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of the way.

own you, I'll disinherit you, I'll unget you! and

Enter Sir Lucius O’TRIGGER. damn me, if ever I call you Jack again!

[Erit Sir Anth. Sir Luc. Hah! my little embassadressUpon Abs. Mild, gentle, considerate father, I kiss my conscience, I have been looking for you; I your hands. What a tender method of giving his have been on the south parade this balf hour. opinion iu these matters sir Anthony has ! I dare Lucy. [Speaking simply.] O gemini ! and I not trust him with the truth. I wonder what old, have been waiting for your worship here on the wealthy hag it is that he wants to bestow on me! north! -yet, he married, himself, for love! and was, Sir Luc. Faith!-inay be, that was the reason in his youth, a bold intriguer, and a gay compa- we did not meet; and it is very comical too, how nion !

you could go out, and I not see you-for I was Enter Fac.

only taking a nap at the parade coffee-house, and

I chose the window on purpose that I might not Fag. Assuredly, sir, your father is wrath to a miss you. degree: he comes down stairs eight or ten steps Lucy. My stars! Now, I would wager a sixat a time, muttering, growling, and thumping pence 1 went by while you were asleep! the banisters all the way: I, and the cook's dog, Sir Luc. Sure enough it must have been som stand bowing at the door-rap! he gives me a and I never dreamt it was so late till I waked. stroke on the head with his cane, bids me carry Well, but my little girl, have you got nothing for that to my master; then, kicking the poor turn- me? spit into the area, damns us all, for a

puppy
tri-

Lucy. Yes, but I have- -I've got a letter for umvirate – Upon my credit, sir, were I in your you in my pocket. place, and found my father such very bad com- Sir Luc. O, faith, I guessed you were not pany, I should certainly drop his acquaintance. come empty-banded! Well; let me see what the

Abs. Cease your impertinence, sir, at present. dear creature says. --Did you come in for nothing more?-Stand out Lucy. There, sir Lucius. [Pushes him aside, and exit.

[Gives him a letter. Fag: So! Sir Anthony trims my master : He Sir Luc. [Reads.] ‘Sir—There is often a sudis afraid to reply to his father, then vents his den incentive impulse in love, that has a greatspleen on poor Fag !-When one is vexed by one ' er induction than years of domestic combinaperson, to revenge one's self ou another, who tion: such was the commotion I felt at the first happens to come in the way—is the vilest in- superfluous view of sir Lucius O'Trigger.' Very justice! Ah! it shews the worst temper—the pretty, upon my word. “Female punctuation basest

forbids me to say more; yet, let me add, that Enter Errand Boy.

• it will give me joy infallible to find sir Lucius

worthy the last criterion of my affections. Boy. Mr Fag! Mr Fay! your master calls

Delia.' you.

Fag. Well, you little dirty puppy, you need Upon my conscience, Lucy, your lady is a great not bawl so !- The meanest disposition the- mistress of language ! Faith, she's quite the Boy. Quick, quick, Mr Fag.

queen of the dictionary! for the devil a word Fag. Quick, quick, you impudent jackanapes! dare refuse coming at her call-though one am I to be commanded by you, too! you little would think it was quite out of hearing. impertinent, insolent, kitchen-bred

Lucy. Ay, sir, a lady of her experience. (Exit, kicking and beating him. Sir Luc. Experience! what, at seventeen!

Lucy. O, true, sir—but then she reads so—my SCENE II.- The North Parade.

stars ! how she will read off hand!

Sir Luc. Faith, she must be very deep read to Enter Lucy.

write this way, though she is rather an arbitrary Lucy. So-I shall have another rival to add to writer, too; for here are a great many poor my mistress's list-captain Absolute. -How-words pressed into the service of this note, that ever, I shall not enter his name till my purse bas would get their habeas corpus from any court in received notice in form. Poor Acres is dismiss-Christendom. ed !--Well, I have done him a last friendly of- Lucy. Ah, sir Lucius! If you were to hear fice, in letting him know that Beverley was here how she talks of you ! before him. Sir Lucius is generally more punc- Sir Luc. O, tell her, I'll make her the best tual, when he expects to hear from his dear husband in the world, and lady O'Trigger into Daliu, as he calls her: I wonder he's not here! the bargain! But we must get the old gentlewo-I have a little scruple of conscience from this man's consent, and do every thing fairly. deceit; though I should not be paid so well, if Lucy. Nay, sir Lucius; I thought you was not my hero knew that Delia was near fifty, and her rich enough to be so nice! own mistress.

Sir Luc. Upon my word, young woman, you VOL. II.

