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Then, if thou'rt graced with fair Miranda's bed, finement sharpens the invention, as want of sight Actæon's horns, she means, shall crown thy strengthens the other senses, and is often more head.
[Exit Sır Geo. pernicious than the recreation that innocent liSir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! he is mad!
[Erit Sir Fran. I shall have some sauntering coxcomb, with no
thing but a red coat and a feather, think by leap. SCENE II.-Changes to Str JEALOUS TRAF-ing into her arms to leap into my estate-but I'll FICK's house.
prevent them; she shall be only signior Babi
netto's. Enter Sır JEALOUS, ISABINDA, and Patcu fol
Patch. Really, sir, I wish you would employ lowing.
any body else in this affair; I lead a life like a
dog with obeying your commands. Come, maSir Jeal. What, in the balcony again, notwith- dam, will you please to be locked up? standing my positive commands to the contrary? Isa. Aye, to enjoy more freedom than he is Why don't you write a bill on your forehead to aware of. (Aside.)
[Erit with Patch. shew passengers there's something to be let?-- Sir Jeal. I believe this wench is very true to
Isa. What harm can there be in a little fresh my interest: I am happy I met with her, if I air, sir?
can bat keep my daughter from being blown upSir Jeal. Is your constitution so hot, mistress, on till Signior Babinetto arrives, who shall marry that it wants cooling, ha? Apply the virtuous her as soon as he comes, and carry her to Spain Spanish rules; banish your taste and thoughts of as soon as he has married her. She has a pregflesh; feed upon roots, and quench your thirst nant wit, and I'd no more have her an English with water.
wife than the Grand Signior's mistress. [Erit. Isa. That and a close room would certainly make me die of the vapours.
Enter WHISPÉR. Sir Jeal. No, mistress ; 'tis your high-fed, Whis. So, I saw sir Jealous go out: where husty, rambling, rampant ladies that are trou- shall I find Mrs Patch now? bled with the vapours : 'tis your ratafia, persico, cinnamon, citron, and spirit of clara, cause such
Enter PATCH. swimming in the brain, that carries many a guinea Patch. Oh, Mr Whisper! my lady saw you full tide to the doctor : but you are not to be out of the window, and ordered me to bid you bred this way: no galloping abroad, no receiving Ay, and let your master know she's now alone. visits at home; for in our loose country the wo- Whisp. Hush! speak softly! I go, I go ! But men are as dangerous as the men.
hark ye, Mrs Patch, shall not you and I have a Patch. So I told her, sir, and that it was not little confabulation, when my master and your decent to be seen in a balcony—but she threaten- lady are engaged? ed to slap my chops, and told me I was her ser- Patch. Aye, aye; farewell. vant, not her governess.
(Goes in, and shuts the door. Sir Jeal. Did she so? but I'll make her to know that you are her duenna. O that incom
Re-enter SIR JEALOUS TRAFFICK, meeting
WHISPER. parable custom of Spain! Why, here's no depending upon old women in my country-for they Sir Jeal. Sure, whilst I was talking with Mr are as wanton at eighty, as a girl of eighteen; Tradewell, I heard my door clap. (Seeing Wuisand a man may as safely trust to Asgil's transla- PER.) Ha! a mau lurking about my house ! tion, as to his great grandmother's not marrying Who do you want thcre, sir? again.
Whisp. Want-want? & pox! Sir Jealous ! Isa. Or to the Spanish ladies' veils and duennas What must I say now? for the safeguard of their honour.
Sir Jeal. Ay, want! Have you a letter or mesSir Jeal. Dare to ridicule the cautious conduct sage for any body there? Oomy conscience this of that wise nation, and I'll have you locked up is some he-bawdthis fortnight, without a peep-hole.
Whisp. Letter or message, sir ? Isa. If we had but the ghostly helps in Eng- Sir feal. Ay, letter or message, sir? land which they have in Spain, I might deceive Whisp. No, not I, sir. you if you did — Sir, 'tis not the restraint, but Sir Jeal. Sirrah, sirrah ! I'll have you set in the innate principle, secures the reputation and the stocks, if you don't tell your business immehonour of our sex. Let me tell you, sir, con- diately.
