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why [Smiling.] as to the matter of three hundred pound

Enter FURNISH, with a band-box. Fur. Your ladyship's things from the milliner's. Sir Bash. Death and fury, this woman has ●verheard me! Three hundred pounds, madam ! [In a violent passion.] let me tell you that three hundred pounds—what right have you to shove away three hundred pounds?

Lady Con. Why does the man fly out into such a passion?

Sir Bash. I will allow no such doings in my house. Don't I often come when my hall is besieged with a parcel of powder-monkey servants? And did not I the other day, before I could get into my own doors, entangle myself among the chairmen's poles, and was not I confined there, like a man in the stocks?

Lady Con. Why would you be so awkward? Sir Bash. An eternal scene of routs and drums. Have not I seen you put a fee-simple of a score of my best acres upon a single card? And have not I muttered to myself, if that woman was as much in love with me as she is with Pam, what an excellent wife she would make!

Lady Con. Pam is very obliging. Why won't you strive to be as agreeable?

Sir Bash. 'Sdeath, madam, you are so fond of play, that I should not wonder to see my next child marked on the forehead with a pair of royal

aces.

Fur. I am sure you deserve to be marked on the forehead with a pair of Sir Bash. Malapert hussy! do you meddle? Begone this moment! [Exit FURNISH. Lady Con. Fy upon it, sir Bashful! I am tired of blushing for you.

Sir Bash. I am afraid I have gone too far: she is ashamed of me. [Aside.

Lady Con. You agreed to a separation the other day, and there remains nothing but to execute articles, and make an end of all this disquiet.

Sir Bash. A separate maintenance will go but a little way to answer the bawling of milliners, mercers, jewellers, and gaming debts.

Lady Con. It will purchase content; and nothing can obtain that under your roof.

Sir Bash. [Aside.] I have shot my bolt too far -I fancy, my lady Constant, that you don't know

me.

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Sir Bash. The authority of a husband I never will give up.

Lady Con. A storm, a whirlwind is fitter to converse with.

Sir Bash. I will storm like a whirlwind in my own house. I have done, madam: you are an ungovernable woman-[Aside, and smiling.] she is a charming woman; and if nobody saw it, I would let her govern me with all my heart. [Exit SIR BASHFUL. Lady Con. Did any body ever see such behaviour?

Fur. Never; and how your ladyship bears it, I can't tell.

Lady Con. That it should be my fate to be married to such a quicksand! What does Mrs Lovemore say?

Fur. If your ladyship will be at home, she intends to do herself the pleasure of waiting upon you, madam.

Lady Con. Very well; I shall be at home. Upon recollection, I want to see her. Let the servant wait: I'll write an answer.

[Exit LADY CONSTANT.

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Sir Bash. Give her her due, I am nothing to her. 1 thought I had her fast; but she went round me quick as lightning: and would you be lieve it? [Looks highly pleased.] She did not leave me a word to say.

We might explain matters, and-'sdeath! [Aside.] I am going to blab-I say, madam, if you understand me rightly- —as to the authority of a husband, I might, perhaps, be brought to Love. Well! that was hard upon you. give it up, in part at least; and if nobody was Sir Bash. No, not hard at all. Those little the wiser, I might connive-Po! confusion! in-victories I don't mind. You know I told you I terrupted again by thathad something for your private ear. observed nothing odd and singular in me? Love. Not in the least. In the whole circle

Enter FURNISH.

Have you

Fur. A servant from Mrs Lovemore, madam, of my acquaintance, I know nobody so little tinto know

ged with oddity.

Sir Bash. What, have you seen nothing?[Laughs.] Have you remarked nothing particular in regard to my wife?

Love. Why, you don't live happy with her: but that is not a singular case.

Sir Bash. But I tell you-this must be in confidence- -I am, at the bottom, a very odd fellow.

Love. You do yourself injustice, Sir Bashful. Sir Bash. No, not in the least. It is too true -I am in the main a very odd fellow; I am indeed; as odd a fish as lives; and you must have seen it before now.

Love. I see it! I am not apt to spy defects in my friends. What can this be? You are not jealous, I hope?

