Sir Bash. If you never gave me cause, madam Lady Con. Oh! for mercy's sake, truce with altercation. I am tired out with the eternal violence of your temper. Those frequent starts of passion hurry me out of my senses: and those unaccountable whims, that hold such constant possession of you Sir Bash. Whims, madam?-Not to comply with you in every thing, is a whim, truly! Must I yield to the exorbitant demands of your extravagance? When you laid close siege to me for diamond baubles, and I know not what, was that a whim of mine? Did I take that fancy into my head without cause, and without sufficient foundation? Side. I thought your honour called. Sir Bash. [Aside.]-A thought comes across me; I'll write her a letter. Yes, yes, a letter will do the business. Sideboard, draw that table this way-Reach me a chair. Side. There, your honour. Sir Bash. Do you stay while I write a letter. You shall carry it for me. [Sits down to write. Sir Bash. [Writing.] This will surprise her. Warm, passionate, and tender! and yet it does not come up to what I feel. Lady Con. Well, we have exhausted the sub- Side. What is he at ?--I may as well read the ject. Have not you told me a thousand times, news-paper. [Takes it out of his pocket.] What, that there is no living with me? I agree to it. in the name of wonder, is all this?-Ha, ha! And have not I returned the compliment? We│|[Bursts into a loud laugh.] I never heard the have nothing new to say; and now, all that re- like of this before. Oh, ho, ho, ho ! mains, is to let the lawyer reduce to writing our Sir Bash. What does the scoundrel mean? mutual opinions, and so we may part with the [Stares at him. pleasure of giving each other a most woful cha- Side. Ha, ha ha! I can't help laughing. Sir Bash. Does the villain suspect me? [ Rises. ] Hark ye, sirrah, if ever I find that you dare listen at any door in my house racter. Sir Bash. [Aside.] The buckles have had no effect. Stubborn! she has received them, and won't own it. Lady Con. A dash of your pen, sir, at the Lady Con. That is very odd. for play would control your passion ' you. Lady Com. Quite threadbare ! Sir Bash. I have still a regard for Lady Con. Worn-out to frippery!-I can't hear any more. The law will dress it up in new language for us, and that will end our differences. [Erit. Sir Bash. [Alone.] I must unburthen my heart: there is no time to be lost. I love her; I admire her; she inflames my tenderest passions, and | raises such a conflict here in my very heart, I cannot any longer conceal the secret from her. I'll go and tell her all this moment.-But then, that meddling fiend, her maid, will be there: po! I can turn her out of the room: but then, the jade will suspect something. Her ladyship may be alone: I'll send to know where she is. Who is there? Sideboard Side. Sir! Sir Bash. Confess the truth: have not you been listening to my conversation with Mr Lovemore this morning | Side. A foolish thing in the newspaper, sir, that's all. I'll read it to your honour. [Reads.] We hear that a new comedy is now in rehearsal, and will speedily be performed, entitled, "The Amorous Husband; or, The Man in Love with his own Wife.' Sir Bash And what do you see to laugh at? Side. See, sir? I have lived in a great many families, and never heard of the like before. -I Sir Bash. [Aside.] There, there, there!shall be the butt of my own servants. Sirrah, leave the room. And let me never hear that you have the trick of listening in my house. Side. No, sir-The Man in love with his own Wife! [Exit laughing. Sir Bash. What does the varlet mean?-No matter-I have finished my letter, and it shall be sent this moment. -But then, if I should get into a comedy? Po! no more scruples. I'll seal it directly-Sideboard- Enter SIDEBOARD. Sir Bash. [Sealing the letter.] I have opened my heart to her. What do you bring your hat and stick for? Side. To go out with your honour's letter. Sir Bash. You have not far to go. Take this, and let nobody see you. Side. Very well, sir. Does he think to manage his own intrigues? If he takes my commission out of my hands, I shall give him warning. The vices of our masters are all the vails a poor servant has left. [Exit. Sir Bash. What must be done? Mr Lovemore could conduct this business for me. He is a man of address, and knows all the approaches to a woman's heart. That fellow Sideboard coming