6 M

6

have hitit: I am so poor, that I can't afford to Fag. Come, come, Lucy; here's no one by— do a dirty action. if I did not want money, I so a little less simplicity, with a grain or two would steal your mistress and her fortune with a more sincerity, if you please. You play false great deal of pleasure. However, my pretty girl, with us, madam. I saw you give the baronet a [Gives her money.] here's a little something to letter. My master shall know this; and if he buy vou a ribband; and meet me in the evening, don't call him out, I will. and I'll give you an answer to this. So, hussy, Lucy. Ha, ha, ha! you gentlemen's gentlemen take a kiss beforehand, to put you in mind. are so hasty. That letter was from Mrs Mala

[Kisses her. prop, simpleton. She is taken with sir Lucius's Lucy. O, lud, sir Lucius ! I never seed such a address. gemman! My lady won't like you if you are Fag. How! what tastes some people have! so impudent.

Why, I suppose I have walked by her window an Sir Luc. Faith she will, Lucy; that same- hundred tiines. But what says your young lady! pho! what's the name of its-modesty—is a qua- Any message to my master? lity in a lover more praised by the women than Lucy. Sad news, Mr Fag! A worse rival than liked; so, if your mistress asks you whether sir Acres! Sir Anthony Absolute has proposed his Lucius ever gave you a kiss, tell her fifty, my son. dear.

Fag. What ! captain Absolute ? Lucy. What, would you have me tell her a Lucy. Even so-1 overheard it all. lie?

Fag. Ha, ha, ha! very good, faith! GoodSir Luc. Ah, then, you baggage? I'll make it bye, Lucy; I must away with this news. a truth presently.

Lucy. Well; you may laugh; but it is true, I Lucy. For shame, now! here is some one co- assure you. Going.] But, Mr Fag, tell your ming.

master not to be cast down by this. Sir Luc. O, faith, I'll quiet your consience ! Fag. O, he'll be so disconsolate! [Sees Fag. Erit, humming a tune. Lucy. And charge him not to think of quar

relling with young Absolute. Enter Fag,

Fag. Never fear! never fear! Fag. So, so, madam ! I humbly beg pardon. Lucy. Be sure; bid him keep up his spirits. Lucy. O, lud! now, Mr Fag-you flurry one Fag. We will

[Ereunt sederally

-we will.

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ACT III.

me.

SCENE I.-The North Parade. him; he's any body's son for me. I never will
Enter ABSOLUTE.

see him more; never, never, never, never!

Abs. Now for a penitential face. Abs. 'Tis just as Fag told me, indeed. Whim- Sir Anth. Fellow, get out of my way! sical enough, faith! My father wants to force Abs. Sir, you see a penitent before you. me to marry the very girl I am plotting to run Sir Anth. I see an impudent scoundrel before away with. He must not know of my connection with her yet a-while. He has too suminary Abs. A sincere penitent. I come, sir, to aca method of proceeding in these matters. How- knowledge my error, and to submit entirely to ever, I'll read ny recantation instantly. My your will. conversion is something sudden, indeed; but I Sir Anth. What's that? can assure him it is very sincere. So, so, here Abs. I have been revolving, and reflecting, and he comes. He looks plaguy gruff.

considering on your past goodness, and kindness, (Steps aside. and condescension to me.

Sir Anth. Well, sir?
Enter Sir ANTHONY.

Abs. I have been likewise weighing and balan

cing what you were pleased to mention conceruSir Anth. No: I'll die sooner than forgive ing duty, and obedience, and authority. him! Die, did I say? I'll live these fifty years Sir Anth. Well, puppy? to plague him. At our last meeting, his impu- Abs. Why, then, sir, the result of my reflecdence had almost put me out of temper. An tions is, a resolution to sacrifice every inclination obstinate, passionate, self-willed boy! Who can of my own to your satisfaction. he take after? This is my return for getting him Sir Anth. Why now, you talk sense-absolute before all his brothers and sisters ! for putting sense. I never heard any thing more sensible him, at twelve years old, iuto a marching regi- in my life. Confound you! you shall be Jack ment, and allowing him fifty pounds a-year, be- again! sides his pav, ever since! But I have done with Abs. I am happy in the appellation,

Sir Anth. Why, then, Jack, my dear Jack, I very nice, I own I should rather choose a wife will now inform you who the lady really is.- of mine to have the usual number of limbs, and Nothing but your passion and violence, you silly a limited quantity of back: and though one eye fellow, prevented my telling you at first. Pre may be very agreeable, yet, as the prejudice has pare, Jack, for wonder and rapture-prepare ! always run in favour of two, I would not wish to What think you of Miss Lydia Languish? affect a singularity in that article.

