Sir Fran. Which is chiefly owing to his tailor and valet de chambre. Mar. Well! and who is your dress owing to, ha? There's a beau, ma'am-do but look at him! Sir Fran. Sirrab! Mir. And if being a beau be a proof of his being a fine gentleman, he may be so. Mar. He may be so! Why, ma'am, the judi cious part of the world allow him wit, courage, gallantry, ay, and economy, too; though I think he forfeited that character, when he flung away a hundred pounds upon your dumb ladyship. Sir Fran. Does that gall him? Ha, ha, ha! Mir. So, sir George, remaining in deep discontent, has sent you, his trusty squire, to utter his complaint. Ha, ha, ha! Mar. Yes, madam; and you, like a cruel hardhearted Jew, value it no more-than I would your ladyship, were I sir George; you, you, you- Mir. Oh, don't call names: I know you love to be employed, and I'll oblige you, and you carry him a message from me. shall Mar. According as I like it. What is it? [Clapping her hand into SIR FRANCIS'S. Mar. Oh Lord, oh Lord! she's bewitched, that's certain. Here's a husband for eighteenhere's a titbit for a young lady-here's a shape, an air, and a grace-here's bones rattling in a leathern bag-[Turning SIR FRANCIS about.]— Here's buckram and canvas to scrub you to repentance. Sir Fran, Sirrah, my cane shall teach you repentance presently. Mar. No, faith; I have felt its twin brother from just such a whithered hand too lately. Mir. One thing more; advise him to keep from the garden-gate on the left hand; for if he dare to saunter there, about the hour of eight, as he used to do, he shall be saluted with a pistol or a blunderbuss. VOL. II. Sir Fran. Oh, monstrous! Why, Chargy, did he use to come to the garden-gate? Mir. The gardener described just such another man that always watched his coming out, and fain would have bribed him for his entranceTell him he shall find a warm reception if he comes this night. Mar. Pistols and blunderbusses! Egad! a warm reception indeed! I shall take care to inform him of your kindness, and advise him to keep farther off. Mir. I hope he will understand my meaning better than to follow your advice. [Aside. Sir Fran. Thou hast signed, sealed, and taken possession of my heart for ever, Chargy, ha, ha, ha! and for you, Mr Saucebox, let me have no more of your messages, if ever you design to inherit your estate, gentleman. Mar. Why, there 'tis now. Sure I shall be out of your clutches one day--Well, Guardian, I say no more: but if you be not as arrant a cuckold as e'er drove bargain upon the exchange, or paid attendance to a court, I am the son of a whetstone; and so your humble servant. [Going. Mir. Mr Marplot, don't forget the message: ha, ha, ha, ha! Mar. Nang, nang, nang ! [Exit. Sir Fran. I am so provoked-'tis well he's gone. Mir. Oh, mind him not, Gardy, but let's sign articles, and then Sir Fran. And then--Adad I believe I am metamorphosed; my pulse beats high, and my blood boils, methinks [Kissing and hugging her. Mir. Oh, fie, Gardy! be not so violent: consider the market lasts all the year.-Well; I'll in, and see if the lawyer be come: you'll follow? [Exit. Sir Fran. Ay, to the world's end, my dear! Well, Frank, thou art a lucky fellow in thy old age, to have such a delicate morsel, and thirty thousand pounds, in love with thee. I shall be the envy of bachelors, the glory of married men, and the wonder of the town. Some guardians would be glad to compound for part of the estate at dispatching an heiress, but I engross the whole. O! mihi præteritos referet si Jupiter [Exit. annos. SCENE V.-Changes to a tavern. Discovers SIR GEORGE and CHARLES with wine before them, and WHISPER waiting. Sir Geo. Nay, prithee, don't be grave, Charles: misfortunes will happen. Ha, ha, ha! 'tis some comfort to have a companion in our sufferings. Cha. I am only apprehensive for Isabinda; her father's humour is implacable; and how far his jealousy may transport him to her undoing, shocks my soul to think. 3 X Sir Geo. But since you escaped undiscovered by him, his rage will quickly lash into a calm; never fear it. Cha. But who knows what that unlucky dog, Marplot, told him; nor can I imagine what brought him hither: that fellow is ever doing mischief; and yet, to give him his due, he never designs it. This is some blundering adventure wherein he thought to shew his friendship, as he calls it! a curse on him! Sir Geo. Then you must forgive him. What said he? Cha. Said! nay, I had more mind to cut his throat, than to hear his excuses. Enter WHISPER, with pen, ink, and paper. Mar. You'd say it was no good sign, if knew all. Sir Geo. Why, prithee! you Mar. Hark'e, sir George, let me warn you; pursue your old haunt no more; it may be dangerous. [CHARLES sits down to write. Sir Geo. My old haunt! what do you