Whisp. Nay, sir, my business—is no great Mar. A fool! I'll justify she has more wit matter of business neither, and yet 'tis business than all the rest of her sex put together. Why, of consequence, too.
she'll rally me till I han't a word to say for my. Sir Jeal. Sirrah, don't trifle with me.
self, Whisp. Trifle, sir! have you found him, sir? Cha. A mighty proof of her wit, trulySir Jeal. Found what, you rascal?
Mar. There must be some trick in it, sir Whis
. Why, Trifle is the very lap-dog, my lady) George : egad I'll find it out, if it cost me the lost, sir! I fancied I saw him run into this sum you paid for it. house. I'm glad you've seen him-Sir, my lady Sir Geo. Do, and command me-will be overjoyed that I have found him.
Mar. Enough! let me alone to trace a sem Sir Jeal. Who is your lady, friend?
cretWhisp. My lady Lovepuppy, sir.
Sir Jeah. My lady Lovepuppy, sir ! then, pri- Enter Wursper, and speaks aside to his master. thee, carry thyself to her, for I know of no other The devil! he here again? damn that fellow, he whelp that belongs to her; and let me catch you never speaks out! Is this the same, or a new seno more puppy-hunting about my doors, lest I cret? You may speak out; here are none but have you prest into the service, sirrah.
friends. Whis. By no means, sir– Your humble ser- Cha. Pardon me, Marplot, 'tis a secret. vant. I must watch whether he goes or no, be- Mar. A secret! aye, or ecod I would not give fore I can tell my master. [Exit WHISPER. a farthing for it. Sir George, won't you ask
Sir Jeal. This fellow has the officious leer of a Charles what news Whisper brings? pimp, and I half suspect a design; but I'll be Sir Geo. Not I, sir ; I suppose it does not reupon them before they think on me, I warrant late to me. them.
[Erit. Mar. Lord lord! how little curiosity some
people have ! Now, my chief pleasure is in SCENE III.--CHARLES's lodgings. knowing every body's business.
Sir Geo. I fancy, Charles, thou hast some enEnter CHARLES and MARPLOT.
gagement upon thy hands? Cha. Honest Marplot! I thank thee for this Mar. Have you, Charles ? supply. I expect my lawyer with a thousand Sir Geo. I have a little business, too. 1 pounds I have ordered him to take up, and then Mar. Have you, sir George ? you shall be repaid.
Sir Geo. Marplot, if it falls in your way to Mar. Pho, pho! no more of that. Here bring me any intelligence from Mirauda, you'll comes sir George Airy,
find me at the Thatched-house at six
Mar. You do me much honour.
Cha. You guess right, sir George; wish me cursedly out of humour at his disappointment.—success. See how he looks ! ha, ha, ha!
Sir Geo. Better than attended me. Adieu ! Sir Geo. Ah, Charles ! I am so humbled in my
[Exit Sir George. pretensions to plots upon women, that I believe Cha. Marplot, you must excuse meI shall never have courage enoagh to attempt a Mar. Nay, nay; what need of any excuse achambermaid again-11l tell thee
mongst friends ? I'll go with you. Cha. Ha, ha, ha! 111 spare you the relation by Cha. Indeed, you must not. telling you—Impatient to know your business Mar. No! then, I suppose it is a duel, and I with my father, when I saw you enter I slipt will go to secure you. back into the next room, where I overheard every Cha. Well, but tis no duel, consequently no syllable.
danger; therefore, prithee be answered. Mar. Did you, Charles? I wish I had been Mar. What, is't a inistress, then? Mum-you
know I can be silent upon occasion. Sir Geo. That I said—but I'll be hanged if Cha. I wish you could be civil, too: I tell you heard her answer-But, prithee, tell me, you, you neither must nor shall go with me.Charles, is she a fool?
(Exit CHARLES Cha. I never suspected her for one; but Mar- Mar. Why then-I must and will follow you. plot can inform you better, if you'll allow him a
uncle's estate; that surely will support us till one
of our fathers relent. Enter CHARLES.
