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Lydia. Let her choice be Captain Absolute, but Beverley is mine.

Mrs. M. I am astonished at her assurance !-to his face-this to his face!

Capt. Abs. Thus, then, let me enforce my suit.

[Kneeling. Mrs. M. Ay-poor young man!-down on his knees, entreating for pity!-I can contain no longer.Why, thou vixen!-I have overheard you.

Capt. Abs. Oh, confound her vigilance !

[Aside. Mrs. M. Captain Absolute-I know not how to apologize for her shocking rudenes.

Capt. Abs. So-all's safe, I find. [Aside.] I have hopes, madam, that time will bring the young lady

Mrs. M. O, there's nothing to be hoped for from her! she's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Lydia. Nay, madam, what do you charge me with now?

Mrs. M. Why, thou unblushing rebel-didn't you tell this gentleman to his face, that you loved another better?-didn't you say you never would be his?

Lydia. No, madam-I did not.

Mrs. M. Good Heavens, what assurance!-Lydia, Lydia, you ought to know that lying don't become a young woman!-Didn't you boast that Beverleythat stroller, Beverley-possessed your heart?-Tell me that, I say.

Lydia. Tis true, ma'am, and none but BeverleyMrs. M. Hold !-hold, assurance !—you shall not be so rude.

Capt. Abs. Nay, pray, Mrs. Malaprop, don't stop the young lady's speech :-she's very welcome to talk thus it does not hurt me in the least, I assure you.

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Mrs. M. You are too good, Captain-too amiably patient; but come with me, miss--let us see you again soon, Captain-remember what we have fixed.

Capt. Abs. I shall, ma'am.

Mrs. M. Come, take a graceful leave of the gentle

man.

Lydia. May every blessing wait on my Beverley, my loved Bev

Mrs. M. Hussy! I'll choak the word in your throat! Come along-come along.

[Exeunt severally-CAPTAIN ABSolute kissing his Hand to LYDIA, MRS. MALAPROP stopping her from speaking,

SCENE IV.

ACRES's Lodgings.

ACRES and DAVID discovered-ACRES as just

dressed.

Acres. Indeed, David-dress does make a difference, David.

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David. 'Tis all in all, I think-difference! why, an' you were to go now to Clod Hall, I am certain the old lady wouldn't know you: Master Butler wouldn't believe his own eyes, and Mrs. Pickle would cry, Lard, presarve me!" our dairy maid would come giggling to the door, and I warrant Dolly Tester, your honour's favourite, would blush like my waistcoat-Oons! I'll hold a gallon, there an't a dog in the house, but would bark, and I question whether Phillis would wag a hair of her tail!

ing.

Acres. Aỷ, David, there's nothing like polish

David. So I says of your honour's boots; but the boy never heeds me!

Acres. But, David, has Mr. De la Grace been here; I must rub up my balancing, and chasing, and. boring.

David. I'll call again, sir.

Acres. Do-and see if there are any letters for me at the Post Office.

David. I will.- By the mass, I can't help looking at your head!--if I hadn't been by at the cooking, I wish I may die if I should have known the dish again myself! [Exit. [ACRES comes forward, practising a dancing Step.

Acres. Sink, slide-coupee-Confound the first inventors of cotillions, say I!—they are as bad as algebra, to us country gentlemen-I can walk a minuet easy enough, when I am forced !-and I have been accounted a good stick in a country-dance.--Odds jiggs and tabors!-I never valued your cross-over two couple-figure in-right and left-and I'd foot it with e'er a captain in the country !-but these outlandish heathen allemandes and cotillions are quite beyond me! I shall never prosper at them, that's suremine are true-born English legs-they don't understand their curs'd French lingo!-their pàs this, and pàs that, and pàs t'other !-damme! my feet don't like to be called paws!

Enter DAVID.

David. Here is Sir Lucius O'Trigger, to wait on you, sir.

Acres. Show him in.

[Exit DAVID.

Enter SIR LUCIUS O'TRIGger.

Sir L. Mr. Acres, I am delighted to embrace you.

Acres. My dear Sir Lucius, I kiss your hands. Sir L. Pray, my friend, what has brought you so suddenly to Bath?

Acres. 'Faith, I have followed Cupid's Jack-a-Lantern, and find myself in a quagmire at last!—In short, I have been very ill used, Sir Lucius. I don't chuse to mention names, but look on me as a very ill used gentleman.

Sir L. Pray, what is the case?--I ask no names.

Acres. Mark me, Sir Lucius; I fall as deep as need be in love with a young lady-her friends take my part-I follow her to Bath-send word of my arrival; and receive answer, that the lady is to be otherwise disposed of. This, Sir Lucius, I call being ill used.

Sir L. Very ill, upon my conscience!-Pray, can divine the cause of it? you

Acres. Why, there's the matter: she has another lover, one Beverley, who, I am told, is now in Bath. -Odds slanders and lies! he must be at the bottom of it.

Sir L. A rival in the case, is there think he has supplanted you unfairly?

and you

Acres. Unfairly! to be sure he has. He never could have done it fairly.

Sir L. Then sure you know what is to be done! Acres. Not I, upon my soul!

Sir L. We wear no swords here, but you understand me?

Acres. What! fight him!

Sir L. Ay, to be sure: what can I mean else?
Acres. But he has given me no provocation.

Sir L. Now, I think he has given you the greatest provocation in the world. Can a man commit a more heinous offence against another, than to fall in love with the same woman? Oh, by my soul, it is the nost unpardonable breach of friendship.

Acres. Breach of friendship! Ay, ay; but I have

no acquaintance with this man. I never saw him in

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Sir L. That's no argument at all-he has the less right then to take such a liberty.

Acres. 'Gad, that's true-I grow full of anger, Sir Lucius!-I fire apace! odds hilts and blades; I find a man may have a deal of valour in him, and not know it! But couldn't I contrive to have a little right of my side?

Sir L. What the devil signifies right, when your honour is concerned? do you think, Achilles, or my little Alexander the Great ever inquired where the right lay? No, by my soul, they drew their broad swords, and left the lazy sons of peace to settle the justice of it.

Acres. Your words are a grenadier's march to my heart! I believe courage must be catching!-I certainly do feel a kind of valour rising as it were—a kind of courage, as I may say-odds flints, pans, and triggers! I'll challenge him directly.

Sir L. Ah, my little friend! if I had Blunderbuss Hall here I could show you a range of ancestry, in the O'Trigger line, that would furnish the New Room; every one of whom had killed his man!-For though the mansion house and dirty acres have slipped through my fingers, I thank Heaven our honour and the family pictures are as fresh as ever.

Acres. Oh, Sir Lucius! I have had ancestors too! -every man of them colonel or captain in the militia! -odds balls and barrels ! say no more--I'm braced for it. The thunder of your words has soured the milk of human kindness in my breast?--Z-ds! as the man in the play says, "I could do such deeds"Sir L. Come, come; there must be no passion at all in the case-these things should always be done civilly.

Acres. I must be in a passion, Sir Lucius-I must be in a rage-Dear Sir Lucius, let me be in a rage, if

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