mean? Mar. Why, in short, then, since you will have it, Miranda vows, if you dare approach the garden-gate at eight o'clock, as you used, you shall meet with a warm reception. Sir Geo. A warm reception! Mar. Aye, a very warm reception-you shall be saluted with a blunderbuss, sir. These were her very words: nay, she bid me tell you so, too. Sir Geo. Ha! the garden gate at eight, as I used to do! There must be meaning in this. Is there such a gate, Charles? Mar. Is there such a gate, Charles? Cha. Yes, yes; it opens into the Park: I suppose her ladyship has made many a scamper through it. Sir Geo. It must be an assignation, then. Ha! my heart springs for joy; 'tis a propitious omen. My dear Marplot! Let me embrace thee; thou art my friend, my better angel. a Mar. What do you mean, sir George? Sir Geo. No matter what I mean. Here, take bumper to the garden-gate, you dear rogue you! Mar. You have reason to be transported, sir George; I have saved your life. Sir Geo. My life! thou hast saved my soul, man. Charles, if thou dost not pledge this Cha. Do but mark his sheepish look, sir health, may'st thou never taste the joys of love! George. Mar. Dear Charles! don't overwhelm a man already under insupportable affliction. I'm sure I always intend to serve my friends; but if my malicious stars deny the happiness, is the fault mine ? Sir Geo. Never mind him, Mr Marplot; he's eat up with spleen. But tell me, what says Miranda? Mar. Says!-nay, we are all undone there, too. Cha. I told you so; nothing prospers that he undertakes. Mar. Why, can I help her having chose your father for better for worse? Cha. So; there's another of Fortune's strokes. I suppose I shall be edged out of my estate with twins every year, let who will get them. Sir Geo. What! is the woman really possessed? Mar. Yes, with the spirit of contradiction: she railed at you most prodigiously. Sir Geo. That's no ill sign. Cha. Whisper, be sure you take care how you deliver this.-[Gives him the letter.]-Bring me the answer to my lodgings. Whis. I warrant you, sir. Mar. Whither does that letter go? Now, dare I not ask for my blood-That fellow knows more secrets than I do. [Exit WHISPER. Cha. Now I'm for you. Sir Geo. To the garden-gate at the hour of eight, Charles: along; huzza! -To the Cha. I begin to conceive you. Mar. That's more than I do, egadgarden-gate, huzza!-[Drinks.]-But, I hope, you design to keep far enough off ou't, sir George? Sir Geo. Aye, aye; never fear that; she shall see I despise her frowns; let her use the blunderbuss against the next fool; she sha'nt reach me with the smoke, I warrant her; ha, ha, ha! Mar. Ah, Charles! if you could receive a disappointment thus en cavalier, one should have some comfort in being beat for you. Cha. The fool comprehends nothing. Sir Geo. Nor would I have him. Prithee, take him along with thee. Cha. Enough. Sir Geo. I kiss both your hands——And now for the garden gate! Tis beauty gives the assignation there, [Exit SIR CHARLES. Mar. Egad, Charles' asking me to go home with him, gives me a shrewd suspicion there's more in the garden-gate than I comprehend. And love too powerful grows to admit of fear. Faith, I'll give him the drop, and away to Gar[Exit SIR GEORGE.dy's, and find it out. ACT IV. SCENE I.—The outside of SIR JEALOUS TRAFFICK's house, PAтch peeping out of the door. Enter WHISPer. Whis. HA! Mrs Patch, this is a lucky minute, to find you so readily; my master dies with impatience. Patch. My lady imagined so; and, by her orders, I have heen scouting this hour in search of you, to inform you, that sir Jealous has invited some friends to supper with him to-night, which gives an opportunity to your master to make use of his ladder of ropes. The closet window shall be open, and Isabinda ready to receive him. Bid him come immediately. Whis. Excellent! he'll not disappoint her, I warrant him. But hold, I have a letter here, which I'm to carry an answer to. I cannot think what language the direction is, Patch. Pho! 'tis no language, but a character which the lovers invented to avert discoveryHa! I hear my old master coming down stairs; it is impossible you should have an answer: away, and bid him come himself for that. gone! we're ruined, if you're seen, for he has doubled his care since the last accident, Whis. I go, I go. [Exit What answer did you bring from the gentlemen I sent you to invite? Ser. That they'd all wait on you, sir, as I told you before; but I suppose you forgot, sir? Sir Jea. Did I so, sir? but I sha'nt forget to break your head, if any of them come, sir. Ser. Come, sir! Why, did not you send me to desire their company, sir? Sir Jea. But I send you now to desire their absence. Say, I have something extraordinary fallen out, which calls me abroad, contrary to expectation, and ask their pardon; and, d'ye hear, send the butler to me. Ser. Yes, sir. [Exit. Enter Butler. Sir Jea. If this paper has a meaning, I'll find Be-it-Lay the cloth in my daughter's chamber, and bid the cook send supper thither, presently. But. Yes, sir. Hey-day! What's the matter, [Exit Butler. [Exit WHISPER. Patch. There, go thou into my pocket.