Isa. There's no trusting to that, my friend. I Char. Well, here's the house which holds the doubt your father will carry his humour to the lovely prize, quiet and serene: here no noisy grave, and mine till he sees me settled in Spain. footmen throng to tell the world that beauty Cha. And can you, then, cruelly resolve to stay dwells within; no ceremonious visit makes the till that cursed Don arrives, and suffer that youth, lover wait, no rival to give my heart a pang- beauty, fire, and wit, to be sacrificed to the arms Who would not scale the window at midnight of a dull Spaniard, to be iinmured, and forbid without fear of the jealous father's pistol, rather the sight of any thing that's human? than fill up the train of a coquette, where every Isa. No; when it comes to that extremity, and mninute he is jostled out of place ! [Knocks soft- no stratagern can relieve us, thou shalt list for a
soldier, and I'll carry thy knapsack after thee.
Cha. Bravely resolved! the world cannot be · Enter Patch,
more savage than our parents, and fortune genePatch. Oh, are you come, sir? All's safe. rally assists the bold; therefore consent now: Cha. So ! in, in, then.
why should we put it to a future hazard? who
knows when we shall have another opportunity? Enter MARPLOT.
Isa. Oh, you have your ladder of ropes, I supMar. There he goes! Who the devil lives pose, and the closet window stands just where it here? except I can find out that, I am as far did; and if you han't forgot to write in characfrom knowing his business as ever. Gad I'll ters, Patch will find a way for our assignations. watch; it may be a bawdy-house, and he may Thus much of the Spanish contrivance my fahave his throat cut. If there should be any ther's severity has taught me, I thank him : mischief I can make oath he went in. Well, though I hate the nation, I admire their manageCharles, in spite of your endeavours to keep me ment in these affairs. out of the secret, I may save your life for aught I know. At that corner I'll plant myself; there
Enter Patch. I shall see whoever goes in or comes out. Gad I Patch. Oh, madam! I see my master coming love discoveries.
[Exit Mar. up the street.
Cha. Oh, the devil! would I had my ladder SCENE II.
now! I thought you had not expected him till
night. Why, why, why, why, what shall I do, Draws, and discovers CHARLES, ISABINDA,
madam ? and Patch,
Isa. Oh! for Heaven's sake, don't go that Isa. Patch, look out sharp; have a care of way; you'll meet him full in the teeth. Oh, undad.
lucky moment ! Patch. I warrant you.
Cha. 'Adsheart! can you shut me into no cupIsa. Well, sir, if I may judge your love by board, nor ram me into a chest, ha? your courage, I ought to believe you sincere; for Patch. Impossible, sir; he searches every hole you venture into the lion's den when you come in the house.
Isa. Undone for ever! if he sees you, I shall Cha. If you'd consent whilst the furious beast never see you more. is abroad, I'd free you from the reach of his Patch. I have thought on it: run you to your paws.
chamber, madam; and, sir, come you along with Isa. That would be but to avoid one danger by me; I'm certain you may easily get down from running into another; like poor wretches, who fly the balcony. the burning ship, and meet their fate in the wa- Cha. My life! adieu-Lead on, guide. ter. Come, come, Charles; I fear, if I consult
[Exeunt Patch and Cha. reason, confinement and plenty is better than li- Isa. Heaven preserve him!
[Exit Isa. berty and starving. I know you would make the frolic pleasing for a little time, by saying and
SCENE III.-Changes to the street. doing a world of tender things; but, when our small substance is exhausted, and a thousand re- Enter Sir Jealous, with Marplot behind him. quisites for life are wanting, Love, who rarely dwells with Poverty, would also fail us.
Sir Jeal. I don't know what's the matter, but Cha. Faith, I fancy not; methinks my heart I have a strong suspicion all is not right within; has laid up á stock will last for life; to back that fellow's sauntering about my door, and his which I have taken a thousand pounds upon my tale of a puppy, had the face of a lie, methought.
to see me.
By St Iago, if I should find a man in the house,
Enter Sir JEALOUS and his Servants. Mar. Mince-meat! Ah, poor Charles ! how I sweat for thee! Egad he's old--I fancy I might Sir Jeal. Are you sure you have searched every bully him, and make Charles have an opinion of where? my courage. Egad I'll pluck up, and have a · Ser. Yes, from the top of the house to the bote touch with him.
Sir Jeal. My own key shall let me in; I'll give Sir Jeal, Under the beds, and over the beds ? them no warning:
[Feeling for his key. Ser. Yes, and in them too, but found nobody, Mar. What's that you say, sir?
sir. [Going up to Sir JEAL. Sir Jeal, Why, what could this rogue mean? Sir Jeal. What's that to you, sir? [Turns quick upon him.
