Dieg. (Unseen, puts on a large padlock.) That [Exit. must do till I get a larger. Enter LEANDER disguised. Leand. So, my old Argus is departed, and the could evening is as favourable for my design as wish. Now to attract my friend Mungo; if he is within hearing of my guitar, I am sure he will quickly make his appearance. MUNGO appears at the grate. Mungo. Who goes dere? Hip, hollo! Leand. Heaven bless you, my worthy master, will your worship's honour have a little music this evening? and I have got a bottle of delicious cordial here, given me by a charitable monk of a convent hard by, if your grace will please to taste it. Mungo. Give me a sup tro a grate: come closee, man; don't be fear; old massa gone out, as I say last night, and he no come back before to-morrow; come, trike moosic, and give us song. Leand. I'll give your worship a song I learned in Barbary when I was a slave among the Moors. Mungo. Ay, do. Leand. There was a cruel and malicious Turk, who was called Heli Abdalah Mahomet Schah; now this wicked Turk had a fair Christian slave named Jezabel, who not consenting to his beastly desires, he draws out his sabre, and is going to cut off her head; here's what he says to her.(Sings and plays.) Now you shall hear the slave's answer.-(Sings and plays again.)—Now you shall hear how the wicked Turk, being greatly enraged, is again going to cut off the fair slave's head. Now you shall hear―― Mungo. What signify me hear? Me no under stand. Mungo. What devil you want? Urs. What lewd noise is that? Leon. Enter LEONORA at the window. Ursula! Urs. Od's my life, what's here to do! Go back, go back; fine work we shall have indeed; good man, good bye. Leon. I could not stay any longer by myself; pray let me take a little air at the grate. Leand. Do, worthy madam, let the young gentlewoman stay; I'll play her a love song for nothing. Urs. No, no, none of your love songs here; if you could play a saraband indeed, and there was room for one's motion Leand. I am but a poor man; but if your ladyship will let me in as far as the hall or the kitchen, you may all dance, and I sha'n't ask anything. Urs. Why, if it was not on my master's account, I should think no harm in a little innocent recre ation. Mungo. Do, and let us dance. Leand. Has madam the keys then? Leand. Have you the key of this padlock too, madam? Here's a padlock upon the door, heaven help us! large enough for a state prison. Urs. Eh,-how,-what! a padlock! Mungo. Here it is, I feel it; adod! its a tumper. Urs. He was afraid to trust me then. Mungo. And if de house was a fire, we none of us get out to save ourselves. Leand. Well, madam, not to disappoint you and the young lady, I know the back of your gardenwall, and I'll undertake to get up at the outside of it, if you can let me down on the other. Urs. Do you think you could with your lame leg? Leand. O yes, madam, I'm very sure. Urs. Then, by my faith, you shall; for now I am, set on't-A padlock! Mungo, come with me into the garden. [Exit with Mungo. Leon. Pray let me go with you. Leand. Stay, charming creature; why will you fly the youth that adores you? Leon. Oh, lord! I'm frighted out of my wits! Leand. Have you not taken notice, beauteous Leonora, of the pilgrim who has so often met you at church? I am that pilgrim; one who would Mungo. Lewd you self, no lewd here; play change shapes as often as Proteus, to be blessed away, never mind her. Urs. I shall come down if you go on. Mungo. Ay, come along, more merrier; nothing here but poor man, he sing for bit of bread. Urs. I have no poor man near our door; hark'ye, fellow, can you play the Forsaken Maid's Delight," or "Black Bess of Castile ?" Ah, Mungo, if you had heard me sing when I was young Mungo. Gad! I'm sure, I hear your voice often enough now you old. Urs. I could quaver like any blackbird. Mungo. And now you grunt like an old sow. Come, throw a poor soul a penny, he play a tune for you. Urs. How did you lose the use of your leg? Leand. In the wars, my good dame: I was taken by a Barbary corsair, and carried into Sallee, where I lived eleven years and three quarters upon cold water and the roots of the earth, without having a coat on my back, or laying my head on a pillow an infidel bought me for a slave: he gave me the strappado on my shoulders, and the bastinado on the soles of my feet: now this infidel Turk had fifty-three wives, and one hundred and twelve concubines. Urs. Then he was an unreasonable villain. Mungo. How many wives had he? Leand. Fifty-three wives, and one hundred and twelve concubines. Mungo. Poor man! what de devil did he do wid dem all? with a sight of you. [Re-enter Mungo and Ursula. Mung. Lord a'mercy, how he swears! He makes my hairs All stand on end! Urs. Come, that's enough; ascend, ascend. Now the old one's far away; Laugh, and sing, and dance, and play ; ACT II-SCENE I. A Hall in Don Diego's house, with folding-doors, which open in the back scene. On one side a stair-case, leading to an apartment; on the other, a door leading to a cellar, which is so contrived, that a bottle and glass, two candles, and a guitar, with Leander's disguise, may be placed upon it. Enter LEANDER in a rich