-[Puts it beside, and it falls down.]—Now, I'll up the back-stairs, lest I meet him-Well, a dexterous chambermaid is the ladies' best utensil, I say. [Exit PATCH. Enter SIR JEALOUS, with a letter in his hand. Sir Jea. So, this is some comfort; this tells me that signior Don Diego Babinetto is safely arrived. He shall marry my daughter the minute he comes-Ha! What's here!--[Takes up the letter PATCH dropped.]-A letter! I don't know what to make of the superscription. I'll see what's within-side.-[Opens it.]—Humph'tis Hebrew, I think, What can this mean?There must be some trick in it, This was certainly designed for my daughter; but I don't know that she can speak any language but her mother tongue. No matter for that; this may be one of love's hieroglyphicks; and I fancy I now? Sir Jea. He wants the eyes of Argus, that has a young, handsome daughter, in this town; but my comfort is, I shall not be troubled long with her. He, that pretends to rule a girl once in her teens, had better be at sea in a storm, and in less danger. For let him do, or counsel all he can, She thinks, and dreams of nothing else, but [Exit. man. SCENE II.-ISABINDA'S chamber. Enter ISABINDA and PATCH. Isa. Are you sure nobody saw you speak to Whisper? Patch. Yes, very sure, madam; but I heard sir Jealous coming down stairs; so clapt this letter into my pocket. [Feels for the letter. Isa. A letter! give it me quickly. Patch. Bless me! What's become on't-I'm | sure I put it[Searching still. Isa. Is't possible that thou couldst be so careless? Oh, I'm undone for ever, if it be lost. Patch. I must have dropt it upon the stairs.But why are you so much alarmed? if the worst happens, nobody can read it, madam, nor find out whom it was designed for. Isa. If it falls into my father's hands, the very figure of a letter will produce ill consequences.Run, and look for it upon the stairs this moment. Patch. Nay, I'm sure it can be no where else. -[As she is going out of the door, meets the butler.]-How now, what do you want? But. My master ordered me to lay the cloth here for supper. Isa. Ruined past redemption- [Aside. do? Isa. I thought he expected company to-nightOh, poor Charles! Oh, unfortunate Isabinda! But. I thought so, too, madam; but I suppose he has altered his mind. [Aside. Patch. So, all's right again, thus far. Isa. I would not lose Patch for the worldI'll take courage a little.-[Aside.]—Is this usage for your daughter, sir? Must my virtue and conduct be suspected for every trifle? You immure me like some dire offender here, and deny me all the recreations which my sex enjoy, and the custom of the country, and modesty, allow; yet, not content with that, you make my confinement more intolerable by your mistrusts and jealouIsa. The letter is the cause. This heedlesssies. Would I were dead, so I were free from action has undone me. Fly, and fasten the closet-window, which will give Charles notice to retire. Ha! my father! oh, confusion! [Lays the cloth, and exit. Enter SIR JEALOUS. Sir Jea. Hold, hold, Patch! whither are you going? I'll have nobody stir out of the room till after supper. Patch. Sir, I was going to reach your easy chair-oh, wretched accident! Sir Jea. I'll have nobody stir out of the room. I don't want my easy chair. Isa. What will be the event of this? [Aside. Sir Jea. Hark ye, daughter, do you know this hand? Isa. As I suspected-Hand, do you call it, sir? 'tis some school-boy's scrawl. Patch. Oh, Invention! Thou chambermaid's best friend, assist me! it ? Sir Jea. Are you sure you don't understand [PATCH feels in her bosom, and shakes her this! Sir Jeal. To-morrow rids you of this tiresome load: Don Diego Babinetto will be here; and then my care ends, and his begins. Isa. Is he come, then? Oh, how shall I avoid this hated marriage! Enter servants with supper. Sir Jeal. Come, will you sit down? Patch. No, I dare swear he has given her supper enough. I wish I could get into the closet. [Aside. Sir Jeal. Well, if you cannot eat, then give me a song, whilst I do. Isa. I have such a cold I can scarce speak, sir, much less sing. How shall I prevent Charles coming in? [Aside. Sir Jeal. I hope you have the use of your fingers, madam. Play a tune upon your spinnet, whilst your woman sings me a song. Patch. I am as much out of tune as my lady, if he knew all. [Aside. Isa. I shall make excellent music. [Sits down to play. Patch. Really, sir, I am so frighted about your opening this charm, that I cannot remember one song. Sir Jeal. Pish! Hang your charm! Come, come; sing any thing. Patch. Yes, I'm likely to sing, truly.