Abs. Languish! What, the Languishes of Wor- Sir Anth. What a phlegmatic sot it is! Why, cestershire ?

sirrah, you're an anchorite! a vile, insensible Sir Anth. Worcestershire ! No. Did you ne- stock ! You a soldier ! you're a walking block, ver meet Mrs Malaprop and her niece, Miss fit only to dust the company's regimentals on! Languish, who came into our country just before Odds life! I've a great mind to marry the girl you were last ordered to your regiment? myself!

Abs. Malaprop! Languish! I don't remember Aós. I am entirely at your disposal, sir; if you' ever to have heard the names before. Yet, stay; should think of addressing Miss Languish yourI think I do recollect something. Languish! self, I suppose you would have me marry the Languish! She squints, don't she? A little red- aunt: or, if you should change your mind, and haired girl?

take the old lady, 'tis the same to me,

I'll

marry Sir Anth. Squints! A red-haired girl !- the niece. Zounds! no.

Sir Anth. Upon my word, Jack, thou’rt either Abs. Then, I must have forgot; it can't be the a very great hypocrite, or—but, come, I know same person.

your indifference on such a subject must be all a Sir Anth. Jack! Jack ! what think you of lie- I'm sure it musta--come, now-damn your blooming, love-breathing seventeen?

demure face! Coine, confess, Jack; you have Abs. As to that, sir, I am quite indifferent. been lying, ha’n't you? You have been playing If I can please you in the matter, 'tis all I de- the hypocrite, hey?" I'll never forgive you; if you sire.

ha'n't been lying and playing the hypocrite. Sir Anth. Nay, but, Jack, such eyes ! such Abs. I'm sorry, sir, that the respect and duty eyes ! so innocently wild! so bashfully irreso- which I bear to you should be so mistaken. lute ! not a glance but speaks and kindles some Sir Anth. Hang your respect and duty! But, thought of love! Then, Jack, her cheeks! her come along with me; I'll write a note to Mrs Macheeks, Jack! so deeply blushing at the insinua- laprop, and you shall visit the lady directly. Her tions of her tell-tale eyes! Then, Jack, her lips ! eyes shall be the Promethian torch to you O, Jack, lips smiling at their own discretion; and, Come along ! I'll never forgive you, if if not smiling, more sweetly pouting; more love come back stark mad with rapture and impaly in sullenness!

tience-if you don't, egad, I'll marry the girl Abs. That's she, indeed. Well done, old gen-myself! tleman ! [Aside.

[Ereunt. Sir Anth. Then, Jack, her neck! 0, Jack, Jack !

SCENE II.-JULIA's dressing-room. Abs. And which is to be mine, sir; the niece or the aunt?

Enter FAULKLAND. Sir Anth. Why, you unfeeling, insensible puppy, I despise you! When I was of your age, Faulk. They told me Julia would return dia such a description would have made me fly like a rectly; I wonder she is not yet come! How mean rocket! The aunt, indeed! Odds life! when I does this captious, unsatisfied temper of mine ap ran away with your mother, I would not have pear to my cooler judgment! Yet I know not touched any thing old or ugly to gain an empire. that I indulge it in any other point: but on this one Abs. Not to please your father, sir?

subject, and to this one subject, whom I think I Sir Anth. To please my father! Zounds ! love beyond my life, I am ever ungenerously not to please Oh, my father- -Od- fretful and madly capricious! I am conscious of so! yes, yes; if my father, indeed, had desired it; yet I cannot correct myself! What tender,

--that's quite another matter. Though he was honest joy sparkled in her eyes when we met! not the indulgent father that I am, Jack. How delicate was the warmth of her expressions ! Abs. I dare say not, sir.

I was ashamed to appear less happy, though I Sir Anth. But, Jack, you are not sorry to find had come resolved to wear a face of coolness your mistress is so beautiful ?

and upbraiding. Sir Anthony's presence preAbs. Sir, I repeat it, if I please you in this vented my proposed expostulations : yet I must affair, 'tis all I desire. Not that I think a wo- be satisfied that she has not been so very happy man the worse for being handsome; but, sir, if in my absence. She is coming! Yes!'I know you please to recollect, you before hiuted some the simbleness of her tread, when she thinks thing about a hump or two, one eye, and a few her impatient Faulkland'counts the moments of more graces of that kind. Now, without being her stay,

you don't

Soon.