Enter ISABINDA and PATCH. Mar. Yes, 'tis to me, sir; for the gentleman Patch, Take courage, madam; I saw him safe you threaten is a very honest gentleman. Look out.
[Aside to Isa. to't, for if he comes not as safe out of your house Isa. Bless me! what's the matter, sir? as he went in
Sir Jeal. You know best-Pray, where's the Sir Jeal. What, is he in, then?
man that was here just now? Mar. Yes sir, he is in then; and, I say, if he Isa. What man, sir? I saw none. does not come out, I have half a dozen myrmidons Patch. Nor I, by the trust you repose in me. hard by, shall beat your house about your ears. Do you think I would let a man come within
Sir Jeal. Ah! a combination to undo me-I'll these doors, when you are absent? myrmidon you, ye dog you !—Thieves ! thieves ! Sir Jeal. Ah, Patch! she may be too cunning (Beats Marplot all the while he cries thieves. For thy honesty: the very scout, that he had set
Mar. Mörder! murder! I was not in your to give warning, discovered it to me--and threatbouse, sir.
ened me with half a dozen myrmidons but I
think I mauled the villain. These afflictions, you Enter Servant.
draw upon me, mistress !
Isa. Pardon me, sir; 'tis your own ridiculous Ser. What's the matter, sir?
humour draws you into these vexations, and gives Sir Jeal. The matter, rascal! you have let a every fool pretence to banter you. man into my house; but I'll flea him alive. Fol- Sir Jeal. No, 'tis your idle conduct, your colow me; I'll not leave a mousehole unsearched. quettish flirting into the balcony-Oh! with what If I find him, by St lago, I'll equip him for the joy shall I resign thee into the arins of Don opera.
[Exit Sir JEAL. Diego Babinetto Mar. A deuce of his cane! there's no trusting Isa. And with what industry shall I avoid him! to age-What shall I do to relieve Charles?
[Aside. egad i'll raise the neighbourhood.-Murder! Sir Jeal. Certainly that rogue had a message murder !-(CHARLES drops down upon him from from somebody or other, but, being baulked by the balcony.] Charles !' faith I'm glad to see my coming, popped that sham upon me. Come thee safe out, with all my heart!
along, ye sots! let's see if we can find the dog Cha. A pox of your bawling ! how the devil again. Patch ! lock her up, d’ye hear? came you here?
[Exit SIR JEAL. Mar. Egad it's very well for you that I was Patch. Yes, sir-Ay, walk till your heels ache; here; I have done you a piece of service: I told you'll find nobody, I promise you. the old thunderbolt that the gentleman that was Isa. Who could that scout be whom he talks goue in was
of? Cha. Was it you that told him, sir? [Laying Patch. Nay, I can't imagine, without it was hold of him.] Sdeath! I could crush thee into Whisper. atoms.
[Exit CHA. Isa. Well, dear Patch ! let's employ all our Mar. What! will you choke me for my kind thoughts how to escape this horrid Don Diego; ness? Will my inquiring soul never leave search my very heart sinks at his terrible name. ing into other people's affairs till it gets squeezed Patch. Fear not, madam; Don Carlo shall be out of my body? I dare not follow him now for the man, or I'll lose the reputation of contriving ; my blood, he's in such a passion. I'll to Miran- and then, what's a chambermaid good for? da; if I can discover aught that may oblige sir Isa. Say'st thou so, my girl? then George, it may be a means to reconcile me again to Charles.
· Let dad be jealous, multiply his cares ; Sir Jeal. (Within.) Look about ! search! find • Whilst love instructs me to avoid the spares, him out!
I'll, spite of all his Spanish caution, show Mar. Oh, the devil! there's old Crabstick • How much for love a British maid can do.' again! [Erit Mar.
SCENE IV.-SIR FRANCIS Gripe's house.
in the Temple, to settle matters just to your lik
ing. You are to give your consent to my marEnter Sir Francis and MIRANDA meeting: riage, which is to yourself you know: but, mum,
Mir. Well, Gardy, how did I perform the you must take no notice of that. So then I will, dumb scene?
that is, with your leave, put my writings into his Sir Fran. To admiration-Thou dear little hands; then, to-morrow, we come slap upon them rogue ! let me buss thee for it: nay, adad I will, with a wedding that nobody thought on, by which Chargy, so muzzle, and tuzzle, and hug thee; I will, you seize me and my estate, and I suppose make i'faith, I will.
