Acres. No, Sir Lucius; but I should think forty or eightand-thirty yards

Sir. Luc. Pho! pho! nonsense! Three or four feet between the mouths of your pistols is as good as a mile.

Acres. Odds bullets, no!-by my valour! there is no merit in killing him so near: do, my dear Sir Lucius, let me bring him down at a long shot :-a long shot, Sir Lucius, if you love me!

Sir Luc. Well, the gentleman's friend and I must settle that. But tell me now, Mr. Acres, in case of an accident, is there any little will or commission I could execute for you?

Acres. I am much obliged to you, Sir Lucius-but I don't understand

Sir Luc. Why, you may think there's no being shot at without a little risk-and if an unlucky bullet should carry a quietus with it-I say it will be no time then to be bothering you about family matters.

Acres. A quietus!

Sir Luc. For instance, now-if that should be the casewould you choose to be pickled and sent home?—or would it be the same to you to lie here in the Abbey ?—I'm told there is very snug lying in the Abbey.

Acres. Pickled!-Snug lying in the Abbey !-Odds tremors! Sir Lucius, don't talk so?

Sir Luc. I suppose, Mr. Acres, you never were engaged in an affair of this kind before.

Acres. No, Sir Lucius, never before.

Sir Luc. Ah! that's a pity!-there's nothing like being used to a thing.-Pray now! how would you receive the gentleman's shot?

Acres. Odds files! -I've practised that there, Sir Lucius-there.-( Puts himself in an attitude) A side front, hey? Odd! I'll make myself small enough: I'll stand edge

ways.

Sir Luc. Now-you 're quite out-for if you stand so when I take my aim[Levelling at him.

Acres. Zounds! Sir Lucius-are you sure it is not cocked? Sir Luc. Never fear.

Acres. But-but-you don't know-it may go off of its own head!

Sir Luc. Pho! be easy. Well, now if I hit you in the body, my bullet has a double chance-for if it misses a vital part of your right side-'twill be very hard if it don't succeed on the left!

Acres. A vital part!

Sir Luc. But, there-fix yourself so-(Placing him)let him see the broadside of your full front-there—now a ball or two may pass clean through your body, and never do any harm at all.

Acres. Clean through me!—a ball or two clean through me!

Sir Luc. Ay-may they-and it is much the genteelest attitude into the bargain.

Acres.

Lookee! Sir Lucius-I'd just as lieve be shot in an awkward posture as a genteel one; so, by my valour! I will stand edgeways.

Sir Luc. (Looking at his watch). Sure they don't mean to disappoint us-Hah!-no, faith-I think I see them coming.

Acres. Hey!-what-coming!

Sir Luc. Ay.-Who are those yonder getting over the stile?

Acres. There are two of them indeed!-well-let them come-hey, Sir Lucius!-we-we-we-we-won't run Sir Luc. Run!

by my

Acres. No-I say we won't run,
Sir Luc. What's the matter with you u?

valour !

Acres. Nothing-Nothing-my dear friend-my dear Sir Lucius-but I-I-I don't feel quite so bold, somehow, as I did.

Sir Luc. O fy!-consider your honor.

[Looking.

Acres. Ay-true-my honor. Do, Sir Lucius, edge in a word or two every now and then about my honor. Sir Luc. Well, here they 're coming. Acres. Sir Lucius-if I warn't with you, I should almost think I was afraid.—If my valour should leave me!-Valour will come and go.

Sir Luc. Then pray keep it fast while you have it.

Acres. Sir Lucius-I doubt it is going-yes-my valour is certainly going!-it is sneaking off!-I feel it oozing out as it were at the palms of my hands!

Sir Luc Your honor-your honor. Here they are. Acres. O mercy !— now— that I was safe at Clod Hall! or could be shot before I was aware!

WHO WANTS A GUINEA?

SHERIDAN.

Enter SOLOMON GUNDY with a signboard under his arm. Heartly. Now, Solomon Gundy, how are they going on in the village?

Sol. The conflagellation has been dreadful, all smother and rubbish. 'Tis the greatest calamity to our hamlet since my father was schoolmaster.

Hea. Don't get on the old subject now. We 'll waive the schoolmaster till we have more leisure.

Sol. De toot mong cure, though 't was under him I made all my deficiency in the English tongue, before I went to France and learnt to parly voo.

