Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket: May 1 not go out ere he come ?

Mrs. Page. Alas, three of master Ford's brothers watch the door with pistols, that none shall issue out; otherwise you might slip away ere he came. But what make you here?

Fal. What shall I do?--I'll creep up into the chimney.

Mrs. Ford. There they always used to discharge their birding pieces: Creep into the kiln-hole. Fal. Where is it?

Mrs. Ford. He will seek there, on my word. Neither press, coffer, chest, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of such places, and goes to them by his note: There is no hiding you in the house.

Fal. I'll go out then. Mrs. Page. If you go out in your own semblance, you die, sir John. Unless you go out disguised,— Mrs. Ford. How might we disguise him

Mrs. Page. Alas the day, I know not. There is no woman's gown big enough for him; otherwise, he might put on a hat, a muffler, and a kerchief, and so escape.

1 Serv. Come, come, take it up.

[Exit.

2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight

Enter FORD, PAGE, SHALLOW, CAIUS, and
Sir HUGH EVANS.

Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again?-Set down the basket, villain :-Somebody call my wife: You, youth in a basket, come out here!-O, you panderly rascals! there's a knot, a ging, a pack, a conspiracy against me: Now shall the devil be shamed. What! wife, I say! come, come forth; behold what honest clothes you send forth to bleaching. Page. Why, this passes! Master Ford, you are not to go loose any longer; you must be pinioned. Eva. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a mad dog!

Shal. Indeed, master Ford, this is not well; indeed.

Enter Mrs. FORD.

Ford. So say I too, sir.-Come hither, mistress Ford; mistress Ford, the honest woman, the modest wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the jealous foor to her husband!-I suspect without cause, mistress, do I?

Mrs. Ford. I would, my husband would meet him in this shape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he swears, she's a witch; forbade her my house, and hath threatened to beat her.

Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards! Mrs. Ford. But is my husband coming?

Mrs. Page. Ay, in good sadness, is he; and he talks of the basket too, howsoever he hath had intelligence.

Mrs. Ford. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did last time.

Mrs. Page. Nay, but he'll be here presently: let's go dress him like the witch of Brentford.

Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men, what they shall do with the basket. Go up, I'll bring linen for him straight. [Exit. Mrs. Page Hang him, dishonest varlet' we can not misuse him enough

We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do,
Wives may be merry, and yet honest too:
We do not act, that often jest and laugh;
-Tis old but true, Still swine eat all the draff. [Exit.

Re-enter Mrs. FORD, with two Servants.
Mrs. Ford. Go, sirs, take the basket again on your

Ford. Well said, brazen-face; hold it out.—— Come forth, sirrah

[Pulls the clothes out of the basket. Page. This passes! Mrs. Ford. Are you not ashamed? let the clothes alone.

Ford. I shall find you anon. Eva. 'Tis unreasonable! Will you take up your wife's clothes? Come away. Ford. Empty the basket, I say. Mrs. Ford. Why, man, why,

there was one

Ford. Master Page, as I am a man, conveyed out of my house yesterday in this basket: Why may not he be there again? In my house 1 am sure he is my intelligence is true; my jealousy is reasonable: Pluck me out all the linen.

:

Mrs. Ford. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death.

Ford Well, he's not here, I seek for.

Page. No, nor no where else, but in your brain. Ford. Help to search my house this one time if I find not what I seek, shew no colour for my extremity, let me for ever be your table-sport; let them say of me, As jealous as Ford, that searched a hollow walnut for his wife's leman. Satisfy me once more ; once more search with me.

Mrs. Ford. What hoa, mistress Page! come you, and the old woman, down; my husband will come into the chamber.

Ford. Old woman! What old woman's that? Mrs. Ford. Why, it is my maid's aunt of rentford. Ford. A witch, a quean, an old cozening quean

Have I not forbid her my house? She comes of errands, does she? We are simple men; we do not know what's brought to pass under the profession of fortune-telling. She works by charms, by spells, by the figure, and such daubery as this is; beyond our element: we know nothing.- -Come down, you witch, you hag you; come down, I say.

Mrs. Ford. Nay, good, sweet husband;-good gentlemen, let him not strike the old woman. Enter FALSTAFF in women's clothes, led by Mrs. PAGE. Mrs. Page. Come, mother Prat, come, give me your hand.

I

Ford. Hang her, witch!