again? No, no; this is lucky. Mr Lovemore, I am glad to see you. Enter LOVEMore. Love. A second visit, you see, in one day; entirely on the score of friendship. Sir Bash. And I thank you for it; heartily thank you. Love. I broke away from the company at the St Alban's, on purpose to attend you. Well, I have made your lady easier in her mind, have not I? Sir Bash. We don't hit it at all, Mr Lovemore? Love. No! Sir Bash. I think she has been rather worse since you spoke to her. Love. A good symptom that. [Aside. Sir Bash. She has received the diamond buckles. They were delivered to her maid, sealed up, and the man never staid to be asked a question. I saw them in her own hand; but not a syllable escaped her. She was not in the least softened; obstinate as a mule ! Love. The manner of conveying your presents was not well judged. Why did you not make me the bearer? Sir Bash. I wish I had. She talks of parting; and so, to avoid coming to extremities, I have even thought of telling her the whole truth at once. Love. How? Acquaint her with your passion? Sir Bash. Ay, and trust to her honour. I could not venture to speak; I should blush, and faulter, and look silly; and so I have writ a letter to her. Here it is, signed and sealed, but not directed. I got into a puzzle about that. Servants, you know, are always putting their own construction upon things. Love. No doubt: and then your secret flies all over the town. Sir Bash. That's what alarmed me. You shall write the superscription, and send it to her. Love. No; that won't do. Give her a letter under your hand! I'll speak to her for you: let me try how her pulse beats. Sir Bash. But a letter may draw an answer from her, and then you know-[Smiling at him.] -I shall have it under her hand. Love. I don't like this hurry: we had better take time to consider of it. Sir Bash. No: I cannot defer the business of my heart a single moment. It burns like a fever here. Sit down, and write the direction; I'll step and send the servant. He shall carry it, as if it were a letter from yourself. Enter SIDEBOARD. Side. Sir Brilliant Fashion is below, sir. Love. What brings him? He will only interrupt us. Go, and talk to him, sir Bashful; hear what he has to say; amuse him; any thing, rather than let him come up. Sir Bash. I am gone: he shan't molest you. [Exit with SIDEBOARD. Love. Fly! make haste; and don't let him know that I am here. A lucky accident this! I have gained time by it. All matters were in a right train, and he himself levelling the road for me, and now this letter blows me up into the air at once. Some unlucky planet rules to-day.— First, the widow Belimour; a hair-breadth escape had of it, and now almost ruined here! What, in the name of wonder, has he writ to her? Friendship and wafer, by your leave. But, will that be delicate? Po! honour has always a great deal to preach upon these occasions; but then, the business of my love! Very true; the passions need but say a word, and their business is done. [Opens the letter, and reads.]—This must never reach her. I'll write a letter from myself.[Sits down, writes, and starts up.]—I hear him coming: no; all's safe.-[Writes.]-This will do: vastly well. Her husband's inhumanity! Ay, mention that. The diamonds may be a present from me yes, I'll venture it-There, there; that will do-Long adored-ay-sweetest revenge.-Ay-eternal admirer-Lovemore. Now, now, let me see it. Admirable! this will do the business. [Seals the letter. Sir Bash. Charming!-Take it up stairs directly. Side. Up stairs, sir? My lady is in the next room. Sir Bash. Take it to her; make haste; begone! [Exit SIDEBOARD.] I hope this will succeed: I shall be for ever obliged to you, and so will her ladyship. Love. I hope she will, and I shall be proud to serve her. Sir Bush. You are very good. She won't prove ungrateful, I dare answer for her. I should like to see how she receives the letter. The door is conveniently open. I will have a peep. Ay, there; there she sits. Love. Where, sir Bashful? Sir Bash. Hush! no noise. There, do you see her? She has the letter in her hand-This is a critical moment: I am all over in a tremble. Love. Silence! not a word. She opens it.