-[Aside.] -Humph, humph; bless me! I cannot raise my voice, my heart pants so. Sir Jeal. Why, what, does your heart pant so, that you cannot play, neither? Pray, what key Patch. Yes, sir, it is a charm for the tooth- are you in, ha? Sir Jeal. Why don't you sing, I say? Patch. When madam has put her spinnet in tune, sir; humph, humph Isa. I cannot play, sir, whatever ails me. [Rising. Sir Jeal. Zounds! sit down and play me a tune, or I'll break the spinnet about your ears. Isa. What will become of me? [Sits down and plays. [TO PATCH. [Sings, but horribly out of tune. Sir Jeal. Hey, hey! Why, you are a-top of the house, and you are down in the cellar? what is the meaning of this? is it on purpose to cross me, ha? Sir Jeal. Come, mistress." Patch. Pray, madam, take it a little lower; I cannot reach that note-nor any note I fear. Isa. Well, begin-Oh, Patch, we shall be discovered. Patch. I sink with apprehension, madamHumph, humph-[Sings.] [CHARLES opens the closet door. Cha. Music and singing! 'Tis thus the bright celestial court above Beguiles the hours with music and with love. Death! her father there!-[The women shriek.] -Then I must fly- [Exit into the closet. [SIR JEALOUS rises up hastily, seeing CHA. slip back into the closet. Sir Jeal. Hell and furies! A man in the closet! Patch. Ah! a ghost! a ghost!-He must not enter the closet-[ISABINDA throws herself down before the closet door, as in a swoon.] Sir Jeal. The devil! I'll make a ghost of you, I warrant you. [Strives to get by. Patch. Oh, hold, sir! have a care; you'll tread upon my lady-Who waits there? Bring some water. Oh! this comes of your opening the charm. Oh, oh, oh, oh ! [Weeps aloud. Sir Jeal. I'll charm you, housewife. Here lies the charm that conjured this fellow in, I'm sure on't. Come out, you rascal, do so. Zounds! take her from the door, or I'll spurn her from it, and break your neck down stairs. Isa. He's gone; I heard him leap down. [Aside to PATCH. Patch. Nay, then, let him enter-Here, here, madam, smell to this; come, give me your hand; come nearer to the window; the air will do you good. Sir Jeal. I would she were in her grave.Where are you, sirrah? Villain! robber of my honour! I'll pull you out of your nest. [Goes into the closet. Patch. You'll be mistaken, old gentleman; the bird is flown. Isa. I'm glad I have escaped so well; I was almost dead in earnest with the fright. Re-enter SIR JEALOUS out of the closet. Sir Jeal. Whoever the dog were, he has escaped out of the window, for the sash is up: but, though he is got out of my reach, you are not.— And first, Mrs Pander, with your charms for the tooth-ache, get out of my house! go, troop! yet hold-stay-I'll see you out of my doors myself; but I'll secure your charge, ere I go. Isa. What do you mean, sir? Was she not a creature of your own providing? Sir Jeal. She was of the devil's providing, for aught I know. Patch. What have I done, sir, to merit your displeasure? Sir Jeal. I don't know which of you have done it, but you shall both suffer for it, till I can discover whose guilt it is. Go, get in there; I'll move you from this side of the house.-[Pushes ISABINDA in at the door, and locks it, puts the key in his pocket I'll keep the key myself; I'll try what ghost can get into that room: and now, forsooth, I'll wait on you down stairs. Patch. Ah, my poor lady! Down stairs, sir! But I won't go out, sir, till I have locked up my clothes. Sir Jeal. If thou wert as naked as thou wert born, thou shouldst not stay to put on a smock. Come along, I say. When your mistress is married, you shall have your rags, and every thing that belongs to you; but, till then- [Exit, pulling her out. Patch. Oh, barbarous usage for nothing! Re-enter at the lower end. Sir Jeal. There, go, and come no more within sight of my habitation these three days, I charge you. [Slaps the door after her. Patch. Did ever any body see such an old monster! Enter CHARLES. Oh, Mr Charles! Your affairs and mine are in an ill posture. Cha. I am inured to the frowns of fortune; but what has befallen thee? Patch. Sir Jealous, whose suspicious nature is always on the watch, nay, even while one eye sleeps, the other keeps centinel, upon sight of you, flew into such a violent passion, that I could find no stratagem to appease him; but, in spite of all arguments, he locked his daughter into his own apartment, and turned me out of doors. Cha. Ha! oh Isabinda! Patch. And swears she shall see neither sun nor moon, till she is Don Diego Babinetto's wife, who arrived last night, and is expected with impatience. Cha. He dies; yes, by all the wrongs of love, |