dessert. Give me Mr. Egerton's letter, and I'll leave it on the table in his dressing-room: I see it is from his brother Sandy.-So; now go and deliver your letter to your sweetheart, John. John. That I will; and I am much beholden to you for the favour of letting me carry it to her; for though she should never have me, yet I shall always love her, and wish to be near her, she is so sweet a creature. Your servant, Mrs. Betty.[Exit. Betty. Your servant, John. Ha, ha, ha! poor fellow, he perfectly doats on her; and daily follows her about with nosegays and fruit, and the first of every thing in the season.-Ay, and my young master, Charles, too, is in as bad a way as the gardener:-in short, every body loves her, and that's one reason why I hate her. For my part, I wonder what the deuce the men see in her-a creature that was taken in for charity; I'm sure she's not so handsome. I wish she was out of the family once; if she was, I might then stand a chance of being my lady's favourite myself; ay, and perhaps of getting one of my young masters for a sweetheart, or at least the chaplain; but as to him, there would be no such great catch if I should get him. I will try for him, however; and my first step shall be to tell the doctor all I have discovered about Constantia's intrigues with her spark at Hadley.Yes, that will do; for the doctor loves to talk with me-loves to hear me talk, too; and I verily believe-he, he, he! that he has a sneaking kindness for me; and this story will make him have a good opinion of my honesty, and that, I am sure, will be one step towards-Ó! bless me, here he comes, and my young master with him. I'll watch an opportunity to speak to him as soon as he is alone; for I will blow her up, I am resolved, as great a favourite, and as cunning as she is. [Exit. Enter EGERTON and SIDNEY. Sid. Nay, dear Charles, but why are you so impetuous? Why do you break from me abruptly? Eger. (With great warmth.) I have done, sir; you have refused. I have nothing more to say upon the subject. I am satisfied. Sid. (With a glow of tender friendship.) Come, come, correct this warmth; it is the only weak ingredient in your nature, and you ought to watch it carefully. Because I will not abet an unwarrantable passion by an abuse of my sacred character, in marrying you beneath your rank, and in direct opposition to your father's hopes and happiness, you blame me, you angrily break from me, and call me unkind. Eger. (With tenderness and conviction.) Dear Sidney, for my warmth I stand condemned; but, for my marriage with Constantia, I think I can justify it upon every principle of filial duty, honour, and worldly prudence. Sid. Only make that appear, Charles, and you know you may command me. Eger. (With great filial regret.) I am sensible how unseemly it appears in a son to descant on the anamiable passions of a parent; but, as we are alone, and friends, I cannot help observing, in my own defence, that when a father will not allow the use of reason to any of his family; when his pursuit of greatness makes him a slave abroad, only to be a tyrant at home; when a narrow partiality to Scotland, on every trivial occasion, provokes him to enmity even with his wife and children, only because they give a national preference where they think it most justly due; and when, merely to gratify his own ambition, he would marry his son into a family he detests; (great warmth) sure, Sidney, a son thus circumstanced, (from the dignity of human reason, and the feelings of a loving heart) has a right, not only to protest against the blindness of a parent, but to pursue those measures that virtue and happiness point out Sid. The violent temper of Sir Pertinax, I own, cannot be defended on many occasions; but stillyour intended alliance with Lord Lumbercourt Eger. (With great impatience.) O! contempti ble!