as you did before we were married, Lady T Then don't you begin it,my when you used to walk with me un-love!

der the elms, and tell me stories of Sir Peter T. There, now! you-you

what a gallant you were in your
youth, and chuck me under the chin,
you would; and ask me if I thought I
could love an old fellow, who would
deny me nothing-didn't you?
Sir Peter T. Yes, yes, and you were
as kind and attentive-

are going on. You don't perceive, my life, that you are just doing the very thing which you know always makes me angry.

Lady T. Nay, you know if you will be angry without any reason, my dear

Sir Peter T. There! now you want

Lady T. Ay-so I was, and would always take your part, when my ac-to quarrel again. quaintance used to abuse you, and turn you into ridicule. Sir Peter T. Indeed!

Lady T. No, I am sure I don't:-but if you will be so peevish

Sir Peter T. There now! who begins first?

Lády T. Ay, and when my cousin Sophy has called you a stiff, peevish Lady T. Why you, to be sure. I said old bachelor, and laughed at me for nothing-but there's no bearing your thinking of marrying one who might temper. be my father, I have always defended you, and said, I didn't think you so ugly by any means, and I dared say you'd make a very good sort of a hus-cousin Sophy said you would be. band.

Sir Peter T. And you prophesied right; and we shall now be the happiest couple

Lady T. And never differ again? Sir Peter T. No, never!-though at the same time, indeed, my dear Lady Teazle, you must watch your temper very seriously; for in all our little quarrels, my dear, if you recollect,my love, you always began first.

Lady T.I beg your pardon, my dear Sir Peter: indeed, you always gave the provocation.

Sir Peter T. Now see, my angel! take care-contradicting isn't the way to keep friends.

Sir Peter T. No, no, madam: the fault's in your own temper.

Lady T. Ay, you are just what my

Sir Peter T. Your cousin Sophy is a forward, impertinent gipsy. Lady T. You are a great bear, I'm sure, to abuse my relations.

Sir Peter T. Now may all the plagues of marriage be doubled on me, if ever I try to be friends with you any more! Lady T. So much the better. Sir Peter T. No, no,inadam: 'tis evident you never cared a pin for me, and I was a madman to marry you— a pert, rural coquette, that had refused half the honest 'squires in the neighbourhood.

Lady T. And I am sure I was a fool to marry you—an old dangling bachelor, who was single at fifty, only

because he never could meet with any am the most miserable fellow! but I'll one who would have him. not bear her presuming to keep her Sir Peter T. Ay,ay, madam; but you temper: no! she may break my heart, were pleased enough to listen to me: but she sha'nt keep her temper. [Exit. you never had such an offer before. Lady T. No! didn't I refuse Sir Tivy Terrier, who every body said would Enter TRIP, MOSES, and Sir OLIVER

have been a better match? for his estate is just as good as yours,and he has broke his neck since we have been married.

SCENE II.

CHARLES SURFACE's House.

Trip. Here, master Moses! if you'll stay a moment, I'll try whether what's the gentleman's name? Sir Oliver S. Mr. Moses, what is

Moses. Mr. Premium.
Trip. Premium-very well.

Sir Peter T. I have done with you, madam! You are an unfeeling, ungrate-name? ful but there's an end of every thing. I believe you capable of every thing that is bad.-Yes,madam,I now believe the reports relative to you and Charles, madam.-Yes, madam, you and Charles are not without grounds.

Lady T. Take care, Sir Peter! you had better not insinuate any such thing! I'll not be suspected without cause, I promise you.

Sir Peter T. Very well, madam! very well! A separate maintenance as soon as you please. Yes, madam, or a divorce! I'll make an example of myself for the benefit of all old bachelors. Let us separate, madam.

a

my

[Exit TRIP, taking snuff. Sir Oliver S. To judge by the servants, one wouldn't believe the master.was ruined. But what!—sure, this was my brother's house?

Moses. Yes, sir; Mr. Charles bought it of Mr. Joseph, with the furniture, pictures, etc. just as the old gentleman left it. Sir Peter thought it a piece of extravagance in him.

Sir Oliver S. In my mind, the other's economy in selling it to him was more reprehensible by half.