Eva. By yea and no, I think, the 'oman is a witch indeed: I like not when a 'oman has a great peard; spy a great peard under her muffler. Ford. Will you follow, gentlemen? I beseech you, follow; see but the issue of my jealousy; if I cry out thus upon no trail, never trust me when I open again. Page. Let's obey his humour a little further: Come, gentlemen.

Exeunt PAGE, FORD, SHALLOW, and EVANS Mrs. Page. Trust me, he beat him most pitifully. Mrs. Ford. Nay, by the mass, that he did not; he beat him most unpitifully, methought.

Mrs. Page. I'll have the cudgel hallowed, and hung o'er the altar; it hath done meritorious service. Mrs. Ford. What think you? May we, with the warrant of womanhood, and the witness of a good conscience, pursue him with any further revenge ? Mrs. Page. The spirit of wantonness is, sure, scared out of him; if the devil have him not in fee-simple, with fine and recovery, he will never, I think, in the way of waste, attempt us again.

Mrs. Ford. Shall we tell our husbands how we have served him?

Mrs. Page. Yes, by all means; if it be but to scrape the figures out of your husband's brains. If they can find in their hearts, the poor unvirtuous fat knight snall be any further afflicted, we two will still be the ministers.

Mrs. Ford. I'll warrant, they'll have him publicly snamed; and, methinks, there would be no period to the jest, should he not be publicly shamed."

Mrs. Page. Come, to the forge with it then, shape it I would not have things cool. [Exeunt.

SCENE III.-A Room in the Garter Inn.

Enter Host and BARDOLPH.

Bard. Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses the duke himself will be to-morrow at court, and they are going to meet him.

Host. What duke should that be, comes so secretly? I hear not of him in the court: Let me speak with the gentlemen; they speak English?

Bard. Ay, sir; I'll call them to you.

Host. They shall have my horses; but I'll make them pay, I'll sauce them: they have had my houses a week at command; I have turned away my other guests: they must come off; I'll sauce them: Come. [Exeunt.

Sometime a keeper here in Windsor forest,
Doth all the winter time, at still midnight,
Walk round about an oak, with great ragg'd horns;
And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle;
And makes milch-kine yield blood, and shakes a chain
In a most hideous and dreadful manner :
You have heard of such a spirit; and well you know,
The superstitious idle-headed eld
Received, and did deliver to our age,
This tale of Herne the hunter for a truth.

Page. Why, yet there want not many, that do fear
In deep of night to walk by this Herne's oak:
But what of this?

Mrs. Ford. Marry, this is our device; That Falstaff at that oak shall meet with us, Disguised like Herne, with huge horns on his head. Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come, And in this shape: When you have brought him What shall be done with him? what is your plot? thither, Mrs. Page. That likewise have we thought upon

and thus:

Nan Page my daughter, and my little son,
And three or four more of their growth, we'll d
Like urchins, ouphes, and fairies, green and w'
With rounds of waxen tapers on their heads,
And rattles in their hands; upon a suddez,
As Falstaff, she, and I, are newly met,
Let them from forth a saw-pit rush at once
With some diffused song; upon their sight,
We two in great amazedness will fly :
Then let them all encircle him about,
And fairy-like, to pinch the unclean knight;
And ask him, why, that hour of fairy revel,
In their so sacred paths he dares to tread,
In shape profane.
And till he tell the truti.

Mrs. Ford

Mrs. Page. My Nan shall be the queen of all the Finely attired in a robe of white.

[fairies, Page. That silk will I go buy ;-and in that time Shall master Slender steal my Nan away, [Aside. And marry her at Eton.- -Go, send to Falstaff straight.

Ford. Nay, I'll to him again, in name of Brook; He'll tell me all his purpose: Sure, he'll come. Mrs. Page. Fear not you that: Go, get us properties, And tricking for our fairies.

Eva. Let us about it: It is admirable pleasures, and fery honest knaveries.

[Exeunt PAGE, FORD, and EVANS.

Mrs. Page. Go, mistress Ford, Send quickly to sir John, to know his mind. [Exit Mrs. FORD. I'll to the doctor; he hath my good will, And none but he, to marry with Nan Page. That Slender, though well landed, is an idiot; And he my husband best of all affects : The doctor is well money'd, and his friends Potent at court; he, none but he, shall have her, Though twenty thousand worthier come to crave her.

SCENE V.-A Room in the Garter Inn.

[Exit.