-a trifling, quaint, haughty, voluptuous, servile tool! the mere lacquey of party and corrup tion; who, for the prostitution of nearly thirty years, and the ruin of a noble fortune, has had the despicable satisfaction, and the infamous honour, of being kicked up and kicked down, kicked in and kicked out, just as the insolence, compassion, or convenience of leaders predominated: and now, being forsaken by all parties, his whole political consequence amounts to the power of franking a letter, and the right honourable privilege of not paying a tradesman's bill. Sid. Well, but dear Charles, you are not to wed my lord, but his daughter. Eger. Who is as disagreeable to me for a companion, as her father for a friend or an ally. Sid. What, her Scotch accent, I suppose, offends you. Eger. No, upon my honour, not in the least; I think it entertaining in her but, were it otherwise, in decency, and indeed in national affection, being a Scotchman myself, I can have no objection to her on that account:-besides, she is my near relation. Sid. So I understand. But pray, Charles, how came Lady Rodolpha, who I find was born in England, to be bred in Scotland? Eger. From the dotage of an old, formal, obstinate, stiff, rich, Scotch grandmother; who, upon a promise of leaving this grandchild all her fortune, would have the girl sent to her to Scotland, when she was but a year old; and there has she been ever since, bred up with this old lady, in all the vanity and unlimited indulgence that fondness and admiration could bestow on a spoiled child, a fancied beauty, and a pretended wit: (in a tone of friendly affection) and is this a woman fit to make my happiness? this the partner that Sidney would recommend to me for life? to you, who best know me, I appeal. Sid. Why, Charles, it is a delicate point, unfit for me to determine; besides, your father has set his heart upon the match. Eger. (Impatiently.) All that I know--but still I ask and insist upon your candid judgment—is she the kind of woman that you think could possibly contribute to my happiness? I beg you will give me an explicit auswer. Sid. The subject is disagreeable; but, since I must speak, I do not think she is. Eger. (In a start of friendly rapture.) I know you do not; and I am sure you never will advise Sid. I never will-I never will. [the match. Eger. (With a start of joy.) You make me happy; which, I assure you, I never could be with your judgment against me in this point. Sid. But pray, Charles, suppose I had been so indiscreet as to have agreed to marry you to Constantia, would she have consented, think you? Eger. That I cannot say positively; but I sup pose so. [ject, then Sid. Did you never speak to her upon that subEger. In general terms only; never directly re quested her consent in form: (he starts into a warmth of amorous resolution) but I will this very mo ment, for I have no asylum from my father's ar bitrary design, but my Constantia's arms. Pray do not not stir from hence; I will return instantly. I know she will submit to your advice; and I am sure you will persuade her to my wish, as my life, my peace, my earthly happiness, depend on my Constantia. [Ext. Sid. Poor Charles! he little dreams that I love Constantia too; but to what degree I knew not my self, till he importuned me to join their hands. Yes, I love; but must not be a rival, for he is dear to me as fraternal affinity. Enter BETTYŸ. Betty. (Running up to Sidney.) I beg pardon for my intrusion, sir. I hope, sir, I don't disturb your reverence. Sid. Not in the least, Mrs. Betty. Betty. I humbly beg you will excuse me, sir; but I wanted to break my mind to your honour, about a scruple that lies upon my conscience; and indeed I should not have presumed to trouble you, sir, but that I know you are my young master's friend, and my old master's friend, and, indeed, a friend to the whole family; (curtsying very low) for, to give you your due, sir, you are as good a preacher as ever went into a pulpit. Sid. Ha, ha, ha! do you think so, Mrs. Betty? Bet. Ay, in truth do I; and as good a gentleman, too, as ever came into a family, and one that never gives a servant a bad word, nor that does any one an ill turn, neither behind their back nor before their face. Sid. Ha, ha, ha! why, you are a mighty wellspoken woman, Mrs. Betty; and I am mightily beholden to you for your good character of me. Bet. Indeed, it is no more than you deserve, and what all the world and all the servants say of you. Sid. I am much obliged to them, Mrs. Betty; but, pray, what are your commands with me? Betty. Why, I'll tell you, sir;-to be sure, I am but a servant, as a body may say, and every tub should stand upon its own bottom; but-(she looks about cautiously) my young master is now in the china-room, in close conference with Miss Constantia. I know what they are about, but that is no business of mine; and, therefore, I made bold to listen a little; because, you know, sir, one would be sure, before one took away anybody's reputation. Sid. Very true, Mrs. Betty; very true, indeed. Betty. O heavens forbid that I should take away any young woman's good name, unless I had a good reason for it; but, sir, (with great solemnity) if I am in this place alive, as I listened with my ear close to the door, heard my young master ask Miss Constantia the plain marriage question; upon which I started and trembled, nay, my very conscience stirred within me so, that I could not help peeping through the key-hole. Sid. Ha, ha, ha! and so your conscience made you peep through the key-hole, Mrs. Betty? Betty. It did, indeed, sir; and there I saw my young master upon his knees-lord bless us ! and what do you think he was doing?