Enter TRIP.

Trip. My master says you must wait, gentlemen: he has company, and can't speak with you yet.

Lady T. Agreed! agreed! And now, my dear Sir Peter, we are of mind once more, we may be the hap- Sir Oliver S. If he knew who it was piest couple-and never differ again, wanted to see him, perhaps he would you know-ha! ha! ha! Well, you not send such a message?

are going to be in a passion, I see, and Trip. Yes, yes, sir; he knows you are I shall only interrupt you-so, bye-here-I did not forget little Premium: [Exit. no, no, 110.

bye.

Sir Peter T. Plagues and tortures! Can't I make her angry either! Oh, I

Sir Oliver S. Very well; and I pray, sir, what may be your name?

Trip. Trip, sir; my name is Trip, at your service.

Sir Oliver S. Well then, Mr. Trip, you have a pleasant sort of place here, I guess

?

Sir Oliver S. It's more than I would neck. your [Aside. Moses. But is there nothing you could deposit?

Trip. Why, nothing capital of my Trip. Why, yes-here are three or master's wardrobe has dropped latefour of us pass our time agreeably ly; but I could give you a mortgage enough; but then our wages are some-on some of his winter clothes, with times a little in arrear and not equity of redemption before Novemvery great either-but fifty pounds a ber-or you shall have the reversion year, and find our own bags and bou-of the French velvet, or a post-obit quets. on the blue and silver;-these, I Sir Oliver S. Bags and bouquets! should think, Moses, with a few pair halters and bastinadoes! [Aside. of point ruffles, as a collateral security-hey, my little fellow?

Trip. And, à-propos, Moses-have you been able to get me that little bill Moses. Well, well. [Bell rings. discounted? Trip.Egad,I heard the bell! I believe, Sir Oliver S. Wants to raise money gentlemen, I can now introduce too!-mercy on me! Has his distres-you. Don't forget the annuity, little ses too, I warrant, like a lord, and af-Moses! This way, gentlemen. I'll infects creditors and duns. [Aside. sure my place, you know. Moses. 'Twas not to be done, indeed, Mr. Trip.

Trip. Gook lack, you surprise me! My friend Brush has indorsed it, and I thought when he put his name at the back of a bill 'twas the same as cash. Moses. No! 'twouldn't do. Trip. A small sum but twenty pounds. Hark'ee, Moses, do you think you couldn't get it me by way of annuity?

Sir Oliver S. An annuity! ha! ha! a footman raise money by way of annuity! Well done,luxury,egad! [Aside, Moses. Well, but you must ensure your place.

Sir Oliver S. If the man be a shadow of the master, this is the temple of dissipation indeed! [Exeunt.

SCENE III.
CHARLES SURFACE, CARELESS, etc. etc.
at a table with wine, etc.
Charles S. 'Fore heaven, 'tis true!

there's the great degeneracy of the age. Many of our acquaintance have taste, spirit, and politeness; but plague on't, they won't drink.

Careless. It is so indeed, Charles! they give into all the substantial luxuries of the table, and abstain from nothing but wine and wit. O certainTrip. O with all my heart! I'll ensure ly society suffers by it intolerably; for my place, and my life too, if you now, instead of the social spirit of please, Iraillery that used to mantle over a

glass of bright Burgundy, their con-'tis too formal to be registered in versation is become just like the Spa Love's calendar; but now, Sir Harry, water they drink, which has all the beware, we must have beauty superpertness and flatulence of Cham-lative. paigne, without the spirit or flavour. 1st Gent. But what are they to do who love play better than wine? Careless. True: there's Sir Harry diets himself for gaming, and is now under a hazard regimen.

Charles S. Then he'll have the worst of it. What! you wouldn't train a horse for the course by keeping him from corn? For my part, egad, I am never so successful as when I am at little merry: let me throw on a bottle of Champaigne, and I never lose at least, I never feel my losses, which is exactly the same thing.

Careless. Nay, never study, Sir Harry: we'll stand to the toast, though your mistress should want an eye, and you know you have a song will

excuse you.

Sir Harry B. Egad,so I have! and I'll give him the song instead of the lady.