Sir Bash. You have not hit the right nail on the head. No, not jealous. Do her justice, I am safe as to that point. My lady has high notions of honour. No, it is not that.

Love. Not a ray of light to guide me : explain, sir Bashful.

Sir Bash. [Smiling at him.] You could never have imagined it. But, first, let me shut this door. Love. What whim has got possession of him now?

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once, my inclinations are totally changed-no, not changed, but they are not what they seemed to be. Love is the passion that possesses meI am in love, and-[Turns from him.] and I am ashamed of myself!

Love. Ashamed! love is a noble passion: but don't let me hear any more about it. Lady Constant will discover all, and then the blame will fall on me. If your heart revolts from her, don't let me be thought in league with you.You need not involve me in a quarrel with her ladyship.

Sir Bash. You don't take me right. You are wide, quite wide of the mark. Hear me out. Love. No, no more. You must excuse me. Sir Bash. You shall hear me. The object of my passion, this charming woman, whom I dote on to distraction

Love. Your pardon; I won't hear it-[Walks away from him.] When her ladyship hears of his gallantry, the devil is in the dice, if the spirit of revenge does not mould her to my purposes. Sir Bash. [Following LOVEMORE.] I say, Mr Lovemore, this adorable creatureLove. Keep your secret, sir Bashful,

Sir Bash. Mr Lovemore, I have great dependence upon you. I am going to make a disco-ly very. I blush at the very thought of it! [Turns away. Love. Be a man, sir Bashful; out with it at once; let me advise you.

Sir Bash. The very thing I want. The affair is-but then if he should betray me! Mr Lovemore, I doubt you, and yet esteem you. Some men there are, who, when a confidence is reposed in them, take occasion, from thence, to hold a hank over their friend, and tyrannize him all the rest of his days.

Love. O fy! this is ungenerous. True friendship is of another quality: it feels from sympathy; honour is the active principle; and the strictest secrecy is an inviolable rule.

Sir Bash. Mr Lovemore, I have no further doubt-stay; did not you hear a noise? Don't I see a shadow moving under the bottom of that door ? [Goes to the door. Love. What has got into his head ? Sir Bash. [Looking out.] Servants have a way of listening.

Love. Rank jealousy! he has it through the very brain.

Sir Bash. No, no; all's safe. Mr Lovemore, I will make you the depositary, the faithful depositary of a secret: let it pass from the bottom of my heart to the inmost recess of yours: there let it rest, concealed from every prying eye. My inclination-There! I see a laugh already forming in every feature of your face.

Love. Then, my face is no true index of my mind. Were you to know the agitations in which you keep me by this suspense

Sir Bash. I believe it. To make an end at

[Avoiding him.] Sir Bash. [Following him.] Who looks so lovein my eyes

Love. Well; I don't desire to know her.
Sir Bash. You do know her. [Following him.]
This idol of my heart-is my own wife.

Love. [Stares at him.] Your own wife?
Sir Bash. Yes, my own wife. [Looks silly, and
turns away.] 'Tis all over with me: I am un-
done!

Love. This is the most unexpected discovery! Sir Bash. Look ye there now! he laughs at me_already.

Love. Aside.] His wife must not know this. The grass is cut under my feet, if she ever hears a word of it.

Sir Bash. [Aside.] He is struck with amazement, and does not say a word to me.

Love. [Aside.] I must not encourage him.And can this be possible, sir Bashful? In love with your own wife ?

I
Sir Bash. Spare my confusion! I have made
myself very ridiculous. [Looks at him, and turns
away.] I know I have.

Love. Ridiculous! Far from it. Can it be wrong to love a valuable woman? Not to feel the impressions of beauty and of merit were downright insensibility; but then we should always admire with discretion. The folly of us married men consists in letting our wives perceive the vehemence with which we love; and the consequence is, we are enslaved for the rest of our lives. I could trust you with a secret, which, perhaps, would keep you in countenance. Could you imagine it? I love my wife.

Sir Bash. How?

Love. I am in love with my wife.

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Sir Bash. Give me your hand. Ha! ha! I did not expect this. This is some relief. Ha! ha! you have made me happy. And have you led the life you have done all this time, on purpose to conceal your regard from her?