-kissing her hand as if he would eat it; and protesting and assuring her he knew that you, sir, would consent to the match; and then the tears ran down her cheeks Sid. Ay! [as fastBetty. They did indeed. I would not tell your reverence a lie for the world. Sid. I believe it, Mrs. Betty; and what did Constantia say to all this? Betty. Oh!-Oh! she is sly enough; she looks as if butter would not melt in her mouth; but all is not gold that glitters; smooth water, you know, sir, runs deepest. I am sorry my young master makes such a fool of himself; but, um-take my word for it, he is not the man; for, though she looks as modest as a maid at a christening,-(hesitating)-yet-ah!-when sweethearts meet, in the dusk of the evening, and stay together a whole hour, in the dark grove, and embrace, and kiss, and weep at parting-why, then, you know, sir, it is easy to guess all the rest. [manner? Sid. Why did Constantia meet anybody in this Betty. (Starting with surprise.) O! heavens! I beg, sir, you will not misapprehend me; for, I assure you, I do not believe they did any harm; that is, not in the grove; at least not when I was there; and she may be honestly married for anght I know. O! lud, sir, I would not say an ill thing of Miss Constantia for the world. I only say that they did meet in the dark walk; and all the servants observe that Miss Constantia wears her stays very loose, looks very pale, is sick in the morning and after dinner; and, as sure as my name is Betty Hint, something has happened that I won't name; but, nine months hence, a certain person in this family may ask me to stand godmother; for I think I know what's what, when I see it, as well as anoSid. No doubt you do, Mrs. Betty. [ther, Betty. (Going and returning.) I do, indeed, sir; and so, your servant, sir. But I hope your worship won't mention my name in this business; or that you had an item from me. Sid. I shall not, Mrs. Betty. Betty. For, indeed, sir, I am no busybody, nor do I love fending nor proving; and I assure you sir, I hate all tittling and tattling, and gossiping, and backbiting, and taking away a person's good Sid. I observe you do, Mrs. Betty. [name, Betty. I do, indeed, sir. I am the farthest from it in the world. Sid. I dare say you are. Betty. (Aside, in great exultation.) So! I see he believes every word I say-that's charming. I'll do her business for her, I'm resolved. [Exit. Sid. What can this ridiculous creature mean by her dark walk, her private spark, her kissing, and all her slanderous insinuations against Constantia, whose conduct is as unblameable as innocence itself? I see envy is as malignant in a paltry waiting wench, as in the vainest or most ambitious lady of the court. It is always an infallible mark of the basest nature; and merit in the lowest, as well as in the highest station, must feel the shaft of envy's constant agents-falsehood and slander. [Exit, ACT II-SCENE I.-A Library. Enter CONSTANTIA and EGerton. Con. Mr. Sidney is not here, sir. Eger. I assure you I left him, and begged he would stay till I returned. Con. His prudence, you see, sir, has made him retire; therefore we had better defer the subject till he is present; in the meantime, sir, I hope you will permit me to mention an affair that has greatly alarmed and perplexed me: I suppose you guess Eger. I do not upon my word. [what it is? Con. That is a little strange. You know, sir, that you and Mr. Sidney did me the honour of breakfasting with me this morning in my little study. Eger. We had that happiness, madam. Con. Just after you left me, upon opening my book of accounts, which lay in the drawer of the reading-desk, to my great surprise, I there found this case of jewels, containing a most elegant pair of ear-rings, a necklace of great value, and two bank-bills in this pocket-book, the mystery of which, sir, I presume, you can explain? Eger. I