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Crab. No, ma'am, that's not it. Miss Nicely is going to be married to her own footman. Mrs. Can. Impossible!

Crab. Ask Sir Benjamin.

5 Sir Ben. 'Tis very true, ma'am: every thing is fixed, and the wedding liveries bespoke.

Crab. Yes

reasons for it.

and they do say there were pressing

Lady Sneer. Why, I have heard something of

10 this before.

Mrs. Can. It can't be and I wonder any one should believe such a story of so prudent a lady as Miss Nicely.

Sir Ben. O Lud! ma'am, that's the very reason 15 'twas believed at once. She has always been so cautious and so reserved, that every body was sure there was some reason for it at bottom.

20 as a fever is

Mrs. Can. Why, to be sure, a tale of scandal is as fatal to the credit of a prudent lady of her stamp generally to those of the strongest constitutions. But there is a sort of puny sickly reputation, that is always ailing, yet will outlive the robuster characters of a hundred prudes.

Sir Ben. True, madam, there are valetudina25 rians in reputation as well as constitution, who, being conscious of their weak part, avoid the least

breath of air, and supply their want of stamina by care and circumspection.

Mrs. Can. Well, but this may be all a mistake. You know, Sir Benjamin, very trifling circumstances often give rise to the most injurious tales. Crab. That they do, I'll be sworn, ma'am. 0 Lud! Mr. Surface, pray is it true that your uncle, Sir Oliver, is coming home?

Jos. Surf. Not that I know of, indeed, sir.

Crab. He has been in the East Indies a long 10 time. You can scarcely remember him, I believe? Sad comfort, whenever he returns, to hear how your brother has gone on!

Jos. Surf. Charles has been imprudent, sir, to be sure; but I hope no busy people have already 15 prejudiced Sir Oliver against him. He may reform.

Sir Ben. To be sure he may: for my part, I never believed him to be so utterly void of principle as people say; and, though he has lost all his 20 friends, I am told nobody is better spoken of by the Jews.

Crab. That's true, egad, nephew. If the Old Jewry was a ward, I believe Charles would be an alderman: no man more popular there, 'fore 25 Gad! I hear he pays as many annuities as the

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Irish tontine°; and that, whenever he is sick, they have prayers for the recovery of his health in all the synagogues.

Sir Ben. Yet no man lives in greater splendour. 5 They tell me, when he entertains his friends he will sit down to dinner with a dozen of his own securities; have a score of tradesmen waiting in the antechamber, and an officer behind every guest's chair.

Jos. Surf. This may be entertainment to you, gentlemen, but you pay very little regard to the feelings of a brother.

Mar. [Aside.] Their malice is intolerable! — [Aloud.] Lady Sneerwell, I must wish you a good 15 morning: I'm not very well. [Exit. Mrs. Can. O dear! she changes colour very much.

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Lady Sneer. Do, Mrs. Candour, follow her: she may want your assistance.

Mrs. Can. That I will, with all my soul, ma'am. Poor dear girl, who knows what her situation may be!

[Exit. Lady Sneer. 'Twas nothing but that she could not bear to hear Charles reflected on, notwith25 standing their difference.

Sir Ben. The young lady's penchant is obvious.

Crab. But, Benjamin, you must not give up the pursuit for that: follow her, and put her into good humour. Repeat her some of your own verses. Come, I'll assist you.

Sir Ben. Mr. Surface, I did not mean to hurt 5 you; but depend on't your brother is utterly undone.

Crab. O Lud, ay! undone as ever man was can't raise a guinea!

Sir Ben. And every thing sold, I'm told, that 10 was movable.

Crab. I have seen one that was at his house. Not a thing left but some empty bottles that were overlooked, and the family pictures, which I believe are framed in the wainscots.

Sir Ben. And I'm very sorry also to hear some bad stories against him. [Going. Crab. Oh, he has done many mean things, that's certain.

Sir Ben. But, however, as he's your brother

[Going.

Crab. We'll tell you all another opportunity.

Exeunt CRABTREE and SIR BENJAMIN

Lady Sneer. Ha! ha! 'tis very hard for them to leave a subject they have not quite run down.

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Jos. Surf. And I believe the abuse was no more acceptable to your ladyship than Maria.

Lady Sneer. I doubt her affections are farther engaged than we imagine. But the family are 5 to be here this evening, so you may as well dine where you are, and we shall have an opportunity of observing farther; in the meantime, I'll go and plot mischief, and you shall study sentiment. [Exeunt.

SCENE II. A Room in Sir Peter Teazle's House

Enter SIR PETER TEAZLE

Sir Pet. When an old bachelor marries a young 10 wife, what is he to expect? 'Tis now six months since Lady Teazle made me the happiest of men

and I have been the most miserable dog ever since! We tiffed a little going to church, and fairly quarrelled before the bells had done ringing. 15 I was more than once nearly choked with gall during the honeymoon, and had lost all comfort in life before my friends had done wishing me joy. Yet I chose with caution a girl bred wholly in the country, who never knew luxury beyond one 20 silk gown, nor dissipation above the annual gala

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