Love. For that very purpose. I esteem her; I love her; but I would not have her know it. Sir Bash. No!

Love. Upon no consideration; nor would I have the world know it.

Sir Bash. Perfectly right.

Love. To be sure. Tell your wife that you esteem her good qualities, and admire her person, she cries, Victoria, falls to plundering, and then you must either break her chain, or wear it in the face of the world, a laughing-stock for all your acquaintance.

Sir Bash. That is what I have always been afraid of.

Love. Not without reason. The world delights in ridicule. Do you know, if our secrets were to transpire, that we should have nothing but wit, and raillery, and fleers, and taunts, flying about our ears?

Sir Bash. But I have taken good care. I have quarrelled with my lady ten times a-day, on purpose to cloak the affair, and prevent all suspi

cion.

Love. Admirable! I commend your prudence. Besides, my lady Constant, you know, has some youthful vigour about her; a graceful person, and an eye that inflames desire; and desire at your time of life, you know—

Sir Bash. Po! it is not for that; that is nothing. I wear admirably well, Mr Lovemore. Love. Do you?

Sir Bash. As young as ever: but I don't let her know it.

Love. Well! if you are discreet in that point, you are a very Machiavel!

Sir Bash. Yes, yes; I fight cunning. [Laughs. Love. Let nothing betray you. Be upon your guard: that is my own plan exactly. You want no advice from me.

Sir Bash. Pardon me: you can assist me.My dear brother sufferer, give me your hand. We can, in a sly way, be of great use to each other.

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figure there. I could shew her in any company in England: I wish she could say the same of

me.

Love. Why, truly, I wish she could.

Sir Bash. But that's out of the question. Now, if you will come into my scheme-It must be a deep secret-How? Is that Sir Brilliant's voice?

Enter SIR BRILLIANT.

Sir Bril. Sir Bashful, you see what attraction you have. Lovemore, I did not expect to see you here.

Love. Nor did I expect you, Sir Brilliant.

sit

[Aside. Sir Bash. Confusion!-This unseasonable vi[Aside: Sir Bril. And your lady, is she at home, Sir Bashful?

Sir Bash. Her own people keep that account, sir: I know nothing of her.

Sir Bril. Nay, never talk slightingly of a lady, who possesses so many elegant accomplishments. She has spirit, sense, wit, and beauty.

Sir Bash. Spirit, sense, wit, and beauty! she has them all, sure enough.-Sir, I am no sworn appraiser, to take an inventory of her effects.— [Aside.] Hey, Lovemore!

[Looks at him, and laughs. Love. [To SIR BASHFUL.] Vastly well. Sir Bril. Is her ladyship visible this morning? Sir Bash. Whether she is visible, or not, is no business of mine; but I know she is unintelligible this morning, and incomprehensible this morning. She has the vapours; but your conversation, I suppose, will brighten her up for the rest of the day.

Sir Bril. Why, as it happens, I have the rarest piece of news to communicate to her! Lovemore, you know sir Amorous la Fool?

Love. He that was sheriff the other day? Came up with an address, and got himself knighted?

Sir Bril. The same. He declared he would live with his friends upon the same familiar footing as before, and his new dignities should make no alteration.

Sir Bash. I have seen the knight. What of him?

Sir Bril. Poor devil! he is in such a scrape! Sir Bash. What's the matter? Bubbled at play, I suppose?

Sir Bril. Worse, much worse.

Love. He has been blackballed at one of the clubs?

Sir Bash. Or run through the body in a duel? Sir Bril. Why, that's a scrape indeed: but it is not that.

Sir Bash. What then?

Sir Bril. So unfortunate a discovery; he is fallen in love-I cannot help laughing at him.

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Love. Po! fallen in love with some coquette, who plays off her airs, and makes a jest of him.

Sir Bash. A young actress, may be, or an opera singer?

Sir Bril. No; you will never guess. Sir Bashful-like a silly devil, he is fallen in love with his own wife.

Sir Bash. Fallen in love with his own wife! [Stares at him.

Sir Bril. Yes; he has made up all quarrels ; his jealousy is at an end; and he is to be upon his good behaviour for the rest of his life. Could you expect this, Lovemore?