habit, following URSULA. Urs. Oh! shame; out upon't, sir; talk to me no more. I, that have been famed throughout all Spain, as I may say, for virtue and discretion; the very flower and quintessence of duennas; you have cast a blot upon me; a blot upon my reputation, that was as fair as a piece of white paper; and now I shall be reviled, pointed at, nay, men will call me filthy names upon your account. Leand. What filthy names will they call you? Urs. They'll say I'm an old procuress. Leand. Fie! fie! men know better things. Besides, though I have got admittance into your house, be assured I shall commit no outrage here; and if I have been guilty of any indiscretion, let love be my excuse. Urs. Well, as I live, he's a pretty young fellow. Leand. You, my sweet Ursula, have known what it is to be in love; and, I warrant, have had admirers often at your feet; your eyes still retain fire enough to tell me that. Urs. They tell you no lie; for, to be sure, when I was a young woman, I was greatly sought after; nay, it was reported that a youth died for love of me; one Joseph Perez, a tailor by trade; of the greyhound make, lank, and if my memory fail me not, his right shoulder about the breadth of my hand higher than his left; but he was upright as an arrow; and, by all accounts, one of the finest workmen at a button-hole! Leand. But where is Leonora? Urs. Where is she? By my troth, I have shut ар in her chamber, under three bolts and a double lock. her Leand. And will you not bring us together? Urs. Who, I? How can you ask me such a question? Really, sir, I take it extremely unkind. Leand. Well, but you misapprehend Urs. I told you just now, that if you mentioned that to me again, it would make me sick; and so it has, turned me upside down as it were. Leand. Ursula, take this gold. Urs. For what, sir? Leand. Only for the love of me. you, Urs. Nay, if that be all, I won't refuse it, for I love I assure you; you put me so much in mind of my poor dear husband; he was a handsome man; I remember he had a mole between his eye-brows, about the bigness of a hazel-nut; but, I must say, you have the advantage in the lower part of the countenance. Leand. The old beldam grows amorous. (Aside.) Urs. Lord love you! you're a well-looking young man. Leand. But Leonora Urs. Ha! ha! ha! but to pretend you were lame. I never saw a finer leg in my life. Leand. Leonora- Urs. Well, sir, I'm going. Leand. I shall never get rid of her. (Aside.) Urs. Sir! Mungo. Ah! massa! You brave massa, now; what you do here wid de old woman? Leand. Mungo. Where is your young mistress, Mungo? By gog, she lock her up. But why you no tell me before time, you a gentleman? Leand. Sure I have not given the purse for nothing. Mungo. Purse! what, you giving her money den? Curse her imperance; why you no give it me? You give me something as well as she. You know, massa, you see me first. Leand. There, there, are you content? (Giving him money.) Mungo. Me get supper ready, and now me go to de cellar. But I say, massa, ax de old man now, what good him watching do, him bolts, and him bars, him walls, and him padlock? Leand. Hist! Leonera comes. Let me, when my heart a sinking, Me soon am cur'd of tinking. We dance and we sing, Till we make a house ring, And, tied in his garters, old massa may swing. [Exit at cellar door, SCENE II.-Interior of Don Diego's House. Enter LEANDer, Leonora, and URSULA. Leand. Oh, charming Leonora, how shall I express the rapture of my heart upon this occasion? I almost doubt the kindness of that chance which has brought me thus happily to see, to speak to you, without restraint. Urs. Well, but it must not be without restraint; it can't be without restraint; it can't, by my faith; now you are going to make me sick again. Leon. La! Ursula, I dare say the gentleman doesn't want to do me any harm-Do you, sir? I'm sure I would not hurt a hair of his head, nor nobody's else, for the lucre of the whole world. Urs. Come, sir, where's your lute? You shall see me dance a saraband; or if you'd rather have a song or the child and I will move a minuet, if you choose grace before agility. Leand. This fulsome harridan Leon. I don't know what's come over her, sir; I never saw the like of her since I was born. Leand. I wish she was at the devil. Leon. Ursula, what's the matter with you? Urs. What's the matter with me! Marry, come up, what's the matter with you? Signor Diego can't shew such a shape as that; well, there is nothing I like better than to see a young fellow with a well made leg. Leand. Pr'ythee let us go away from her. guitar into the garden; 'tis moonlight: take an opportunity to follow me there; I swear to you, beautiful and innocent creature, you have nothing to apprehend. Leon. No, sir, I am certain of that, with a gentleman such as you are; and that have taken so much pains to come after me; and I should hold myself very ungrateful, if I did not do anything to oblige you, in a civil way. Leand. Then you'll come? Leon. I'll do my best endeavours, sir. Leand. And may I hope that you love me? Leon. I don't know; as to that I can't say. Urs. Come, come, what colloguing's here; I must see how things are going forward; besides, sir, you ought to know that it is not manners to be getting into corners and whispering before company. Leand. Psha! Urs. Ay, you may say your pleasure, sir, but I'm sure what I say is the right thing; I should hardly choose to venture in a corner with you myself; nay, I would not do it, I protest and vow. Leand. Beautiful Leonora, I find my being depends upon the blessing of your good opinion; do you desire to put an end to my days? Leon. No, indeed; indeed, I don't. But then SONG.