PROLOGU E.

THE sister muses, whom these realms Here dulness seems her drowsy court to

keep,

obey, Who o'er the drama hold divided sway, And we are scarce awake, whilst you are Sometimes, by evil counsellors, 'tis said, fast asleep. Like earth-born potentates have been Thalia, once so ill-behaved and rude, Reform'd, is now become an arrant prude; .

misled.

In those gay days of wickedness and wit, When Villiers criticised what Dryden writ,

The tragic queen, to please a tasteless crowd,

Had learn'd to bellow, rant, and roar so loud,

That frighten'd Nature, her best friend before,

The blust'ring beldam's company for

swore.

Her comic sister, who had wit, 'tis true,
With all her merits, had her failings too;
And would sometimes in mirthful mo-
ments use

A style too flippant for a well-bred muse:
Then female modesty abash'd began
To seek the friendly refuge of the fan,
Awhile behind that slight intrenchment

stood,

Retailing nightly to the yawning pit
The purest morals, undefiled by wit!
Our author offers, in these motley scenes,
A slight remonstrance to the drama's
queens:

Nor let the goddesses be over nice;
Free spoken subjects give the best
advice.

Although not quite a novice in his trade,
His cause to-night requires no common
aid.

To this, a friendly, just, and pow'rful
court,

I come ambassador to beg support.
Can he undaunted brave the critic's
rage?

In civil broils with brother bards engage?
Hold forth their errors to the public
eye, *

Till driv'n from thence, she left the stage Nay more, e'en newspapers themselves

for good.

defy?

In our more pious, and far chaster times, Say, must his single arm encounter all? These sure no longer are the muse's By numbers vanquish'd, e'en the brave may fall;

crimes!

But some complain that, former faults to
shun,

The reformation to extremes has run.
The frantic hero's wild delirium past,
Now insipidity succeeds bombast;
So slow Melpomene's cold numbers

creep,

And though no leader should success

distrust,

Whose troops are willing, and whose cause is just;

To bid such hosts of angry foes defiance, His chief dependence must be, your alliance.

ACT I. SCENE I.

Sir Christopher Hatton.
Master of the Horse.
Beef-eater.
Justice.
Son.
Constable.
Thames.

Don Ferolo Whiskerandos.

1st Niece.

2d Niece.

Justice's Lady.

Confidant.

Tilburina.

Guards, Constables, Servants, Chorus, |Rivers, Attendants, etc. etc.

written by Mr.Puff, a gentleman well known in the theatrical world: if we Mr. and Mrs. DANGLE at breakfast, may allow ourselves to give credit to and reading newspapers. the report of the performers, who, Dangle.[Reading.] 'Brutus to Lord truth to say, are in general but indifNorth Letter the second on the ferent judges, this piece abounds with State of the Army'-Pshaw! 'To the the most striking and received beaufirst L-dash D.of the A-dash Y ties of modern composition.'-So! I -'Genuine Extract of a Letter from am very glad my friend Puff's tragedy St. Kitt's.'-'Coxheath Intelligence.' is in such forwardness.-Mrs.Dangle, -'It is now confidently asserted that my dear, you will be very glad to hear Sir Charles Hardy! Pshaw! that Puff's tragedy Nothing but about the fleet and the nation! -and I hate all politics but theatrical politics. Where's the Morning Chronicle?

Mrs. Dangle. Lord, Mr. Dangle,why will you plague me about such nonsense? Now the plays are begun I shall have no peace. Isn't it suffiMrs.Dangle. Yes, that's your gazette. cient to make yourself ridiculous by Dangle.So,here we have it,―Thea- your passion for the theatre, without trical intelligence extraordinary.-continually teasing me to join you? We hear there is a new tragedy in re- Why can't you ride your hobby-horse hearsal at Drury-lane Theatre, cal-without desiring to place me on a led the Spanish Armada, said to be pillion behind you, Mr. Dangle?

- you

Dangle. Nay, iny dear, I was only of the new pantomime a fortnight going to readprevious to its performance? And Mrs. Dangle. No, no; you will doesn't Mr. Fosbrook let you take never read any thing that's worth li- places for a play before it is advertistening to: hate to hear about sed, and set you down for a box for your country; there are letters every every new piece through the season? day with Roman signatures, demon-And didn't my friend, Mr. Smatter, strating the certainty of an invasion, dedicate his last farce to you, at my and proving that the nation is utterly particular request, Mrs. Dangle? undone, But you never will read Mrs. Dangle. Yes; but wasn't the any thing to entertain one. farce damn'd, Mr. Dangle? And to be Dangle. What has a woman to do sure it is extremely pleasant to have with politics, Mrs. Dangle? one's house made the motley rendezMrs. Dangle. And what have you to vous of all the lackeys of literature: do with the theatre, Mr.Dangle? Why--the very high 'change of trading should you affect the character of a authors and jobbing critics! - Yes, critic? I have no patience with you! my drawing-room is an absolute re-haven't you made yourself the jest gister-office for candidate actors, of all your acquaintance by your in-and poets without character; then to terference in matters where you have be continually alarmned with misses no business? Are not you called a and ma'ams piping hysteric changes theatrical quidnunc, and a mock Me-on Juliets and Dorindas, Pollys and caenas to second-hand authors? Ophelias; and the very furniture Dangle. True; mypower with the trembling at the probationary starts managers is pretty notorious: but is it and unprovoked rants of would-be no credit to have applications from Richards and Hamlets !—And what all quarters for my interest- from is worse than all, now that the lords to recommend fiddlers, from manager has monopolized the Operaladies to get boxes, from authors to get house, haven't we the signors and answers, and from actors to get en- signoras calling here, sliding their gagements? smooth semibreves, and gargling glib Mrs. Dangle. Yes, truly; you have divisions in their outlandish throats contrived to get a share in all the-with foreign emissaries and French plague and trouble of theatrical pro-spies, for aught I know, disguised like perty, without the profit, or even the fiddlers and figure dancers? credit of the abuse that attends it. Dangle. Mercy! Mrs. Dangle! Dangle.I am sure, Mrs. Dangle, you Mrs. Dangle. And to employ yourare no loser by it, however; you have self so idly at such an alarming crisis all the advantages of it:mightn't as this too-when, if you had the you, last winter, have had the reading least spirit, you would have been at