Love. No, sir; neither I, nor my friend, sir Bashful, expected this.

Sir Bash. It is a stroke of surprise to me.

[Looking uneasy. Sir Bril. I heard it at my lady Betty Scandal's; and we had such a laugh! the whole company were in astonishment: whist stood still, quadrille laid down the cards, and brag was in in suspense. Poor sir Amorous! it is very ridiculous; is not it, sir Bashful?

Sir Bash. Very ridiculous, indeed.-[Aside.] My own case, exactly, and my friend Lovemore's,

too.

Sir Bril. The man is lost, undone, ruined, dead, and buried.

Love. [Laughing.] He will never be able to shew his face after this discovery.

Sir Bril. Oh, never, 'tis all over with him. Sir Bashful, this does not divert you; you don't enjoy it.

Sir Bash. Who, I?-I-I-nothing can be more pleasant, and-I-laugh as heartily as I possibly can. [Forcing a laugh. Sir Bril. Lovemore, you remember Sir Amorous used to strut, and talk big, and truly he did not care a pinch of snuff for his wife, not he! pretended to be as much at ease as sir Bashful about his lady, and as much his own master as you yourself, or any man of pleasure about town.

Love. I remember him: But as to sir Bashful and myself, we know the world; we understand

life.

Sir Bash. So we do; the world will never have such a story of us. Will they, Lovemore? Love. Oh! we are free; we are out of the scrape.

Sir Bril. Sir Amorous la Fool will be a proverb. Adieu, for him, the side-box whisper, the soft assignation, and all the joys of freedom! He is retired with his Penelope to love one another in the country; and next winter they will come to town to hate one another.

Sir Bash. Do you think it will end so?

Sir Bril. No doubt of it. That is always the denouement of modern matrimony. But I have not told you the worst of his case. Our friend, şir Charles Wildfire, you know, was writing a co

medy; and what do you think he has done? He has drawn the character of sir Amorous, and made him the hero of the play.

Sir Bash. What! put him into a comedy? Sir Bril. Even so. It is called, 'The Amorous Husband; or, The Man in Love with his own wife.' Oh! oh! oh! oh!

Love. We must send in time for places.
[Laughs with SIR BRILLIANT.
Sir Bash. Lovemore carries it with an air.

[Aside. Sir Bril. Yes, we must secure places. Sir Bashful, you shall be of the party.

mour.

Sir Bash. The party will be very agreeable. I shall enjoy the joke prodigiously! Ha! ha! [Forces a laugh. Love. Yes, sir Bashful, we shall relish the hu[Looks at him, and laughs. Sir Bril. The play will have a run: the people of fashion will crowd after such a character. I must drive to a million of places, and put it about; but first, with your leave, sir Bashful, I will take the liberty to give a hint of the affair to your lady. It will appear so ridiculous to her.

Sir Bash. Do you think it will?

Sir Bril. Without doubt: she has never met with any thing like it: has she, Lovemore? Love. I fancy not: Sir Bashful, you take care of that.

Sir Bash. Yes, yes: I shall never be the towntalk.-Hey, Lovemore!

Sir Bril. Well, I'll step and pay my respects to my lady Constant. Poor sir Amorous! he will have his horns added to his coat of arms in a little time. Ha! ha! [Exit.

Sir Bash. There, you see how it is. I shall get lampooned, be-rhymed, and niched into a comedy.

Love. Po never be frightened at this. Nobody knows of your weakness but myself; and I can't betray your secret for my own sake. Sir Bash. Very true.

Love. This discovery shews the necessity of concealing our loves. We must act with caution. Give my lady no reason to suspect that you have the least kindness for her.

Sir Bash. Not for the world.
Love. Keep to that.

Sir Bash. I have done her a thousand kindnesses, but all by stealth; all in a sly way. Love. Have you?

Sir Bash. Oh! a multitude. I'll tell you. She has been plaguing me a long time for an addition to her jewels. She wants a diamond cross, and a better pair of diamond buckles. Madam, says I, I will have no such trumpery; but then goes I, and bespeaks them of the first jeweller in town-all under the rose. The buckles are finished: worth five hundred! She will have them this very day, without knowing from what quarter they come I can't but laugh at the contri

Enter SIR BRILLIANT.