[Aside.] Now, my dear Cupid, befriend me now, and vour altar shall smoke with incense. Sir Bash. She colours. Love. I take it more to heart than you are aware of. Sir Bash. This is mortifying; enough to make one ashamed all the rest of one's life. Love. I did not expect this sullen ill-humour. Sir Bash. Did you ever know so obstinate, so uncomplying a temper? Enter SIR BRILLIANT. Sir Bril. Sir Bashful, I forgot to tell youLove. He again! he haunts me up and down, as Vice did the devil, with a dagger of lath, in the old comedy. [Aside. Sir Bril. Hey! what's the matter? You seem both out of humour: what does this mean? Have you quarrelled? Sir Bash. No, sir, no quarrel:-Why would my booby servant let him in again? [Aside. Sir Bril. Strike me stupid, but you look very queer upon it! Lovemore is borrowing money, I suppose. Sir Bashful is driving a hard bargain, and you can't agree about the premium. Sir Bashful, let my friend Lovemore have the mo Love. I like that rising blush: a soft and ten- ney. der token. Sir Bash. She turns pale. Love. The natural working of the passions. Sir Bash. And now she reddens again. What is she at now? There, she has torn the letter in two: I am a lost, an undʊne man! [Walks away. Love. She has flung it away with indignation: I am undone, too. [Aside, and walks away from the door. Sir Bash. Mr Lovemore, you see what it is all come to. Love. I am sorry to see so haughty a spirit. make such a return to so kind a letter! Sir Bash. Did you ever see such an insolent scorn? Love. I never was so disappointed in all my life. Sir Bash. A letter full of the tendercst protestations! Love. Yes; an unreserved declaration of love! Sir Bash. Made with the greatest frankness; throwing myself at her very feet. Love. Did she once smile? was there the faintest gleam of approbation in her countenance? Sir Bash. She repaid it all with scorn, with pride, contempt, and insolence. I cannot bear this; despised, spurned, and treated like a puppy. Love. There it stings-like a puppy, indeed! Sir Bash. Is there a thing in nature so mortifying to the pride of man, as to find one's self rejected and despised by a fine woman, who is conscious of her power, and triumphs in her cruelty? Love. It is the most damnable circumstance! Sir Bash. My dear Mr Lovemore, I am obliged to you for taking this matter so much to heart. Sir Bash. Money!-what does he mean? Sir Bril. Both out of humour, I see: well, as you will. You have no reason to be in harmony with yourselves; my stars shine with a kinder aspect. Here, here, behold a treasury of love! I came back on purpose to shew it to you. [Takes a shagreen case out of his pocket.] See what a present I have received; a magnificent pair of diamond buckles, by all that's amiable! Love. How? Sir Bash. [Walking up to him.] A pair of diamond buckles! Sir Bril. How such a present should be sent to me, is more than I can explain at present. Perhaps my friend, Lovemore, gained some intelligence in the quarter where I surprised him to-day, on a visit which I little suspected. Love. That was to serve you: I know nothing of this business. Sir Bril. The pain in your side, I hope, is bet ter? Love. Po! this is only to distract your attention, sir Bashful. And was this a pre Sir Bash. So I suppose. sent to you? Sir Bril. A present, sir. The consequence of having some tolerable phrase, a person, and a due degree of attention to the service of the ladies. Don't you envy me, sir Bashful? Sir Bash. I can't but say I do. [Turns to LOVEMORE. My buckles, by all that's false in woman! Love. Take no notice. [Walks aside.] Has he supplanted me here, too, as well as with the widow? Sir Bril. What's the matter with you both?— Burning with envy! Sir Bush, And I suppose an elegant epistle, or a well-penned billet-doux, accompanied this token of the lady's affection? Sir Bril. That would have been an agreeable addition, but it is still to come. Too many favours at once might overwhelm a body. A country-looking fellow, as my people tell me, left this, curiously sealed up, at my house: he would not say from whence it came: I should know that in time, was all they could get from him; and I am now panting to learn from whence this mighty success has attended me. Sir Bashful, I came, saw, and conquered. