comes near. She never goes abroad, lady you mention; but she failing in nor sees company at home; to prevent her promise, I, partly from pique and all misfortunes, she has her breeding partly from idleness, have been diwithin doors; the parson of the parish verting my chagrin by offering up inteaches her to play upon the dulci-cense to the beauties of Amanda, our mer, the clerk to sing, her nurse to friend Loveless's wife. dress, and her father to dance;-in] Young F. I never have seen her, but short, nobody has free admission have heard her spoken of as a youththere but our old acquaintance, mo-ful wonder of beauty and prudence. ther Coupler, who has procured your Col. T. She is so indeed; and Loveless brother this match, and is, I believe, being too careless and insensible of a distant relation of Sir Tunbelly's. the treasure he possesses-my lodgYoung F. But is her fortune so con-ing in the same house has given me siderable? a thousand opportunities of making Col. T. Three thousand a year, and my assiduities acceptable: so that in a good sum of money, independent less than a fortnight, I began to bear of her father, beside. my disappointment from the widow Young F. 'Sdeath! that my old ac-with the most christian resignation. quaintance, dame Coupler, could not Young F. And Berinthia has never have thought of me, as well as my bro-appeared? ther, for such a prize. Col. T. Egad, I wouldn't swear that you are too late his lordship, I know, hasn't yet seen the lady-and, I believe, has quarrelled with his pa troness. Young F. My dear colonel, what an idea have you started! Col. T. Oh, there's the perplexity; for just as I began not to care whether ever I saw her again or not, last night she arrived. Young F. And instantly reassumed her empire? Col. T. No, faith-we met-but the lady not condescending to give me Col. T. Pursue it, if you can, and I any serious reasons for having fool'd promise you, you shall have my assis-me for a month, I left her in a huff. tance; for besides my natural con- Young F. Well, well, I'll answer for tempt for his lordship, I have at pre-it she'll soon resume her power, espesent the enmity of a rival towards cially as friendship will prevent your him. pursuing the other too far-but my Young F.What, has he been addres-coxcomb of a brother is an admirer sing your old flame, the widow Be-of Amanda's too, is he? rinthia? Col. T. Yes, and I believe is most Col. T. Faith, Tom, I am at present heartily despised by her-but come most whimsically circumstanced. I with me, and you shall see her and came here a month ago to meet the your old friend Loveless. Young F.I must pay my respects to charming creature,-strike me ugly! his lordship-perhaps you can di- and if I have any discernment in the rect me to his lodgings? world, she thinks no less of my Lord Foppington. Col. T. Come with me; I shall pass by it. Young F.I wish you could pay this visit for me, or could tell me what I should say to him. Col. T. Say nothing to him-apply yourself to his bag, his sword, his feather, his snuff-box; and when you are well with them, desire him to lend you a thousand pounds, and I'll engage you prosper. Young F. 'Sdeath and furies! why was that coxcomb thrust into the world before me? O fortune, fortune, thou art a jilt, by Gad. [Exeunt. SCENE II. Re-enter LA VAROLE. La Var. Mi lor, de shoemaker, de tailor, de hosier, de sempstress, de peru, be all ready, if your lordship please to dress. Lord F.'Tis well; admit them. Enter Tailor, Shoemaker, etc. Lord F. So, gentlemen, I hope you have all taken pains to show yourselves masters in your professions? Tai. I think I may presume to say, sir La Var. My lor, you clown you! Tai. My lord-I ask your lordship's pardon, my lord. I hope, my lord, A Dressing-room. your lordship will be pleased to own Enter Lord FOPPINGTON, in his Night- I have brought your lordship as acgown, and LA VAROLE. complished a suit of clothes as ever Lord F. Well, 'tis an unspeakable peer of England wore, my lord-will pleasure to be a man of quality-your lordship please to view 'em now? strike me dumb! Even the boors of Lord F. Ay; but let: this northern spa haye learn'd the respect due to a title. [Aside.] La Varole! La Var. Mi lor Lord F. You ha'n't yet been at Muddymoathall, to announce my arrival, have you? my people dispose the glasses so that Imay see myself before and behind; for I love to see myself all round. Whilst he puts on his clothes, enter Young FASHION and LORY. Young F.Hey-day! What the devil have we here?