-LEANDER. In vain you bid your captive live, While you the means of life deny; Give me your smiles, your wishes give To him who must without you die. Urs. Come hither, child, I am going to give you good advice, therefore listen to me, for I have more years over my head than you. Leon. Well, and what then? Urs. What then? Marry, then you must mind what I say to you. As I said before-but I say what was I saying? Leon. I'm sure I don't know. Urs. You see the young man that is gone out there; he has been telling me, that he's dying for love of you; can you find in your heart to let him expire? Leon. I'm sure I won't do anything bad. Urs. Why that's right; you learned that from me; have I not said to you a thousand times, never do any thing bad? Have I not said it? Answer me that. Leon. Well, and what then? Urs. Very well, listen to me: your guardian is old, and ugly, and jealous, and yet he may live longer than a better man. Leon. He has been very kind to me, for all that, Ursula; and I ought to strive to please him. Urs. There again: have I not said to you a thousand times, that he was very kind to you, and you ought to strive to please him? It would be a hard thing to be preaching from morning 'till night without any profit. Leon. Well, Ursula, after all, I wish this gentleman had never got into the house; heaven send no ill comes of it. Urs. Ay, I say so too; heaven send it; but I'm cruelly afraid; for how shall we get rid of him? he'll never be able to crawl up the inside of the wall, whatever he did the out. Leon. O Lord! won't he? Urs. No, by my conscience, won't he; and when your guardian comes in, if we had fifty necks a-piece, he'd twist them every one, if he finds him here; for my part, the best I expect is, to end my old days in a prison. Leon. I have promised to go to him in the garden. Urs. Nay, you may do any thing now, for we are undone; though I think, if you could persuade him to get up the chimney, and stay on the roof of the house until to-morrow night, we might then steal the keys from your guardian; but I'm afraid you won't be able to persuade him. Leon. I'll go down upon my knees. SONG.-LEONORA, Oh me, oh me, what shall we do? you, and all; indeed he will. [Exeunt LEONORA and URSULA. Enter DON DIEGO, groping his way, with a padlock in his hand. Dieg. All dark, all quiet; gone to bed and fast asleep I warrant them; however, I am not sorry that I altered my first intention of staying out the whole night; and meeting Leonora's father on the road was at any rate a lucky incident. I will not disturb them; but, since I have let myself in with my own master-key, go softly to bed; I shall be able to strike a light; and then I think I may say, my cares are over. Good heavens! what a wonderful deal of uneasiness may mortals avoid by a little prudence! I doubt not now, there are some men who would have gone out in my situation, and, trusting to the goodness of fortune, left their house and their honour in the care of an unexperienced girl, or the discretion of a mercenary servant. But what do I do?-I put a padlock on my door, and all is safe. Enter MUNGO from a cellar, with a flask in one hand, and a candle in the other. Mungo. Tol, lol, lol, lol. Dieg. Heaven and earth! what do I see! Mungo. Where are you, young Massa and Missy: Here wine for supper. Dieg. I'm thunder-struck! Mungo. My old Massa little tink we be so merry-hic-hic-What's the matter wid me? the room turn round. Dieg. Wretch, do you know me? Mungo. Know you? D-n you. Dieg. Horrid creature! what makes you here at this time of night? Is it with a design to surprise the innocents in their beds, and murder them sleeping? Mungo. Hush, hush-make no noise-hic-hic. Dig. The slave is intoxicated. Mungo. Make no noise, I say; dere's young gentleman wid young lady; he play on guitar, and she like him beiter dan she like you. Fal, lal, lal, Dieg. Monster, I'll make an example of you. Mungo. What you call me names for, you old dog? Dieg. Does the villain dare to lift his hand against me? Mungo. Will you fight? Dieg. Go, lie down in your sty, and sleep. Dieg. Woman, stand up. Leonora, what am I to think of this? Leon. Oh, dear, sir! don't kill me. Dieg. Young man, who are you, who have thus my house? Am I to consider you as a robber, or how? Mungo. Sleep! sleep yourself; you drunk-clandestinely, at an unseasonable hour, broken into ba! ba! ha! Look, a padlock: you put a padlock on a door again, will you? Ha! ha! ha! Dicg. Didn't I hear music? Mungo. Hic-bic Dieg. Was it not the sound of a guitar? Dieg. What dreadful shock affects me! I'm in a cold sweat; a mist comes over my eyes; and my knees knock together as if I had got a fit of the shaking palsy. Mungo. I tell you a word in your ear. Dieg. Holy Saint Francis! is it possible? together. Dieg. Confusion! Distraction! I shall run mad! Oh wherefore this terrible flurry? From my top to my toe, Are running about hurry scurry. My heart in my bosom a bumping, Is't a spectre I see? Hence vanish!