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Sir Bash. But may not this be from some lady, who imagines that you sent it, and therefore chuses to reject your present? Sir Bril. Oh, no; that cannot be the case. A little knowledge of the world would soon convince you, that ladies do not usually reject presents from the man who has the good fortune to please by his manner, his taste for dress, and a certain je ne sçai quoi in his person and conversation. Sir Bash. So I believe. [Walks aside.] What say you to this, Mr Lovemore? Love. She would not have torn a letter from him. Sir Bril. No, sir Bashful; a present from me would not have been returned back upon my hands. Sir Bash. I dare say not. [To Love.] I suppose she will give him my three hundred pounds into the bargain. Love. After this, I shall wonder at nothing. Sir Bril. What mortified countenances they both put on! [Looks at them, and laughs. Sir Bash. [Walking up to SIR BRIL.] And I suppose you expect to have this lady? Sir Bril. No doubt of it. This is the forerunner, I think. Hey, Lovemore?-Sir Bashful, this it is to be in luck. Ha, ha! [Laughs at them both. Love, and Sir Bush. [Both forcing a laugh.] Ha, ha! Sir Bril. You both seem strangely piqued.Lovemore, what makes you so uneasy? Love. You flatter yourself, and you wrong me— I-I[Walks arcay. Sir Bash. He is a true friend: he is uneasy on my account. [Aside, and looking at LovE. Sir Bril. And, sir Bashful, something has dashed your spirits. Do you repine at my success? Sir Bash. I can't but say I do, sir. Sir Bril. Oh! very well; you are not disposed to be good company. A l'honneur, gentlemen: finish your money matters. Lovemore, where do you spend the evening? Love. A good evening to you, sir Brilliant: I am engaged. Business with sir Bashful, you see Sir Bril. Well, don't let me be of inconvenience to you. Fare ye well, gentlemen. Thou dear pledge of love [Looking at the buckles.], VOL. II. thus let me clasp thee to my heart.-Sir Bashful, your servant. [Exit SIR BRIL. Sir Bash. What think you now, Mr Lovemore? Love. All unaccountable, sir. Sir Bash. By all that's false, I am gulled, cheated, and imposed upon! I am deceived, and dubbed a rank cuckold! It is too clear: she has given him the buckles, and, I suppose, my banknotes have taken the same course. Diamond buckles, and three hundred pounds, for sir Brilliant! A reward for his merit! Love. He is the favourite, and I have been working for him all this time! Aside. Sir Bash. I now see through all her artifices. My resolution is fixed. If I can but get ocular demonstration of her guilt; if I can but get the means of proving to the whole world that she is vile enough to cuckold me, I shall then be happy. Love. Why, that will be some consolation! Sir Bash. So it will: kind Heaven, grant me that at least! make it plain that she dishonours me, and I am amply revenged! Hark! I hear her coming. She shall know all I think, and all I feel. I have done with her for ever. Love. [Aside.] Let me fly the impending storm. If I stay, detection and disgrace pursue me. Sir Bashful, I am sorry to see matters take this turn. I have done all in my power; and, since there is no room to hope for success, I take my leave, and wish you a good night. Sir Bash. No, no; you shall not leave me in this distress. You shall hear me tell her her own, and be a witness of our separation. [Holding him. Love. Excuse me after what has passed, I shall never be able to endure the sight of her.-Fare you well; I must be goue; good night, sir Bashful. [Struggling to go. Sir Bash. You are my best friend: I cannot part with you. [Stands between him and the door.] Stay and hear what she has to say for herself: you will see what a turn she will give to the business. Love. [Aside.] What turn shall I give it? Confusion! here she comes: I must weather the storm. Enter LADY CONSTANT. Lady Con. After this behaviour, Mr Lovemore, I am surprised, sir, that you can think of staying a moment longer in this house. Love. Madam, I-'sdeath! I have no invention to assist me at a pinch. [4side. Sir Bash. Mr Lovemore is my friend, madam, and I desire he will stay in my house as long as he pleases. Hey, Lovemore! [Looks at him, and smiles. Love. [Aside.] All must out, I fear. Lady Con. Your friend, sir Bashful! And de you authorise him to take this unbecoming liber 5 A ty? Have you given him permission to send me a letter, so extravagant in the very terms of it? Love. [Aside.] Ay, now 'tis coming, and impudence itself has not a word to say. Sir Bash. I desired him to send that letter, madam. Love. Sir Bashful desired me, madam. [Bowing respectfully. Sir Bash. I