Enter JULIA.

esteem me. And for person-I have often wish

ed myself deformed, to be convinced that I owed Julia. I had not hoped to see you again so no obligation there for any part of your affec

tion. Faulk. Could I, Julia, be contented with my Julia. Where nature has bestowed a show of first welcome, restrained as we were by the pre- nice attention in the features of a man, he should sence of a third person?

laugh at it as misplaced. I have seen men, who, Julia. O Faulkland, when your kindness can in this vain article, perhaps, might rank above make me thus happy, let me not think that I you; but my heart has never asked my eyes if it discovered something of coldness in your first were so or not. salutation !

Faulk. Now, this is not well from you, Julia; Faulk. 'Twas but your fancy, Julia. I was I despise person in a man-yet, if you loved me rejoiced to see you-to see you in such health. as I wish, though I were an Æthiop, you'd think Sure I had no cause for coldness?

none so fair. Julia. Nay, then, I see you have taken some- Julia. I see you are determined to be unkind. thing ill. You must not conceal from me what The contract, which my poor father bound us in, it is.

gives you more than a lover's privilege. Faulk. Well, then-shall I own to you, that Faulk. Again, Julia, you raise ideas that feed my joy at hearing of your health and arrival , and justify my doubts. I would not have been here, by your neighbour Acres, was somewhat more free-00! I am proud of my restraint. damped by his dwelling much on the high spirits Yet, yet-perhaps your high respect alone for you had enjoyed in Devonshire-on your mirth, this solemn coinpact has fettered your inclinayour singing, dancing, and I know not what !- tions, which, else, had made a worthier choice. For such is my temper, Julia, that I should re- How shall I be sure, had you remained unbound gard every mirthful moment in your absence as in thought and promise, that I should still have a treason to constancy: The mutual tear that been the object of your persevering love? steals down the cheek of parting lovers is a Julia. Then try me now. Let us be free as compact, that no smile shall live there till they strangers as to what is past: my heart will not meet again.

feel more liberty. Julia. Must I never cease to tax my Faulk- Faulk. There now! So hasty, Julia ! So ansland with this teasing, minute caprice? Can the ious to be free! If your love for me were fised idle

reports of a silly boor weigh in your breast and ardent, you would not lose your hold, even against my tried affection?

though I wished it! Faulk. They have no weight with me, Julia : Julia. Oh, you torture me to the heart! I canNo, no; I am happy if you have been so. Yet not bear it. only say, that you did not sing with mirth; say Faulk. I do not mean to distress you. If I that you thought of Faulkland in the dance ! loved you less, I should never give you an uneasy

Julia. I never can be happy in your absence ! moment. But hear me. All my fretful doubts If I wear a countenance of content, it is to shew arise from this. Women are not used to weigh that my mind holds no doubt of my Faulklands and separate the motives of their affections: the truth. If I seemed sad, it were to make malice cold dictates of prudence, gratitude, or filial dutriumph; and say, that I had fixed my heart on ty, may sometimes be mistaken for the pleadings one, who left me to lament his roving, and my of the heart. I would not boast; yet let me own credulity. Believe me, Faulkland, I mean say, that I have neither age, person, or character, not to upbraid you, when I say, that I have often to found dislike on; my fortune such as few ladressed sorrow in smiles, lest my friends should dies could be charged with indiscretion in the guess whose unkindness had caused my tears. match. O Julia! when love receives such coun

Faulk. You were ever all goodness to me! tenance from prudence, nice minds will be suspiO, I am a brute, when I but admit a doubt of cious of its birth. your true constancy !

Julia. I know not whither your insinuations Julia. If ever, without such cause from you, as would tend: but as they seem pressing to insult I will not suppose possible, you find my affection me, I will spare you the regret of having done veering but a point, may I become a proverbial so. I have given you no cause for this ! scoff for levity and base ingratitude!

(Exit, in tears. Faulk. Ah, Julia, that last word is grating to Faulk. In tears! Stay, Julia : stay but for a me! I would I had no title to your gratitude! moment. The door is fastened! Julia; my soul Search your heart, Julia; perhaps, what you --but for one moment: I hear her sobbing ! have mistaken for love, is but the warm effusion Sdeath! What a brute am I to use her thus ! of a too thankful heart!