Enter Host and SIMPLE. Host. What would'st thou have, boor? what, thickskin? speak, breathe, discuss; brief, short, quick,

snap.

Sim. Marry, sir, I come to speak with sir John Falstaff from master Slender.

Host. There's his chamber, his house, his castle, his standing-bed, and truckle-bed; 'tis painted about with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new: Go, knock and call; he'll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto thee: Knock, I say.

Sim. There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up into his chamber; I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come down; I come to speak with her, indeed.

Host. Ha! a fat woman! the knight may be robbed: I'll call.—Bully knight! Bully sir John! speak from thy lungs military: Art thou there? it is thine host, thine Ephesian, calls.

Fal. [above.] How now, mine host?

Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar tarries the coming down of thy fat woman; Let her descend, bully, let her descend; my chambers are honourable? Fye: privacy? fye!

Enter FALSTAFF.

Fal. There was, mine host, an old fat woman, even now with me; but she's gone.

Sim. Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of Brentford?

Fal. Ay, marry, was it, muscle-shell; What would you with her?

Sim. My master, sir, my master Slender, sent to her, seeing her go through the streets, to know, sir, whether one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the chain, or no.

Fal. I spake with the old woman about it. Sim. And what says she, I pray, sir? Fal. Marry, she says, that the very same man, tha beguiled master Slender of his chain, cozened him of it.

Sim. I would, I could have spoken with the woman herself; I had other things to have spoken with her too, from him.

Fal. What are they? let us know.
Host. Ay, come; quick.

Sim. I may not conceal them, sir.
Fal. Conceal them, or thou diest.

Sim. Why, sir, they are nothing but about mistress Anne Page; to know if it were my master's fortune to have her, or no.

Fal. 'Tis, 'tis his fortune. Sim. What, sir?

Fal. To have her, or no: Go; say, the woman told me so.

Sim. May I be so bold to say so, sir?

Fal. Ay, sir Tike; who more bold?

Sim. I thank your worship: I shall make my master glad with these tidings. [Exit SIMPLE. Host. Thou art clerkly, thou art clerkly, sir John: Was there a wise woman with thee?

Fal. Ay, that there was, mine host; one that hath taught me more wit than ever I learned before in my life: and I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my learning.

Enter BARDOLPH.

Bard. Out, alas, sir! cozenage! meer cozenage: Host. Where be my horses? speak well of them varletto.

Bard. Run away with the cozeners: for so soon as I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from behind one of them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs, and away, like three German devils, three Doctor Faus.

tuses.

Host. They are gone but to meet the duke, villain : do not say, they be fled; Germans are honest men.

Enter Sir HUGH EVANS.

Eva. Where is mine host?
Host. What is the matter, sir?

Eva. Have a care of your entertainments: there is a friend of mine come to town, tells me, there is three couzin germans, that has cozened all the hosts of Readings, of Maidenhead, of Colebrook, of horses and money. I tell you for good-will, look you: you are wise, and full of gibes and vloutingstogs; and 'tis not convenient you should be cozened: [Exit. Fare you well.

Enter Dr. CAIUS.

Catus. Vere is mine Host de Jarterre? Host. Here, master doctor, in perplexity, and doubtful dilemma.

Caius. I cannot tell vat is dat: But it is tell-a me, dat you make grand preparation for a duke de Jarmany: by my trot, dere is no duke, dat de court is know to come: I tell you for good vill: adieu.

[Exit Host. Hue and cry, villain, go:-assist me, knight; I am undone fly, run, hue and cry, villain! I am undone ! [Exeunt Hosr and BARDOLPH. Fal. I would, all the world might be cozened; for I have been cozened, and beaten too. If it should come to the ear of the court, how I have been transformed, and how my transformation hath been washed and cudgelled, they would melt me out of my fat, drop by drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me; I warrant, they would whip me with their fine wits,

F

Enter Mistress QUICKLY.

Now! whence come you?

Quick. From the two parties, forsooth. Fal. The devil take one party, and his dam the other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suffered more for their sakes, more, than the villainous inconstancy of man's disposition is able to bear. Quick. And have they not suffered? Yes, I warrant; speciously one of them; mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about her.

Fal. What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow; and I was like to be apprehended for the witch of Brentford; but that my admirable dexterity of wit, my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, deliver'd me, the knave constable had set me i' the stocks, i' the common stocks, for a witch.

Quick. Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber: you shall hear how things go: and, I warrant, to your content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, one of you does not serve heaven well, that

you are so crossed.