-Sure my gentleman's grown a favourite at court, he has got so many people at his levee. La Var. Not yet, mi lor. Lord F. Then you need not go till Saturday, [Exit LA VAROLE] as I am [Apart. in no particular haste to view my in- Lory. Sir, these people come in order tended sposa I shall sacrifice a day to make him a favourite at court― or two more to the pursuit of my they are to establish him with the lafriend Loveless's wife. Amanda is a dies. [Apart. Semp. Directly, my lord. I hope your lordship is pleased with your ruffles? Young F. Good heaven! to what an ebb of taste are women fallen, that it should be in the power of a laced coat to recommend a gallant to them! Lord F. In love with them, stap my [Apart. vitals!-Bring my bill, you shall be Lory. Sir, tailors and hair-dressers paid to-morrow. debauch all the woman. [Apart. Semp. I humbly thank your lord Young F. Thou say'st true.-But ship. now for my reception. [Exit. [Apart. Lord F. Hark thee, shoemaker, these Lord F. Death and eternal tortures! shoes ar'n't ugly, but they don't fit Sir-I say the coat is too wide here me. by a foot. Tai. My lord, if it had been tighter, 'twould neither have hook'd nor button'd. Lord F. Rat the hooks and buttons, sir! Can any thing be worse than this? As Gad shall jedge me, it hangs on my shoulders like a chairman's surtout. Tai. 'Tis not for me to dispute your lordship's fancy. Lory. There, sir, observe what respect does. [Apart. Young F. Respect!-D-n him for a coxcomb- - but let's accost him. [Apart.] Brother, I'm your humble servant. Shoe. My lord, I think they fit you very well. LordF. They hurt me just below the instep. Shoe. [Feels his foot.] No, my lord, Shoe. Why then, my lord, if those shoes pinch you, I'll be d―n'd. Lord F. Why, wilt thou undertake to persuade me I cannot feel? Shoe. Your lordship may please to feel what you think fit, but that shoe does not hurt you-I think I understand my trade. Lord F. O Lard, Tam, I did not ex- Lord F. Now, by all that's good and pect you in England-Brother, I'm powerful, thou art an incomprehenglad to see you—but what has sive coxcomb-but thou makest good brought you to Scarborough, Tam? shoes, and so I'll bear with thee. -Look you, sir, [To the Tailor] I Shoe. My lord, I have work'd for half shall be never reconciled to this nau- the people of quality in this town seous wrapping gown, therefore pray these twenty years, and 'tis very hard get me another suit with all possible I shouldn't know when a shoe hurts, expedition; for this is my eternal and when it don't. aversion. [Exit Tailor.] Well but, LordF. Well, pr'ythee begone about Tam, you don't tell me what has dri-thy business. [Exit Shoemaker.] Mr. ven you to Scarborough-Mr. Calico, Mendlegs, a word with you. are not you of my mind? calves of these stockings are thicken'd The a little too much; they make my legs look like a porter's. Mend. My lord, methinks they look mighty well. Young F. Nor ever shall, while they Young F. Well, Lory, what dost think on't?-a very friendly reception from a brother, after three years absence! [Apart. Lord F. Ay, but you are not so good Lory. Why, sir, 'tis your own fault a judge of those things as I am-I-here you have stood ever since you have studied them all my life-there- came in,and have not commended any fore pray let the next be the thick-one thing that belongs to him. [Apart. ness of a crown-piece less. Mend. Indeed, my lord, they are the belong to a coxcomb. [Apart.] Now same kind I had the honour to furnish your people of business are gone, broyour lordship with in town. ther, I hope I may obtain a quarter of Lord F. Very possibly, Mr. Mend- an hour's audience of you. legs; but that was in the beginning of LordF. Faith, Tam, I must beg you'll the winter, and you should always excuse me at this time, for I have an remember, Mr. Hosier, that if you engagement which I would not break make a nobleman's spring legs as ro- for the salvation of mankind. Hey!