the head of one of the Westminster you can't be more ridiculous than associations—or trailing a volunteer you are.

pike in the Artillery Ground?-But Dangle. You are enough to proyou--o' my conscience, I believe if vokethe French were landed to-morrow,

Enter Mr. SNEER.

your first inquiry would be, whether Ha! my dear Sneer, I am vastly glad they had brought a theatrical troop to see you. My dear, here's Mr. Sneer. with them. Mrs. Dangle. Good morning to you,

sir.

Dangle. Mrs. Dangle, it does not signify-I say the stage is 'the Mirror Dangle. Mrs Dangle and I have been of Nature, and the actors are 'the diverting ourselves with the papers. Abstract and brief Chronicles of the Pray, Sneer, won't you go to DruryTime:'—and pray what can a man of lane theatre the first night of Puff's sense study better? Besides, you tragedy?

will not easily persuade me that there Sneer. Yes; but I suppose one is no credit or importance in being at sha'n't be able to get in, for on the first the head of a band of critics, who take night of a new piece they always fill upon them to decide for the whole the house with orders to support it. town, whose opinion and patronage But here, Dangle, I have brought you all writers solicit, and whose recom-two pieces, one of which you must exmendation no manager dares refuse. ert yourself to make the managers Mrs. Dangle. Ridiculous! Both managers and authors of the least merit laugh at your pretensions. The public is their critic-without whose fair approbation they know no Sneer. Ay, I am glad of it, for now play can rest on the stage, and with you'll be happy. Why, my dear whose applause they welcome such Dangle, it is a pleasure to see how you attacks as yours, and laugh at the enjoy your volunteer fatigue, and malice of them, where they can't at your solicited solicitations.

the wit.

accept, I can tell you that; for 'tis written by a person of consequence. Dangle. So! now my plagues are beginning.

Dangle. Very well, madam-very egad, it's pleasant too. Why, someDangle. It's a great trouble- yet,

well.

times of a morning I have a dozen whose faces I never saw before, nor people call on me at breakfast-time, ever desire to see again.

Sneer. That must be very pleasant

indeed!

Dangle. And not a week but I re

ceive fifty letters, and not a line in Sneer. Yes, and our prudery in this them about any business of my own. respect is just on a par with the artiSneer. An amusing correspondence! |ficial bashfulness of a courtezan, who Dangle. [Reading.] 'Bursts into increases the blush upon her cheek in tears, and exit.' What, is this a tra- an exact proportion to the diminugedy? tion of her modesty.

Dangle. Sneer can't even give the public a good word-But what have we here?—This seems a very oddSneer. O,that's a comedy, on a very new plan; replete with wit and mirth,

Sneer. No, that's a genteel comedy, not a translation-only taken from the French; it is written in a style which they have lately tried to run down; the true sentimental, and nothing ridiculous in it from the yet of a most serious moral! You see beginning to the end. tis called 'The Reformed House

Mrs. Dangle. Well, if they had breaker; where by the mere force of kept to that, I should not have been humour, housebreaking is put into such an enemy to the stage; there so ridiculous a light, that if the piece was some edification to be got from has its proper run, I have no doubt those pieces, Mr. Sneer!

but that bolts and bars will be entirely Sneer. I am quite of your opinion, useless by the end of the season. Mrs. Dangle: the theatre, in proper Dangle. Egad, this is new indeed! hands, might certainly be made the Sneer. Yes; it is written by a partischool of morality; but now, I am cular friend of mine, who has dissorry to say it,people seem to go there covered that the follies and foibles of principally for their entertainment! society are subjects unworthy the Mrs. Dangle. It would have been notice of the Comic Muse, who should more to the credit of the managers to be taught to stoop only at the greater have kept it in the other line. vices and blacker crimes of humanity Sneer. Undoubtedly, madam; and-gibbeting capital offences in five hereafter perhaps to have had it re-acts, and pillorying petty larcenies in corded, that in the midst of a luxuri- two.-In short, his idea is to dramaous and dissipated age, they preserv-tise the penal laws, and make the stage ed two houses in the capital, where a court of ease to the Old Bailey. the conversation was always moral at Dangle. It is truly moral. least, if not entertaining! Enter SERVANT.

Dangle. Now, egad, I think the woret alteration is in the nicety of the audience. No double entendre, no smart innuendo admitted; even Vanbrugh and Congreve obliged to undergo a bungling reformation!

Serv. Sir Fretful Plagiarý, sir. Dangle. Beg him to walk up. [Exit SERVANT.] Now, Mrs. Dangle, Sir Fretful Plagiary is an author to your own taste.

Mrs. Dangle. I confess he is a