can. Con. They were of your conveying, then? Con. I assure you, they startled and alarmed me. Eger. I hope it was a kind of alarm, such as blushing virtue feels, when with her hand, she gives her heart and last consent. Con. It was not, indeed, sir. Eger. Do not say so, Constantia: come, be kind at once; my peace and worldly bliss depend upon this moment. Con. What would you have me do? Con. O! sir, experience but too severely proves, that such unequal matches as ours, never produce aught but contempt and anger in parents, censure from the world, and a long train of sorrow and repentance in the wretched parties; which is but too often entailed upon their hapless issue. Eger. But that, Constantia, cannot be our case; my fortune is independent and ample; equal to luxury and splendid folly. I have a right to choose the partner of my heart. Con, But I have not, sir; I am a dependant my lady-a poor, forsaken, helpless orphan: your benevolent mother found me, took me to her bosom, and there supplied my parental loss, with every tender care, indulgent dalliance, and with all the sweet persuasion that maternal fondness, religious precept, polished manners, and hourly example could administer-she fostered me: (weeps) and shall I now turn viper, and with black ingratitude sting the tender heart that thus hath cherished me? shall I seduce her house's heir, and kill her peace? No; though I loved to the mad extreme of female fondness; though every worldly bliss, that woman's vanity or man's ambition could desire, followed the indulgence of my love, and all the contempt and misery of this life, the denial of that indulgence, I would discharge my duty to my benefactress-my earthly guardian, my more than parent. Eger. My dear Constantia, your prudence, your gratitude, and the cruel virtue of your self-denial, do but increase my love, my admiration, and my misery. Con. Sir, I must beg you will give me leave to return these bills and jewels. Eger. Pray do not mention them: sure my kindness and esteem may be indulged so far without suspicion or reproach: I beg you will accept of them; nay, I insist. Con. I have doue, sir; my station here is to obey. I know, sir, they are gifts of a virtuous mind; and mine shall convert them to the tenderest and most grateful use. Eger. Hark! I hear a coach; it is my father. Dear girl, retire and compose yourself. I will send my lady and Sidney to you; and by their judgment we will be directed: will that satisfy you? Con. I can have no will but my lady's. With your leave, I will retire; I would not see her in this confusion. Enter SAM. Eger. Dear girl, adieu! [Exit Constantia. Sam. Sir Pertinax and my lady are come, sir; and my lady desires to speak with you in her own room.-Oh! here she is, sir. [Exit. Enter LADY MACSYCOPHANT. Lady M. (In great confusion and distress.) Dear child, I am glad to see you; why did not you come to town yesterday, to attend the levee? your father is incensed to the utmost at your not being there. Eger. (With great warmth.) Madam, it is with extreme regret I tell you, that I can be no longer a slave to his temper, his politics, and his scheme of marrying me to this woman; therefore, you had better consent at once to my going out of the kingdom, and my taking Constantia with me; for without her I never can be happy. Lady M. As you regard my peace, or your own character, I beg you will not be guilty of so rash a step. You promised me you never would marry her without my consent. I will open it to your father. Pray, dear Charles, be ruled: let me prevail. Sir P. (Without, in great anger.) Sir, wull ye do as ye are bid, and haud your gab, you rascal! You are so full of gab, you scoundrel! Take the chesnut gelding, return to town directly, and see what is become of my Lord Lumbercourt. Lady M. Here he comes. I will get out of his way; but, I beg, Charles, while he is in this illhumour, that you will not oppose him, let him say what he will: when his passion is a little cool, I will return, and try to bring him to reason; but do not thwart him. Eger, Madam, I will not. [Exit Lady M. is my son Egerton? Tom. (Without.) In the library, sir. Ah! you are a-So you wou'd not come up till the levee? Eger. Sir, I beg your pardon; but I was not very well; besides, I did not think my presence there was necessary. Sir P. (Snapping him up.) Sir, it was necessary; I tauld you it was necessary: and sir, I must now tell you that the whole tenor of your conduct is most offensive. Eger. I am sorry you think so, sir; I am sure I do not mean to offend you. Sir P. I care not what you intend. Sir, I tell you, you do offend. What is the meaning of this conduct, sir?