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Sir Bash. Give me your hand. [Looks at him, and laughs.] I am safe, I think?

Sir Bril. Sir Bashful, how have you managed this?

Sir Bash. I have no art, no management. What's the matter?

Sir Bril. I don't know what you have done, but your lady laughs till she is ready to expire at what I have been telling her.

Sir Bash. And she thinks sir Amorous la Fool an object of ridicule?

Sir Bril. She does not give credit to a single syllable of the story. A man that loves his wife would be a Phoenix indeed! Such a thing might

Love. [Laughing with him.] Perfectly safe-exist formerly, but, in this polished age, is no [Aside.] if it was not for his own folly, where to be found. That's her opinion of the matter.

Sir Bash. But I was telling you, Mr Lovemore:-we can be of essential use to each other. Love. As how, pray?

Sir Bash. Why, my lady is often in want of money. It would be ridiculous in me to supply her. Now, if you will take the money from me, and pretend to lend it to her, out of friendship, you know

Love. Nothing can be better-[Aside.] Here is a fellow pimping for his own horns.I shall be glad to serve you.

Sir Bash. I am for ever obliged to you-here, here; take it now-here it is in bank-notesone, two, three; there is three hundred-give her that, and tell her you have more at her service to-morrow, or next day, if her occasions require it.

Love. My good friend, to oblige you. [Takes the money.] This is the rarest adventure!

Sir Bash. I'll do any thing for you in return. Love. I shall have occasion for your friendship that is, to forgive me, if you find me out. [Aside.

Sir Bash. Lose no time; step to her nowhold, hold; sir Brilliant is with her.

Love. I can dismiss him. Rely upon my friendship: I will make her ladyship easy for

you.

Sir Bash. It will be kind of you.

Love. It shall be her own fault if I don't. Sir Bash. A thousand thanks to you—well, is not this the rarest project?

Love. It is the newest way of satisfying a man's wife!

Sir Bash. [Laughs.] A whimsical notion of hers! and so she thinks you may go about with a lanthorn to find a man that sets any value upon his wife?

Sir Bril. You have managed to convince her of it. How the devil do you contrive to govern so fine a woman? I know several, without her pretensions, who have long ago thrown off all restraint. You keep up your dignity.

Sir Bash. Yes, I know what I am about.

Sir Bril. You!—you are quite in the fashion. -Apropos; I fancy I shall want you to afford me your assistance. You know my lady Charlotte Modelove? She has a taste for the theatre: at Bell-Grove Place she has an elegant stage, where her select friends amuse themselves now and then with a representation of certain comic pieces. We shall there act the new comedy; but we apprehend some difficulty in the arrangement of the several characters. Now, you shall act sir Amorous, and

Sir Bush. I act, sir !—I know nothing of the character.

Sir Bril. Po! say nothing of that. In time you may reach the ridiculous absurdity of it, and play it as well as another.

Sir Bash. [Aside.] Confusion! he does not suspect, I hope-divert yourselves, sir, as you may; but not at my expence I promise you.

Sir Bril. Never be so abrupt. Who knows but lady Constant may be the happy wife, the Cara Sposa of the piece! and then, you in love with her, and she laughing at you for it, will give a zest to the humour, which every body will re

Sir Bash. Ay! let this head of mine alone.
Love. [Aside.] Not, if I can help it. Hush!lish in the most exquisite degree.

I hear sir Brilliant; he is coming down stairs.

Sir Bash. Po! this is too much. You are

I'll take this opportunity, and step to her lady-very pleasant, but you won't easily get me to play ship now.

Sir Bush. Do so, do so.

Love. I am gone. [Aside.] Who can blame me now, if I cuckold this fellow?

[Erit.

the fool.

Sir Bril. Well, consider of it. I shall be delighted to see my friend sir Bashful tied to his wife's apronstring, and, with a languishing look, Sir Bash. Prosper you, prosper you, Mr Love-melting away in admiration of her charms. Oh, ho, ho, ho!-adieu; a l'honneur; good morning, sir Bashful. [Exit.

more. Make me thankful! he is a true friend. I don't know what I should do without him.

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