Hea. Well, well, your father has been dead these eleven years.

Sol. Dead as Malbrook,

He's more, as the French say, which in English means, he is no more. So peace to his remainders!

Hea. Now tell me of the cottagers.

Sol. Most of 'em ruined, and nothing to turn their hands to.

Hea. Poor fellows!

Sol. Ay! all poor indigenous pheasants. Thanks to industry, I've better luck. I snatched the board from over my door, when I was burnt out, and ran off with it under my arm. Here it is. [Reads] Rats and gentlemen catched and waited on, and all other jobs performed by Solomon Gundy." [Puts the board down.]

Hea. You have still a livelihood, Solomon ?

Sol. Edication and travel fit a man for anything, and make him a jolly garsoon. You'd hardly think it, but at fourteen years I could read.

Hea. You don't say so.

Sol. Fact, upon my patrole; and any sum in arithmetic that didn't demand subtraction, addition, or multiplication, I looked upon as a petty kick shose.

Hea. Why, you are a perfect prodigy of genius.

Sol. I believe I have pick'd up a little; and the captain of the cutter, on our coast, that traded in brandy, taking me to Dunkirk for six months, perhaps has given me a jenny see quaw, to which the commonality seldom perspire.

Hea. Who was that captain, Solomon?

Sol. Quite the gentleman-an elly gong, as the French say; and felt such a sympathy against vulgar custom, house officers, he'd have no dealings with them; so he always smuggled.

Hea. But I hope no lives are lost amongst our neighbours.

Sol. Not a Christian soul, except the old village Bull and a Porker. Their loss is to be implored, though they were but quadlipeds. But a number of accidents-Jacob Grull, the hump-back'd taxman, jumped out of his cock-loft into the water-tub ;-poor reformed creature! If we hadn't heard him bawling "Fire!" he'd have been drowned. And fat Mrs. Doubletun scrambling down a ladder, in her husband's short frock, to the farm yard, was so pick'd at by the cock-turkey, she won't be able to assayez voo for a fortnight.

Hea. These calamities are not very serious;-but a number of buildings are doubtless destroyed.

Sol. All down but the house of deception for travellers, and the contagious brick messages beyond it. We worked hard to save 'em, laboured like gallypot slaves.

Hea. I will do all in my power to be of service in the general calamity.

Sol. We know that. You are full of amour proper for your neighbours as we say at Dunkirk: nobody doubts the malevolence of your heart.

Hea. An hour hence I shall be among you in the village. Sol. An hour! Then your amee who has been overturned, will be put out of patience.

Hea. A friend of mine overturned in the village?

Sol. Plump into the horse-pond, shot from a chaise, out at elbows, with four posters. Don't be frightened; he fell too much in the mud to be hurt.

Hea. You're sure he's safe?

Sol. As his most sanguinary friend could wish.

Hea. What's his name?

Sol. Can't tell. He's at the Spread Eagle. The carriage broken in twenty morso's, I help'd to drag it. No coachmaker by, I offered to impair it. The great gentleman was daubed and looked like a hog. No servant with him. I scraped him. He read my board as I was rubbing him down. Wanted to send you a billy-no messenger at hand— I've brought it. He gave me a guinea, I called him an angel; he bid me run like a fury. I told him I would: so I have, and there's the contentions.—[Gives a letter.

Hea. [Reading the letter.] "Dear Heartly, I have just tumbled into my estate. Let none of the villagers know who I am till I get to my house, I hate fuss. Don't say I am a rich man. Come to me at the alehouse.

JOHN TOONEY."

I will wait on the gentleman, Solomon, directly.

Sol. That's just what I should like to do, myself. Speak a good word to him for me. Pauvre Solomon Gundy, just burnt out, kills vermin, and dresses gentlemen. he will attend to your imprecations.

I know Hea. There's no hurry-he'll stay in the neighbourhood some time.

Sol. Will he? Take a chateau perhaps. I am up to everything about a house.

Hea. Well, well-follow me, and we'll see what can be done for you.

If I am

Sol. I thank your honour. I'm very graceful. but burnt in a good place after all, this fire will turn out as fine a few de joy of misfortune to me as could possibly be. I'll follow your honour.

COLMAN.