(Hugging and kissing her. a bonfire of your own act and deed. Mir. Nay, Gardy, don't be so lavish, Who Sir Fran. Nay, but Chargy, ifwould ride post when the journey lasts for life? Mir. Nay, Gardy, no ifs- -Have I refused
Sir Fran. Ah wag, ah' wag! I'll buss thee three northern lords, two British peers, and half again for that. Oh, I'm transported! When, a score knights, to have you put in your ifs ? when, my dear, wilt thou convince the world of Sir Fran. So thou hast indeed, and I will the happy day? when shall we marry, ha? trust to thy management. 'Od, I'm all of a fire!
Mir. There's nothing wanting but your con- Mir, Tis a wonder the dry stubble does not sert, sir Francis,
(Aside. Sir Fran. My consent! what does my charmer mean?
Enter MARPLOT. Mir. Nay, 'tis only a whim; but I'll have Sir Fran. How now, who sent for you, sir? every thing according to form therefore, when What, is the bundred pound gone already? you sign an authentic paper, drawn up by an Mar. No, sir; I don't want money, now, able lawyer, that I have your leave to marry, the next day makes me yours, Gardy.
Sir Fran. No, that's a miracle ! but there's Sir Fran. Ha, ha, ha! a whim indeed! why, one thing you want I'm sure. is it not demonstration I give my leave, when I Mar. Ay, what's that? marry thee!
Sir Fran. Manners! What, had I no servants Mir. Not for your reputation, Gardy; the without ? malicious world will be apt to say you trick me
Mar. None that could do my business, guar. into marriage, and so take the merit from my dian, which is at present with this lady. choice : : now, I will have the act my own, to let Mir. With me, Mr Marplot ! what is it, I bethe idle fops see how much I prefer a man loaded seech you? with years and wisdom.
Sir Fran. Ay, sir, what is it? any thing that Sir Fran. Humph! Prithee leave out years, relates to her may be delivered to me. Chargy; I'm not so old, as thou shalt find. Adad Mar. I deny that. I'm young: there's a caper for
! [Jumps. Mir. That's more than I do, sir, Mir. Oh, never excuse it; why, I like you the Mar. Indeed, madain! Why, then, to probetter for being old—but í shall suspect you ceed: Fame says-you know best whether she don't love me, if you refuse me this formality. lies or not-that you and my most conscionable
Sir Fran. Not love thee, Chargy! Adad'I do guardian here have designed, contrived, plotted, love thee better than, than, than, better than- and agreed, to chouse a very civil, honest, honouwhat shall I say? egad better than money; i'faith rable gentleman out of a hundred pounds : GuilI do
ty or not? Mir. That's false, I'm sure. (Aside.] To prove
Mir. That I contrived it! it, do this, then.
Mar. Ay, you—you said never a word against Sir Fran. Well, I will do it, Chargy, provided it; so far you are guilty; I bring a licence at the same time.
Sir Fran. Pray tell that civil, honest, honourMir. Ay, and a parson, too, if you please. able gentleman, that if he has any more such Ha, ha, ha! I can't help laughing to think how sums to fool away, they shall be received like the all the young coxcombs about town will be mor- last; ha, ha, ha! Choused, quotha ! But hark ye, tified when they hear of our marriage !
let him know at the same time, that if he dare to Sir Fran. So they will, so they will; ha, ha, ha! report I tricked him of it, I shall recommend a
Mir. Well, I fancy I shall be so happy with lawyer to him shall shew him a trick for twice as my Gardy
much. D'ye hear? tell him that. Sir Fran. If wearing pearls and jewels, or
Mar. So, and this is the way you use a gentleeating gold, as the old saying is, can make thee man, and my
friend! happy, thou shalt be so, my sweetest, any lovely, Mir. Is the wretch thy friend? my charming, my-verily' I know not what to Mar. The wretch! look ye, madam, don't call call thee.
Dames; egad I won't take it. Mir. You must know, Gardy, that I am so Mir. Why, you won't beat me, will you? Ha, eager to have this business concluded, that I have ba! employed my woman's brother, who is a lawyer Mar. I don't know whether I will or no,