-Neglect the levee!-'death, sir, you what is your reason, I say, for thus neglecting the levee, and disobeying my commands? Eger. (With a stifled, filial resentment.) Sir, I am not used to levees; nor do I know how to dispose of myself; nor what to say or do in such a situation. Sir P. (With a proud, angry resentment.) Zounds! sir, do you nat see what others do? gentle and simple, temporal and spiritual, lords, members, judges, generals, and bishops; aw crowding, bustling, and pushing foremost intill the middle of the circle, and there waiting, watching, and striving to catch a look or a smile fra the great mon, which they meet wi' an amicable reesibility of aspect-a modest cadence of body, and a conciliating cooperation of the whole mon; which expresses an officious promptitude for his service, and indicates that they luock upon themselves as the suppliant appendages of his power, and the enlisted Swiss of his poleetical fortune; this, sir, is what you ought to do; and this, sir, is what I never once omitted for this five-and-thraty years, let who would be minister. Eger. (Aside.) Contemptible! Sir P. What is that you mutter, sir? [to you. Eger. Only a slight reflection, sir, not relative Sir P. Sir, your absenting yoursel fra the levee at this juncture is suspeecious; it is looked upon as a kind of disaffection, and aw your countrymen are highly offended at your conduct. For this, sir, they do not look upon you as a friend or weel-wisher either to Scotland or Scotchmen. Eger. (With a quick warmth.) Then, sir, they wrong me, I assure you; but, pray, sir, in what particular can I be charged, either with coldness or offence to my country? Sir P. Why, sir, ever since your mother's uncle, Sir Stanley Egerton, left you his three thousand pounds a-year, and that you have, in compliance with his will, taken up the name of Egerton, they think you are grown proud; that you have estranged yourself fra the Macsycophants; have associated with your mother's family-with the opposeetion; and with those who do not wish well to Scotland: besides, sir, the other day, in a conversation, at dinner, at your cousin Campbell McKenzie's, before a whole table full of your ain relations, did you not publicly wish a total extinguishment to aw party, and of aw national distinctions whatever, relative to the three kingdoms? (With great anger.) And, you blockhead! was that a prudent wish before so many of your ain countrymen? or was it a filial language to hold before me? Eger. Sir, with your pardon, I cannot think it unfilial or imprudent. (With a most patriotic warmth.) I own I do wish, most ardently wish, for a total extinction of all party; particularly, that those of English, Irish, and Scotch, might never more be brought into contest or competition; unless, like loving brothers, in generous emulation for one common cause. Sir P. How, sir! do you persist? What! would you banish aw party, and aw distinction between Sir P. (Without.) As soon as the lawyers come, English, Irish, and your ain countrymen? be sure bring me word. Enter SIR PERTINAX. Sir P. Weel, sir! vary weel! vary weel! are nat ye a fine spark? are ye nat a fine spark, I say? [sir. Eger. (With great dignity of spirit.) I would, Sir P. Then d-n you, sir; you are nae true Scot. Ay, sir, you may look as angry as you will, bat again, I say, you are nae true Scot. Eger. Your pardon, sir; I think he is the true seduce him to desert to their party, which would Scot and the true citizen, who wishes equal justice totally ruin my whole scheme, and break my heart. to the merit and demerit of every subject of Great A fine time of day for a blockhead to turn patriot Britain; amongst whom I know but of two distinc--when the character is exploded, marked, protions. [those? scribed! Why, the common people, the vary vulgar, Sir P. Weel, sir, and what are those-what are have found out the jest, and laugh at a patriot nowEger. The knave and the honest man. a-days, just as they do at a conjurer, a magician, Sir P. Psha! rideeculous! or any other impostor in society. Eger. And he who makes any other, let him be of the north, or of the south-of the east, or of the west-in place, or out of place, is an enemy to the whole, and to the virtues of humanity. Sir P. Ay, sir, this