the domi- ger; Lee died in the streets; Steele lived a life of nie, biting his lips. "a man who makes tails?' perfect warfare with bailiffs ; Goldsmith's Vicar “Yes, master," returned John, “if the tailor did of Wakefield was sold for a trifle, to save him from not put tails to the coats he made, they would be the gripe of the law ; Fielding lies in the burying. all jackets." “Sit down, John-you are an honor ground of the English factory at Lisbon, without, to your maternal parent."

a stone to mark the spot; Savage died in prison

at Bristol, where he was confined for a debt of $8: "Is that a lightning-bug in the street ?' Butler lived in penury, and died poor; Chatterasked a purblind old lady. "No, grandma," said ton, the child of genius and misfortune, destroyed a pert miss, “it's a big bug with a cigar."

himself.

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g you, in reply, The Very respectful ORE.

DIED, on Thursday, 17th August, at Belle- COL. MAY _This gallant officer's health was revue, Boone Co. Kentucky, Col. Silas DINSMORE, cently drunk in this wise at New.Orleans--“The in the 81st year of his age. This is the gentleman health of one yet in the May of life-Charles May : referred to in the following laconic correspond. Last May we dined with him as Captain May, this ence :

TREASURY DEPARTMENT, May he dines with us as Colonel May May we

WASHINGTON, Jan. 15, 1822. S dine with him next May as General May." SIR-This Department is desirous of knowing how far the Tombigbee river runs up. You will

"If," said an Irish apothecary, "you find please communicate the information,

three tumblers of whisky punch disagree with Respectfuily, W. H. CRAWFORD, you over night, don't take 'em till next day, and 8. DINSMORE, Esq. Collector, Mobile.

then leave 'em off entirely." MOBILE, Feb. 7, 1822 SIR-I have the honor to acknowledge the re

The following anagram on the well-known liceipt of your letter of the 15th ult and of inform.

bibliographer, William Oldys, may claim a place ing you, in reply. that the Tombigbee does not among the first productions of its class. It is byl run up at all. . Very respectfully,

Oldys himself:

In word and WILL I AM a friend to you,

S. DINSMORE. Hon. W. H. CRAWFORD, Sec'y of Treas.

And one friend OLD IS worth a hundred new TREASURY DEPARTMENT, ? TOP A servant girl, writing a letter. asked her

WASHINGTON, March 1, 1822. S master if the next month had come in yet He SIR-I have the honor to inform you that this laughed. “Well,” said she, “what I mean is, has Department has no farther service for you as Col- the last month gone out yet?" lector of Mobile. Respectfully,

W. H. CRAWFORD. REPLY TO A CHALLENGE.-One of the best reS. DINSMORE, Esq. Mobile.

plies ever made to a challenge, was that made by

|Wilkes when he was challenged by Horne Tooke: A young man having preached for Dr. E. Sir. I do not think it my duty to cut the throat was anxious to get a word of applause for his la- of every desperado that may be tired of his lite : bor of love. The grave Doctor, however, did not but as I am at present High Sheriff for the City of introduce the subject, and his brother was obliged London, it may happen that I may shortly have to bait the hook for him “I hope, sir, I did not an opportunity of attending you in my official caweary your people by the length of my sermon pacity, in which case I will answer for it, that you to-day?" "No, sir, not at all-nor by the depth shall have no grounds to complain of my endeav. either." The young man was silent.

lors to serve you."

od one friend 01

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