— bust as his autumnal calves, you com- there!-is my carriage at the door?mit a manstrous impropriety, and You'll excuse me, brother. [Going. make no allowance for the fatigues of Young F. Shall you be back to dinthe winter. [Exit Hosier. Jewel. I hope, my lord, those buckles have had the unspeakable satisfaction of being honoured with your lordship's approbation? Lord F. Why, they are of a pretty fancy; but don't think them ra you ther of the smallest? ner? Lord F. As Gad shall jedge me, I can't tell; for it is passible Imay dine with some friends at Donner's. Young F. Shall I meet you there? for I must needs talk with you. Lord F. That I'm afraid mayn't be quite so praper; for those I commonJewel.My lord,they could not well be ly eat with are a people of nice conlarger, to keep on your lordship's shoe. versation; and you know, Tam, your Lord F. My good sir, you forget education has been a little at largethat these matters are not as they but there are other ordinaries in town used to be: formerly, indeed, the very good beef ordinaries—I supbuckle was a sort of machine, intend-pose, Tam, you can eat beef?-Howed to keep on the shoe; but the case is ever, dear Tam, I'm glad to see thee now quite reversed, and the shoe is of in England, stap my vitals! [Exit. no earthly use, but to keep on the Young F. Hell and furies! Is this to buckle. Now give me my watches, be borne? and the business of the morning will Lory. Faith, sir, I could almost have be pretty well over. [Exit Jeweller. İgiven him a knock o'the pate myself. Young F. 'Tis enough; I will now] Mrs. C. Why, you must know I have show you the excess of my passion, done you the kindness to make up a by being very calm.-Come, Lory, match for your brother. lay your loggerhead to mine, and, in cold blood, let us contrive his destruction. Young F. I'm very much beholden to you, truly! Mrs. C. You may before the wedLory. Here comes a head, sir, would ding-day yet: the lady is a great heicontrive it better than both our log-ress, the match is concluded, the writgerheads, if she would but join in the ings are drawn, and his lordship is confederacy. come hither to put the finishing Young F. By this light, madam Cou-hand to the business. Young F. I understand as much. Enter Mrs. COUPLER. Mrs. C. Soh! I am likely to be well Mrs. C. He has given me a bond of a rewarded for my services, truly; my thousand pounds for helping him to suspicions, I find, were but too just. this fortune, and has promised me as -What! refuse to advance me a pet- much more, in ready money, upon ty sum, when I am upon the point the day of the marriage; which, I unof making him master of a galleon! derstand by a friend, he never designs But let him look to the consequences, to pay me; and his just now refusing an ungrateful, narrow-minded cox- to pay me a part is a proof of it. If, comb. Young F. So he is, upon my soul, old lady; it must be my brother you speak of. Mrs. C. Ha!-stripling, how came you here? What, hast spent all, eh? And art thou come to dun his lordship for assistance? therefore, you will be a generous young rogue, and secure me five thousand pounds, I'll help you to the lady. Young F. And how the devil wilt thou do that? Mrs. C. Without the devil's aid, I warrant thee. Thy brother's face not one of the family ever saw; the whole Young F. No, I want somebody's business has been managed by me, assistance to cut his lordship's throat, and all his letters go through my without the risk of being hang'd for hands. Sir Tunbelly Clumsy, my rehim. lation-for that's the old gentleman's Mrs. C. Egad, sirrah, I could help name-is apprised of his lordship's thee to do him almost as good a turn, being down here, and expects him without the danger of being burn'd to-morrow to receive his daughtin the hand for't. er's hand; but the peer, I find, Young F.How-how, old Mischief? means to bait here a few days longer, |