is your brother's impudent doctrine; for the which I have banished him for ever fra my presence, my heart, and my fortune. Sir, I will have no son of mine, because truly he has been educated in an English seminary, presume, under the mask of candour, to speak against his native land, or against my principles. Scotchmen, sir, Scotchmen, wherever they meet throughout aw the globe, should unite, and stick together, as it were, in a political phalanx. However, nae mair of that now; I will talk at large to you about that anon. In the meanwhile, sir, notwithstanding your contempt of my advice, and your disobedience till my commands, I will convince you of my paternal attention till your welfare, by my management of this voluptuary, this Lord Lumbercourt, whose daughter you are to marry. You ken, sir, that the fellow has been my patron above these five-and-thraty Eger. True, sir. [years. Sir P. Vary weel. And now, sir, you see, by his prodigality, he is become my dependant; and, accordingly, I have made my bargain with him : the devil a baubee he has in the world but what comes through these clutches; for his whole estate, which has three impleecit boroughs upon it-mark !-is now in my custody at nurse; the which estate, on my paying off his debts, and allowing him a liferent of five thousand pounds per annum, is to be made over till me for my life, and at my death is to descend till ye and your issue. The peerage of Lumbercourt, you ken, will follow of course. So, sir, you see, there are three impleecit boroughs, the whole patrimony of Lumbercourt, and a peerage at one slap. Why, it is a stroke-a hit-a hit. Zounds! sir, a mon may live a century, and not make sic an hit again. Eger. It is a very advantageous bargain indeed, sir; but what will my lord's family say to it. Sir P. Why, mon, he cares not if his family were aw at the devil, so his luxury is but gratified: only let him have his race-horse to feed his vanity; his harridan to drink drams with him, scrat his face, and burn his periwig, when she is in her maudlin hysterics; and three or four discontented patriotic dependants, to abuse the ministry, and settle the affairs of the nation, when they are aw intoxicated; and then, sir, the fellow has aw his wishes, and aw his wants, in this world and the next. Enter TOMLINS. Tom. Lady Rodolpha is come, sir. Sir P. And my lord? [servants say. Tom. Not yet, sir; he is about a mile behind, the Sir. P. Let me know the instant he arrives. Tom. I shall, sir. [Exit. Sir P. Step you out, Charles, and receive Lady Rodolpha; and I desire you will treat her with as much respect and gallantry as possible; for my lord has hinted that you have been very remiss as a lover. Adzooks! Charles, you should administer a whole torrent of flattery till her; for a woman ne'er thinks a mon loves her, till he has made an idiot of her understanding by flattery: flattery is the prime bliss of the sex, the nectar and ambrosia of their charms, and you can ne'er gi' 'em o'er muckle on't; so, there's a guid lad, gang and mind your flattery. [Exit Egerton.] Ah! I must keep a devilish tight hand upon this fellow. Ah! I am frightened out of my wits, lest his mother's family should Enter TOMLINS and LORD LUMBERCourt. Tom. Lord Lumbercourt. [Exit. Lord L. Sir Pertinax, I kiss your hand. Sir P. Your lordship's most devoted. Lord L. Why, you stole a march upon me this morning; gave me the slip, Mac; though I never wanted your assistance more in my life. I thought you would have called upon me. Sir P. My dear lord, I beg ten millions of pardons for leaving town before you; but ye ken that your lordship, at dinner yesterday, settled it that we should meet this morning at the levee. Lord L. That I acknowledge, Mac; I did promise to be there, I own. Sir P. You did, indeed; and accordingly I was at the levee, and waited there till every soul was gone; and seeing you did not come, I concluded that your lordship was gone before. Lord L. Why, to confess the truth, my dear Mac, those old sinners, Lord Freakish, General Jolly, Sir Anthony Soaker, and two or three more of that set, laid hold of me last night at the opera and, as the General says," from the intelligence of my head this morning," I believe we drank pretty deep ere we parted; ha, ha, ha! Sir P. Ha, ha, ha! nay, if you were with that party, my lord, I do not wonder at not seeing your lordship at the levee. Lord L. The truth is, Sir Pertinax, my fellow let me sleep too long for the levee. But I wish I had seen you before you left town; I wanted you dreadfully. Sir P. I am heartily sorry that I was not in the way; but on what account did you want me? Lord L. Ha, ha, ha! a cursed awkward affair; and-ha, ha, ha!