Fal. Come up into my chamber.

[Exeunt.

SCENE VI.-Another room in the Garter Inn.
Enter FENTON and HOST.

Host. Master Fenton, talk not to me; my mind is heavy, I will give over all. [pose,

Fent. Yet hear me speak: Assist me in my purAnd, as I am a gentleman, I'll give thee A hundred pound in gold, more than your loss. Host. I will hear you, master Fenton; and I will, at the least, keep your counsel.

Fent. From time to time I have acquainted you With the dear love I bear to fair Anne Page; Who, mutually, hath answer'd my affection (So far forth as herself might be her chooser,) Even to my wish: I have a letter from her Of such contents as you will wonder at ; The mirth whereof so larded with my matter, That neither, singly, can be manifested, Without the show of both ;-wherein fat Falstaff Hath a great scene: the image of the jest

[Shewing the letter.
I'll shew you here at large. Hark, good mine host:
To-night at Herne's oak, just 'twixt twelve and one,
Must my sweet Nan present the fairy queen :
The purpose why, is here; in which disguise,
While other jests are something rank on foot,
Her father hath commanded her to slip
Away with Slender, and with him at Eton
Immediately to marry: she hath consented:
Now, sir,

Her mother, even strong against that match,
And firm for Dr. Caius, hath appointed
That he shall likewise shuffle her away,
While other sports are tasking of their minds,
And at the deanery, where a priest attends,
Straight marry her to this her mother's plot
She, seemingly obedient, likewise hath
Made promise to the doctor;-Now thus it rests
Her father means she shall be all in white;
And in that habit, when Slender sees his time
To take her by the hand, and bid her go,

The better to denote her to the doctor,
(For they must all be masked and vizarded,)
That, quaint in green, she shall be loose enrob'd
With ribands pendant, flaring 'bout her head;
And when the doctor spies his vantage ripe,
To pinch her by the hand, and, on that token,
The maid hath given consent to go with him.
Host. Which means she to deceive? father or
mother?

Fent. Both, my good host, to go along with me.
And here it rests,-that you'll procure the vicar
To stay for me at church, 'twixt twelve and one.
And, in the lawful name of marrying,
To give our hearts united ceremony.

Host. Well, husband your device; I'll to the vicar: Bring you the maid, you sha!! not lack a priest.

Fent. So shall I ever more be bound to thee; Besides, I'll make a present recompense. [Exeunt.

ACT V.

SCENE I.-A Room in the Garter Inn.

Enter FALSTAFF and Mrs. QUICKLY. hold: This is the third time; I hope, good luck lies Fal. Pr'ythee, no more prattling :-go.--I'll in odd numbers. Away, go; they say there is divinity in odd numbers, either in nativity, chance, or death.-Away.

Quick. I'll provide you a chain: and I'll do what I can to get you a pair of horns. Fal. Away, I say; time wears: hold up your head, and mince. [Exit Mrs. QUICKLY.

Enter FORD. How now, master Brook? Master Brook, the matter will be known to-night, never. Be you in the Park about midnight, at Herne's oak, and you shall see wonders.

Ford. Went you not to her yesterday, sir, as you told me you had appointed?

Fal. I went to her, master Brook, as you see, like a poor old man: but I came from her, master Brook, like a poor old woman. That same knave, Ford her husband, hath the finest mad devil of jealousy in him, master Brook, that ever governed frenzy. I will tell you. He beat me grievously, in the shape of a woman; for in the snape of man, master Brook, I fear not Goliath with a weaver's beam; because I know also, life is a shuttle. I am in haste; go along with me; I'll tell you all, master Brook. Since I pluck'd geese, play'd truant, and whipp'd top, I knew not what it was to be beaten, till lately. Follow me: I'll tell you strange things of this knave Ford on whom to-night I will be revenged, and I will deliver his wife into your hand.-Follow: Strange things in hand, master Brook! follow.

SCENE II.-Windsor Park.

[Exeunt.

Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Page. Come, come; we'll couch i' the castleditch, till we see the light of our fairies.-Remember, son Slender, my daughter.

Slen. Ay, forsooth; I have spoke with her, and we have a nay-word, how to know one another. I come to her in white, and cry, mum; she cries budget; and by that we know one another.

Shal. That's good too: but what needs either your mum, or her budget? the white will decipher her wel enough. It hath struck ten o'clock.