—Ah me! My senses deceive me; Leand. As one whom love has made indiscreet; as one whom love taught industry and art to compass his designs. I love the beautiful Leonora, and she me; but, farther than what you hear and see, neither one nor the other have been culpable. Mungo. Hear him, hear him. Leand. Don Diego, you know my father well,Don Alphonso de Luna; I am a scholar of this university, and am willing to submit to whatever punishment, he, through your means, shall inflict; but wreak not your vengeance here. (Pointing to Leonora.) Dirg. Thus then, my hopes and cares are at once frustrated. Possessed of what I thought a jewel, I was desirous to keep it for myself; I left my watch for one little moment, and in that moment Leon. Pray, pray, guardian, let me tell you the story, and you'll find I am not to blame. Dieg. No, child, I only am to blame, who should have considered that sixteen and sixty agree ill together. But, though I was too old to be wise, I am not too old to learn; and so, I say, send for a smith directly; beat all the grates from my windows, take the locks from my doors, and let egress and regress be given freely. Leon. And will you be my husband, sir? Dieg. No, child, I will give you to one that will make you a better husband. Here, young man, take her: if your parents consent, to-morrow shall see you joined in the face of the church; and the dowry which I promised her, in case of failure [Exit. on my side of the contract, shall now go with her as a marriage portion. Leand. Signor, this is so generous Dieg. No thanks. Perhaps I owe acknowledgments to you; but you, Ursula, have no excuse, no passion to plead, and your age should have taught you better. I'll give you five hundred crowns, but never let me see you more. Mungo. And what you give me, massa? Dieg. Bastinadoes for your drunkenness and infidelity. Oh, man! man! how short is your foresight; how ineffectual your prudence; while the very means you use are destructive of your Leon. Goodness me, what's the matter! Urs. O dear child, this black villain has frightened me out of my wits; he has wantedMungo. Me! curse a heart! I want noting widends! her. What she say, I want for Leon. Ursula, the gentleman says he has some friends waiting for him at the other side of the garden wall, that will throw him over a ladder made of ropes, which he got up by. Dieg. FINALE. Go, forge me fetters that shall bind Leon. A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS.-BY HENRY FIELDING. ACT I.-SCENE I.-Lovegold's House. Enter LOVEGOLD and RAMILIE. Love. Answer me not, sirrah, but get out of my house. Ram. Sir, I am your son's servant, and not your's; and I won't go out of the house, sir, unless I am turned out by my proper master, sir. Love. Sirrah, I'll turn your master out after you, like an extravagant rascal as he is. He has no need of a servant while he is in my house; and here he dresses out a fellow at more expense than a prudent man might clothe a large family at. It's plain enough what use he keeps you for; but I will have no spy upon my affairs; no rascal continually prying into all my actions, devouring all I have, and hunting about in every corner to see what he may steal. Ram. Steal! a likely thing, indeed, to steal from a man who locks up everything he has, and stands sentry upon it day and night! Love. I'm all over in a sweat lest this fellow should suspect something of my money. (Aside.) Harkye, rascal; come hither; I would advise you not to run about the town, and tell everybody you meet that I have money hid. Ram. Why, have you any money hid, sir? Love. No, sirrah, I don't say I have; but you may raise such a report nevertheless. Ram. 'Tis equal to me whether you have money hid or no, since I cannot find it. Love. D'ye mutter, sirrah? Get you out of my house, I say; get you out this instant. Ram. Well, sir, I am going. Love. Come back; let me desire you to carry nothing away with you. Ram. What should I carry ? LIST LAWYER JAMES MRS. WISELY MARIANA LAPPET pockets inside out, if you please; but you are too practised a rogue to put any thing there. These d-d bags have had many a good thing in them, I warrant you. Ram. Give me my bag, sir; I am in the most danger of being robbed. Love. Come, come, be honest, and return what thou hast taken from me. Ram. Aye, sir, that I could do with all my heart, for I have taken nothing from you but some boxes on the ear. Love. And hast thou really stolen nothing? Love. Then get out of my house while 'tis all well, and go to the devil. Ram. Aye, anywhere from such an old covetous curmudgeon. [Exit. Love. So, there's one plague gone. Now I will go pay a visit to the dear casket. Love. What I was just now saying. Fred. Pardon me, sir, I really did not. Love. That's what I would see. Turn your and so I will tell you the whole. I was saying to |