desired him. ? Lady Con. And am I to be made your sport I wonder, Mr Lovemore, that you would condescend to make yourself a party in so poor a plot. Do you presume upon a trifling mark of civility, which you persuaded me to accept of this morning? Do you come, disguised under a mask of friendship, to help this gentleman in his design against my honour, and my happiness? Love. [Aside.] Fairly caught, and nothing can bring me off Sir Bash. A mask of friendship! He is a true friend, madam: he sees how ill I am treated; and, let me tell you, there is not a word of truth in that letter. Love. Not a syllable of truth, madam. [Aside.] This will do: his own nonsense will save me: Sir Bash. It was all done to try you, madam. Love. Nothing more, madam: merely to try you. Sir Bash. By way of experiment only: just to see how you would behave upon it. Love. Nothing else was intended; all to try you, madam. Lady Con. You have been both notably employed. The exploit is worthy of you. Your snare is spread for a woman; and if you had succeeded, the fame of so bright an action would add mightily to two such illustrious characters. Sir Bash. A snare spread for her! Mark that, Mr Lovemore: she calls it ensnaring! Love. Ensnared to her own good. [To SIR BASHFUL.] He has pleaded admirably for me. [Aside. Lady Con. As to you, sir Bashful, I have long ago ceased to wonder at your conduct: you have lost the power of surprising me; but when Mr Lovemore becomes an accomplice in so mean a plot and I am ready to part whenever you please :nay, I will part. Lady Con. And that is the only point in which we can agree, sir. Sir Bash. Had the letter been sent from another quarter, it would have met with a better reception we know where your smiles are bestowed. Lady Con. Deal in calumny, sir; give free scope to malice; I disdain your insinuations. Sir Bash. The fact is too clear, and reproaches are now too late. This is the last of our conversing together; and you may take this by the way, you are not to believe one syllable of that letter. Love. There is not a syllable of it deserves the least credit, madam. Sir Bash. It was all a mere joke, madam: was not it, Lovemore? And as to your being a fine woman, and as to any passion that any body has conceived for you, there was no such thing; you can witness for me, Lovemore: can't you? Lady Con. Oh! you are witnesses for one another. Love. Sir Bashful knows the fairness of my intentions, and I know his. [Aside.] He has acquitted me better than I expected; thanks to his absurdity. Lady Con. Go on, and aggravate your ill usage, gentlemen. Sir Bash. It was all a bam, madam; a scene we thought proper to act. Let us laugh at her. [Goes up to LOVEMORE. Love. With all my heart--[Aside.] A silly blockhead! I can't help laughing at him. [Laughing heartily. Sir Bash. [Laughing with him.] Ha, ha, ha !— all a bam; nothing else; a contrivance to make sport for ourselves-hey, Lovemore? Lady Con. This usage is insupportable. I shall not stay for an explanation. Two such worthy confederates!-Is my chair ready there? You may depend, sir, that this is the last time you will see me in this house. [Erit. Sir Bash. Agreed; a bargain; with all my heart. Lovemore, I have managed this well. Love. Charmingly managed! I did not think had so much spirit. you Sir Bash. I have found her out. The intrigue is too plain. She and sir Brilliant are both dein-tected. Sir Bash. 1 am in no plot, madam; and nobody wants to ensnare you; do we, Lovemore? Love. Sir. Bashful knows that no harm was tended. Sir Bash. Yes, I am in the secret, and my friend Lovemore meant no harm. Love. If the letter had succeeded, sir Bashful knows there would have been no ill consequence. Sir Bash. No harm in nature; but I now see how things are; and since your ladyship will listen to nothing for your own good, it is too plain, from all that has passed between us, that our tempers are by no means fitted for each other, Love. I never suspected that sir Brilliant was the happy man. I wish I had succeeded, had it been ouly to mortify his vanity. Sir Bash. And so do I: I wish it too, but never own the letter; deny it to the last. Love. You may depend upon my secrecy. Sir Bash. I am for ever obliged to you. A foolish woman! how she stands in her own light! Love. Truly, I think she does. But since I have no interest with her ladyship, I shall now |