Yet stay. Ay; she is coming now: How little Julia. For what quality must I love you? resolution there is in woman! How a few soft

Faulk. For no quality? To regard me for any words can turn them! No, faith! She is not coquality of mind or understanding, were only to ming, either. Why, Julia ! my love! say but that

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you forgive me; come but to tell me that; now thing in my power, since I exploded the affair; this is being too resentful : stay! she is coming long ago I laid my positive conjunctions on her, too; I thought she would: no steadiness in any never to think on the fellow again. I have since thing! Her going away must have been a mere laid sir Anthony's preposition before her; but, I trick, then; she shan't see that I was hurt by it. am sorry to say, she seems resolved to decline I'll affect indifference--- {Hums a tune : then lis- every particle that I enjoin her. tens.]-No; zounds! She is not coming! Nor Abs. It must be very distressing, indeed, madon't intend it, I suppose. This is not steadiness, dam. but obstinacy. Yet I deserve it. What, after Mrs Mal. Oh! it gives me the hydrostatics to so long an absence to quarrel with her tender such a degree ! I thought she had persisted from ness ! Twas barbarous and unmanly! I should corresponding with him; but, behold, this very be ashamed to see her now. I'll wait till her day, I have interceded another letter from the just resentinent is abated; and when I distress fellow; I believe I have it in my pocket. her so again, may I lose her for ever! And be Abs. O the devil! my last note. [Aside. linked, instead, to some antique virago, whose Mrs Mal. Ay; here it is. gnawing passions, and long hoarded spleen, shall Abs. Ay; my note indeed! O the little traimake :ne curse my folly half the day, and all tress Lucy!

[Aside. the night.

[Erit. Mrs Mal. There; perhaps you may know the

writing. SCENE III.-Mrs MALAPROP's lodgings.

[Gives him the letter.

Abs. I think I have seen the hand before; yes, Enter MRS MALAPROP, with a letter in her I certainly must have seen this hand before hand, and CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.

Mrs Mal. Nay; but read it, captain. Mrs Mal. Your being sir Anthony's son, cap- Abs. [Reads.- My soul's idol; my adored tain, would itself be a sufficient accommodation ; Lydia ! Very tender, indeed! but, from the ingenuity of your appearance, I am Mrs Mal. Tender! ay, and prophane, too, o' convinced you deserve the character here given my conscience ! of you.

Abs. “I am excessively alarmed at the intelliAbs. Permit me to say, madam, that, as I never gence you send me; the more so, as my new riyet have had the pleasure of seeing Miss Lan-valguish, my principal inducement, in this affair, at Mrs Mal. That's you, sir. present, is the honour of being allied to Mrs Abs. ' Has universally the character of being Malaprop; of whose intellectual accomplish- an accomplished gentleman, and a man of ho ments, elegant manners, and unaffected learning, nour. Well, that's handsome enough. no tongue is silent.

Mrs Mal. O, the fellow has soine design in Mrs Mal. Sir, you do me infinite honour! I writing so. beg, captain, you'll be seated.—[Sit.--Ah! few Abs. That he had; I'll answer for him, magentlemen, now-a-days, know how to value the dam. ineffectual qualities in a woman! Few think how Mrs Mal. But go on, sir; you'll see presenta little knowledge becomes a gentlewoman! Men ly. have no sense, now, but for the worthless Power Abs: 'As for the old weather-beaten she-draof beauty!

gon, who guards you,'—Who can he mean by Abs. It is but too true, indeed, madam; yet I that? fear our ladies should share the blame; they Mrs Mal. Me, sir: me: he means me there; think our admiration of beauty so great, that what do you think, now? But go on a little furknowledge in them would be superfluous. Thus, ther. like garden trees, they seldom shew fruit, till Abs. Impudent scoundrel ! It shall go hard time has robbed them of the more specious blos- but I will elude her vigilance, as I am told that som. Few, like Mrs Malaprop and the orange- the same ridiculous vanity, which makes her tr e, are rich in both at once!

• dress up her coarse features, and deck her dull Mrs Mal. Sir, you overpower me with good- chat with hard words which she don't underbreeding; he is the very pine-apple of politeness. standYou are not ignorant, captain, that this giddy girl Mrs Mal. There, sir! an attack upon my lanhas somehow contrived to fix her affections on a guage! What do you think of that? An asperbeggarly, strolling, eve's-dropping ensign, whom sion upon my parts of speech! Was ever such a none of us have seen, and nobody knows any brute! Sure, 'if I reprehend any thing in this thing of.

world, it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a Abs. 0, I have heard the silly affair before.- nice derangement of epitaphs ! I am not at all prejudiced against her on that ac- Abs. He deserves to be hanged and quartered! count.

Let me see-same ridiculous vanity'Mrs Mal. You are very good, and very consi- Mrs Mal. You need not read it again, sir. derate, captain. I am sure I have done every Abs. I beg pardon, madam-does also lay

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