-yet, I can't help laughing at it, neither, though it vexed me confoundedly. Sir P. Vexed you, my lord? Zounds! I wish I had been with you! But, for heaven's sake! my lord, what was it that could possibly vex your lordship? Lord L. Why, that impudent, teasing, dunning, rascal, Mahogany, my uphosterer: you know the Sir P. Perfectly, my lord. [fellow? Lord L. The impudent scoundrel has sued me up to some d-d kind of a-something or other in the law, that I think they call an execution. Sir P. The rascal! Lord L. Upon which, sir, the fellow, by way of asking pardon-ha, ha, ha!-had the modesty to wait on me two or three days ago, to inform my honour-ha, ha, ha!-as he was pleased to dignify me, that the execution was now ready to be put in force against my honour; but that, out of respect to my honour, as he had taken a great deal of my honour's money, he would not suffer his lawyer to serve it, till he had first informed my honour; because he was not willing to affront my honour-ha, ha, ha!-a son of a w! Sir P. I never heard of so impudent a dog. Lord L. Now, my dear Mac--ha, ha, ha!-as the scoundrel's apology was so very satisfactory, and his information so very agreeable, I told him that, in honour, I thought that my honour could not do less than to order his honour to be paid immediately. Sir P. Vary weel, vary weel! you were as complaisant to the scoundrel till the full, I think, my lord. Lord L. You shall hear, you shall hear, Mac: so sir, with great composure, seing a smart oaken cudgel that stood very handily in a corner of my dressing-room, I ordered two of my fellows to hol the rascal, and another to take the cudgel, and turn the scoundrel's civility with a good drubbing, as long as the stick lasted. Sir P. Ha, ha, ha! admirable! as good a stroke of humour as ever I heard of. And, did they drub him, my lord? Lord L. Most liberally, most liberally, sir; and there I thought the affair would have rested, till I should think proper to pay the scoundrel; but this morning, just as I was stepping into my chaise, my servants about me, a fellow called a tipstaff, stepped up, and begged the favour of my footman, who thrashed the uphosterer, and of the two that held him, to go along with him upon a little business to my Lord Chief Justice. Sir P. The devil! Lord L. And, at the same instant, I, in my turn, was accosted by two other very civil scoundrels; who, with a most insolent politeness, begged my pardon, and informed me that I must not go into my own chaise! Sir P. How, my lord, not into your ain carriage? Lord L. No, sir; for that they, by order of the sheriff, must seize it, at the suit of a gentlemanone Mr. Mahogany, an upholsterer. Sir P. An impudent villain! Lord L. It is all true, I assure you; so you see, my dear Mac, what a d-d country this is to live in, where noblemen are obliged to pay their debts just like merchants, cobblers, peasants, or mechanics: is not that a scandal, dear Mac, to this nation? Sir P. My lord, it is not only a scandal, but a national grievance. Lord L. Sir, there's not a nation in the world has such a grievance to complain of. Sir P. Vary true, my lord, vary true; and it is monstrous that a mon of your lordship's condition is not entitled to run one of these mechanics through the body when he is impertinent about his money; but our laws shamefully, on these occasions, make no distinction of persons amongst us. Lord L. A vile policy, indeed, Sir Pertinax. But, sir, the scoundrel has seized upon the house, too, that I furnished for the girl I took from the opera. Sir P. I never heard of sic an a scoundrel! Lord L. Ay, but what concerns me most, I am afraid, my dear Mac, that the villain will send down to Newmarket, and seize my string of horses. Sir P. Your string of horses? Zounds! we must prevent that at all events, that would be sic a disgrace. I will despatch an express to town directly, to put a stop till the rascal's proceedings. Lord L. Pr'ythee do, my dear Sir Pertinax. Sir P. O! it shall be done, my lord. Lord L. Thou art an honest fellow, Sir Pertinax, upon honour! Sir P. O! my lord, is is my duty to oblige your lordship to the utmost stretch of my abeelity. Enter TOMLINS. not seen Lady Rodolpha since she returned