I'll warrant she'll prove an excuse for the
glass.
Here's to the charmer whose dimples we
prize;

one,

2d Gent. Ay, that I believe.
Charles S. And then, what man can
pretend to be a believer in love, who
is an abjurer of wine? 'Tis the test by
which the lover knows his own heart.
Fill a dozen bumpers to a dozen beau-
ties, and she that floats atop is the
maid that has bewitched you.
Careless. Now then, Charles, be ho-And now to the girl that is merry.
nest and give us your real favourite.
Charles S. Why, I have withheld her
only in compassion to you. IfI toast
her, you must give a round of her
peers, which is impossible-on earth.
Careless. Oh! then we'll find some
canonized vestals or heathen goddes-
ses that will do, I warrant!

Now to the maid who has none, sir:
Here's to the girl with a pair of blue eyes,
And here's to the nymph with but sir.
Chorus. Let the toast pass, etc.
Here's to the maid with a bosom of snow;
Now to her that's as brown as a berry:
Here's to the wife with a face full of woe,

Charles S. Here then, bumpers, you rogues! bumpers! Maria! Maria! Sir Harry B. Maria who?

Charles S. O damn the surname —

Chorus. Let the toast pass, etc.
For let 'em be clumsy, or let 'em be slim,
Young or ancient, I care not a feather;
So fill a pint bumper quite up to the brim,
And let us e'en toast them together.
Chorus. Let the toast pass, etc,
All. Bravo! bravo!
Enter TRIP, and whispers CHARLES
SURFACE.

Charles S. Gentlemen, you must ex-
cuse me a little. Careless, take the
chair, will you'
u?

Careless, Nay, prithee, Charles, what

now? This is one of your peerless Sir Oliver S. Then-here's all the beauties, I suppose, has dropt in by success it deserves!

Careless. No, no, that won't do! Mr.

chance? Charles S. No, faith! To tell you the Premium, you have demurred at the toast, and must drink it in a pint bumper.

truth, 'tis a Jew and a broker, who
are come by appointment.
Careless. O damn it! let's have the
Jew in.

1st Gent. Ay, and the broker too, by all ineans.

2d Gent. Yes, yes, the Jew and the broker.

1st Gent. A pint bumper, at least. Moses. O pray, sir, consider-Mr. Premium's a gentleman.

Careless. And therefore loves good

wine.

2d Gent. Give Moses a quart glass Charles S. Egad, with all my heart! this is mutiny, and a high contempt Trip, bid the gentlemen walk in-for the chair. though there's one of them a stranger, I can tell you.

Careless. Charles, let us give them some generous Burgundy, and perhaps they'll grow conscientious. Charles S. O hang'em, no! wine does but draw forth a man's natural qualities; and to make them drink would only be to whet their knavery. Enter TRIP, Sir OLIVER SURFACE, and

MOSES.

Charles S. So, honest Moses, walk in: walk in, pray, Mr. Premium that's the gentleman's name, isn't it, Moses?

Moses. Yes, sir.

Careless. Here, now for't! I'll see justice done, to the last drop of my bottle.

Sir Oliver S. Nay, pray, gentlemen
-I did not expect this usage.
Charles S. No, hang it, you sha'n't!
Mr. Premium's a stranger.

Sir Oliver S. Odd! I wish I was well
out of their company.
[Aside.
Careless. Plague on 'em then! — if
they don't drink, we'll not sit down
with them. Come, Harry, the dice are
in the next room Charles, you'll
join us when you have finished your
business with the gentlemen?
Charles S. I will! I will! [Exeunt.]
Careless!

Careless. [Returning.] Well!
Charles S. Perhaps I may want you.
Careless. O, you know I am always

Charles S. Set chairs, Trip-sit down, Mr. Premium-glasses, Tripsit down, Moses. Come, Mr. Premium, I'll give you a sentiment; here's Success to usury!-Moses, fill the gen-ready: word, note, or bond, 'tis all tleman a bumper. the same to me. [Exit. Moses. Success to usury! Moses. Sir, this is Mr. Premium, a Careless. Right, Moses usury is gentleman of the strictest honour and prudence and industry, and deserves secresy; and always performs what to succeed. he undertakes. Mr. Premium, this is—