fra the Bath. long to have a little news from her about the company there. Lord L. O! she'll give you an account of them, I warrant you. (A very loud laugh without.) Lady R. (Without.) Ha, ha, ha! weel, I vow, cousin Egerton, you have a vast deal of shrewd humour. But, Lady Macsycophant, which way is Sir Pertinax? Lady M. Without.) Straight forward, madam. Lord L. Here the hairbrain comes: it must be her by the noise. Lady R. (Without.) Allons, gude folks; fallow me-sans ceremonie. Enter LADY RODOLPHA, LADY MACSYCOPHANT, EGERTON, and SIDNEY. Lady R. (Running up to Sir P.) Sir Pertinax, your most devoted, must obsequious, most obedient vassal. (Curtsies very low.) Sir P. (Bowing ridiculously low.) Lady Rodolpha, down till the ground, my congratulations and duty attend you; and I should rejoice to kiss your ladyship's footsteps. Lady R. (Curtsying very low.) Oh! Sir Pertinax, your humeelity is most sublimely complaisant; at present unanswerable; but I shall intensely study to return it fifty fald. Sir P. Your ladyship does me singular honour. Weel, madam; ha! you look gaily; weel, and how, how is your ladyship after your jaunt till Bath? Lady R. Never better, Šir Pertinax; as weel as youth, health, riotous spirits, and a careless, happy heart can make me. Sir P. I am mightily glad till bear it, my lady. Lord L. Ay, ay; Rodolpha is always in spirits, Sir Pertinax. Vive la bagatelle is the philosophy of our family: ha, Rodolpha, ha? Lady R. Traith it is, my lord; and upon honour, I am determined it shall never be changed with my consent. Weel, I vow-ha, ha, ha! Vive la bugatelle would be a most brilliant motto for the chariot of a belle of fashion. What say you till my fancy, Lady Macsycophant? [commend it, madam. Lady M. It would have novelty, at least, to reLady R. Which of aw charms is the most delightful that can accompany wit, taste, love, or friendship; for novelty I take to be the true je ne scai quoi of all worldly bliss. Cousin Egerton, should not you like to have a wife with vive la bagatelle upon her wedding chariot? Eger. O certainly, madam. Lady R. Yes, I think it would be quite out of the common, and singularly ailegant. Eger. Indisputably, madam; for, as a motto is a word to the wise, or rather a broad hint to the whole world of a person's taste and principles, vive la bagatelle would be most expressive, at first sight, of your ladyship's characteristic. Tom. Colonel Toper presents his compliments to Lady R. (Curtsies.) Oh! Maister Egerton, you you, sir; and having no family down with him in the touch my very heart with your approbation: ba, country, he and Captain Hardbottle, if not incon-ha, ha! that is the vary spirit of my intention, the venient, will do themselves the honour of taking a family dinner with you. Sir P. They are two of our militia-officers: does your lordship know them? Lord L. By sight only. [our business. Sir P. I am afraid, my lord, they will interrupt Lord L. Not at all: I should be glad to be acquainted with Toper; they say he's a jolly fellow. Sir P. O! devilish jolly, devilish jolly; he and the Captain are the two hardest drinkers in the country. Lord L. So I have heard: let us have them by all means, Mac; they will enliven the scene. How far are they from you? Sir P. Just across the meadows; not half a mile, my lord; a step, a step. Lord L. O! let's have the jolly dogs, by all means. Sir P. My compliments, I shall be proud of their company. [Exit Tomlins.] Guif ye please, my lord, we will gang and chat a bit with the women; I have instant I commence bride. Weel, I am immensely proud that my fancy has the approbation of so sound an understanding, and so polished a taste, as that of the all-accomplished (curtsies) Mr. Egerton. Sir P. Weel, but, Lady Rodolpha, I wanted to ask your ladyship some questions about the company at the Bath; they say you had aw the world there. Lady R. O, yes! there was a vary great mob there indeed, but vary little company. Aw canaille, except our ain party. The place was crowded with your little purse-proud mechanics; an odd kind of queer-looking animals, that have started intill for tane fra lottery-tickets, rich prizes at sea, gambling in 'Change-alley, and sie like eaprices of fortune; and away they aw crowd to the Bath, to learn gen teelity, and the names, titles, intrigues, and bonmots of us people of fashion-ha, ha, ha! Lord L. Ha, ha, ha! I know them; I know the things you mean, my dear, extremely well. I have |